SISSI

Karl[heinz] Boehm and Romy Schneider

SISSI (1955). Director: Ernst Marischka.

The Austrian Archduchess Sophie (Vilma Degischer) has decided that her son, Emperor Franz Josef (Karlheinz Boehm) should take a wife, and she has decided upon her Bavarian niece Helene, known as "Nene" (Uta Franz). Unfortunately, while Nene is in town with her mother (Magda Schneider) and sister Elizabeth, nicknamed "Sissi" (Romy Schneider), Sissi accidentally encounters Franz, who doesn't know who she is [not having seen the sisters since childhood] and is almost instantly smitten and vice versa. This causes a serious complication, as the last thing Sissi wants to do is hurt and humiliate her sister, who already thinks of herself as engaged to Franz. That's about all the real drama you get in this nonetheless entertaining and very well-acted Austrian film that makes full use of beautiful Austrian palaces and settings. [Unfortunately, these settings are not photographed with any particular elan; in fact recreations in a Hollywood film might have been more impressive because of it]. A bone-headed alleged bodyguard who mistakes Sissi for an assassin is thrown in for some unfunny comedy relief. The Archduchess describes Sissi as "16, impudent, and ill-mannered," but she doesn't come off that way until after the old lady gets sharp with her. Schneider was 17 when she made this film and is lovely. Her real-life mother plays her mother in the film. Boehm was later known simply as Karl Boehm, wherein he appeared in such films as Wonderful World of the Brothers Grimm. His most famous movie is probably Peeping Tom, wherein he was billed as "Carl" Boehm. This is the first part of a trilogy about the beautiful young empress which was later dubbed in English, spliced together, and released in the US [especially television] as Forever, My Love. The basic facts about Karl Franz preferring Sissi to Helene are true although much of the rest is fanciful fabrication.

Verdict: Nothing spectacular, easy to take, but lacks that certain Hollywood panache. ***.

STRANGERS ON A TRAIN Preview Version

A dramatic moment from "Strangers"

STRANGERS ON A TRAIN (1951). Director: Alfred Hitchcock.

Guy Haines (Farley Granger from Rope) is a well-known tennis player who is recognized on a train by an alleged fan named Bruno (Robert Walker). During conversation with Guy, weird Bruno suggests they swap murders -- "criss cross" -- so they can each get away with killing the person they most hate in the world. For Guy it's his estranged wife, Miriam (Laura Elliott), while for Bruno it's his wealthy and disgusted father (Jonathan Hale). Guy doesn't take either Bruno nor his suggestion seriously, but that won't stop Guy from carrying out his part of the plan ... and making it clear that if he doesn't kill Bruno's father he will be framed by Bruno for Miriam's murder. Strangers on a Train has an excellent premise [from a novel by Patricia Highsmith], some compelling and imaginative sequences, and a knock-out lead performance by Walker, but somehow ... Strangers on a Train is the type of film that can give you a different impression each time you see it. This is the version that was first shown in previews [also known as the "British" version although it was never really shown anywhere except during previews], and it isn't much different from the release version aside from a few minor cuts. Granger is also quite good, Hitch's daughter Patricia scores as the sister of Guy's new fiancee (Ruth Roman), but Roman's thankless part has her mostly reacting to others and looking perturbed. Marion Lorne, who was later memorable as dithery Aunt Clara on Bewitched, is notable as Bruno's rather pixilated mother, and Leo G. Carroll has yet another good appearance in a Hitchcock film [in between Spellbound and North by Northwest.] Norma Varden of Witness for the Prosecution figures in a highly interesting scene in which Bruno displays his strangulation technique for a party guest and things get a little out of hand [see photo]. The film's highlight is the climax involving a runaway merry-go-round, more on which below. Walker plays in a more epicene fashion than usual, probably to underline Bruno's ambiguous sexuality; while it would be offensive in the 21st century, it works for the movie and is not that overt. Laura Elliott, who is very good as Miriam, who needs attention from men due to her own insecurities [and Guy's falling into an upscale circle without her], also appeared on Bewitched years later playing Louise Tate under the name "Kasey Rogers." She appeared in Two Lost Worlds the same year as Strangers.  

The last time I saw Strangers I thought Hitchcock spent too much time covering Guy's tennis match just before the climax, but this time I was bothered by something else. STOP READING IF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THE FILM. Let's look at the ending. First, one of the cops pursuing [the wrong suspect] Guy, shoots at him and stupidly hits the elderly operator of the merry-go-round. The cop doesn't even look embarrassed. Another old man crawls under the out-of-control merry-go-round to get to the controls, and when he gets there pushes the switch to STOP in one sudden motion instead of doing it slowly so that the merry-go-round will safely grind to a halt. Of course the sudden stop causes a disaster, which suddenly seems a lot more important than the main storyline. [This makes for a bravura bit of excitement but one can only imagine that the old man is an "idjit."] We never learn what happened to him, the operator who was shot, the cute little boy Guy rescues after Bruno tries to throw him off the revolving platform, nor the other children on the merry-go-round. We see rescue workers in the background, but Hitch focuses on the two principals [understandably]. The cop who inadvertently caused the whole tragedy seems to show no concern over the injured and presumably dead people in the background and still doesn't even look embarrassed. By creating this disaster scene, Hitch has over-powered the main storyline! Another problem is that while the merry-go-round scene is very well done, the editing isn't quite as sharp as it could have been. But let's face it. We Hitchcock fans are always ultra-critical because we expect so much of The Master.

Verdict: Just misses being top-drawer Hitchcock, but next time I watch it I may disagree! ***.

