SADDLE ACES OF THE CINEMA

SADDLE ACES OF THE CINEMA. Buck Rainey. A. S. Barnes; 1980.

In this very interesting volume, Rainey looks back at the cowboy heroes of yesteryear, from the silent era to the mid-fifties when television took over from the B movie westerns that proliferated before the "boob tube" became ascendant. The book is much more interesting than I first imagined, because Rainey's prose is quite good and he unearths a lot of interesting information on these mostly forgotten movie stars. The names of Tom Mix and Gene Autry [The Phantom Empire]  and a couple of others may be familiar to the casual reader, and we've also got the likes of Ken Maynard, Hoot Gibson, Rex Bell, Harry Carey [The Vanishing Legion], Buck Jones, Jack Holt [Holt of the Secret Service] and others. Many of these gentlemen went on to successful careers as character actors in westerns, serials and other genres. The book is packed with black and white illustrations, a complete list of each actor's film credits, as well as lots of biographical information. If nothing else the book makes it clear how fleeting fame can be, but each man had many, many devoted fans in their day.

Verdict: For western fans and film enthusiasts. ***. 

SATURN 3

Harvey Keitel, Kirk Douglas, Farrah Fawcett

SATURN 3 (1980). Director: Stanley Donen. 

Adam (Kirk Douglas) and his assistant and lover, Alex (Farrah Fawcett), work on Titan, a moon of Saturn, in an experimental food research station. One day along comes "Captain Benson "(Harvey Keitel), who has apparently murdered and taken the place of the real Captain Benson for unknown reasons. Benson also brings along with him a robot, Hector, that is linked to his own brain, follows his orders, and seems to lust for Alex just as he does. Obviously things are going to go wrong. Benson seems to think he has a right to sleep with Alex, suggests that Adam is over the hill, and sets about making trouble and being obnoxious. Then the robot begins to go berserk ... 

Hector goes after Alex

Saturn 3 may or may not have been influenced by Alien, which came out the year before, but S3 suffers in comparison because the mechanical villain of the piece is nowhere nears as interesting as the monster in Alien. The film shows signs of much post-production tampering as well. The original director left and was replaced by Stanley Donen, of all people, hardly a Sci Fi specialist. Kirk Douglas is as charismatic as ever -- even showing off his naked butt (yet again!) -- while Fawcett Of All The Hair is acceptable but no more. It's impossible to judge Keitel's performance. He seems to be the best thing in the movie until you learn that producer Lew Grade didn't care for Keitel's Brooklyn accent and wanted the actor to redub his lines -- instead the lines were dubbed by Roy Dotrice, whose readings are excellent. 

Verdict: Some exciting scenes and interesting sets but relatively minor sci fi. **3/4. 

STRAIGHT SHOOTING Robert Stack

STRAIGHT SHOOTING Robert Stack with Mark Evans. Macmillan; 1980. 

Robert Stack was nominated for an Oscar for his role in Written on the Wind, appeared in many other film and TV vehicles, but will always be best-remembered as Eliot Ness on The Untouchables. Stack seems to come from the old school of macho-type actors who feel they must do something braver than emote for the camera, so he writes about going on safari and similar  experiences. A champion skeet shooter, Stack spends a chapter writing on the sport, although this is not as interesting as his musings on show biz. Although born in the U.S., Stack was raised in Europe and didn't speak English for quite a few years. A more cultured man than you might imagine, Stack was introduced to opera at an early age. Stack writes of his relationships with women and his happy marriage, as well as his friendships with the likes of Carole Lombard and Clark Gable. Stack goes behind the scenes of such films as The Bullfighter and the Lady but doesn't even mention co-starring with Joan Crawford in The Caretakers, for shame -- that might have been interesting! Stack has a tendency to cover old Hollywood folklore, which most readers will already be familiar with, too much, as he had a long career and doesn't need to pad the book, but his biggest gaffe is thinking that the film Detective Story (with Joseph Wiseman) was an episode of The Untouchables! (Wise appeared twice on the show but not in the role he played in Detective Story.) One suspects that it was Stack's co-author who keeps him up to date on such matters as Gay Lib; the actor was not thrilled when a comedian thought he was a "faggot" early in his career. Stack, who died in 2003, actually reprised the role of Eliot Ness in a telefilm that aired eleven years after this book was published. 

Verdict: Interesting if imperfect look at the career of the man who gave Deanna Durbin her first screen kiss! ***. 

THE JAYNE MANSFIELD STORY

Loni Anderson

THE JAYNE MANSFIELD STORY (1980 telefilm). Director: Dick Lowry. 

