DON'T JUST STAND THERE

Mary Tyler Moore and Robert Wagner just read the script

DON'T JUST STAND THERE (1968). Director: Ron Winston. 

Martine Randall (Mary Tyler Moore of Just Between Friends) works for romance novelist Sabine Manning (Glynis Johns of The Cabinet of Caligari), who has run off to who-knows-where. Kendall Flannigan (Barbara Rhoades) is hired to finish Manning's latest opus, but after she is accused of killing her boyfriend she is kidnapped by his gangster friends. Martine hires Lawrence Colby (Robert Wagner of Say One for Me) to finish the book, and he winds up affecting a rescue of Kendall. And it gets more confusing and stupider after that. 

Wagner and Moore went in disguise after pic's release

I'm afraid that Don't Just Stand There is one of those alleged comedies that is simply busy and frenetic instead of funny. I believe I laughed exactly once during the entire hour and forty minutes. Moore and Johns must have been appalled at the results if and when they saw this incredibly bad movie disaster. Both, especially Moore, are capable of being funny, but the script defeats them. Even Harvey Korman in a supporting role doesn't garner a single laugh. This is the first film for Barbara Rhoades and she's lucky it wasn't her last. Glynis Johns at least isn't on screen for that long. Charles Williams, who wrote the book (The Wrong Venus) this was based on also wrote the screenplay, so he has to get much of the blame. Possibly this was never meant to be a comedy? 

Verdict: Atrocious film is an effort to sit through despite some good players. *. 

STAR!

Daniel Massey, Julie Andrews, Richard Crenna

STAR! (1968). Director: Robert Wise.

It must have seemed like a good idea back in the sixties. Let's take the director of the mega hit The Sound of Music, Robert Wise, and team him up with Julie Andrews, the star of not only that film but of Mary Poppins. This was the period of big, long "road show" movie musicals, and everyone must have figured Star! would be one of the biggest and most successful of them all. Boy, were they wrong! Let's get one thing straight at the start. Star! didn't fail because tastes had changed (even if they had); it failed because it was bad.

"Poor Jenny" from Lady in the Dark

Even if The Sound of Music hadn't been based on a hit musical, it had a compelling story line. Star! is not based on anything but the life of Gertrude Lawrence, best known to those of us today as the star, with Yul Brynner, of the wonderful Rodgers and Hammerstein Broadway musical The King and I. She had only a few film appearances, and while she was well-known in theatrical circles, she was perhaps not quite a household name. So Star! was already lacking built-in pre-appeal. Then there was the fact that the only thing Lawrence and Andrews had in common is that they were British; Andrews simply wasn't able to successfully approximate the real Gertrude Lawrence. The sketches and songs early in the picture that are meant to be funny fall completely flat because Andrews, despite her talent, is no Lucille Ball  -- nor Lawrence. Andrews makes a good try at coming off like a tempestuous and difficult diva (which is how the film tries to portray Lawrence ) but she just can't get that far away from Maria Von Trapp.

Spending spree at Cartier's 

Star! provides some basic facts of Lawrence's life, although it fictionalizes and exaggerates a lot and combines two suitors, a banker and a small-time producer, into one character (Richard Crenna). Her other suitors include a military captain (Michael Craig), another actor named Charles (Robert Reed), a show biz type briefly essayed by Anthony Eisley, and a husband named Jack (John Collin), who is nothing much like Lawrence's actual first husband. Her closest relationship is probably with Noel Coward, played herein by a de-sexualized Daniel Massey. (The production saved money no doubt by casting male actors who couldn't command large fees.) The film also details her troubles with debts and taxes that nearly landed her in jail, and one of the best scenes has her dramatically declaiming before a a judge (Murray Matheson of Wall of Noise) in bankruptcy court. Lawrence spent much more than she earned, thinking nothing of, say, dropping into Cartier's to buy whatever she fancied.

"He Never Said He Loved Me"

There are several production numbers in the film, staged by actor-choreographer Michael Kidd [It's Always Fair Weather], but most of them are unmemorable, campy, too-weird, or all three. The "Poor Jenny" number from Lady in the Dark is at least lively, but also staged in a way that is more stupid than inventive. There is a silly number set in a Limehouse brothel that could have used more dancing. The one production number I enjoyed, very well performed by Andrews, was one in which she appears to be a harem girl singing about how her doctor loves all of her separate parts but "He Never Said he Loved Me." It has the whimsy that the rest of the film is lacking. At another point Andrews sings a simple love song on a bare stage and nails it beautifully.

