THE PERFECT FURLOUGH

Janet Leigh and Tony Curtis

THE PERFECT FURLOUGH (1958). Director: Blake Edwards.

104 lonely men are stationed at an Arctic outpost and a notion is advanced to raise morale. One man will be chosen to go on a "perfect furlough," which is decided will be three weeks in Paris with the sexy movie queen Sandra Roca (Linda Cristal). Manipulating everyone behind the scenes, Corporal Paul Hodges (Tony Curtis) manages to become the winner. But when Colonel Leland (Les Tremayne) discovers that Hodges is an incurable skirt-chaser, he insists that his aide Major Collins (King Donovan) and Army psychologist Lt. Vicki Loren (Janet Leigh), who came up with the idea of the furlough, go along to keep Hodges out of trouble. But when Hodges gets a load of Sandra, this assignment may be more difficult than anyone imagines.

Elaine Stritch with Leigh

The Perfect Furlough could have been a smirking dirty joke but it's generally tasteful and consistently amusing. There are a lot of laughs in watching Hodges' efforts to escape from the MPs so he can hook up with Sandra -- who has a few surprises of her own -- as well as in the interplay between Hodges and a disapproving, yet attracted, Vicki. This is the perfect material for Curtis, who understandably has great chemistry with Leigh as the two were married at the time (1951 - 1962). While no comedian, Leigh is fine in the role, and there are excellent supporting performances from Elaine Stritch as Sandra's keeper; Tremayne and Donovan; Keenan Wynn as Sandra's manager; Alvy Moore as Private Brewer, who almost gets to go to Paris; and Gordon Jones as an MP. 

Argentinian actress Linda Cristal is cute, curvaceous and charming as Sandra, but she had her biggest success on television, starring in The High Chaparrral for several seasons. Troy Donahue [A Summer Place], playing a sergeant who accompanies Donovan and Leigh, is in the background in several scenes but has no dialogue. Another cast member who should be mentioned is the wonderful Jay Novello [The Mad Magician], who plays a French winemaker and lives with his father (Marcel Dalio), who hopes he'll get married. Lilyan Chauvin [Lost, Lonely and Vicious] shows up very briefly as a nurse. 

Verdict: Well-acted and funny fifties service comedy. ***. 

THE SCARFACE MOB

Eliot Ness and his Untouchables

THE SCARFACE MOB (1959). Director: Phil Karlson. 

With bootlegging gangsters like Al Capone (Neville Brand of Eaten Alive) -- nicknamed Scarface -- taking over Chicago, it is decided that Federal agent Eliot Ness (Robert Stack) will put together a special squad of incorruptible operatives soon to be known as the "Untouchables" because they cannot be bribed. One of the squad members is Joe Fuselli (Kennan Wynn of The Fuzzy Pink Nightgown), who served time for armed robbery but is anxious to make amends. Frank Nitti (Bruce Gordon) runs operations while Capote is temporarily in jail. George Ritchie (Joe Mantell), wants to impress his flirtatious wife, stripper Brandy (Barbara Nichols) -- whose uncle is a bookkeeper for Capone -- by volunteering to get info for Ness. Meanwhile the Feds set out smashing breweries, and more than one "untouchable" may come to a bad end. Ness also finds that his fiancee, Betty (Pat Crowley of There's Always Tomorrow), is in danger from the mob. 

Ness vs. Nitti: Stack with Bruce Gordon

Released in theaters, The Scarface Mob was actually the pilot for the TV show The Untouchables, originally shown in two parts on Westinghouse Desilu Playhouse and introduced by both Desi Arnaz and Walter Winchell, who provided snappy narration for the series. As a stand-alone movie, The Scarface Mob is a good if minor crime drama. Stack makes the perfect Ness, and the normally stoic actor even sheds tears when one of his operatives is killed. Pat Crowley is excellent as his fiancee turned wife, who marries Ness as much for protection as out of love (I don't believe Ness' wife was ever seen again on the TV series, although he called her on the phone frequently.) Brand, Gordon, Mantell, Wynn, and Nichols are all on target as well. Bill Williams also plays one of the Untouchables and is fine. 

Prohibition was undoubtedly one of the worst ideas in American politics. It only led to gangsters taking over the now-illegal alcohol industry and badly increased all manner of crime in Chicago and elsewhere. It was finally repealed due to public demand. 

Verdict: Credible and entertaining mob movie with very good performances. ***. 