Jayne Mansfield (Loni Anderson), a newly-divorced mom with a young daughter, tries to take Hollywood by storm and succeeds -- for a time. Jayne appears on Broadway in Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter? and is lucky enough to get cast in the film adaptation. Overdoing the publicity bit while waiting for future assignments from her studio, 20th Century-Fox, she discovers that few people take her seriously, except perhaps her new husband, Mickey Hargitay (Arnold Schwarzenegger). Becoming one of those celebrities who would "go to the opening of an envelope," her career rapidly goes on the downslide, doing nude scenes in cheap Grade D movies and club acts in dives.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Loni Anderson

Although one might wonder if the story of a minor show business casualty is even worth the telling, this telepic succeeds because of some very good performances. Although she overdoes the squealing a bit, Loni Anderson probably gives a better performance than the real Mansfield ever did, turning the actress from a kewpie doll into a pathetic figure who garners some sympathy. (While there may be people far more deserving of our pity, self-absorbed actors who are desperate to stay relevant and employed do suffer in their own way, as evidenced by Mansfield's excessive drinking.) Arnold Schwarzenegger gives a surprisingly appealing and sensitive -- if such a term can be used in conjunction with the body builder -- performance, and Ray Buktenica and Kathleen Lloyd score as, respectively, Mansfield's agent and her friend and companion. G. D. Spradlin also makes an impression as Mansfield's liaison at the studio. 

Verdict:  Possibly more than the poor Mansfield deserves. ***. 

THE FOG (1980)

THE FOG (1980). Director: John Carpenter.

As the California coastal town of Antonia Bay prepares for its centennial, most of the town's citizens are unaware of its truly tragic origin. The town's founders, learning that a wealthy man was planning to build a leper colony near the town, deliberately sank the schooner that the lepers were sailing on and took the wealthy man's gold for themselves. Now it's one hundred years later and the ghosts of the lepers want revenge. Noticing the glowing fog at sea, along with some other strange occurrences, are several townspeople, including: Stevie (Adrienne Barbeau), who runs the local radio station out of a lighthouse; hitchhiker Elizabeth (Jamie Lee Curtis) and the fisherman, Nick (Tom Atkins), who gives her a lift; the tippling Father Malone (Hal Holbook), whose grandfather was one of the town's founders; and Mrs. Williams (Janet Leigh), who tries to stay in charge of the ceremonies even as she deals with the fact that her husband is missing.

Adrienne Barbeau

This was the second theatrical film after Halloween for both director Carpenter and Jamie Lee Curtis, who has a supporting part in this. I was not all that impressed with The Fog when it was released, and it hasn't grown on me, although it is by no means a terrible picture, especially when compared to some of the horror schlock released at the same time. The main problem with the film is its too-deliberate pacing, which should at least give the movie time to develop its characters but doesn't. The main premise is quite good, but Carpenter, who co-scripted, just doesn't do enough with it, and viewers often get the impression that the movie is over just when it starts to get really interesting -- although to be fair there are some eerie sequences and a couple of startling moments. It also has some mood and atmosphere, and Dean Cundey's cinematography is notable. The picture cries out for a much better score than the one that composer Carpenter has provided, however. Janet Leigh gives a very obvious performance, but Barbeau [Two Evil Eyes] is better, along with most of the other cast members. Barbeau and John Carpenter were married at the time; their marriage lasted five years. I found it hard to believe that Barbeau's character would stay at the radio station instead of going to her little boy's rescue. Remade in 2005.

Verdict: If you like movies with creepy things in the fog, watch The Crawling Eye instead. **1/2.

HAMMER HOUSE OF HORROR

Peter Cushing

HAMMER HOUSE OF HORROR (1980 British television anthology series).

This British anthology series of horror stories lasted for one season and 13 episodes. It is a mixed bag with arguably only one really outstanding episode and a lot of stories with intriguing premises that are ruined by weak scripts and flat wind-ups. Peter Cushing stars in what may be the best episode, "The Silent Scream," in which a former Nazi scientist (Cushing) imprisons an ex-con and his wife in a cage along with several animals. There are some interesting twists and turns to the plot, although the ending is a little implausible. Among the more notable episodes are "Rude Awakening," directed by Peter Sasdy, in which a man (Denholm Elliott) has increasingly sinister dreams involving his wife and his mistress. There's an exciting sequence inside a building that is being demolished. "Children of the Full Moon" has to do with a honeymoon couple who encounter the inhabitants of an old house, a cult of werewolves, with a depressing conclusion. "The Two Faces of Evil" is a disquieting episode, well-directed by Alan Gibson,  in which a paranoid woman is besieged by demonic duplicates of her husband (Gary Raymond of The Millionairess) and son. "The House That Bled to Death" details odd occurrences in a house where grisly murders were committed, and bears a resemblance to The Amityville Horror but has its own shrewd and devilish twist.