The movie makes the mistake of proceeding as a documentary of Lawrence's life which the lady herself is watching and commenting on. Although this is a widescreen picture, about half the movie uses about only a third of the screen to reproduce black and white newsreels. It's a dumb and pointless approach. But then the whole project was ultimately pointless, laying an egg at the box office, almost killing off Andrews' career, incurring the wrath of bored critics, and doing little to revive interest in the real Gertrude Lawrence, considered one of the greatest theatrical talents of the 20th century -- more's the pity. The movie never even mentions her appearance in the film version of The Glass Menagerie, nor --shockingly -- her triumph in The King and I. 

Verdict: Ten good minutes out of three hours (!) is not enough to save this movie. **. 

HOT SUMMER

Frank Schobel

HOT SUMMER (aka Heisser Sommer/1968). Director: Joachim Hasler.

If you've ever wondered -- and who hasn't? -- what an AIP Beach Party movie would look like if it was made in East Germany, look no further. In Hot Summer a group of gals and guys go off on separate vacations and are initially dismayed when they run into each other, but then those pesky hormones kick in. The gals are annoyed that the boys, who play various jokes on them, are so immature, so it takes awhile for romance to come into play. Then a triangle situation develops with Brit (Regine Albrecht) coming between hunky friends Kai (Frank Schobel) and Wolf (Hanns-Michael Schmidt). The way they carry on in such jealous fashion you would think they were in committed relationships or marriages instead of mere summer flings! The movie features many, many song numbers, most of which are awful, although Kai warbles one nice ballad, and his number "I Found the One" is also pleasant. The choreography is terrible. With his matinee idol looks Frank Schobel gets most of the male close ups while the majority of the female close ups go not to Albrecht so much as Chris Doerk as Stupsi, a loud young lady with a big face and mouth and very large teeth, cast in the Connie Francis role of the gal who doesn't land the guy. (Interestingly enough, pop star Doerk and Schobel were married when this picture was made, although they divorced in 1974). Any attempts at feminist enlightenment are sort of washed away by the scene when some white mice, let loose by the boys, have the girls jumping up on their beds and screaming! Despite this coming from a Communist country, its sensibilities aren't much different from American musicals of the sixties.

Verdict: If you've seen one East German teen movie you've probably seen them all. **. 

LES BICHES

Frustrated players: Audran, Sassard and Trintignant

LES BICHES (1968). Director: Claude Chabrol.

Frederique (Stephane Audran) is a wealthy Frenchwoman who collects and discards artists and lovers. She picks up a starving homeless painter named "Why" (Jacqueline Sassard) off the street and the two enter into a casual relationship with Frederique footing the bills and maintaining control. At her vacation home in St. Tropez, Why meets an architect named Paul (Jean-Louis Trintignant) and sleeps with him. Initially afraid of losing control, Frederique then begins her own relationship with Paul, which apparently becomes serious. Why seems content to live with and love both Frederique and Paul, but the couple may have other ideas ... With its frank, yet frankly unexplored (except in the most superficial sense), look at bisexuality and polyamorous relationships, Les Biches may seem ahead of its time, but by the late sixties even American movies were dealing with more outre sexual subjects. Les Biches does get points for being unpredictable and absorbing, avoiding the tiresome trap of setting lesbian against straight man for the love of a bisexual woman, at least for its main plot. Unfortunately, the characters of Les Biches are under-developed and not very sympathetic and it's easy to over-rate the movie. Two other characters are a gay couple who are underground "artists" and who live in Frederique's villa. Although they are not screaming stereotypes, they are irritating almost from the first, pretty much demolishing any positive statements the film may have been making about homosexual relationships, which it seems not to have been doing in any case, having other things on its mind. The acting is quite good and Pierre Jansen's distinctive and unusual scoring is a plus. The melodramatic wind-up is perhaps more silly than anything else.  Audran was director Chabrol's wife. He also directed Merci pour le chocolat and Story of Women, among many others.

Verdict: Interesting, but ultimately unconvincing. **1/2.

I LOVE YOU, ALICE B. TOKLAS

Peter Sellers turns on, drops out, and takes a bath

I LOVE YOU, ALICE B. TOKLAS (1968). Director: Hy Averback.

Harold (Peter Sellers) is a successful lawyer with a hippie brother, Herbie (David Arkin), an anxious fiancee, Joyce (Joyce Van Patten of Perry Mason), and an even more anxious mother (Jo Van Fleet). After being introduced to Nancy (Leigh Taylor-Young), a sort of girlfriend of his brother's, Harold finds himself attracted to her. It isn't long before he says goodbye to Joyce, "drops out" of his regular life, and adopts the hippie lifestyle with Nancy (while staying in his fabulous apartment). Will he ever come to his senses? The title refers to some hash brownies made by Nancy (the recipe apparently comes from a cookbook written by Toklas, Gertrude Stein's companion), and which are eaten by Harold, his father (Salem Ludwig) and his mother, who says the title line with a happy glaze on her eyes. Many sixties comedies with drug and hippie references don't date at all well, but I Love You is still a very, very funny movie (even if it has fun with things that really aren't funny, such as a funeral for a beloved husband and being literally left at the altar). with excellent performances from the entire cast. Sellers, of course, is just wonderful, and he is matched by a terrific Van Fleet in a great comic performance to compare with  her wonderful dramatic work in such films as Wild River. Apparently, no one really knew how to end the film, so the finale to this is rather stupid. Taylor-Young was introduced in this film and later wound up on Dallas in a nice role. David Arkin was an attractive and appealing actor who had a few credits, mostly in Robert Altman's films, and committed suicide at 49.