AROUND THE WORLD UNDER THE SEA

Wynn, Eaton, Kelly, McCallum, Bridges and Thompson

AROUND THE WORLD UNDER THE SEA (1966). Produced and directed by Andrew Marton.  Produced by Ivan Tors. 

An increasing danger of undersea quakes that could endanger millions on land causes scientists to decide to implant special sensors in various places on the sea bottom, providing a sort of early warning system. To achieve this Doug Standish (Lloyd Bridges) and Craig Mosby (Brian Kelly) gather a team to occupy their sub, the Hydronaut, and voyage around the world. The team members consist of Hank Stahl (Keenan Wynn), Dr. Orin Hillyard (Marshall Thompson), Dr. Maggie Hanford (Shirley Eaton), and Philip Volker (David McCallum), who agrees to help only if they go on a salvage operation that could net millions once all the sensors are planted. But this operation is interrupted by an eruption, and the crew of the Hydronaut may find themselves in really hot water ... 

Shirley Eaton and Brian Kelly

Around the World Under the Sea may have been intended as producer Ivan Tors' answer to Irwin Allen's Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea, but it certainly falls short of providing the same entertainment value. Although there is much talk of the ever-present danger of quakes and the necessity of planting the sensors, there is no sense of urgency and no real suspense until, perhaps, the final sequence. The actors are competent enough for the most part, but not quite up to the challenge in their most intense scenes. 

Lloyd Bridges and Brian Kelly

Tors filled the movie with such TV stars as Bridges from Sea Hunt, Kelly from Flipper, Thompson from Daktari, McCallum from The Man from U.N.C.L.E., who affects the same accent he used as Ilya in that series, and then throws in the irascible Keenan Wynn and the sexy Shirley Eaton to cause some minor tension among the boys. Eaton and Thompson seem to be romantically involved at the beginning of the movie, but halfway through she shifts her attention to Kelly, but there's no major reaction from Thompson. Although one could argue that this avoids a cliche -- although there are plenty in this movie -- it also strips the movie of any melodrama, which it could have used. We do get a gigantic eel that shows up and sniffs around the sub, but the problem with this is that it doesn't really seem to be endangering it or the people aboard. (I thought I spotted a few moments of 3D animation during this sequence and stop-motion expert Jim Danson is listed in the credits.)

David McCallum appeals to Shirley Eaton

The science of the film is suspect as well. At the climax, the water around the sub should have been boiling from the heat, and other things don't make much sense. However, some viewers might enjoy that Shirley Eaton loses the top of her bathing suit at one point where it floats outside of a porthole (or whatever they call it on a sub), and Harry Sukman's score has its effective moments. The screenplay is not well-constructed and hardly takes advantage of a very workable premise. There is no real characterization to speak of. 

Verdict: By no means dreadful, but too blah to be memorable. **1/4. 

CODE TWO

Ralph Meeker, Jeff Richards, Robert Horton

CODE TWO (1953). Director: Fred M. Wilcox.

Three young men -- Chuck (Ralph Meeker), Russ (Robert Horton) and Harry (Jeff Richards of Born Reckless) -- join the police academy in Los Angeles and eventually ask to be assigned to the motor(cycle) squad. Chuck is a cocky if likable lug who goes after Russ' sister-in-law, Jane (Elaine Stewart of The Tattered Dress) but her focus is more on the shy-but-sexy Harry. Russ at first keeps the news about his assignment from his wife (Sally Forrest) because she fears for his safety, but tragedy is in store for one of the other men, with his two friends doing their best to avenge him. It all leads to an exciting climax in a warehouse with a boiling lime pit and a host of bad guys trying to make mincemeat of our heroes.

The three leads all give solid performances with fine support from the ladies and from Keenan Wynn as Police Sergeant "Jumbo" Culdane. William Campbell [The Young Racers] is also notable as a nasty, murderous trucker. Also on hand in smaller roles are Chuck Connors as a cop and James Craig as a police lieutenant. As for Meeker, he struts through the film with great charisma and authority.

Verdict: Well-done if minor cop melodrama. **1/2. 

ANNIE GET YOUR GUN (1951)

Howard Keel and Betty Hutton in Technicolor!

ANNIE GET YOUR GUN (1950). Director: George Sidney.