SOMETHING IN THE WIND

O'Connor, Durbin and Dall

SOMETHING IN THE WIND (1947). Director: Irving Pichel.

When Donald Read (John Dall of Rope) discovers that his late grandfather was making payments to a certain "Mary Collins," he mistakenly assumes that the lady in question is a pretty young radio singer (Deanna Durbin) and that she was grandpop's mistress. Actually the Mary Collins who received the checks for all those years was the singer's aunt, who had been dumped by the society-conscious old man many years before; the whole check business is more or less innocent. Young Mary is virtually kidnapped by the Read family and brought to their mansion, where she decides to torment them by not revealing the truth. Even though Donald has a fiancee, Clarissa (Helena Carter), he is drawn to Mary even as his brother, Charlie (Donald O'Connor) wants Clarissa for himself. Further muddying the waters is larcenous Uncle Chester (Charles Winninger), who hopes to exploit the situation for his own benefit. Something in the Wind is amiable enough, with Dall and Durbin making a better romantic pairing than expected; the trouble with the movie is that it isn't really that funny, and while Durbin is competent, she isn't exactly a skilled comedienne. Her singing is lovely, however, and she even manages to acquit herself admirably doing a duet from Verdi's Il trovatore with tenor Jan Peerce (who plays a singing cop and is quite good as well as in fine voice). Margaret Wycherly adds a touch of class as the grandmother who wants to size up her late husband's cutie. O'Connor is as adept and exuberant as ever, but his novelty song numbers are not that amusing. Helena Carter later appeared in such films as Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye with Cagney and in the sci fi not-so-classic Invaders from Mars.

Verdict: Mostly for Durbin fans but not bad. **1/2.

TASTE THE BLOOD OF DRACULA

Dracula (Christopher Lee) surveys the scene

TASTE THE BLOOD OF DRACULA (1970). Director: Peter Sasdy.

Three gentlemen who are respectable British citizens by day go to the fleshpots at night and crave ever-more excitement. This they certainly get when a dissolute Lord Courtley (Ralph Bates of Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde) tells them where they can find the remains of the one and only Dracula (Christopher Lee). For this ultimate thrill the three men pay the price -- literally and figuratively -- when they sort of reconstitute the vampire with fresh blood inside an old church and all Hell breaks loose ... Although Dracula's first appearance is perhaps not given the dramatic thrust it requires, Taste the Blood of Dracula is an attention-holder and features a lot of fine British actors giving it their all. Bates is especially good, along with Geoffrey Keene as Hargood, whose daughter, Alice (Linda Hayden) is in love with Paul (Anthony Corlan/Higgins), son of fellow "adventurer," Paxton (Peter Sallis); Higgins and Sallis also give noteworthy performances. Gwen Watford is fine as Hargood's wife, Martha. Roy Kinnear and Michael Ripper are also in the cast, and Lee plays with his customary authority. Sasdy also directed the memorable Hands of the Ripper for Hammer.

Verdict: Satisfying Hammer horror. ***.

THE FRENCH CONNECTION

Gene Hackman in a scene with Eddie Egan, the real "Popeye"

THE FRENCH CONNECTION (1971). Director: William Friedkin.

The book "The French Connection" was a non-fiction account of New York City cops busting a big heroin racket with ties to France, focusing on two of those cops [although many were involved]: Eddie "Popeye" Egan and Sonny Grosso. In this film version of the book the names were changed and Egan was cast as his own boss (Grosso also has a small role). Gene Hackman, who doesn't seem that much like a NYPD officer, got the role of Doyle while Roy Scheider was cast as his partner, Russo. Amazingly Hackman won an Oscar, as did the film and Friedkin for direction. The main problem with the movie is that it has hardly any plot or characters. Neither Doyle nor Russo nor anyone else are that dimensional in Ernest Tidyman's screenplay, so all we're left with is action, and not enough of it. The stand-out scene is a well-executed frantic chase between a hit man on an elevated subway, which he takes control of, and Doyle careening below following him on the street in a car. The movie has no humanistic touches, nor any memorable sequences aside from the chase. It begins well, with another chase sequence, holds the attention, and looks good for the most part as we are taken to beautiful settings in Marseilles and grubby streets in Brooklyn and Manhattan. While The French Connection was never a masterpiece, there have been so many, grittier cop-and-drug themed movies and TV shows since then that whatever edge it once had has been blunted. Considering how little really hard acting is required of the part in this story, Egan -- who became a professional actor although never on the lines of, say, Edward G. Robinson -- might as well have been cast to play himself. Oh, yes, the film has a racist hero who utters the "n" word even though he works with brave black undercover agents. Fernando Ray, Tony Lo Bianco and others are fine in underdeveloped supporting roles. The story was continued in John Frankenheimer's French Connection 2.

Verdict: Popular but over-rated crime thriller. **1/2.

RICHARD DIAMOND, PRIVATE DETECTIVE Season 3

RICHARD DIAMOND, PRIVATE DETECTIVE Season Three.
1959.

The big change in Richard Diamond for the third season [of 34 black and white half hour episodes] is that Diamond has been transplanted to the west coast. He now lives in a nice house with a swimming pool, operates out of L.A., and has an unseen answering service gal named "Sam" [we only hear her voice] who also functions as a kind of assistant at times. Barbara Bain, who later appeared on Mission: Impossible, plays a girlfriend of Diamond's for a few early episodes and then completely disappears. Regis Toomey is gone, replaced by Russ Conway as Lt. Pete Kile, who is friendly to Diamond but who has a nasty, highly unfriendly associate, Sgt. Alden [?]. Janssen now plays Diamond in a very slick and glib manner. Mary Tyler Moore played Sam for a few episodes, and then was replaced by Roxane Brooks.

