THE CRUEL TOWER

THE CRUEL TOWER (1956). Director: Lew Landers.

"I've seen guys with two left feet before, but not on the same leg."

Hungry and needing a job, Tom Kittridge (John Ericson of Rhapsody) goes to work for "Stretch" Clay (Charles McGraw) who is building a kind of water tower in a small town. Stretch has a girl named Mary (Mari Blanchard) even though he already has a wife who's dallying with Stretch's associate, Casey (Steve Brodie). Then there's chubby Joss (Peter Whitney), who is brain-damaged and loyal to Stretch. Unfortunately jealousies and rivalries break out, which isn't so good when men are working high up in the air ... The Cruel Tower might have had more impact had the fellows been working on a skyscraper (as has been erroneously reported elsewhere), but there's still some suspense and excitement, and the tower is plenty high enough for me. Alan Hale Jr. [The Killer is Loose] plays a man who comes afoul of Stretch. The acting is more than okay, with Blanchard [No Place to Land] perhaps making the best impression.

Verdict: Entertaining, with a taut climax, but it just misses being special. **1/2.

MR. LUCKY (TV SERIES)

Ross Martin, Betty Garde, and John Vivyan

 MR. LUCKY television series.1959. Created by  Blake Edwards.

In this series, one of several created by Blake Edwards, Mr. Lucky (John Vivyan) -- with no first name -- operates a legal gambling ship outside the limit with his friend, associate and fellow adventurer Andamo (Ross Martin) -- which could be the fellow's first name or last. The boat is named the Fortuna, which means luck. Halfway through the first and only season of the show, Lucky decides to give up gambling and turn the Fortuna into an exclusive and very expensive private restaurant and night spot; oddly the scripts seemed somewhat better afterward and there was even more action. Pippa Scott was a semi-regular who played Lucky's girlfriend while Andamo played the field. Another character who appeared frequently was Lt. Rovaks, (Tim Brown), whose voice was so squeaky that he sounded like a cartoon character [maybe "Lucky Duck."] Mr. Lucky, frankly, was not one of the classic shows of television, nor was it one of Edwards' better or more successful series, but some of the generally mediocre episodes were somewhat more memorable than usual, with the best single episode being one wherein Lucky gets targeted by a hit woman played by Mari Blanchard. Another memorable episode has Jack Nicholson and Richard Chamberlain robbing the Fortuna and its customers at gunpoint. There were plenty of desperate, kooky or sinister females, as well as gangsters [one of whom is played by Lou Krugman, from the "Lucy Gets in Pictures" episode of I Love Lucy] and other reprobates. Despite the competent and often charming performances of the two leads -- although Vivyan was a borderline stiff -- the characters were shadowy and never quite came alive. Other guest-stars on the show included Betty Garde [that tough maid in a classic Honeymooners episode]; Grant Williams, Barbara Bain, Cyril Delevanti, Eleanor Audley, Lee Van Cleef, Nita Talbot, and Doris Singleton [Carolyn/Lillian Appleby on I Love Lucy] who's striking as an especially ruthless female with murder on her mind. Henry Mancini's music is nothing special. Ross Martin ["Death Ship" on The Twilight Zone] would have much more success with The Wild, Wild West a few years later.

Verdict: Stick with Mike Hammer with Darren McGavin.**

MCLINTOCK!

Stefanie Powers, Patrick Wayne, and John Wayne

MCLINTOCK! (1963). Director: Andrew V. McLaglen.

G. W. McLintock (John Wayne) is a wealthy cattle baron in a homestead awaiting statehood. His snooty estranged wife, Katherine (Maureen O'Hara), comes back into his life when their daughter, Becky (Stefanie Powers), comes home from college and Katherine is horrified to think that she may live with her hard-drinking father and his cronies. Katherine also isn't too crazy about the fact that G.W. has hired a pretty new live-in cook, Louise (Yvonne De Carlo), the mother of handsome new employee Dev (Patrick Wayne), who likes Becky but finds her a little spoiled like her mother. Meanwhile Becky dallies with nerdy Matt (Jerry Van Dyke) while Dev simmers. Will the situation with the battling McLintocks finally boil over or will true love win out in the end? McLintock! is way too long, but it has some funny sequences -- a mud slide and a drunken bit with a staircase -- although the gags are repeated too much and nothing is exactly on the level of the stateroom scene in A Night at the Opera. Still McLintock!  is basically amiable and entertaining, even if it has a very sixties sensibility and a subtext of sissies threatening to ruin the world [as opposed to big, tough John Wayne]. Wayne, already starting his trend toward ossification, is okay, Powers is quite good, O'Hara is very strong as the insufferable but uncompromising Katherine and gives one of her more memorable performances, De Carlo is fun, and Patrick Wayne proves no great actor but is acceptable. An interesting aspect of the picture -- when you consider that Wayne starred in several cliffhanger serials early in his career -- is that two of Wayne's enemies are played by other serial stars, Gordon Jones (The Green Hornet) and Robert Lowery (Batman and Robin). A sub-plot has to do with a contingent of Comanche Indians who are to be taken to a fort for what they see as charity when they only want the freedom to live and die as men. Although the movie seems to be pro-Indian, the social statements don't really fit comfortably into the piece as a whole. Mari Blanchard has a small role as a saloon  gal/hooker who comes afoul of Katherine.