Verdict: You won't even need some Alice B. Toklas brownies to enjoy this movie. ***.

THE PARTY

Sellers distracts audience from Longet's singing

THE PARTY (1968). Director: Blake Edwards.

"That was a short career, wasn't it?"

Hrundi V.Bakshi (Peter Sellers) is a transplanted-to-Hollywood Indian actor who completely messes up a film produced by Fred Clutterbuck (J. Edward McKinley), with the result that Clutterbuck wants the hapless thespian blacklisted. However, instead of being put on a blacklist, Bakshi winds up on the guest list to the Clutterbuck's latest A list party. While it's not quite true that Bakshi "destroys" the party -- he has help from a drunk waiter (Steve Franken), a group of teens who are friends of the Clutterbuck daughter, and a baby elephant -- Baksi does do his share of damage. The Party doesn't have nearly enough laugh-out-loud moments, but there's something amiable and pleasant about the picture, much like the lead character, well-played by Sellers, himself. Sellers' leading lady is Claudine Longet, who is also ... pleasant ... but the film's lowlight is her "singing" a song in her usual whispery non-musical style, pronouncing "dream" as "dWeam" and so on -- she's just awful, the Florence Foster Jenkins of pop. Once married to Andy Williams, who somehow managed to get her a singing career, Longet is most famous for shooting her lover, a ski champion!  Besides Franken, who is quite amusing as the half-shot waiter, there are notable turns from  Gavin MacLeod as a horny director, Fay McKenzie as Clutterbuck's wife, and Denny Miller as a handsome actor who gets a kick out of Bakshi's adoration. Carol Wayne is a party guest but has little to do.

Verdict: Basically a Blake Edwards home movie but not without its charms. ***.

DANGER: DIABOLIK

Dead or only resting? John Phillip Law as Diabolik

DANGER: DIABOLIK (aka Diabolik/1968). Director: Mario Bava.

Diabolik (John Phillip Law) is a ruthless master criminal who dresses in a black leather outfit that only exposes his eyes. He lives in an elaborate HQ with pools, caverns, equipment, and a humongous revolving bed, and shares his life and crimes with his girlfriend, Eva (Marisa Mell). His chief opponent is Inspector Ginko (Michel Piccoli), who is determined to bring him to justice. To that end Ginko forces hoodlum Ralph Valmont (Adolfo Celi of Thunderball) to arrange to kidnap Eve and ensnare Diabolik in a trap. "It takes a thief to catch a thief," intones Ginko. Danger: Diabolik is based on an Italian comic book which in turn was inspired by the adventures of French criminal Fantomas. The movie is very sixties in its pop-style sensibility, and at least one scene reminds one of the Batman TV series, but for the most part the pic is played more or less straight. Diabolik's schemes, especially as they pertain to some stolen emeralds and faking his own death, are extremely clever, and there's a neat sequence when Valmont and Diabolik are fighting each other even after they've fallen out of an airplane. The movie boasts some interesting settings and scenic design but Ennio Morricone's score is just horrible. Law [The Sergeant] makes a splendid Diabolik; Mell [One On Top of the Other] is effective as Eve; Celi and Piccoli are each fine as crook and inspector; and Terry-Thomas is wonderful as a dignitary trying to hold on to his dignity. This is much better than the sixties Fantomas movie, and much, much better than horror-specialist Bava's other "spy" pic, Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs.

Verdict: Highly entertaining comic book flick with a completely amoral "hero." ***.

THE BLOOD OF FU MANCHU

Christopher Lee as Fu Manchu

THE BLOOD OF FU MANCHU (aka Kiss and Kill/1968). Director: Jess Franco. Produced by Harry Alan Towers.