Richard Diamond remained an entertaining series even with all the changes. Most of the episodes earn a solid "B+."  Arguably the two best episodes are "Two for Paradise," a study of twisted skulduggery over a ranch and a younger woman; and the clever "Seven Swords," [a magician's assistant is murdered right during the act] which guest-stars Carol Ohmart (House on Haunted Hill) and Jerome Cowan (The Old Maid) and has a fine script by Levinson and Link. Guest stars on other episodes include everyone from Allison Hayes, Nora Hayden and Ingrid Goude to Geraldine Brooks, Frank Albertson and Joey Bishop.

Verdict: Not a bad old show. ***.

URBAN LEGENDS: FINAL CUT

URBAN LEGENDS: FINAL CUT (2000). Director: John Ottman.

"I think we have a lot in common." -- the killer of the first film to the killer of the second. 

In this sequel to Urban Legend, film student Amy Mayfield (Jennifer Morrison) is one of several young directors hoping to win the coveted Hitchcock award given by the film school, which usually means the recipient is on his or her way to a bonafide Hollywood career. Security guard Reese (Loretta Devine), the sole character holdover from the first film, who now works for the film school, tells Amy what happened at her last job, and Amy decides to make a serial killer film tied in to urban legends [this is similar to the way the characters in Scream 2 made a film out of the events of Scream]. Unfortunately, an unknown killer is murdering members of her cast and crew in grisly ways related to urban legends [some of which seem to have been created for this film]. Urban Legends: Final Cut is not as good nor as well-directed as the first film, but it does have its clever moments and funny in-jokes, and a very amusing epilogue. The prologue movie-within-the-movie with a mad slasher on the loose on a plane is interesting, but one can't point to any outstanding sequences. Jennifer Morrison makes a competent but bland leading lady, although she's amassed quite a few credits since this picture. Matt Davis makes an attractive pair of twins, but he made more of an impression in the supernatural submarine film Below. Hart Bochner is fine as a professor of film while Eva Mendes plays a zesty Out and likable lesbian. Director Ottman is better-known as a composer for movies; this is his only full-length directorial credit. Some viewers have noticed homages to Hitchcock films in this movie -- it really shouldn't even invoke the Master's name, frankly -- but if they're in this picture they are so subtle, or more likely mis-applied, as to be invisible. One thing the pic has in its favor is that the killer's motive makes complete sense, has a definite purpose, and it isn't just a nut job wasting people for pure kicks.

Verdict: Not terrible, but nothing special despite amusing bits. **1/2.

THE MAN WHO KNEW TOO MUCH (1956)

THE MAN WHO KNEW TOO MUCH (1956). Director: Alfred Hitchcock.

"The Muslim religion allows for few accidents."

Dr. Ben McKenna (James Stewart) and his wife, Jo (Doris Day) are vacationing with their little boy Hank (Christopher Olsen) in Morocco when they become enveloped in intrigue. After an acquaintance of his is stabbed, the dying man (Daniel Gelin) imparts information about an upcoming assassination in London to Ben, but before he can do anything about it Hank is kidnapped by the conspirators to prevent McKenna from telling what he knows. Afraid to cooperate too much with police out of fear for Hank's safety, the worried couple go to London and try to find the child themselves. Meanwhile the clock is ticking for a dignitary who doesn't know his life is measured in hours ...  One could quibble about certain aspects of the movie, but for the most part this is a well-acted and suspenseful film with an absolutely knockout climax in Albert Hall. Stewart is fine, and Day -- while she may not be considered perfect casting -- is generally excellent as well; the two have an especially good scene when Ben tells his wife that their boy has been taken. The supporting roles are all very well cast, from Brenda da Banzie and Bernard Miles as a friendly English couple to Alix Dalton (Deadly Mantis), Carolyn Jones, Hillary Brooke and Alan Mowbray as friends of the McKenna's who intrude at a delicate moment. Olsen as Hank and Gelin as the murder victim in Morocco are both fine, and Reggie Nalder probably has his best role as a marksman. Richard Wordsworth of The Creeping Unknown and The Revenge of Frankenstein shows up as a taxidermist, and Betty Bascomb makes an impression as weird Edna, one of the conspirators. Bernard Herrmann's dynamic opening credit theme is very memorable, and the film also introduced the popular song "What Will Be, Will Be" [better known as "Que, sera, sera"] as sung by Day. Herrmann didn't compose the songs nor the wonderful "Storm Cloud Cantata" that he conducts during the Albert Hall sequence. The movie has a strong and moving sub-text of the bond between parent and child.

Verdict: Flawed but often exhilarating suspense classic from The Master. ***1/2.

HE'S A COCKEYED WONDER

HE'S A COCKEYED WONDER (1950). Director: Peter Godfrey.

Freddie Frisby works as a tomato sorter in a plant owned by Caldwell (Charles Arnt) and supervised by the grumpy Bob Sears (William Demarest). Freddie has to date Sears' daughter Judy (Terry Moore) on the sly, because Sears hates him, and would much prefer Caldwell's son Ralph (Ross Ford) as a son-in-law. Frisby figures he has little chance with Judy after he gets fired, but then learns that his uncle, a magician, has left him his entire estate ... He's a Cockeyed Wonder certainly has possibilities, and the movie is fun whenever Rooney, who's fine, is in charge, but it, unfortunately, goes way off in the wrong direction. While a lot of laughs could have been milked out of Freddie's hapless magic act, instead the picture brings in a gang of robbers, has the two main characters kidnapped and threatened with death [!]  -- all of it quite tedious and not especially funny. The performances are good, however, including Douglas Fowley as the nasty head of the gang of thieves, and there are a few genuine laughs along the way. Godfrey also directed Please Murder Me and others and seemed to divide his time between comedies and thrillers. Fowley had a long list of credits and made a strong impression in Desire in the Dust.