Verdict: Not exactly a classic but one of Wayne's more palatable latter-day movies. **1/2.

NO PLACE TO LAND

John Ireland and Mari Blanchard

NO PLACE TO LAND (1958). Director: Albert C. Gannaway.

"Come over and give daddy a big goodbye kiss." -- Buck

"I don't want to spoil my breakfast." -- Iris

Super-tramp Iris (Mari Blanchard) is married to the portly and dangerous Buck (Robert Middleton), but she has a thing for a crop-duster named Jonas (John Ireland) and won't give him up. In her schemes to get him she uses other men as her pawns, employing both her body and blackmail to get her ends. Meanwhile, Jonas and his pal Swede (Jackie Coogan) go to work for a drunk named Roy (Douglas Henderson) and Jonas and Roy's wife, Lynn (Gail Russell), who is not a tramp, wind up falling for one another. Then things get even more complicated ... No Place to Land has an interesting plot with lots of possibilities, but the execution is strictly mediocre, although Blanchard [The Crooked Web] offers a zesty performance and Middleton is excellent. Robert Griffin [Monster from Green Hell] is fine as a grocer who admires Iris a little too much, and both Bill Ward and Burt Topper make an impression as two lover boys that Iris beds for her own purposes. Ireland looks disinterested most of the time, but Coogan has his moments. William Peter Blatty, who later wrote "The Exorcist," plays a cop. Burt Topper later directed The Strangler.

Verdict: Simmers but never quite smolders. **.

IT TAKES A THIEF Season One

Robert Wagner steals a kiss

IT TAKES A THIEF Season One. 1968.

The telefilm Magnificent Thief served as the pilot for this nominal spy series, which had a clever premise. Alexander Mundy (Robert Wagner), a gifted burglar, is told that he can stay out of jail if he goes to work for the government, herein personified by his liaison Noah Bain (Malachi Throne). As Bain tells him, "I don't want you to spy -- I want you to steal." So in the first brief season of sixteen episodes -- It Takes a Thief was a mid-season replacement -- Mundy has to snatch, under frequently impossible circumstances, everything from children accidentally left behind the iron curtain when their parents defect to a rare, extremely valuable DaVinci. None of the episodes are outstanding, but a few were better than average. "It Takes One to Know One" introduces a rival thief-impersonator played by Susan St. James (who'd show up again) and has a highly suspenseful climax when the two each try to snatch some royal jewels in a casino packed with booby traps. "One Illegal Angel" features an exiled dictator and a forged DaVinci and the necessity of getting the real painting away from said dictator. "Totally By Design" features a notable Mari Blanchard [Twice-Told Tales] as a vain princess who has fashion designer Mundy create a new trousseau for her even as he schemes to rob the palace safe. Celeste Yarnell and Marti Stevens guest-star in "Locked in the Cradle of the Keep," in which Al has to figure out just what he's supposed to steal before he can actually steal it. The show needed some better directors and better scripts, but it was basically mindless fun. Katharine Crawford [Kraft Suspense Theatre] appeared twice as another government agent. Wagner gets across his slightly amoral character without straining himself, and Throne is just fine as Noah Bain. In any case, the series is much better than the telefilm that spawned it.

Verdict: Acceptable time-waster. **1/2.

THE CROOKED WEB

Lovejoy, Blanchard and Denning on the road

THE CROOKED WEB (1955). Director: Nathan Juran.