Famed sharpshooter Frank Butler (Howard Keel of Jupiter's Darling) with Buffalo Bill Cody's (Louis Calhern) wild west show, takes on any challenger, but he meets his match in hillbilly Annie Oakley (Betty Hutton), who falls for him but discovers his male pride takes a beating each time she learns a new trick. During their first match she beats him, but she isn't so sure she wants to win the second one at the climax. On this she is advised by none other than Chief Sitting Bull (J. Carroll Naish) of Custer's Last Stand, who comes to see her as his honorary daughter. Will Annie get the man she loves or the prizes?

Naish, Hutton, Calhern

I had trepidation about watching this film because I had always loved the TV version with the wonderful Mary Martin, which was broadcast seven years after this film came out. I was also afraid Betty Hutton would be too overbearing. There are moments in her performance that are borderline, but I must say Hutton is excellent as Annie, capturing both the vulnerability and the pride of the character. Although Hutton does not sing badly (except on "They Say That Falling in Love is Wonderful" in which Howard Keel saves the day), her vocal skills are no match for Mary Martin's (who played Annie in a more feminine and lady-like fashion). In any case, Judy Garland was originally signed for the lead and did a few scenes that survive, and, frankly, she isn't nearly as good as Hutton.

That "handsome devil" Keel

Now we come to Chief Sitting Bull. Although he was in part responsible for the massacre of American soldiers (who attacked first) at Little Big Horn, I guess that even in the 19th century celebrity trumps everything. The chief joined Buffalo Bill's show and stood around signing autographs -- yes! -- and participating in some re-enactments. Annie Oakley did indeed become like a daughter to Sitting Bull, but whether he encouraged her to throw a competition so she'd get her man is debatable. What is not debatable is that Irving Berlin's score is one of his finest, and one of the best of any Broadway musical, responsible for "There's No Business Like Show Business;""" "Doin' What Comes Naturally;" "The Girl That I Marry;" "My Defenses are Down;" "You Can't Get a Man with a Gun;" etc. although it's disappointing that the film excludes "Moonshine Lullaby;" "I Got Lost in His Arms;" "I'm a Bad, Bad Man" (which could have been quite a showcase for that handsome devil Keel); and "Old-Fashioned Wedding."

In addition to Hutton and Keel, there are fine performances from Naish and Calhern [The Asphalt Jungle] and Keenan Wynn, Clinton Sundberg, and little Brad Morrow as Annie's cute baby brother, Jake. Charles Rosher's widescreen, technicolor cinematography is often breathtaking.

Verdict: The cartoon Indians are questionable in this day and age, but the movie has an interesting (if heavily fictionalized) story and lots of great music and performances. ***. 

THE FUZZY PINK NIGHTGOWN

Jane Russell and Ralph Meeker

THE FUZZY PINK NIGHTGOWN (1957). Director: Norman Taurog.

Movie star Laurel Stevens (Jane Russell of Foxfire) is planning to attend the premiere of her new film The Kidnapped Bride, when she's actually kidnapped by two, fortunately, nice guys named Mike (Ralph Meeker) and Dandy (Keenan Wynn). Mike spent four years in prison for a crime he didn't commit, which makes Laurel feel sympathetic towards him. It also doesn't hurt that he's a rather sexy man. While Laurel's assistant Bertha (Una Merkel) and agent (Robert H. Harris) try frantically to find her, studio head Arthur Martin (Adolphe  Menjou) wants to keep it out of the papers, afraid it is -- or at least everyone will think it is -- nothing more than a publicity stunt. If Laurel admits she was kidnapped Mike could go to jail, but if she doesn't, her public could turn on her.

Adolphe Menjou, Una Merkel, Robert H. Harris

The Fuzzy Pink Nightgown has an interesting premise and holds the attention, but the movie could only have worked if it was a riotous farce, which it isn't; the picture has only a few chuckles. Yet a scene wherein Laurel and Mike drive off in a police car is so ridiculous that even Ralph Meeker looks irritated. The performances are good enough on one level -- although Meeker would never make a deft comedian -- but the leads take a back seat to Robert Harris, who is quite funny as the agent. Although Russell did appear in a few more movies, this was her last starring role, and her age was beginning to show -- it didn't help that Fuzzy was a flop. Ralph Meeker [Jeopardy] was seen to good advantage in Paths of Glory that same year.

Verdict: Ironically, Jane Russell's swan song as a major movie star. **1/2. 

THE BELLE OF NEW YORK

Marjorie Main and Fred Astaire

THE BELLE OF NEW YORK (1952). Director: Charles Walters.