Verdict: A little too cockeyed but Rooney fans may enjoy. **.

FIRST LOVE

Stack and Durbin

FIRST LOVE (1939). Director: Henry Koster.

"A flat tire on an $8000 automobile -- that's impossible!" -- Barbara

Connie (Deanna Durbin) is the poor relation of the wealthy Clinton family, with whom she goes to live after she graduates from a girls' school. Her uncle (Eugene Pallette) has as little to do as possible with his wife (Leatrice Joy) and spoiled children Barbara (Helen Parrish) and Walter (Lewis Howard), the latter of whom does nothing all day but sit around looking bored and sleepy. Barbara is a little jealous of Connie, and the film takes a Cinderella twist when she conspires to keep Connie away from a ball held by the family of Ted Drake (Robert Stack of Written on the Wind). However, the servants in the household conspire to make sure Connie gets to the ball while the others are delayed for hours. Durbin is quite good in a film clearly tailored for her particular talents, and she does a creditable job with "One Fine Day" from Madame Butterfly, although she's definitely no Renata Tebaldi. The movie has a strange, almost mean-spirited sequence with Connie's old teacher Mrs. Wiggins (Kathleen Howard, who is also very good) warning her away from the life of an old maid schoolteacher,  a whole bunch of whom weep during Butterfly as Wiggins predicts. This was Robert Stack's first movie, and he looks handsome if a little odd. Jack Mulhall and Mary Treen are also in the cast.

Verdict: Durbin fanatics will enjoy; all others beware. **1/2.

FRANKENSTEIN CREATED WOMAN

FRANKENSTEIN CREATED WOMAN (1967). Director: Terence Fisher.

Baron Frankenstein (Peter Cushing) is back to his old tricks in another entertaining Hammer horror film. Dr. Hertz (Thorley Walters) brings the baron back from the dead, and Hertz' lab assistant Hans (Robert Morris) is accused of murdering a tavern owner who was actually beaten to death by the bitchy Anton (Peter Blythe) and his nasty, entitled friends. After Hans is wrongly executed, the baron puts his brain into the body of Hans' crippled girlfriend, Christina (Susan Denberg), who committed suicide. Partly controlled by Hans' memories and partly by her own, the pretty "monster" sets out to revenge herself against the ones responsible for the double tragedy. Frankenstein Created Woman begins well but it unfortunately doesn't develop many of its interesting ideas, substituting revenge-murders instead, but is fun enough on that level. The cast is good, however, including Blythe, and Cushing is always adept and watchable.

Verdict: The Baron is back without his monster. **1/2.

ALL THE BROTHERS WERE VALIANT

Battling brothers: Taylor and Granger

ALL THE BROTHERS WERE VALIANT (1953). Director: Richard Thorpe.

"Joel Shore is not afraid of the devil himself -- just don't go lookin' for him, that's all."

In this remake of a silent film with Lon Chaney, Joel Shore (Robert Taylor) sets sail as captain of the whaling ship Nathan Ross with his new bride, Priscilla (Ann Blyth). Both of them assume that Joel's brother, Mark (Stewart Granger) is dead, but when he turns up alive talking of pearls and adventure and narrow escapes, it causes trouble between the brothers. Mark wants to go back for the pearls, but when Joel objects, afraid of how greed will decimate the crew, Mark convinces Priscilla that her husband is a coward. Then the men decide to mutiny ... Frankly this picture would have been better if they went after the pearls or just stuck to whaling. The only good and exciting scene in the entire movie is when they hunt down a whale whose enormous tail capsizes their much smaller boat [not the Nathan Ross but a special whale boat]. If the whole movie had been handled as well it might have amounted to something. The three leads do the best they can, and there are smaller roles for Lewis Stone, James Whitmore, and Keenan Wynn, all of whom are wasted. Director Thorpe does not seem overly enthused by the material, and even the mutiny is awkwardly done and has no dramatic flair. I could swear I spotted a bearded Paul Frees [Space Master X-7] as one of the sailors but he's not listed in the cast.

Verdict: Too bad the silent version is lost; it had to be better than this. **.

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE Season 2

Ice Princess: Cinnamon radiates her usual warmth

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE Season Two. 1967.

"You and I are so used to lying that we seldom know when we're telling the truth."

They kidnap people, frame them, drug them, lie to them, imprison them, and arrange for them to be murdered, without their victims having any trial or counsel whatsoever. And these are the good guys! Yes, the "impossible missions" team is back for a second season of improbable but enjoyable adventures in nasty espionage.

Although there are times when Barbara Bain is called to play a fake character as part of a mission, she mostly goes through the series with one patented expression: a kind of glacial, face-frozen look that one imagines is supposed to be the epitome of "cool" -- after all, you'd have to have nerves of steel to go on some of these missions! Her big fake eyelashes add to the chilly effect. The big change in this season is that the difficult Steven Hill was replaced by the more amiable and professional Peter Graves, who does fine work for the series as new leader James Phelps.

