MURDERS IN THE RUE MORGUE (1971)

Christine Kaufmann and Jason Robards

MURDERS IN THE RUE MORGUE (1971). Director: Gordon Hessler.

In Paris around the turn of the century, Cesar Charron (Jason Robards of Philadelphia) runs a Grand Guignol theater that nightly presents an adaption of Poe's story "Murders in the Rue Morgue." First the actor playing the orangutan is murdered with acid, and then more people who used to work for Charron, including an actress turned prostitute and an escape artist, are killed the same way. Charron fears that the killer is a former associate, Rene Marot (Herbert Lom), whose faced was once disfigured with acid and who supposedly took out his anger by axing the woman he loved (Lilli Palmer). Marot committed suicide and Charron transferred his affections from the dead woman to her daughter, Madeleine (Christine Kaufmann of Constantine and the Cross), whom he later married. But if Marot is truly dead, how can he be the killer? This is also a question for Inspector Vidocq (Adolfo Celi).

Herbert Lom and Christine Kaufmann

Despite its intriguing plot, Murders in the Rue Morgue is not a very compelling nor entertaining picture. Robards doesn't seem to have any feel for this kind of material, and Lom is generally forced to run about in a mask and opera cape as if he were in out-takes from the 1962 version of Phantom of the Opera.  Lilli Palmer only appears in flashbacks and manages to retain her dignity. Michael Dunn adds a bit of flavor in his portrayal of Marot's friend, Pierre, but his role is never clearly defined. The story is good, the motive for the murders makes sense, but the picture is clumsy, disjointed, and at times almost laughable. After the main story is over and its revelations revealed, there is a long, slow and dull post-script with Madeleine being chased around in the theater that, if possible, sinks the picture even further.

Verdict: Highly disappointing horror film, which is no better than the 1932 Murders in the Rue Morgue with Bela Lugosi. *1/2.

DANGER: DIABOLIK

Dead or only resting? John Phillip Law as Diabolik

DANGER: DIABOLIK (aka Diabolik/1968). Director: Mario Bava.

Diabolik (John Phillip Law) is a ruthless master criminal who dresses in a black leather outfit that only exposes his eyes. He lives in an elaborate HQ with pools, caverns, equipment, and a humongous revolving bed, and shares his life and crimes with his girlfriend, Eva (Marisa Mell). His chief opponent is Inspector Ginko (Michel Piccoli), who is determined to bring him to justice. To that end Ginko forces hoodlum Ralph Valmont (Adolfo Celi of Thunderball) to arrange to kidnap Eve and ensnare Diabolik in a trap. "It takes a thief to catch a thief," intones Ginko. Danger: Diabolik is based on an Italian comic book which in turn was inspired by the adventures of French criminal Fantomas. The movie is very sixties in its pop-style sensibility, and at least one scene reminds one of the Batman TV series, but for the most part the pic is played more or less straight. Diabolik's schemes, especially as they pertain to some stolen emeralds and faking his own death, are extremely clever, and there's a neat sequence when Valmont and Diabolik are fighting each other even after they've fallen out of an airplane. The movie boasts some interesting settings and scenic design but Ennio Morricone's score is just horrible. Law [The Sergeant] makes a splendid Diabolik; Mell [One On Top of the Other] is effective as Eve; Celi and Piccoli are each fine as crook and inspector; and Terry-Thomas is wonderful as a dignitary trying to hold on to his dignity. This is much better than the sixties Fantomas movie, and much, much better than horror-specialist Bava's other "spy" pic, Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs.

Verdict: Highly entertaining comic book flick with a completely amoral "hero." ***.

THOSE AMAZING "EUROSPY" MOVIES

THOSE AMAZING "EUROSPY" MOVIES.