Joanie (Mari Blanchard) works for boyfriend Stanley (Frank Lovejoy) in his drive-in. Along comes her ne'er-do-well brother Frank (Richard Denning) who knows a way they can all make a lot of money if Stanley is willing to kick in. Thus begins a saga that eventually lands the trio in post-war Germany. The best thing about The Crooked Web is the first half hour which has more than one twist that turns bad guys into good guys and vice versa. [Warning: the imdb.com synopsis gives the twist away, as it often does.] The rest is a fairly routine crime melodrama that has a modicum of suspense but is comparatively flat. The three lead performances are all quite good, however, with Blanchard especially zesty as the gal who's looking for "security" any way she can get it. Harry Lauter [Trader Tom of the China Seas] is an Army sergeant, and Roy Gordon [War of the Colossal Beast] plays the father of a murdered M.P.

Verdict: If only the twists had kept coming ... **1/2.

ABBOTT AND COSTELLO GO TO MARS

Mari Blanchard and Lou Costello

ABBOTT AND COSTELLO GO TO MARS (1953). Director: Charles Lamont.

"He looks worse standing up than he does lying down" -- Allura, referring to Lou

Orville (Lou Costello), a handyman at an orphanage, winds up at a missile base and is mistaken for a professor of aeronautical science, although janitor Lester (Bud Abbott) isn't fooled. The bumbling pair look around Dr. Wilson's (Robert Paige) rocket ship and accidentally take off, landing near New Orleans during Mardi Gras where they think the celebrants are Martians. Two ex-cons rob a bank and stowaway on the ship, hoping Orville and Lester, whom they think are Martians, will take them back to their planet and away from the law. This time the rocket ship winds up on Venus, where the man-hating Queen Allura (Mari Blanchard of Twice-Told Tales) makes Orville her king to please her man-hungry subjects. There's a giant dog, but otherwise a dearth of special effects, except for when the rocket is flying through the Lincoln Tunnel and making the Statue of Liberty dodge and duck. One Venusian vehicle seems to have been borrowed from Forbidden Planet but that movie was made three years later! After the queen puts a curse on Lou, who dares to be attracted to other women, his kiss turns one young lovely into a wrinkled old crone! Martha Hyer is Dr. Wilson's secretary and girlfriend, Jean Willes is one of the queen's entourage, and while Anita Ekberg of Screaming Mimi should certainly stand out even in a crowd of moonlighting beauty queens, her presence in the picture as a guard isn't immediately evident. Abbott and Costello Go to Mars may come off like a spoof of such space-babe movies as Queen of Outer Space, which also takes place on Venus, but it actually pre-dates all of them [the first, Cat-Women of the Moon, was released the same year]. Were A & C starting a trend instead of following one, as they did with Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein? Whatever the case, this is not in the league of that movie, but it does have its amusing moments and the cast has fun. There's too much of those ex-cons, however, and the boys never do wind up on Mars.

Verdict: Amiable nonsense. **1/2.

TERRY AND THE PIRATES TV

TERRY AND THE PIRATES TV show. 1952.

This fair-to-middling television show based on Milton Caniff's famous comic strip only lasted for 16 episodes. John Baer is perfect in both good looks and demeanor for Terry Lee, while William Tracy, in an atrocious rug, is also good as his partner, "Hotshot" Charlie. The two fly planes to and from Hong Kong for a shady character named Chopstick Joe (Jack Reitzen). The Dragon Lady, played to perfection by the sexy Gloria Saunders, appeared in almost all of the episodes, and was usually up to some hijinks. Burma (first Mari Blanchard, and then Sandra Spence) appeared with less frequency. The show wasn't terribly riveting -- although cute, appealing Baer and super-slinky Saunders must have had their fans -- but there were a few decent episodes. Pamela Duncan (Attack of the Crab Monsters) appears in "Black Market for Death," in which Terry assumes that the Dragon Lady is behind the theft of an important serum; this one has a good twist at the end. In "Extra Cargo" the boys foil the D L's plot to assassinate a maharajah with a bomb on a plane [Burma is in this episode as well]. The corpse of a wealthy man is held for ransom in "Chinese Coffin" and a boy prince (little Stephen Wong) is kidnapped in "Little Mandarin." "Tea Hee" has an old lady buying a special blend of tea from the Dragon Lady which has valuable jewels hidden inside. Series guest-stars include Tristram Coffin, Lyle Talbot, Phyllis Coates and Victor Sen Yung. Baer also appeared in Night of the Blood Beast. 12 years earlier William Tracy actually played a younger Terry Lee in the Terry and the Pirates serial.

Verdict: Attractive leads certainly don't hurt. **1/2.