In Olde New York footloose Charlie Hill (Fred Astaire of Royal Wedding) is about to walk out of yet another wedding that his wealthy aunt (Marjorie Main) will have to pay for -- or rather, pay the bride off for -- but he may have finally found the right gal in pretty Angela (Vera-Ellen of White Christmas). Angela works for the Daughters of Right, a Salvation Army-type charity and faith organization that was founded by the late Phineas Hill, Charlie's uncle. When Mrs. Hill learns that her nephew and Angela have fallen in love, she doesn't know whether to be delighted or appalled, but true love will not be denied -- or run smoothly. The Belle of New York got its start as a 19th century operetta and was tossed around as a possible production for years until former dancer and choreographer Charles Walters got the assignment to direct it and practically disavowed the picture in later years. The movie may be a trifle, but it's a charming and entertaining trifle decked out in gorgeous TechniColor and with excellent performances. The film posits the theory that falling in love is like dancing on air, which Astaire does in a nice sequence set in and above Washington Square. Astaire is especially given a chance to shine in his "Dancing Man" number where he combines his trademark elegance with his major terpsichorean skill. Leading lady Vera-Ellen, even considering that she's playing an upright, "moral" type (the film has some similarities to Guys and Dolls), often looks as if she's afraid her makeup is going to crack, but she's more than competent; her singing voice is dubbed. Marjorie Main is her usual delightful self as the grumpy but forgiving aunt, and Alice Pearce nearly steals the picture as Angela's friend, Elsie. (There's a touching moment when Elsie stands in for Angela at the wedding rehearsal and a sad, hopeful look slowly comes across her sweet homely face.) The reasonably pleasant songs by Warren and Mercer seem to be the type that might need to grow on you, although "Naughty But Nice" is well-performed by Vera-Ellen and then comically reprised by Pearce. Gale Robbins, Clinton Sundberg, and Keenan Wynn are very adept in supporting roles, and even Percy Helton has a bit as one of Angela's legion of admirers, giving her flowers at the opening. 

Verdict: Call it piffle if you will, but there's a lot of talent and charm on display. ***.

ZIEGFELD FOLLIES

Kelly, Astaire and Garland

ZIEGFELD FOLLIES (1945). Director: Vincente Minellli.

9 years after he starred as The Great Ziegfeld, William Powell reprised his role of Flo Ziegfeld -- sort of. In the opening moments of Ziegfeld Follies, the great impresario is seen in Hollywood's idea of heaven pontificating on the Follies, and wondering what they would look like if the Follies still existed today. Voila! First puppetoons are used to depict the original Follies; then suddenly there's a stage and we see a series of acts with contemporary stars such as Lena Horne, Lucille Ball, Kathryn Grayson, Virginia O\Brian, and many others. After about half an hour the movie is almost stopped dead by a long and mostly unfunny skit with Keenan Wynn trying to make a phone call. A later sketch with Victor Moore as a man arrested for expectorating on the subway and Edward Arnold as his lawyer is much better, as is another sketch with Fanny Brice (who was actually in the original Follies) and Hume Cronyn as a couple who have a winning sweepstakes ticket and William Frawley as their landlord. A bit with Red Skelton playing a TV announcer who gets drunk reminds one of the later "Vitavegamin" routine on I Love Lucy. James Melton and Marion Bell sing a duet from La traviata, but are not that impressive. Fred Astaire [Royal Wedding] does two dance numbers with Lucille Bremer [Till the Clouds Roll By], but the highlight of the picture is his dance with Gene Kelly -- the only time the two danced together in the movies. The other highlight is Judy Garland playing an affected star in a production number with several handsome male dancers. Garland also appeared in Ziegfeld Girl.

Verdict: Although this has no story, it still manages to be entertaining. ***.

DR. STRANGELOVE

Peter Sellers as Dr. Strangelove

DR. STRANGELOVE OR: HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE BOMB (1964). Director: Stanley Kubrick.

"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the war room!" 