From the South American jungles and a hidden city, Fu Manchu (Christopher Lee) sends forth ten kidnapped and mind-controlled women on a mission to murder ten of his most hated enemies. Fu Manchu uses special Incan black cobras to spread poison through the women, who can then deliver a "kiss of death" to their chosen victims. Sir Denis Nayland Smith (Richard Greene of Island of the Lost) is one of these victims, but he doesn't die immediately but goes blind instead. Smith insists that his friend Dr. Petrie (Howard Marion-Crawford of The Hasty Heart) take him to South America where he can meet up with his agent, Carl Jansen (Gotz George), and get an antidote from Fu Manchu. Tsai Chin is again cast as Fu's nasty daughter, Lin Tang, and Maria Rohm plays Ursula, the daughter of a murdered professor who had been traveling with Carl. The movie is nearly over before Shirley Eaton, who played Sax Rohmer's villainess Sumuru in two movies, shows up as one of the kissing assassins in scenes that could almost be outtakes from her second Sumuru flick, The Girl from Rio (which was also produced by Harry Alan Towers). Ricardo Palacios plays the irritating bandit chief Sancho Lopez, but he plays it well and his death is satisfying. Despite an amusing and workable premise and some interesting settings, The Blood of Fu Manchu has low production values and doesn't have much suspense or excitement. Lee plays Fu strictly for the paycheck. Greene is actually quite good as Smith and George makes an attractive secondary hero. This is the fourth of five Fu Manchu/Chris Lee movies.

Verdict: Sadly, there were worse Fu Manchu movies to come. **.

I SAILED TO TAHITI WITH AN ALL GIRL CREW

Gardner McKay

I SAILED TO TAHITI WITH AN ALL GIRL CREW (1968). Written, produced, and directed by Richard L. Bare.

When he's drunk, Terry O'Brien (Gardner McKay of Adventures in Paradise) makes a bet that he can sail to Tahiti with an all-girl crew and arrive before his opponent, Josh (Fred Clark). If he loses, he has to give Josh his boat, the Samaran. His international crew consists of Liz (Diane McBain); sexy ex-stripper Marilyn (Edy Williams of The Naked Kiss); Monique (Jeanne Rainer); the cook and aspiring dancer Tamaya (Bebe Louie); and Janet (Arlene James). One of these women has viciously stabbed a man and is on the run, and there's a stowaway named Jimsy (Mary O'Brien), a tomboy who wants to join the crew and has a crush on Terry. If the movie weren't bad enough, we also have irritating Pat Buttram as a lawman on the hunt for the aforementioned stabber. Richard Denning [The Black Scorpion] plays a commodore who decides to choose the winner with a photo finish. The gals are pretty; glib if charming McKay is as handsome as ever; there are some nice yachts and pretty blue water; and one clever bit, when Tamaya keeps eggs from rolling off the counter by putting them in her bra cups. There's maybe one other laugh in what seems like a not-very-expensive home movie. I guess McKay beat Elvis to the punch because you can just see Presley warbling tunes and romancing women on the way to Tahiti -- I mean, this was an irresistible plot for the "Pelvis." I Sailed to Tahiti has no songs, but there is an Hawaiian dance number.

Verdict: I kept expecting Sonny and Cher to show up any minute and do the frug. *1/2.

THE SUBJECT WAS ROSES

Martin Sheen and Patricia Neal

THE SUBJECT WAS ROSES (1968). Director: Ulu Grosbard.

"He was magnificent -- as long as the situation was impersonal." Nettie describing John.

Timmy Cleary (Martin Sheen of That Certain Summer) is back from the war and finds himself in the midst of a quieter battle: his parents' lousy marriage. Father John (Jack Albertson) is unfaithful, frustrated, and not the most romantic of souls, while mother Nettie (Patricia Neal of Psyche 59) is bitter and vituperative, a touchy and neurotic middle-aged woman disappointed with both life and marriage. Both parents, growing older, continue to see the sensitive Timmy as the boy he used to be and not the man he's become. Timmy buys roses for his mother, but tells his father to say they were from him ...  The Subject was Roses is based on Frank D. Gilroy's Pulitzer prize-winning play (comparisons to Long Day's Journey into Night are completely off the mark however), and Gilroy also wrote the screenplay. Sheen and Albertson repeat their Broadway performances, and the film was directed by the play's (and movie's) first-time director, Ulu Grosbard. This is a good, absorbing picture, but there's also something "off" about it, with the actors seeming over-rehearsed (Sheen and Albertson had played the roles many times) -- and sometimes the underplaying (especially by Neal) makes it seem, conversely, more like a rehearsal than the real thing. Judy Collins performs two songs, "Who Knows Where the Time Goes" and "Albatross" -- the last of which she also composed -- which work quite well during sequences that "open up" the play. One odd thing about the movie is that Timmy is supposed to be back from WW2, but the picture has absolutely no period atmosphere whatsoever -- you'd think he was back from Viet Nam!

Verdict: Interesting and rather depressing marital drama. ***.

JOAN ON THE BBC

JOAN CRAWFORD ON THE BBC.