The success of the first James Bond movie, Dr. No, not only led to many, many more 007 films, but literally dozens of movies and TV shows that were influenced by the Bond movies. The chief TV show that came in Bond's wake was The Man from U.N.C.L.E., and this in turn influenced the lighter tone of certain Bond movies, as well as some of the Eurospy movies that came afterward. There were British and American imitations of Bond as well, not to mention productions from Italy, Germany, and elsewhere, generally dubbed into English and given silly, if appropriate and generic, titles such as Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and Kiss Kiss Kill Kill. All sorts of secret agents wandered through a mostly European landscape, giving rise to a whole genre of "Eurospy" movies. In each of these there was a handsome, skirt-chasing devil, seemingly irresistible to women, trailing after spies and criminal masterminds, many of whom were inspired by such Bond villains as Goldfinger, Blofeld and Emilio Largo (Adolfo Celi), among others. Perhaps the most outrageous Bond imitation was Operation Kid Brother or O.K. Connery, which had the chutzpah to cast Sean Connery's younger brother, Neil Connery, in the lead, and even used his name for the main character. The Italian producers even hired Bernard Lee (M) and Lois Maxwell (Miss Moneypenny) to play parts virtually identical to the ones they played in the legitimate 007 features. [In spite of this, the Bond producers hired them back, probably figuring no one would actually see the dreadful Kid Brother.] You can read about this film and several others below, as this week we review a few Eurospy movies along with a couple of genuine James Bond features. In future weeks we'll be looking at other Eurospy movies starring everyone from Horst Bucholz to Kerwin Mathews to Ray Danton and more.

OPERATION KID BROTHER

Neil Connery as Neil Connery

OPERATION KID BROTHER (aka O.K. Connery/1967). Director: Alberto De Martino.

"I want to be generous. In return for your services, I will give you your life." -- Beta

Wanting to cash in on the James Bond craze like a dozen other producers, somebody got the bright idea of casting Sean Connery's younger brother, Neil, as the hero in this dubbed Italian spy movie. They also cast Lois Maxwell and Bernard Lee (Miss Moneypenny and M) in what are basically the same roles they play in the 007 films. Then they enlisted Adolfo Celi, the villain from Thunderball, and Daniela Bianchi, the heroine from From Russia With Love and concocted a stew that mixes elements from Thunderball (the sinister organization Thanatos instead of Spectre; the evil Rosa Klebb-like lesbian), Goldfinger (Thanatos wants to control the world's gold reserves), and the climactic battle from both films in which the forces of good try to stop the forces of Thanatos from employing a magnetic wave device that will make machinery, planes, arms, etc. inoperable. The basic plot is workable, but there are too many digressions in this, and while it begins well, Operation Kid Brother quickly degenerates into something that is very busy but not very entertaining. Maxwell and Lee actually have more to do in this film than in any of the Bond movies (the producers of the 007 flicks could not have been thrilled with their participation, even if this film was no competition), and they do it well, as does Celi as Mr. Thai or "Beta." Anthony Dawson, who appeared in three Bond films in smaller roles (playing a barely seen Blofeld in two of them) does a beautiful job as the highly dangerous and menacing "Alpha;" it's too bad his performance couldn't have been captured in a better movie. (Dawson most famously appeared as the would-be murderer in Hitchcock's Dial M. for Murder.) As for Neil Connery, few people would make the connection between him and his brother. Now and then you can catch the resemblance from a certain angle, but otherwise he doesn't much look like Sean and he has none of his presence or panache, although he is not unattractive in his own right. In this he is sort of cast as himself, "Dr. Neil Connery," a plastic surgeon who is also an expert archer and has amazing hypnotic powers. M and Miss Moneypenny -- I mean, "Commander Cunningham" and his female assistant "Max" -- refer to Neil's "older brother," who is a master spy, throughout the movie. The biggest problem with the film isn't the script or acting but the direction of master hack Alberto De Martino [The Chosen], who seems overwhelmed by everything and can't craft engaging action sequences to save his life.

Verdict: Ultimately this is pretty bad. *1/2.

THE CHOSEN aka RAIN OF FIRE

THE CHOSEN (aka Holocaust 2000 aka Rain of Fire/1977). Director/co-writer: Alberto De Martino.