Going off his nut, General Jack D, Ripper (Sterling Hayden) sends planes bearing megaton bombs into Russia without orders from the President (Peter Sellers). While Ripper's special British assistant, Mandrake (also Sellers), desperately tries to get the code from him that will stop the planes, President Muffley confers in the war room with General Turgidson (George C. Scott), the Russian ambassador Sadesky (Peter Bull), and the ex (?) Nazi scientist Dr. Strangelove (Sellers yet again). Meanwhile Major Kong (Slim Pickens) is determined to deliver his megaton payload come hell or highwater. Then the president learns from his opposite number, the unseen Dimitri, that if a bomb goes off on Russian soil it will automatically unleash a Doomsday weapon that will destroy all life on Earth! Dr. Strangelove has a plot that's strangely similar to Fail-Safe, released the same year, only Strangelove is not played straight but as a very, very dark black comedy (and is better known than the other picture), brutally -- if broadly -- satirizing the arms race, the cold war, and the paranoia and obsession people had at the time over atomic weapons and the possibility of WWIII. The deliberate pace of Strangelove may make the film seem longer than it actually is -- just a bit over 90 minutes -- but it is entertaining, grimly amusing, and very well-acted by all, with Sellers superb in a trio of very different roles. Hayden [Naked Alibi] , Scott, Bull (who can be seen trying hard to keep a straight face during Seller's antics as Dr. Strangelove in one scene), Keenan Wynn [Royal Wedding] as Colonel Guano, Tracy Reed as Turgidson's paramour, and Pickens in his most notable and iconic role are all on the money. Still, as well-made as it is, one can't quite say that this is a picture you will enjoy. Seven Days in May also came out in 1964 and dealt with the military-industrial complex, but there were no out of control missiles in it.

Verdict: Not for every taste, but certainly unique. ***.

ROYAL WEDDING

Fred Astaire and Jane Powell

ROYAL WEDDING (1951). Director: Stanley Donen.

"She's quiet, but deep. At least I hope she's deep or she's wasting a lot of her time being quiet." -- James Ashmond on his daughter, Anne.

Tom and Ellen Bowen (Fred Astaire and Jane Powell) are a brother and sister team of entertainers who take their latest show, "Every Night at Seven," to London just in time for the Royal Wedding. Although Ellen has been a bit of a playgirl, and Tom isn't marriage-minded, they both find themselves falling in love: Ellen with Lord Brindale (Peter Lawford); and Tom with pub owner's daughter and dancer, Anne (Sarah Churchill). But will respective marriages break up the act? Royal Wedding is a bit of MGM fluff but well turned out, with very good performances, some nice singing and dancing, and several highlights. For me it's Jane singing the beautiful romantic ballad "Too Late Now," although Astaire's dancing on his room's walls and ceiling is a close second. Then there's Astaire and Powell's rendition of the comical "How Could You Believe Me (When I Said I Love You)?" The songs are by Alan Jay Lerner and Burton Lane, and another memorable tune is "My Love," warbled beautifully by Powell. Sarah Churchill [He Found a Star] received a lot of bashing for her acting in this, but I think she's charmingly effective, and despite the somewhat mannish features that I've noted, quite lovely -- she was the daughter of Winston Churchill. Albert Sharpe scores in the role of Anne's father, James Ashmond, and Keenan Wynn is fine in dual roles of twin brothers, one for each side of the Atlantic. "I Left My Hat in Haiti" is a snappy production number.

NOTE: Beware which DVD firm you buy, rent or borrow this movie from. Westlake Entertainment offers one of the worst video transfers I've ever seen, with washed-out colors, whole scenes that seem cast in shadows, and so on. You expect this for cheap old B movies and TV shows, but a glossy MGM musical? Fortunately, there are other DVDs of this movie.

Verdict: Dancing on the ceiling indeed! *** out of 4.

THE DARK

William Devane and Cathy Lee Crosby

THE DARK (1979). Director: John "Bud" Cardos.

Los Angeles is beset with a series of horrific murders in which random victims are beheaded. The killer is dubbed "the Mangler," and ex-con turned novelist Steve Dupree (William Devane) is the father of the first victim. A psychic named De Renzy (Jacqueline Hyde) has visions of a young actor who may be the next victim, but detectives Mooney (Richard Jaeckel of The Drowning Pool) and Bresler (Biff Elliot of I, the Jury) are dubious. An ambitious reporter named Zoe Owens (Cathy Lee Crosby) teams up with Dupree in order to expose the killer, who is not quite what everyone expects. Most of the actors in this just seem to be going through the motions, and Devane's [Family Plot] performance is especially poor and irritating. Vivian Blaine has a couple of minor scenes as a wealthy hostess, Keenan Wynn is Zoe's boss, and dj Casey Kasem plays a pathologist. [Dick Clark was co-producer.] There are some creepy scenes, but the suspense is not maintained and there's no real explanation for the Mangler's actions.