Crawford did a late sixties interview for the BBC which covered her entire career and her thoughts on current movies and performers. At first Joan seemed a bit guarded and not relaxed, and complained how the British seemed obsessed with age (apparently some reporters came right out and bluntly asked her how old she was). "I know some people think there are very few things before my time," she said. She relaxed a bit more as the interview with the young admiring host continued, although when she answered a question she didn't always really answer the question, but said -- as stars are wont to do -- what she wanted to say. She talked admiringly of Bette Davis and said she enjoyed working with her on Baby Jane, calling Davis a "fascinating actress" but saying they really hadn't had time to become friends. She was, however, close friends with Barbara Stanwyck, whom the interviewer compared to her, pleasing Joan. Joan apologized in a way for making negative comments about Liz Taylor's personal life, but praised her acting skills, and said, next to Gable, John Garfield was her most dynamic co-star. Joan said that "I never had a sense of humor about myself until I worked with George Cukor." During the interview she is friendly, smiles, makes amusing comments and reacts to same, but it still comes off, understandably considering her years in front of the camera, as if it's another performance. and while it may not be fair to say she is humorless, she is,as mentioned, holding herself in warily. She expresses the wish that pictures had more romance and glamor, and suggests that Warren Beatty is ornery, while admiring Natalie Wood, whom she feels hasn't reached her potential, that there was no longer any help or guidance for actors as in the studio days. Joan talks affectionately of Lionel Barrymore, but while admiring his genius, admits that John Barrymore could be difficult while making Grand Hotel. Basically Joan is ever the professional, and the interview, while not that probing, is a good one. It probably didn't hurt that Joan seems to like the kind of cute interviewer.

Verdict: Joan talks! ***.

DARK SHADOWS: THE CREATION OF ADAM AND EVE

Marie Wallace, Robert Rodan, Humbert Allen Astredo

DARK SHADOWS: ADAM AND EVE ARC (1968).

When I was a kid I loved Dark Shadows, but as I got older I only caught part of some of the story arcs. One of these was the arc involving Adam and Eve, which for much of its length also included that interminable business with the "dream-curse." Now that I've caught up with this arc, here are my impressions:

Wanting to finally lose his curse of vampirism, Barnabas Collins (Jonathan Frid) works with Dr. Lang and Julia Hoffman (Grayson Hall) to cobble together a creature that can house Barnabas' consciousness. The idea is that when his mind occupies a new body, he will no longer be a vampire. However, things don't go quite as planned. Barnabas indeed loses his curse, but the creation, "Adam," develops his own distinct consciousness. The two are linked together so that if Adam dies, Barnabas will revert to being a vampire. To say that none of this has any kind of scientific basis is an understatement! Eventually, Adam insists that Barnabas and Julia make him a mate or all Hell will break loose.

Robert Rodan was an unusual choice to play Dark Shadows' variation on the Frankenstein Monster, for Rodan was tall, dark, and handsome and probably made the best-looking "Frankenstein" ever. They put scars and stitches on his face, which made Adam feel he was "ugly," but none of that really disguised the actor's good looks -- why not give the housewives something to look at? Even better was the fact that Rodan was a very good actor, doing his early silent scenes of pantomime in such a fashion that made it convincing instead of comical. As Adam developed the ability to speak and acquired knowledge (much of that thanks to the efforts of Professor Stokes, played by Thayer David), Rodan successfully etched a portrait of a bitter, confused, sexually -- and even romantically -- aroused man-child who, while incredibly dangerous, was searching for love.

To that end, the show created Eve (Marie Wallace), who (as in Bride of Frankenstein) has absolutely no interest in Adam. This part of the story arc also employed the considerable talents of the smooth, urbane Humbert Allen Astredo as Nicholas Blair, a demonic figure who hoped to use Adam and Eve to create a new dark race. Eve's body, also put together from corpses, was imbued with the spirit of a long-dead murderess who was supposed to be one of the most evil women who had ever lived. That certainly gave the viewers some frightful situations to contemplate.

Unfortunately, little of much interest was done with Eve. She did not really become this demoness stalking the Collins family, and didn't even murder a single person. Instead she focused on Jeff Clark (Roger Davis), who was actually a displaced person she had known in a previous century and whom she wanted for her own. If they were going to turn Eve into a mere love-smitten kitten, one has to wonder why they gave her the spirit of a thoroughly degenerate and remorseless female in the first place. (In one of the series funnier moments, Angelique the witch, has the gall to say of Eve: "She is evil!" Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.) In retrospect there seemed little purpose in even introducing the character, but at least the actress playing her was cast in other roles on the series later on.

I thought the writers missed the boat on another potential development: someone recognizing Adam's face, now being worn by a body of spare parts. What if the man that face belonged to had had a wife, family, parents, people who would recognize him even though he was dead? Not only did this never happen, there was never any interest in determining whom Adam may have been in his past life, nor did we even know if the brain currently residing in his cranium was the same one that had originally been inside his head. Who was "Adam?" Adam seemed to not only have a completely separate personality but no recollection of past events.

