MR. SOFT TOUCH

Glenn Ford and Evelyn Keyes

MR. SOFT TOUCH (1949). Directors: Gordon Douglas; Henry Levin.

A man with the unlikely moniker of Joe Miracle (Glenn Ford) returns from service and discovers that hoods have taken over his nightclub and murdered his partner. We never actually see Miracle learning about this -- we're introduced to him after he steals money (his money rightfully, he feels) from the nightclub safe and is on the run from the police. He eventually winds up befriended by a do-gooder named Jenny Jones (Evelyn Keyes), who works for a settlement house where there are numerous cute youngsters and the comparatively stern but warm-hearted Mrs. Hangale (Beulah Bondi), not to mention a handyman played by Percy Kilbride (The Egg and I). John Ireland (Raw Deal) is cast against type as a bespectacled reporter who wants to get info from Miracle. The trouble with Mr. Soft Touch is that it tries for equal amounts of sentiment, comedy, and action, but these elements simply never jell. Ford's character is so unlikable for the most part that the actor gives one of his few charmless performances. Keyes and Bondi come off better, but the movie just doesn't work, and you find yourself not only not caring for anyone but even for what happens. It seems to take forever to just end.

Verdict: A misfire on virtually all levels, deservedly forgotten. **.

MUNSTER, GO HOME!

Al Lewis camps it up with John Carradine

MUNSTER, GO HOME! (1966). Director: Earl Bellamy.

"See what sandpaper skin and a touch of malnutrition can do for the complexion?"

The Munsters TV series, NBC's answer to ABC's The Addams Family, but more watchable, aired for two seasons from 1964 - 66. Its swan song was this theatrical feature which was released in 1966. In the movie, Herman Munster (Fred Gwynnne) learns that an uncle has died, making him the new Lord Munster, and heir to a British estate. Herman's English relatives, who reside in the estate, aren't too thrilled with this development. In fact, Freddie Munster (Terry-Thomas) tries to kill them off while they're still sailing across the ocean. Freddie's fellow conspirators include his mother, Lady Effigie (Hermione Gingold), and sister, Grace (Jeanne Arnold), the butler, Cruikshank (John Carradine), and a mysterious figure known only as the Griffin. Gwynne, Yvonne De Carlo as his wife, and Al Lewis as Grandpa are excellent in their roles, and they get good support from classy veterans Gingold, Terry-Thomas, Arnold, and Carradine. Butch Patrick and Debbie Watson are also notable as the Munster children, Eddie and Marilyn, with Robert Pine effective as an affected fellow who falls for Marilyn but whose family strenuously objects to the Munsters from any coast. It all leads to Herman becoming a contestant in a race that is frenetic but not especially funny. There are a few amusing moments throughout the movie, and kids may find more chuckles than the rest of us, but this basically proves that when it comes to TV sitcoms, no matter how cute and charming, less is definitely more.

Verdict: For Munster fanatics. **1/2.

DAY-TIME WIFE

Ty Power and Linda Darnell

DAY-TIME WIFE (1939). Director: Gregory Ratoff.

"That's marriage -- if you're happy there's nothing better; if you're unhappy there's nothing worse."

Jane Norton (Linda Darnell) fears she's losing her husband, Ken (Tyrone Power), when he spends too many late nights at the office with his attractive secretary, Kitty (Wendy Barrie). This somehow gives Jane the unlikely notion of becoming a secretary herself so she can ferret out the secret of their appeal to men. So she goes to work for horny old devil Bernard Dexter (Warren William), who is also married but has quite an eye for the ladies. Jane at first refuses Dexters' invitation to dinner, but when Ken cancels plans to take Jane out for the evening, she decides to go with Dexter -- and who shows up in the supper club as their dining companions but Ken and his secretary! Oops -- what a situation. Day-Time Wife may never go down in history as one of the cinema's most brilliant comedies, but it is an awfully cute picture, with both Darnell and Power in top form [and both very charming], and is consistently amusing to boot. Barrie, William, Binnie Barnes as Jane's best friend, Blanche, and Joan Davis as Miss Applegate, who also works for Dexter but isn't pursued by him, lend expert support, as does Mildred Gover as the maid Melbourne. Amazing that this was only Darnell's second picture.

Verdict: An insubstantial but very amusing confection with wonderful leads. ***.

THE WILD, WILD WEST Season Four

Jo Van Fleet and Robert Conrad in the final episode

THE WILD, WILD WEST Season Four. 1968. CBS.

While there were less outstanding episodes in The Wild, Wild West's last season than in previous years, it remained an entertaining, generally well-made and well-acted program until the end. During Ross Martin's illness, Charles Aidman filled in for Artemis Gordon as "Jeremy Pike" in several episodes. [William Schallert filled in as "Frank Harper" in one two-part episode.] There was a suspenseful scene in a vault in the first episode, "Night of the Big Blackmail," with Harvey Korman; a mechanical squid and an underwater HQ in "Kraken;" a giant tuning fork sonics weapon in "Avaricious Actuary;" a certain song that holds the key to which secret service agent might be a traitor in "the Janus;" an obnoxious opera singer (Patrice Munsel) in the unusual episode "Night of the Diva;" a tank used to tear homesteaders' dwellings apart in "Juggernaut;" a vial of deadly plague in "Gruesome Games;" and a deadly new explosive in "Doomsday Formula" with Kevin McCarthy. Dr. Loveless (Michael Dunn) plays dummy to a robot ventriloquist and kidnaps several people in ways related to a nursery rhyme in "Miquelito's Revenge;" and "Bleak Island," concerning skulduggery in a spooky old house on a cliff, features fine performances from John Williams, Beverly Garland and, especially, Robert H. Herron. The two best episodes were "The Sedgwick Curse," in which people disappear without a trace from a sinister hotel; and the very last episode of the series, the slightly sexist "Night of the Tycoons," in which Jo Van Fleet expertly plays the sole female member of a board of directors who are being killed off one by one. Robert Conrad and Ross Martin still seem to be having fun, and Aidman and Schallert make admirable and likable fill-ins.

