THE BRASS BOTTLE

The genie goes flying!

THE BRASS BOTTLE (1964). Director: Harry Keller.

Harold Ventimore (Tony Randall of No Down Payment) is an architect hoping to get some choice assignments from his boss, Mr. Beever (Philip Ober). He is engaged to Sylvia (Barbara Eden of The Yellow Canary), whose father Anthony (Edward Andrews) heartily disapproves of him, thinking he's a complete kook. This opinion is not revised when Harold acquires a large bottle that turns out to hold an ancient genie, Fakrash (Burl Ives), who in gratitude for being freed after thousands of years wants to do anything and everything he can for Harold. Unfortunately, Fakrash' notions are quite a bit dated and even dangerous ... Eventually Harold tries to convince everyone that Frakrash is exactly who he says it is, but it may be more difficult than he imagines. 

Burl Ives with Kamala Devi

The Brass Bottle is an absolutely delightful comedy fantasy with a wonderful performance from Burl Ives as the genie. Perhaps hoping to ground the story a bit more Randell underplays and probably isn't as amusing as he could have been, but this approach works fine. Eden is lovely, as is Kamala Devi, who plays a rather independent female genie named Tezra. Andrews, Ober, and Ann Doran as Eden's mother are all swell, as are Parley Baer as a potential client for Harold, and Richard Erdman and Kathie Browne as a couple who are Harold's unconventional buddies. At one point Fakrash reduces some authorities to tiny stature and has them desperately clinging to a pencil in a pitcher of water! Not much later Eden played a genie herself in I Dream of Jeannie. Harry Keller also directed several melodramas starring George Nader such as The Female Animal. 

Verdict: Charming, with a very satisfying conclusion! ***1/2. 

THE YELLOW CANARY

Patty Boone and Barbara Eden

THE YELLOW CANARY (1963). Director: Buzz Kulik. Screenplay by Rod Serling.

Now here's a strange one. Pat Boone plays a popular singer and neglectful husband, Andy Paxton, who has difficult relationships with his wife, Lissa (Barbara Eden), and associates, Hub (Steve Forrest), his bodyguard, and "Bake" (Steve Harris) his pal and right-hand man. Things get even more complicated when Paxton's baby boy is kidnapped right out of their mansion. While at first it may make sense that the terrified couple are scared that police intervention could kill their child, when days go by it seems utterly absurd for them not to let the authorities handle things. Believability goes completely out the window when the Paxtons set off to rescue the child themselves from dangerous people who have nothing to lose. The picture has unusual casting with Boone going against his pleasant milk-fed image just as Eden [Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea] is contrary to her usual perky demeanor. They offer generally good performances although  at times the script may make too many demands on them. Steve Forrest [Mommie Dearest] is the cast stand-out as Hub, and there is also good work from Harris as the jealous, heavy-drinking buddy and Jeff Corey as a bartender. Jack Klugman [I Could Go On Singing] is pretty awful as the cop assigned to the kidnapping, a performance which isn't helped by the fact that he is often given ridiculous things to say to the parents. Boone does several numbers and has a nice voice. but the poor quality of the film probably jettisoned his chances of establishing himself as a serious dramatic actor after the previous year's appearance in The Main Attraction. Rod Serling's screenplay is one of his least memorable concoctions. Steve Harris was primarily a television actor.

Verdict: This canary just doesn't sing. **.

DALLAS: THE FINAL SEASONS

Larry Hagman and Gayle Hunnicutt

DALLAS Season 12 - 14. 1988 - 1991.

I was never the biggest fan of Dallas, but like most people (including my late mother who never watched the show ever) I tuned in for "Who Shot J.R?" but the show never became a guilty pleasure until the last couple of seasons, which were fast-paced fun. J. R. Ewing (Larry Hagman) got involved in a near-shotgun wedding with Callie (Cathy Podewell), had himself committed to a mental institution to get some papers (from Alexis Smith!), got shot again by his ex-wife Sue Ellen (Linda Gray), who used her money to finance a biopic about him. While this roman a clef film took center stage in season 12, the sub-plot never really amounted to much. Sue Ellen simply told J. R. that she wouldn't release the film as long as he behaved himself. We never saw the reaction from the cast or even the director (whom she married off-screen) when they found out the public would never even see the movie. George Kennedy [Strait-Jacket] showed up as a business rival with his own inner demons, and Gayle Hunnicutt [The Legend of Hell House] appeared in more than one season as J. R.'s lost and long-time love (when she finally breaks off her engagement to him, J. R. doesn't try very hard to get her back). Meanwhile Bobby (Patrick Duffy of The Last of Mrs. Lincoln) lost his wife, Pam, who first ran off after being disfigured in a car crash and then got a terminal illness, but decided not to tell anyone; Bobby's next wife was shot and killed on their honeymoon. Hagman wasn't a great actor, but he made the most of J. R. and offered a very effective portrayal. The performers on Dallas sometimes phoned in their performances, but at other times they were really on target. For instance, George Kennedy had a great scene when he's talking to his son on the phone and expressing how overjoyed he is that he's being released from a Mexican prison. Season 13 introduced the charming Sasha Mitchell as J. R.'s son (by Hunnicutt, who was quite good), who crosses both wits and swords with his father. Mitchell was not a seasoned performer, but he had an appealing, inoffensive arrogance that complimented his good looks and made him an asset to the show. A mention should be made of the two very talented child performers, Omri Katz and Joshua Harris, as the sons, respectively, of J.R. and Bobby. It was fun to see Barbara Eden, Hagman's co-star from I Dream of Jeannie, as an oil woman who really puts J. R through the wringer in season 14. Ken Kercheval was fine as J. R.'s bitter rival, Cliff Barnes, but the character could be so irritating (and always looked like an unmade bed) that it's a wonder he lasted fourteen seasons when others were sent packing! The disappointing last episode of the show had J. R. contemplating suicide while a demon played by Joel Gray (!) showed him what life would have been like for the other members of his family if he had never been born. Ted Shackleford as Gary Ewing (of Knots Landing) probably had more footage in this episode than in all the other seasons combined. The final season was followed by three TV movies and the show was revived in 2014 with some of the original players.