In the end, Adam goes off to Europe with the professor, who tells him there are things they can do about his scars. Professor Stokes eventually shows up again sans Adam, so one can assume the two did not live happily ever after. The policeman that Adam killed during a shoot out is never mentioned, and Adam -- whoever the hell he was -- is never seen again. Now that Frankenstein was gone, the Wolfman was next!

Verdict: Essentially a low-brow "borrowing" from Mary Shelly's Frankenstein, but fun, and with some good actors to boot. ***.

NOTE: It's interesting to note that in season two of the Showtime horror series Penny Dreadful, the notion comes up that the dead woman, Lily, revived by Henry Frankenstein, will mate with his male experiment, John, and create a new dark race. Sound familiar? Later, however, she decides to mate with Dorian Gray instead, creating an even darker new race? .

TARZAN AND THE JUNGLE BOY

Steve Bond and Mike Henry

TARZAN AND THE JUNGLE BOY (1968). Director: Robert Gordon.

Aggressive photojournalist Myrna (Aliza Gur) and her associate Ken (Ron Gans) approach Tarzan (Mike Henry) and tell him that a young boy disappeared seven years ago (making him approximately 13) and that while his geologist father was found dead, he may still be alive. Tarzan agrees to accompany the duo and makes it clear that it is to find the boy -- he couldn't care less about any photo spread. Tarzan and the others encounter a tribe whose leader has ordered a contest for his two sons to compete against each other, with the winner taking over the tribe. After a series of struggles and no clear victor, Nagambi (Rafer Johnson) tires to poison brother Buhara (Edward Johnson). When Tarzan comes to his rescue, Nagambi vows to kill not only his brother and Tarzan, but even the missing boy, Erik (Steve Bond), who has taken on the role of a Bomba-like character. Worse, Buhara tells Tarzan that despite his saving his life, tribal law dictates that any stranger who remains in their land will have to be put to death. That's gratitude for you! Tarzan and the Jungle Boy -- which is not an imitation or remake of Tarzan Finds a Son! despite claims to the contrary -- has an interesting premise (more concerning the brothers than the boy) as well as beautiful settings and widescreen color photography. Unfortunately it lacks suspense and tension, a feeling that something must be accomplished or else. Cheetah in this is obviously male and not especially cute, but Erik has a pet chimp named Hilda who is more on the mark. The best scene has Tarzan struggling to get his foot out of a giant clam, the only semi-fantastic element in the movie. Henry makes a more than competent Tarzan and certainly looks the part. Although Rafer and Edward Johnson play brothers in the movie, they were apparently not brothers in real life; Rafer was an Olympic champion. Steve Bond later became a soap star.

Verdict: Good-looking if minor Tarzan entry. **1/2.

HAMMERHEAD

Ben Casey as spy: Vince Edwards

HAMMERHEAD (1968). Director: David Miller.

"Is she pretty? Or is he pretty? Well, you never know."

Agent Charles Hood (Vince Edwards) is brought in by British Intelligence to investigate a character known only as Hammerhead (Peter Vaughn). Hood pretends to be a dealer in pornography so as to get on Hammerhead's yacht, where he learns a plan is afoot to steal some very important papers. Another part of the dire plot is to have someone impersonate Sir Richard (Michael Bates), a British dignitary, spiriting him away from a classical music concert and replacing him with a double. A laid-back Vince Edwards [City of Fear] is effective enough as Hood, but he has absolutely no chemistry with his leading lady, the somewhat monkey-faced Judy Geeson, and the romantic scenes don't exactly sizzle. This might not have been the case had these moments been turned over to the sexier Diana Dors, who runs a nightclub where Geeson sings and who is Hammerhead's girlfriend. What Hammerhead has going for it is great locations, good photography, and some lively fight sequences. The movie isn't campy for the most part, although it is way too "mod" at times and includes too many scenes with "flower children." Perhaps the most interesting scene has Hood taking a piece of film he needs to see into a porn theater, where the projectionist has to show the horny fellows a comparatively dull movie. The funniest scene is when Geeson performs a number with her voice dubbed by Madeline Bell, whose deep smoky voice is hardly suited to the squeaky Geeson. Peter Vaughn isn't given a chance to make much of an impression as the master villain, but Patrick Cargill is his usual efficient self as a British agent. Geeson and Dors both appeared with Joan Crawford in Berserk and David Miller directed her in Sudden Fear.

Verdict: Not great, but there have been worse sixties spy films and Edwards is appealing ... **1/2.

THE SPLIT

THE SPLIT (1968). Director: Gordon Flemyng.