Verdict: Nice wind-up to an unusual and entertaining TV series. ***.

THE FILE ON THELMA JORDAN

Original title: Thelma Jordan."

THE FILE ON THELMA JORDAN (1950). Director: Robert Siodmak.

"Maybe I am just a dame and didn't know it. Maybe I like being picked up by a guy on a binge."

Concerned with possible burglars at her elderly aunt's estate, Thelma Jordan (Barbara Stanwyck) goes to see an assistant district attorney named Miles Scott (Paul Kelly) but winds up with another ADA, Cleve Marshall (Wendell Corey) who happens to be rather bored with his wife (Joan Tetzel) and children and their vacations and falls hard for Thelma while on a bender. The plot has various intriguing twists and turns as the two carry on a heated affair while Mrs. Marshall and the kids wait at the beach. Then, wouldn't you know it, someone gets murdered ... Stanwyck gives another fine performance in Thelma Jordan, and Corey is quite good as well; this is an actor who has hidden facets as well as versatility. Stanwyck plays one of her most unsympathetic characters but you're with her right from the start. Tetzel and Kelly are also fine, and Gertrude Hoffman is just right in her brief appearance as Thelma's aunt. No, this is no Double Indemnity, but it's absorbing and has a few tricks up its sleeve. To accept some of the more absurd plot turns takes a definite "suspension of disbelief," however. Some of Corey's best performances were in No Sad Songs for Me, The Big Knife, and his debut film Desert Fury, and he also somehow wound up in Women of the Prehistoric Planet.

Verdict: Stanwyck smoulders in grand style. ***.

BEAUTY FOR SALE

Sherwood (Otto Kruger) is in love with Letty (Madge Evans)

BEAUTY FOR SALE (1933). Director: Richard Boleslawski.

 "If he gives you a hat in only an hour imagine what he can do in three weeks."

Letty (Madge Evans) takes a room with the Merrick family, which consists of the mother (May Robson), her daughter Carol (Una Merkel), and son Bill (Eddie Nugent), who's stuck on Letty. Carol helps Letty get a job at the beauty parlor where she works, which is lorded over by the dragon-like Sonia (Hedda Hopper). Unlucky in love, Carol is keeping company with a wealthy, much older man named Freddy (Charley Grapewin). Their fellow employee, Jane (Florine McKinney), is having a secret relationship with Sonia's son, Burt (Phillips Holmes). Letty falls in love with a Mr. Sherwood (Otto Kruger), who happens to be married to one of the beauty spa's customers, the flighty and affected Henrietta (Alice Brady). Will any of these women find happiness? Well, maybe ... Beauty for Sale is a highly engaging comedy-drama with a very appealing lead performance by the luminescent Evans and excellent supporting performances from Merkel, McKinney, Brady and Kruger; the others, such as Hopper, are also well-cast. The movie blends its laughs [all the funny gossiping that goes on at the beauty parlor] and tragic moments expertly, and is well-directed by Boleslawski, who often favors extreme close-ups at tilted angles. There's a nice bit when a bathroom door slowly closes on the huddled figure of Jane after she gets some shattering news. Isabel Jewell [The Seventh Victim] is very sharp and saucy as the receptionist, Hortense, and Nugent scores as the likable but sadly immature Bill, who nearly drives Letty crazy [his mistreatment at her hands is sort of glossed over]. Boleslawski also directed the interesting Storm at Daybreak and Les Miserables.

Verdict: Minor classic is well worth the watching. ***.

THE DISAPPEARANCE OF FLIGHT 412

Robert F. Lyons and David Soul may have seen UFO

THE DISAPPEARANCE OF FLIGHT 412 (1974 telefilm). Director: Jud Taylor.

"Officers aren't supposed to act on instinct, they act on orders, and yours are to lay off!"

Two air force men are doing a test flight [412] to check for electrical problems when they see two blips appear and disappear on their radar screen, followed by the complete disappearance of two jet fighters. They are quickly taken off to be debriefed by SID officers, much to the consternation of their commanding officer, Colonel Pete Moore (Glenn Ford), who first wonders where the hell they are and then why they were taken in the first place. While the Flight 412 pilots (David Soul; Robert F. Lyons) are held and questioned along with others, Moore demands answers from General Enright (Kent Smith of Nora Prentiss) even as Major Dunning (Bradford Dillman of Jigsaw) urges him to forget the whole business. What's going on here? Well, sadly, not a hell of a lot, as this cheap production was cobbled together to take advantage of the UFO rage of the seventies but lacks a strong plot, suspense, or any pay-off. A lot of perfectly good actors are just wasted. The blaring, brassy musical score does its best to create some excitement, but can't disguise the fact that nothing much is going on here. There are a hell of a lot of good-looking men in the cast, for those who are interested.

Verdict: Not nearly as much fun as The Invaders. *.