Most of this season's episodes are a solid "B+" in quality and there are a few "A's" as well. Among them: "The Bank," in which a truly loathsome villain takes money from people desperate to escape the country but leads them into a death trap instead of freedom; "The Slave," in which the team stop the slave trade in a small nation by kidnapping the princess and placing her on auction [!]; "Money Machine," in which they save an African nation's economy from ruin by stopping a gang of counterfeiters; "Sweet Charity," with Fritz Weaver and Hazel Court as phony and greedy philanthropists; and "Recovery," in which Bradford Dillman offers a fine portrait of a traitor with a bomb that the team needs to reclaim. The season's worst episode was "The Killing," with the group trying unconvincingly to spook a hood with phony supernatural stuff, but wouldn't you know some fans think this is one of the best stories and it even received a few inexplicable Emmy nominations. "The Seal" features an adorable and literal "cat burglar," a pussy who figures in the episode's most suspenseful sequence. Guest-stars for season two include Edmond O'Brian, Pernell Roberts, Kate Woodville, Wilfrid Hyde-White, John Randolph, and Darren McGavin.

Verdict: A slick and entertaining program. ***.

URBAN LEGEND

Alicia Witt and Jared Leto compare notes

URBAN LEGEND (1998). Director: Jamie Blanks.

Urban Legend was one of the better and more successful films to come in the wake of Scream, which it resembles to a certain degree [as well as I Know What You Did Last Summer]. Natalie Simon (Alicia Witt) is a student at Pendleton University. When another student is killed by a maniac hiding in her back seat, Natalie doesn't at first reveal that she knew the victim and the two shared a dark secret. Things get worse when others in Natalie's circle begin to die in ways that relate to famous urban legends -- the psycho stalking the lovers in the parked car, etc [although at least one killing doesn't seem to fit this pattern] -- only the bodies either disappear or the school wants to dismiss the murders as suicides. Urban Legend is a slick horror film, adroitly directed, with some well-choreographed murder scenes [especially the death of the college president], although the editing just misses being really edge-of-the-seat. Alicia Witt makes an appealing protagonist, and Jared Leto is fine as a reporter who pokes his head into whatever weird stuff is going on. Loretta Devine is fun as the campus security woman, and Rebecca Gayheart, Michael Rosenbaum, and Joshua Jackson are also effective. Creepy, amusing, and not sickeningly graphic. Amazingly, this is yet another movie that borrows [however unconsciously] a plot device from Agatha Christie's "The ABC Murders." Followed by Urban Legends: Final Cut. This is actually a bit better than Scream, at least the first one. Well-photographed by James Chressanthis, and Brad Dourif has a memorable cameo in the prologue.

Verdict: Zesty, entertaining and well-acted horror flick. ***.

IT HAPPENED ON FIFTH AVENUE

IT HAPPENED ON FIFTH AVENUE (1947). Director: Roy Del Ruth.

Aloysius T. McKeever (Victor Moore) is a bum who lives in boarded up mansions while the owners are away for the season. His latest domicile is the Fifth Avenue mansion of Michael O'Connor (Charles Ruggles). A new interloper in the mansion is a homeless soldier, Jim (Don DeFore), and through him a couple of families with children who also need a place to stay. Popping into the mansion for a coat is O'Connor's daughter, Trudy (Gale Storm), who doesn't tell anyone who she is, and when her father and divorced mother (Ann Harding) show up, swears them to secrecy as well. So the world's richest man pretends to be a bum while a hobo dines on his food and wears his clothing ... only in Hollywood! It Happened on Fifth Avenue is meant to be a frothy, hilarious social comedy, but it falls utterly flat. First of all, no movie can convince anyone that it's better to be a homeless hobo than to have money and security -- of course O'Connor is the stereotype of the rich man who has lost touch with real values -- and the film is miscast and not very funny. Don DeFore could be fine in certain roles such as in Too Late for Tears, but he's not exactly Cary Grant. Pretty Gale Storm is equally competent, but this was before she developed a real flair for comedy as on My Little Margie. Victor Moore and Charlie Ruggles are old pros, as is Ann Harding [The Unknown Man], who is pretty much wasted as Trudy's mother; all are given sub-standard material. Grant Mitchell of The Man Who Came to Dinner is his customary tight-assed self. Alan Hale Jr. [Advance to the Rear], later of Gilligan's Island, is fine as one of Jim's soldier buddies. Although Gale Storm could sing and even cut some recordings in later years, her singing voice is dubbed in this.

Verdict: Almost like watching paint dry. *1/2.

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY (1981). Director: John Glen.

For Your Eyes Only begins with Bond putting flowers on his late wife's grave [see On Her Majesty's Secret Service], a nice nod to 007 history. After that there's a semi-comical prologue with Bond caught in a helicopter remote-controlled by old foe Blofeld. After a credit sequence which almost functions as a music video [we see the singer of the title song, Sheena Easton, something that was never done for Shirley Bassey], the story really begins and it's a convoluted one. An important encryption device has been lost in a shipwreck. When a couple who are searching for it on behalf of the British government are assassinated, their daughter Melina (Carole Bouquet) wants vengeance on everyone in the chain of responsibility, to which end she teams up with a hesitant Bond, and uses her crossbow weapon on anyone who gets in her way. Bond winds up at the Olympics where there are a number of chase/battle scenes connected to various sports, including a brief one on a bobsled that doesn't compare well to the bobsled sequence in the aforementioned Majesty. There are no real "Bond girls" -- super sexy beauties -- as such in the movie, although that's not to say the women are not attractive. In addition to Melina, Bond has to fight off the advances of teenage skater Bibi Dahl (Lynn-Holly Johnson, a real-life skater who became an actress), and dallies erotically with Countess Lisl (Cassandra Harris). For Your Eyes Only has a handsome Bond-villain for a change instead of the usual plug-uglies, embodied by Julian Glover [Theatre of Death] in the role of Kristatos, Bibi's sponsor and a man who wants to sell the encryption device to the Russians. Topol is cast as a criminal, Columbo, who becomes one of Bond's allies after Kristatos' henchmen kill the countess [it is never recorded if Columbo knows that Bond slept with his girlfriend the night before!]. Jill Bennett of Hammer studio's The Nanny plays Bibi's guardian and coach.