McClain (Jim Brown), fresh out of jail, comes to see his attractive lady friend, Ellen (Diahann Carroll). But he's even more interested in another lady named Gladys (Julie Harris) who has the set-up money for another score: McClain and five associates are going to rob a football stadium of its booty. But will any of them get to spend the money when thieves fall out? And who is that weird guy, Herb (James Whitmore) who is coming on to poor Ellen? The Split is a suspenseful and entertaining caper film with an excellent cast and some intriguing developments. Oddly, the robbery itself is sort of tossed off -- it's what happens later that matters --  but there is a very exciting scene with Brown and Jack Klugman getting into a chase involving a limo. Brown is okay, but there are fine performances from Whitman, Warren Oates, Klugman [Twilight Zone], Gene Hackman [The French Connection], Donald Sutherland, and especially Julie Harris [The Last of Mrs. Lincoln] in her tough, highly memorable portrayal of no-nonsense she-boss Gladys. The well-edited movie is based on "The Seventh," a novel by Donald Westlake ("Richard Stark") that features his amoral protagonist Parker.

Verdict: Quite absorbing and well-acted. ***.

TARZAN OF THE MOVIES

TARZAN OF THE MOVIES: A Pictorial History of More than Fifty Years of Edgar Rice Burroughs' Legendary Hero. Gabe Essoe. Cadillac Publishing; 1968.

In this heavily illustrated book packed with movie stills and behind-the-scenes shots, Essoe covers dozens of Tarzan features from the silent period up to the Tarzan TV show with Ron Ely. As well, Essoe relates the careers, private lives and subsequent fates of the various actors who played the "Ape Man:" Elmo Lincoln; Johnny Weissmuller; Herman Brix (Bruce Bennett); Buster Crabbe; Gordon Scott; Mike Henry; Lex Barker; Jock Mahoney; and others. There are details on the sound serial The New Adventures of Tarzan; the disastrous Tarzan of the Apes remake with Denny Miller; the color features that were actually filmed in Africa and other exotic locations; and the terrible truth about Cheetah and the various, rather nasty chimps who played him. You'll also learn how Tarzan Escapes was deemed too gruesome and re-shot, with a sequence involving big bat monsters being excised, not to mention the Tarzan/big-crocodile fight that was used over and over and over again in Tarzan and probably other jungle movies.

Verdict: Good, informative read with great pictures. ***.

THE BROTHERHOOD

Misleading poster for "Brotherhood"

THE BROTHERHOOD (1968). Director: Martin Ritt. Produced by Kirk Douglas.

Frank Ginetta (Kirk Douglas of Seven Days in May) is overjoyed that his younger brother Vincent (Alex Cord of The Dead Are Alive) wants to join him in the "family" business, but Vince's new wife, Emma (Susan Strasberg) isn't so sure. Her own father, Dominick Bertolo (Luthor Adler of House of Strangers) is in the business and warns Vinnie that Frank is too old-fashioned and objecting to one good deal after another -- this could have serious repercussions not only for Frank but for Vincent. Then Frank discovers that Bertolo was the man who betrayed his father and many other mafioso years ago, and sets out to get revenge, setting in motion events that will have violent consequences ... The Brotherhood pre-dates The Godfather by several years, and while it is not as good, it is not a bad picture, with some effective performances. It's hard to figure out if Frank is supposed to have an accent or not because it comes and goes, but Douglas is good in the role. Cord is not an especially dynamic performer, but he has several effective moments. The film was a box office loser, probably because the studio used a poster showing Douglas and Cord kissing on the mouth. [Not even The Boys in the Band used such an image.] In the movie the kiss, which is shown from a different angle, is one of several affectionate good-bye kisses Frank gives his brother, and is not indicative of homoerotic incest. At least France retitled the film "The Sicilian Brothers" to make it more clear what was going on. Murray Hamilton and Eduardo Ciannelli make a good impression as fellow members of the brotherhood; Strasberg is given little to do. One of the best, most chilling scenes in the movie has Frank relating to Bertolo how he befriended a man he intended to kill and having absolutely no clue as to the complete immorality of what he's describing.

Verdict: Creditable mafia drama. ***.

JOURNEY TO THE UNKNOWN

George Maharis in "Miss Belle"

JOURNEY TO THE UNKNOWN. 1968 television series.