Verdict: This had possibilities that mostly go unrealized. **1/2.

POINT BLANK

Angie Dickinson, Lee Marvin, Carroll O'Connor

POINT BLANK (1967). Director: John Boorman.

"How'd we get into this mess?"

Walker  (Lee Marvin of The Big Heat) was betrayed by his associate, Reese (John Vernon) and his wife (Sharon Acker of The New Perry Mason) during a heist. Now Walker is on the loose and wants revenge on Reese, who is now trying to make time with his sister-in-law, Chris (Angie Dickinson). As part of his revenge Walker will take on top executives in the mafia-like group called the Organization. Point Blank is based on "The Hunter," the first of Richard Stark/Donald Westlake's Parker novels but it's much more confusing and less entertaining than the novel. In the early sections of the film the direction and editing are pretentious in that certain sixties style that was supposed to pass for being "cinematic" but only looks stupid. Parker/Walker is a stoic no-nonsense character but Lee Marvin still sort of walks through the movie, and Dickinson is badly miscast [the scene with Marvin and Dickinson in bed together has to be seen to be believed]. Vernon strikes a better note, as do Lloyd Bochner [The Night Walker] and Carroll O'Connor as other criminal bigwigs. Keenan Wynn plays an odd role and this is one of the rare times that the actor is unpersuasive. Transplanting the story from New York to L.A. doesn't help, although there are some interesting locations for the action.

Verdict: Some good scenes, but too illogical and silly at times. **1/2.

THE GREAT RACE

Blink and you'll miss her: Vivian Vance

THE GREAT RACE (1965). Director: Blake Edwards.

Near the turn of the century, rival daredevils Professor Fate (Jack Lemmon) and the Great Leslie (Tony Curtis), among others, embark on a race from New York to Paris (they go way up north and head for Siberia to make their way into Europe). They are joined by Maggie Dubois (Natalie Wood), a suffragette and wannabee reporter. Along the way -- the very longgg way -- they have assorted misadventures ... Frankly, I only put on The Great Race because I heard Vivian Vance [The Blue Veil] was in it. Unfortunately, "Ethel" -- now playing the wife of newspaper editor Arthur O'Connell -- is a mere "guest star" and is on screen for at best a minute and a half. Boo hiss! Worse, the movie is nearly three hours long. No, it's not awful and there are enough entertaining moments and good acting to keep you watching, but there's no need for this picture to be so long. (The movie is, rather presumptuously, dedicated to Laurel and Hardy, who certainly never needed three hours to make a funny movie!) Probably inspired by the success of such mammoth productions as Around the World in 80 Days and It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, The Great Race is bloated and episodic, with way too many digressions. There is a long and unnecessary detour involving a foppish (or stereotypically gay?) prince who happens to be a lookalike of Fate's, a sequence which could and should have been excised from the final cut, despite some good performances from Lemmon as the prince and George Macready as a conniving member of his court. A sequence for some reason situated in the old west has Dorothy Provine [Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die] -- looking sort of like a monkey with a bouffant hairpiece that threatens to topple off of her head any minute -- belting out a terrible number, but at least it leads into a fairly rousing bar fight. On the other hand, a pie fight that caps the prince sequence goes on too long (keeping in with the "theme" of the movie) and hasn't a single laugh. Oddly, the best scene in the movie is a well-cut and choreographed sword and saber fight between Curtis and Ross Martin that isn't played for laughs but plays. Jack Lemmon is in manic mode (as he was in Luv) throughout the movie but is effective on that sometimes irritating level. Curtis and Wood are Curtis and Wood, although they are well-coached in their line readings. Keenan Wynn, Larry Storch, Macready and Martin make a better impression.

Verdict: Not quite "Blake's Folly" -- but not for lack of trying. **1/2.

ALL THE BROTHERS WERE VALIANT

Battling brothers: Taylor and Granger

ALL THE BROTHERS WERE VALIANT (1953). Director: Richard Thorpe.

"Joel Shore is not afraid of the devil himself -- just don't go lookin' for him, that's all."