Verdict: Big hair, bad marriages, cat fights, bar fights, bed-hopping, philandering, plotting and co-plotting, and a little something about the oil industry, ***

HOLLYWOOD SCREEN TESTS

HOLLYWOOD SCREEN TESTS: Take One (1999 TV special). Director: Edith Becker.

Narrated by Robert Culp, AMC presented this first of two specials showing and commenting on various Hollywood screen tests. The tests are interesting, even if some of them go on a little too long. We see tests for Candice Bergen, Ann-Margret, Mitzi Gaynor, Barbara Eden and Andy Williams doing a scene for State Fair, and Patty Duke in Valley of the Dolls, among others. (How anyone could have given the role in the movie to Duke after seeing how horrible she was in the screen test is beyond me!) Singer Marni Nixon, who dubbed Audrey Hepburn and many others, is tested for the lead in The Sound of Music, but wound up playing Sister Sophia. Dustin Hoffman does a "personality" test and obviously passes it, and there's also Raquel Welch, Marlon Brando, and several big names doing tests after they were already established stars.

Verdict: Fun. ***.

HARPER VALLEY P.T.A.

The "Harper Valley hypocrites" on the PTA board

HARPER VALLEY P.T.A. (1978). Director: Richard Bennett.

Based on Jeannie C. Riley's amusing hit record, this details the struggles of widowed mother Stella Johnson (Barbara Eden of A Private's Affair) against the hypocrites of the Harper Valley PTA. As in the song, Stella - who's been called an unfit mother -- attends a meeting, calls out all the board members, exposes their sins and hypocrisy -- and that should have been enough. Instead Stella, who doesn't seem to be playing with a full deck, spends time, money and energy getting further revenge on everyone on the council, even importuning her friend Alice (Nanette Fabray), who owns a beauty parlor, to put acid in the hair of council president Flora Simpson Reilly (Audrey Christie). Of course Ms. Reilly's hair falls off in clumps until she's practically bald, at one of her chi chi parties. Sure, the woman was a snob, but talk about overkill! Since we never see the repercussions of these revenge schemes, one imagines that Alice was arrested for assault and received the papers for a million dollar civil suit off-screen [not to mention that hardly anyone would go to her beauty parlor after they heard what happened to Reilly!] True, movies like this are not supposed to be looked at too closely, but via her actions Stella seems to prove that she really isn't a fit mother! There's an amusing bit of business with Stella locking one board member out of a hotel room stark naked -- he finds a clever way to drape his body --  and the scene involving horse manure doesn't, er, stink, but most of the movie is simply strained and unfunny. Not one of the many actors in this betrays any great comedic skill aside from John Fiedler, who is very amusing as an aging and unlikely Casanova. This was a hit, and led into a pretty bad TV series of the same name. Audrey Christie made a better impression years before as the reporter Jane in Keeper of the Flame, her first film.

Verdict: At least it's a great song. **.

VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA

VOYAGE OF THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA (1961). Director: Irwin Allen.

This was one of Twentieth Century-Fox's big CinemaScope "thrill"pictures that all the kids had to see. The amazing thing is how entertaining the darn thing is. Meteors have set the Van Allen belt aflame and it looks like the world could be doomed. Many scientists feel that the fire will simply burn itself out, but Admiral Harriman Nelson (Walter Pidgeon) is convinced that the only way to save Earth is to fire a missile into the fiery belt about a day before it's predicted that the flames will expire. So Nelson sets sail with his fancy nuclear sub the Seaview and heads for the Marianas, where the missile can be fired. But he has to contend with a disgruntled crew, saboteurs, waters full of mines, a bad-tempered squid, a giant octopus, a nutty religious fanatic, and mutineers before its over. The movie works up a considerable amount of suspense as Nelson makes his mad dash to save the planet. The special effects work is uneven but generally credible. There's a terrific shot of Manhattan with a sky full of flames overhead. The squid is phony-looking and has limited movement, but the octopus is a better actor. Robert Sterling (as Captain Lee Crane) Barbara Eden, Henry Daniell, Joan Fontaine. Michael Ansara, and the inimitable Peter Lorre are all fine in supporting roles. Sterling is given a good speech in which he tells off Ansara for preaching fatalism -- accepting the inevitable -- to the sailors when he needs them to be at peak strength to pull off the impossible. Best scene: Joan Fontaine falls into the shark pool! Good script, fast pace, and effective musical score help enormously. Although this was clearly inspired by Disney's 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, it's actually more entertaining. 

Verdict: More fun than it has any right to be. ***.