The underwater photography in For Your Eyes Only is excellent, and figures in two memorable sequences, an eerie one when Bond and Melina dive into the shipwreck with its drowned corpses; and a splendid scene when Kristatos has the couple tied together and towed behind his ship through sharp coral not to mention the sharks attracted by their blood [this sequence actually comes from Ian Fleming's novel Live and Let Die, but was not used in the film version thereof]. However the movie's most outstanding sequence takes place when Bond climbs up to the abandoned monastery at St. Ciro's which Kristatos is using as his headquarters, especially a taut and beautifully-edited passage when Bond tries desperately to get to the top even as a man overhead keeps knocking out the pitons that hold his rope to the rock.

For Your Eyes Only was a deliberate and successful attempt for the popular 007 series to become a little more down to earth after what some saw as the absurd sci fi excesses of The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker. Although it's by no means a perfect Bond outing, and is a bit overlong with a few slack stretches and chase scenes that fall a bit flat, when it is good it is very good, and proof that an entertaining Bond movie could be made without Jaws and high-tech special effects in outer space. Bill Conti's theme song is not bad at all; otherwise this is definitely one of the lesser Bond movie scores.

Verdict: Flawed but often invigorating Bond adventure. ***.

DEMON SEED

Julie Christie at mercy of malevolent computer

DEMON SEED (1977). Director: Donald Cammell.

"We look at the world differently. You find me boring. I find myself ... quite interesting."

Scientist Alex Harris (Fritz Weaver) has not only computerized his whole house, but is the inventor of a new super-computer named Proteus 4 [beautifully voiced by Robert Vaughn]. Proteus 4's artificial intelligence has curiosity about humans as well as itself, and to that end it links up with the computer system in Harris' house. Desiring to duplicate itself, it imprisons Harris' wife Susan (Julie Christie), using the system against her, and tells her that she is to help him in his reproductive efforts ... not good. Gerrit Graham plays Walter, Harris' assistant, who figures in a bizarre scene when Proteus 4 unleashes a metallic, unwinding cube against him as he tries to help Susan. Demon Seed made use of the notion of blending the biological with the mechanical two years before the much better-known Alien.  The actors are all good, the film holds the attention, but it becomes increasingly absurd to an almost comical degree. Based on a novel by Dean R. Koontz.

Verdict: Ridiculous but entertaining. **1/2.

THE MIRROR CRACK'D

Novak, Hudson and Taylor

THE MIRROR CRACK'D (1980).  Director: Guy Hamilton.  Based on "The Mirror Crack'd From Side to Side" by Agatha Christie.

"Chin up, darling -- both of them!"

Move star Marina Gregg (Elizabeth Taylor) and her director husband Jason Rudd (Rock Hudson) have taken over a British country estate while in England to film Marina's comeback film when during a party a young fan (Maureen Bennett) talking to Marina is given a poisoned drink and dies. It isn't long before it is determined that Marina was the true target of the poison -- or was she?  Miss Marple (Angela Lansbury) asks questions while her nephew, an Inspector (Edward Fox), investigates, but it's sure bet who'll solve the case first. Agatha Christie got the germ of her idea from an actual tragic incident that happened to actress Gene Tierney, although Marina does not seem otherwise based on that particular movie star. Taylor is perfect casting as the difficult, whiny, needy fading actress going to fat, but that is not to say her performance is any more than passable. Kim Novak is better and much more fun as a movie rival of Marina's who trades bitchy remarks with her. Hudson is okay, if a bit dour and superficial, and Tony Curtis is fun enough as a vulgar producer.  Geraldine Chaplin is Rudd's suspicious secretary, and Charles Gray is his butler. This is better than another adaptation done on Masterpiece Mystery in 2010. Lansbury looks more like Miss Marple than Margaret Rutherford did, but she's not as funny nor meant to be.

Verdict: At least it has an interesting cast and Novak looks sensational. ***.

TRILOGY OF TERROR 2

Watch out for those "Graveyard Rats!"

TRILOGY OF TERROR 2 (1996 made-for-cable film). Director: Dan Curtis.

Another anthology of horror stories from Curtis to follow his 1975 telefilm Trilogy of Terror. "He-Who-Kills" is a sequel to "Amelia" in the first film, and has the fetish doll on the rampage again. Like the original segment, it's lively but pretty silly, too. "Bobby" is a remake of a story that originally appeared in another Curtis anthology, Dead of Night, about a mother who summons her dead son from his grave, but with less effective actors. "The Graveyard Rats," which is loosely based on Henry Kuttner's famous short story, is the best segment, presenting a couple of lovers who murder the woman's husband and then have to open his grave. The nasty rats they encounter are nearly worth the price of admission. Ultimately, this is a fairly minor horror film, however. Screenplays by Curtis, William F. Nolan, and Richard Matheson.

Verdict: Killer rats are always "fun." **1/2.

PETER GUNN Season 2

Peter Gunn asks questions of waitress with obvious assets

PETER GUNN. Season two. 1959. 38 half-hour episodes.