In this remake of a silent film with Lon Chaney, Joel Shore (Robert Taylor) sets sail as captain of the whaling ship Nathan Ross with his new bride, Priscilla (Ann Blyth). Both of them assume that Joel's brother, Mark (Stewart Granger) is dead, but when he turns up alive talking of pearls and adventure and narrow escapes, it causes trouble between the brothers. Mark wants to go back for the pearls, but when Joel objects, afraid of how greed will decimate the crew, Mark convinces Priscilla that her husband is a coward. Then the men decide to mutiny ... Frankly this picture would have been better if they went after the pearls or just stuck to whaling. The only good and exciting scene in the entire movie is when they hunt down a whale whose enormous tail capsizes their much smaller boat [not the Nathan Ross but a special whale boat]. If the whole movie had been handled as well it might have amounted to something. The three leads do the best they can, and there are smaller roles for Lewis Stone, James Whitmore, and Keenan Wynn, all of whom are wasted. Director Thorpe does not seem overly enthused by the material, and even the mutiny is awkwardly done and has no dramatic flair. I could swear I spotted a bearded Paul Frees [Space Master X-7] as one of the sailors but he's not listed in the cast.

Verdict: Too bad the silent version is lost; it had to be better than this. **.

VAN JOHNSON MGM'S GOLDEN BOY

VAN JOHNSON: MGM'S GOLDEN BOY. Ronald L. Davis. University Press of Mississippi; 2001.

It's hard to figure out exactly where author Davis was coming from when he wrote this book on Johnson (seven years before Johnson's death at 92). When you write a book on a Hollywood legend for a university press it usually means you admire that performer (even while not being blind to his or her flaws) but this book seems more borderline contemptuous of its subject than anything else. It's hard to say if Davis is chiding Johnson for spending most of his life in the closet, or if he simply has trouble with his subject's homosexuality. (Johnson's ex-wife told Davis that she was pressured to marry Johnson by studio head L. B. Mayer after her marriage to his buddy Keenan Wynn fell apart, because Mayer threatened to drop the latter's contract.) Davis' chief sources for his book seem to be this embittered ex-wife and a wannabee former stepson of Johnson's with drug problems and other issues who wrote his own book about his screwed up family (Davis quotes some fairly homophobic passages from that book). Van Johnson: MGM's Golden Boy does provide details of Johnson's life and career, and how important and famous he was during his heyday, but there always seems to be -- something -- between the lines. Johnson's marriage did produce a daughter whom -- according to this book -- he neglected after the divorce. Davis should be commended for not doing a white-wash, but his prissy disapproval seems to radiate from every page. Perhaps the tell-all tome would have been better-suited to a commercial press than a university publisher, although Johnson was undoubtedly not considered "B.0." enough for the former. Davis also wrote a much better biography entitled Hollywood Beauty: Linda Darnell and the American Dream, which is recommended.

Verdict: Interesting and readable but just a little too odd. **1/2.

MY DEAR SECRETARY

Mowbray and Douglas confer in interesting restaurant

MY DEAR SECRETARY (1948). Writer/director: Charles Martin.

Just before giving a lecture, author Owen Waterbury (Kirk Douglas) bumps into aspiring writer Stephanie Gaylord (Laraine Day). She applies for the job of his secretary after his old one, Elsie (Helen Walker), quits in a huff. Initially delighted to be hired, Stephanie realizes that what she hoped would be an interesting and intellectual position actually just calls for her to be playmate for her infantile employer, whom she nevertheless develops romantic feelings for. Throughout the movie the two make up and break up several times, but never convincingly. My Dear Secretary probably looked good on paper, and it has many amusing lines and a few genuinely funny sequences, but not enough to make it memorable. Douglas and Day are fine, but not as good as the supporting cast, which includes Walker, Keenan Wynn as Owen's agent, Irene Ryan [of The Beverly Hillbillies] as his feisty housekeeper, Alan Mowbray as a private detective, Grady Sutton as another writer, and especially Florence Bates as the delightful landlady. While not quite on their level Rudy Vallee is also good as Stephanie's original boss and suitor. Virginia Hewitt makes an impression as the sexy Felicia, who dates Owen for a time. When asked which famous actress the slinky and beautiful Felicia resembles, Wynn says "Zazu Pitts!" The movie is basically good-natured, but there are some mean-spirited bits and Douglas' character seems to be too stupid to be capable of producing a novel, however bad. [He is definitely a "movie" writer and not a real one.] A highlight of the film is when the characters convene in a restaurant [see photo] in which some of the booths are surrounded by "frames," making them resemble paintings. In his sixth film, Douglas doesn't grit his teeth quite so much, but then this is not exactly intense material.

Verdict: There are quite a few laughs but the film doesn't quite cut it.**1/2.