This British import ran for one season and was produced by Joan Harrison, who worked on Alfred Hitchcock Presents, but if this show is any indication she had lowered her standards for scripts considerably for the later series. The majority of episodes not only would have been instantly rejected by Hitch, but are lame by any standard, with weak premises devoid of a final snap or twist. There are very few exceptions. "The New People" is an excellent, creepy, and suspenseful episode [directed by Peter Sasdy from Charles Beaumont] in which a young couple have very strange if fun-loving neighbors; the cast includes Robert Reed and a notable Milo O'Shea. "One on an Island" [from Donald Westlake] features a fine performance from Brandon De Wilde [All Fall Down] in an absorbing story of a young man shipwrecked on an isolated island. It shouldn't work at all but somehow it does. "Matakitas is Coming" stars Vera Miles as a woman who writes about murders for a magazine and finds herself locked in a library that has somehow gone back in time to the night a librarian was murdered by a maniac back in the 1920s. The murderer is creeping about, and so is the victim ... The episode has an excellent premise even if its execution is uneven and a little confusing. Also Miles is a little too perfunctory at times given her character's situation. "Somewhere in a Crowd," with David Hedison [Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea] giving one of his best performances (in a tale wherein the same group of people keep showing up at disasters), would have been one of the series' more memorable episodes were it not for the fact that it's a complete, uncredited rip-off of Ray Bradbury's 1948 short story "The Crowd." George Maharis appears in an unpleasant look at child abuse -- a woman raises her little nephew as a girl -- in "Miss Belle." And there were episodes even worse than that.NOTE: Some of the episodes from the show were strung together to make TV movies. One, Journey to the Unknown, features Joan Crawford as host and presents "Matakitas" and an episode with Patty Duke vacationing at the English seaside at an inn with a strange landlady.

Verdict: Three decent episodes does not a great series make. **.

IT TAKES A THIEF Season One

Robert Wagner steals a kiss

IT TAKES A THIEF Season One. 1968.

The telefilm Magnificent Thief served as the pilot for this nominal spy series, which had a clever premise. Alexander Mundy (Robert Wagner), a gifted burglar, is told that he can stay out of jail if he goes to work for the government, herein personified by his liaison Noah Bain (Malachi Throne). As Bain tells him, "I don't want you to spy -- I want you to steal." So in the first brief season of sixteen episodes -- It Takes a Thief was a mid-season replacement -- Mundy has to snatch, under frequently impossible circumstances, everything from children accidentally left behind the iron curtain when their parents defect to a rare, extremely valuable DaVinci. None of the episodes are outstanding, but a few were better than average. "It Takes One to Know One" introduces a rival thief-impersonator played by Susan St. James (who'd show up again) and has a highly suspenseful climax when the two each try to snatch some royal jewels in a casino packed with booby traps. "One Illegal Angel" features an exiled dictator and a forged DaVinci and the necessity of getting the real painting away from said dictator. "Totally By Design" features a notable Mari Blanchard [Twice-Told Tales] as a vain princess who has fashion designer Mundy create a new trousseau for her even as he schemes to rob the palace safe. Celeste Yarnell and Marti Stevens guest-star in "Locked in the Cradle of the Keep," in which Al has to figure out just what he's supposed to steal before he can actually steal it. The show needed some better directors and better scripts, but it was basically mindless fun. Katharine Crawford [Kraft Suspense Theatre] appeared twice as another government agent. Wagner gets across his slightly amoral character without straining himself, and Throne is just fine as Noah Bain. In any case, the series is much better than the telefilm that spawned it.

Verdict: Acceptable time-waster. **1/2.

THE SWIMMER

Janice Rule and Burt Lancaster

THE SWIMMER (1968). Director: Frank Perry.

"Pool by pool they form a river, all the way to my home."

Ned Merrill (Burt Lancaster of Desert Fury) shows up at the home of some friends who haven't seen him in awhile. Clad in a bathing suit, he tells them that he intends to swim from pool to pool on the estates in the area until he makes his way home. The reaction of the couple make it clear that something is off. As Ned makes his way on his journey, he encounters different people from his past, including many vulgar people with too much money, and the viewer slowly learns more and more about the truth behind this man's charming veneer and aura of health and success. The Swimmer is a quirky movie that is not for every taste, and some people might see it as an excuse for Lancaster to show off what good shape he was in, but if you're in tune with its style and content, it's an interesting and absorbing experience. Lancaster gives one of his all-time best performances, and he has wonderful support from such as Janice Rule, who plays a bitter ex-lover; Janet Landgard, who was once his babysitter and now is a nubile beauty; and Michael Kearney as a little boy who has been left alone with the maid by his vacationing parents. Joan Rivers, of all people, has a nice cameo as a lonely party guest who is attracted to Ned, and Jan Miner plays a vicious wife at a public swimming pool. Marvin Hamlisch's score is generally a plus. [Hamlisch also composed "Nobody Does It Better" for The Spy Who Loved Me.] The movie manages to work up sympathy for a man who may not be entirely deserving of it. John Cheever, who wrote the short story that inspired the movie, has a cameo as a party guest. Perry also directed Diary of a Mad Housewife.

Verdict: Don't kick a man when he's down. ***1/2.