The first episode of the second season of Peter Gunn is very similar to the first episode of the initial season, in that Gunn's hang-out and "office," Mother's waterfront nightclub, is smashed up, only this time the damage is so extensive that Mother has to completely remodel the joint, making it more open and chic. Another change is that Mother is now played by Minerva Urecal instead of Hope Emerson, and she brings a little more flavor to the role. Also back, alas, is Gunn's admittedly decorative girlfriend, Edie (Lola Albright), as bland a singer as ever. Worse, the allegedly romantic scenes between Edie and Gunn (Craig Stevens) always seem forced and tacked on and are generally dull; Peter just isn't a very romantic fellow. [You have to wonder if Stevens' wife, Alexis Smith, who was herself quite luscious, objected to too many smooching scenes between him and Albright, because Gunn never seems all that lusty toward the woman.]

Among the more memorable episodes: "The Game," an especially well-directed (by Boris Sagal)  story of  an insurance racket, with Peter showing up beaten at his surprise party and falling face first into his cake; "See No Evil," in which a hood is after a blind witness, and Peter is attacked by Tor Johnson in a padded cell; "Sing a Song of Murder," in which guest star Diahann Carroll, who gives a first-rate performance, has deadly husband trouble, and when she sings a number blows "Edie" out of the water; "Deadly Proposition," about a dying man and a murder pact; "The Dummy," in which a ventriloquist is murdered and the dummy is a little living man; the amusing "Slight Touch of Homicide," in which a mild-mannered fellow (Howard McNear) literally blows up the mob; "Ways of an Angel," in which Peter escorts a convict to his daughter's wedding and the fellow escapes; "Best Laid Plans" [a plot to assassinate the governor -- or is it?]; "Semi-Private Eye," in which an amateur detective goes after a dangerous wanted felon; "Letter of the Law," in which a prosecutor is accused of murder; and "Crossbow," featuring a series of killings-by-crossbow, another story influenced by Agatha Christie's "ABC Murders" and guest-starring Henry Daniell.

The two best episodes were probably: Jack Arnold's "The Hunt," in which a hired hitman plays cat and mouse with Peter in the desert at an abandoned mine; and especially "Fill the Cup," in which John McIntire gives the performance of a lifetime as a nearly hopeless alcoholic who hires Gunn to keep him sober overnight to meet his daughter the next day, and which features a startling depiction of the D.T.s in the opening segment.

Verdict: Well-written crime show with some excellent stories. ***.

THE HOUSE THAT WOULD NOT DIE

Anderson, Stanwyck, and Wynn

THE HOUSE THAT WOULD NOT DIE (1970 telefilm). Director:John Llewellyn Moxey.

Ruth Bennett (Barbara Stanwyck) and her niece Sara (Katherine or Kitty Winn) move into a country house built in the 1700's and willed to Ruth by her cousin. Ruth bonds with her neighbor, Pat (Richard Egan), while Sara makes good friends with Pat's student, Stan (Michael Anderson, Jr.). During a seance, restless spirits in the house make their presence known, and eventually begin to take over the minds of the inhabitants, especially Sara. Is she going mental, or is something supernatural going on? The viewer will be far ahead of the characters in this mediocre flick which was presented as an ABC "Movie of the Week" back in the day. At least there's an interesting cast. Stanwyck, who always gives a solid performance no matter what drivel she's in, is above the material, as expected. Winn later appeared with Al Pacino in The Panic in Needle Park and The Exorcist and its sequel; she was a very good actress and does the best she can with this material. Richard Egan was in everything from The View from Pompey's Head to Wicked Woman, and Michael Anderson Jr. was with Hayley Mills and Maurice Chevalier in In Search of the Castaways when he was a boy. The medium is played by Doreen Lang, the hysterical woman who slaps Tippi Hedren in Hitchcock's The Birds; she's only mildly hysterical in this. Mabel Albertson shows up briefly as another neighbor and a friend of Lang's. This was produced by Aaron Spelling from a screenplay by Henry Farrell [Hush ... Hush, Sweet Charlotte].

Verdict: Stanwyck maintains her dignity in a forgettable and obvious ghost story. **.

THE OTHER SIDE OF MIDNIGHT

John Beck and Marie-France Pisier

THE OTHER SIDE OF MIDNIGHT (1977). Director: Charles Jarrott.

Although it was not his first published novel, Sydney Sheldon had his first big bestseller with The Other Side of Midnight, a very entertaining "beach" read that was the first to employ his standard formula: Sheldon would take plots from old romantic movies and then add some intrigue and thriller elements to them. Generally it worked, although -- as one critic put it -- no matter how entertaining it was you forgot the book the minute you were finished with it. Oddly, the film version of Midnight was not a success, either financially or critically. Not so odd, maybe.

In 1939 Marseilles Noelle Page (Marie-France Pisier) discovers that her own father has basically sold her to her employer. Disgusted, Noelle sets off to Paris and heartbreak, where she meets a soldier, Larry Douglas (John Beck), who leaves her with child, and promises to return and marry her. Determined to get revenge on the man who never comes back to her, Noelle becomes a wealthy film star. In the meantime Larry meets and marries an American publicist, Catherine (Susan Sarandon of Twilight), even as Noelle moves from lover to lover to become the mistress of the world's wealthiest man, Greek shipping magnate Constantin Demeris (Raf Vallone of Therese Raquin). But she and Larry Douglas are fated to meet again, with dramatic consequences for all the parties already named ...

In the novel Noelle and Larry are described as gorgeous specimens of female and male pulchritude. Pisier is certainly a strikingly attractive woman, but every time you see lantern-jawed Beck making love to her you can't help but see chin-happy Jay Leno. Beck's performance is competent but not so great that you can understand his casting, but then the producers obviously wanted to save money by using relative unknowns. Sarandon and Pisier certainly earn their paychecks with well-crafted performances -- in addition Pisier is forced into bedroom scenes with one [comparatively speaking] ugly old man after another, making the flesh crawl, and even Larry isn't so great! These sex scenes go on for an excruciatingly long time. The producers wanted to provide long glimpses of Pisier's lovely body, obviously, but forgot that we had to look at her unlovely bed mates as well! 