PRETTY MAIDS ALL IN A ROW

Rock Hudson with co-eds

PRETTY MAIDS ALL IN A ROW (1971). Director: Roger Vadim.

In a California high school, a horny 17-year-old named Ponce (John David Carson), student manager for the football team, finds the body of a pretty female student in a bathroom. The football coach, and assistant principal "Tiger" McDrew (Rock Hudson), although married, is sleeping with many of the high school girls, and even encourages the new teacher Betty Smith (Angie Dickinson) to make nice with the virginal, always excited Ponce -- the two begin an affair. Soon there are more murders, with Capt Surcher (Telly Savalas) leading the investigation. Roddy McDowall is the principal, weird Susan Tolsky is his secretary, Keenan Wynn is the police chief, and William Campbell (Dementia 13) is another cop. Not being a far-out black comedy or farce, Pretty Maids is just one of those strange, bad movies that seems to exist only in its own unreal universe. There is absolutely no suspense, and the identity of the killer certainly comes as no surprise. Hudson, Dickinson and Carson all give good enough performances, but the movie is superficial and uninspired and not even especially entertaining. Director Vadim could have directed this in his sleep. Carson also appeared in Empire of the Ants.

Verdict: Even a "mad slasher" movie is more fun than this! *1/2.

THE LONG, LONG TRAILER

The trailer makes its ascent into the mountains!

THE LONG, LONG TRAILER (1953). Director: Vincente Minelli.

"Most new marriages break up within three years. Include a trailer, it's the speed-up plan." 

Tacy and Nicky Collini (Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz) buy a very big trailer and travel across the country in it having one amusing misadventure after another. Lucy and Desi may only be playing variations of Lucy and Ricky, but both are in top form. Keenan Wynn makes an impression as a traffic cop even if he only has one line of dialogue, and Marjorie Main and Madge Blake are swell as, respectively, a trailer park neighbor and Tacy's Aunt Anastasia. This is an amiable and very funny movie [although some might feel the bit with "poor Grace" (Connie Van), who is obviously "mental," is a bit tasteless] that also has some beautiful photography and scenery. The best scenes are the visit to Aunt Anastasia and the wonderful climax, wherein the Collinis try to negotiate their huge trailer over a steep and hazardous mountain road with Nicky unaware that the two-ton monster he's pulling is full of souvenir rocks -- this scene is both scary and hilarious!

Verdict:  Quite delightful. ***.

THE SHAGGY D.A.

THE SHAGGY D.A. (1976). Director: Robert Stevenson.

In this sequel to The Shaggy Dog, Wilby Daniels -- the young man who turned into a sheepdog in the first film -- has grown up and is now played by Dean Jones. Running for office, he finds himself turning into a dog at very inopportune moments. Although Fred MacMurray is sorely missed, this has a great cast that includes Suzanne Pleshette, Keenan Wynn, Hans Conreid, Iris Adrian, and especially Tim Conway as an ice cream vendor whose dog is the one that switches places and brains with Wilby. This is a cute picture, if no world-beater, and the best sequence has a bunch of dogs in a pound who all talk with the voices of such famous actors as Peter Lorre, Mae West, Bogart, and Edward G. Robinson!

Verdict: If you liked the original you might get a minor kick out of this. **1/2.

THREE LITTLE WORDS

THREE LITTLE WORDS (1950). Director: Richard Thorpe.

A perfectly pleasant and completely undistinguished biopic about the not terribly distinguished song writing team of Bert Kalmar (Fred Astaire) and Harry Ruby (Red Skelton). The casting pretty much insures that there won't be a heck of a lot of drama in this movie, and there certainly isn't, although the two men spend a lot of time bickering and having misunderstandings [although the humor is not of the laugh-out-loud variety]. Vera-Ellen is Kalmar's spouse and a warmer-than-usual Arlene Dahl is Ruby's better half, Eileen. Gloria DeHaven, Keenan Wynn, Debbie Reynolds and Carleton Carpenter have smaller roles (walk-ons in the case of the last two). Gale Robbins is sexsational as Terry, the singer that Ruby initially falls for. Astaire's fans will enjoy his smooth and fancy foot work. As for the songs, well ... they're pleasant enough, tuneful, but Kalmar and Ruby were not exactly Rodgers and Hammerstein or Rodgers and Hart. They spend the whole movie trying to make a song out of a tune Ruby keeps playing and when they finally do at the climax it's only the utterly mediocre title number!

Verdict: If you don't expect much ... **1/2.