Released in theaters in 1977, this Italian film has had its name changed more than once, and resurfaced on DVD as Rain of Fire (not to be confused with Reign of Fire, which was about dragons decimating the world of the future). It would seem for all the world like a direct imitation of Damian: Omen 2 -- there's an anti-Christ, sinister deaths and "accidents," and even a doctor cut in half -- were it not for the fact that it came out one year earlier. In any case, The Chosen was clearly influenced by The Omen (1976) and is in some ways a very loose "sequel" to that film. Robert Caine (Kirk Douglas) wants to build a thermonuclear power plant in the mid-east but there's a great deal of opposition to it, including objections from his own wife (Virginia McKenna), who is an early victim of an assassin's blade supposedly meant for Caine. In short order others who oppose the plant are killed off, even as Caine is told that the unborn child he is having with journalist Sara Golan (Agostina Belli) may be the anti-Christ. Then there's Caine's pleasant son, Angel (Simon Ward), who may be anything but. An interesting aspect of the picture is the notion that this plant may be a modern-day embodiment of a seven-headed demon with ten crowns that "will rise from the sea and destroy the world." Adolfo Celi of Thunderball, Alexander Knox [The Sleeping Tiger], and Anthony Quayle [A Study in Terror] are also in the cast. The movie is dull, poorly made and indifferently directed, although the actors, including Douglas (who appears buck naked in a dream sequence to show off what good shape he was in at 61), do the best they can with mediocre and mostly unoriginal material. A gruesome scene involves a politician and the spinning blades of a helicopter, and an unintentionally comical one has a Catholic priest attempting to mastermind an unwilling abortion! The music tries to imitate the score of The Omen without being one tenth as effective.

Verdict: Watch Damian: Omen 2 instead. *1/2.

THUNDERBALL

THUNDERBALL (1965). Director: Terence Young.

Overlong but generally very entertaining Bond film is a handsome production with excellent photography and some great set-pieces. SPECTRE, headed by an unseen Blofeld (voice of Dr. No's Joseph Wiseman), assigns Number 2, Emilio Largo (Adolfo Celi), to arrange the theft of two atom bombs with which to blackmail the world's governments into a huge pay-off. Bond, accompanied by Felix Leiter (Rick Van Nutter) and female agent Paula (Martine Beswick) travels to Nassau to investigate Largo, where he meets the man's beautiful mistress Domino (Claudine Auger), who winds up helping him. The theme song, sung with zest by Tom Jones, is memorable, as is the prologue sequence, wherein Bond exposes and kills an enemy agent who attends his own funeral in drag. The bit with the sharks in Largo's swimming pool that eat a couple of his henchmen and nearly munch on Bond, is interesting, and the finale on the speeding, runaway hydrofoil is thrilling [none of these sequences are in Fleming's novel; neither is Bond's souped-up car or the lady assassin, Fiona (Luciana Paluzzi)]. 

Another change from the novel is that Domino's late brother is a good guy. He doesn't steal the atom bombs and kill his colleagues, but is murdered by Fiona and replaced by a double.

Thunderball is a nearly excellent 007 adventure but it does have its detractors. Sometimes the music, while attractive, is much too languid for an action picture, making the pace seem slow. It doesn't help that some sequences could certainly have been trimmed. The sequence when Largo and his men recover and move the bombs from the downed plane goes on forever, for instance. Another problem is that Claudine Auger, while competent enough as Domino, exhibits little personality [Paluzzi is much better as the evil hit woman]. Adolfo Celi is somewhat striking and dynamic as Largo, but his performance isn't that great. Of the supporting cast, Martine Beswick makes the best impression, but she has little to do and is quickly killed off [she also appeared in From Russia with Love as one of the battling gypsy women]. There are a couple of dumb moments. In the novel the lovely gal at the Shrublands health spa uses a mink glove to soothe Bond's muscles after his “accident” on the rack (a well done sequence in the movie). In the film, Bond uses the mink glove on her and tells her how soothing it is as if it's his glove that he carries around in his luggage. When Bond tries to convince Domino how evil Largo is, he says “Largo had him [your brother] murdered – or it was on his orders.” Of course, that means the same thing. What Bond really meant was “Largo killed your brother – or it was on his orders.” Thunderball was remade as Never Say Never Again with the same star.

Verdict: Whatever its flaws, Thunderball is one of the best of the Sean Connery Bond adventures. ***.