If you approach the film without ever having read the book, you may find it reasonably entertaining if quite long. [In fact, it takes longer to watch the movie, which is nearly three hours long, than it does to read the book!] The trouble is that Jarrott directs with absolutely no panache, stripping the film of most of its suspense. Though the movie has pretty settings and attractive scenic design, the cinematography is flat and uninspired -- it all looks like a matter-of-fact hastily done TV movie. Jarrott had more success with Mary, Queen of Scots; with Midnight he seems utterly bored with the material.

Despite the film's length, some of the novel's most interesting sequences have been left out. Midnight may not have been a literary masterpiece, but a better film could have been made of it with a little more care and inspiration.

Verdict: Even Sheldon deserves better. **1/2.

BARBARY COAST

Robinson and Hopkins

BARBARY COAST (1935) Director: Howard Hawks.

Mary Rutledge (Miriam Hopkins), known as "Swan," arrives in San Francisco during the gold rush, fully expecting to find a fiancee and a million bucks waiting for her. Instead she winds up at a crooked roulette wheel in a casino-saloon owned by Luis Chamalis (Edward G. Robinson). Chamalis is a racketeer who runs the town with the aid of killer Knuckles (Brian Donlevy), who's fond of shooting people in the back. Swan becomes rather hardened by her life and Chamalis' persistent and unwelcome wooing of her, but she's softened a bit by an attractive and kindly young prospector, Jim (Joel McCrae), but their next encounter is quite unpleasant ... Hopkins and Robinson make an interesting team -- more interesting than Hopkins and McCrea -- but that's not enough to save this picture, whose basically light tone is at odds with the grim subject matter. Despite some good performances from the leads and the supporting cast -- Frank Craven (In This Our Life) as a colonel who starts a newspaper is especially noteworthy -- the movie is a mediocre mish mash, and not one of Robinson's better pictures. Walter Brennan offers another of his bizarre portraits as the cackling "Old Atrocity."

Verdict: Begins promisingly but goes in too many dull directions. **1/2.

SLEEP, MY LOVE

SLEEP,  MY LOVE (1948). Director: Douglas Sirk.

Sutton Place heiress Alison Courtland (Claudette Colbert) wakes up on a train to Boston with no idea how she got there. Turns out this is not the first time that this has happened. She also has weird nightmares and swears she keeps seeing a strange man in horn-rimmed glasses who claims to be a Dr. Rhinehart (Ralph Morgan) but looks nothing like the real one. We can also see this man, whose name is Charles (George Coulouris) and are let in early on that he's involved in some scheme with Alison's faithless husband Richard (Don Ameche), who has fallen for the slinky Daphne (Hazel Brooks) and has unpleasant plans for Alison. Bruce Elcott (Bob Cummings) is a man Alison met on the train and has become friends with; he's the only one who really believes she keeps seeing creepy Charles. The Gaslight -like plot of Sleep, My Love may not hold a lot of surprises, but the film is very entertaining in spite of it, thanks to Sirk's smooth direction and fine performances from the entire cast who make the most of the material. Raymond Burr appears briefly as a cop; Rita Johnson is Alison's muddle-headed friend Barby; and Keye Luke is Bruce's honorary brother, whose honeymoon is interrupted by sinister events. Hazel Brooks is as sexy and compelling in this as she was in Body and Soul with Garfield.

Verdict: Fun if minor suspense item with a creditable cast. ***.

BEST FRIENDS (1975)

BEST FRIENDS (1975). Director: Noel Nosseck. Screenplay by Arnold Somkin.

"There's gonna be so many girls. This one ya got is just not that special."

Jesse (Richard Hatch) and Pat (Doug Chapin) have been best buddies since childhood. After a hitch in the Army, they decide to take one last road trip in a rented van with their girlfriends/fiancees, Kathy (Susanne Benton) and Jo Ella (Ann Noland). Pat, the eternal adolescent, wants Jesse to forget about marriage plans and just bum around the country on a motorbike with him, but Jesse is in love with Kathy and has a good job waiting for him. During the trip Pat does his best to break up the relationship between Jesse and Kathy, each attempt getting more desperate and crazy, until, ultimately, tragedy results.  This interesting picture can be analyzed in a number of ways. For one thing it illustrates the fact that for some [heterosexual] men, their friendships with their buddies are much more meaningful than those with wives or girlfriends, whom they primarily use for sex. On the other hand, some viewers see a homoerotic component to the movie, with Pat the dysfunctional closet case who is in love with his best friend [this possible aspect of the story is never made explicit, however, although Pat's attempts to break up the relationship between Jesse and Kathy are provocative to say the least and there may be other hints]. Best Friends looks at four people who are unsophisticated and not terribly intelligent but shows that this does not stop them from being complicated and having emotions that are often difficult for them to deal with. All four lead actors are excellent, with Chapin's sensitive, tortured, outwardly happy-go-lucky performance a stand-out,  and the film is well directed by Nosseck. Crown International, which released the film, didn't quite know what to do with something that wasn't typical drive-in fare, so their ad campaign made it seem as if it was something about vacationers encountering vengeful natives! Best Friends was the last acting role for Chapin, who became a producer instead. Hatch has had a long list of mostly TV credits.  The two women appeared in a few other films in the seventies and eighties. Rick Cunha contributed some snappy country-western type song numbers.

Verdict: Absorbing drama with interesting undertones. ***.