Diana Dors in "Children of the Full Moon"

One of the most disappointing episodes is "The 13th Reunion," in which plane crash survivors have turned into a cannibal sect, but this great premise is completely muffed.  "Witching Time" is a mediocre story of a 17th century witch who is on the loose in modern times. "Growing Pains," in its story of weird things that happen after a scientist and his wife adopt a strange little boy, is initially absorbing but then becomes too confusing for its own good. An African fetish statue that causes death is the title object in the unoriginal and hum-drum "Charlie Boy," although it has some suspense. Pierce Brosnan is one of the victims of the "Carpathian Eagle," which butchers a series of men, and "Guardian of the Abyss" concerns a young lady in a cult and a supernatural mirror. "The Mask of Satan" is a stupid episode in which a man is convinced that he's been infected with a very strange virus. Kathryn Leigh -Scott of Dark Shadows fame stars in "Visitor from the Grave," in which a woman kills an intruder who keeps appearing wherever she goes; a poor script sinks this one, unfortunately.

Verdict: Not enough great episodes but most are at least reasonably entertaining. **1/2. 

SUPERMAN II: THE RICHARD DONNER CUT

Ursa and General Zod blow the hell out of Grand Central

SUPERMAN II (1980). The Richard Donner Cut.

Richard Donner, who directed the first Superman, did a lot of work on the sequel -- the two were filmed concurrently, actually -- before being fired. Some of his work was redone by the director of record, Richard Lester. This cut assembles the version as it might have looked in theaters if Donner had not been dismissed.

At the end of Superman, the Man of Steel (Christopher Reeve) stops Lex Luthor's missile from wiping out California, but he doesn't realize that the explosion of this same missile in outer space has freed three notorious and vicious Kryptonian villains from their prison, the Phantom Zone. Hulking Non (Jack O'Halloran), bitchy Ursa (Sarah Douglas), and imperious General Zod (Terence Stamp) make their way to earth where they find they have developed the same powers as Superman. Before long they have invaded the White House where the not-so-good general forces the president (E. G. Marshall) to his knees. "Oh, God," says the president. "Zod," corrects the general. Where is the man of steel? Lois Lane (Margot Kidder) has finally figured out his secret identity and the two make love in his Arctic Fortress of Solitude. Then Superman decides to quit being the Man of Steel, always off saving the world, so that he can spend his life with Lois; he uses Kryptonian technology to do this. (This begs the question: since it was Superman that Lois fell in love with and not Clark Kent, would she really want him just as an ordinary human?) Too late, he discovers what has happened in Washington D.C., and makes his way back to his fortress as an ordinary man ... what a guy -- he doesn't even wear gloves! Conveniently, he is able to get his powers back.

The centerpiece of the film in any version is the battle between the revivified Superman and the three villains in New York City (rechristened "Metropolis," of course). Beautifully shot, edited, and choreographed, this sequence remains one of the best superhuman battle scenes in any comic book movie. (Today's super-hero films often present very sloppy and poorly articulated battle sequences.) A special highlight is when the bad guys use their super breath to literally blow dozens of pedestrians -- who are after their blood after they seem to have killed the Man of Steel -- down the streets near Grand Central Station. Buses are thrown, towers are toppled, Zod and his colleagues bounce Superman around and vice versa, and the special effects throughout are still outstanding.

This version (and probably the theatrical version as well) of Superman II has its problems, mostly having to do with Gene Hackman and his cohorts, played by Ned Beatty and Valerie Perrine. The movie is "adult" enough to show Lois and Superman in bed (although this is by no means a sex scene), so why does it have such stupid humor as Perrine flushing a toilet in the Fortress of Solitude? These campy characters never fit comfortably into this or even the original movie anyway. Hackman gives a perfectly good comic portrayal, but his presence is not required. The sequences with him are tedious, and there is dialogue in the film that betrays a dated seventies sensibility. Continued from the first film, the whole business with Superman's dead father, Jor-El (Marlon Brando) somehow counseling his son, raises more questions than it answers. Anti-climactic and twenty minutes too long (even it it's shorter than the theatrical version), Superman II is nevertheless a very worthwhile comic book flick. Reeve and Kidder are fine but the picture is nearly stolen by Terence Stamp, who makes a rather sexy and very sinister General Zod -- it's a terrific performance. And he is nearly matched by Sarah Douglas as the strutting, sexy, and highly anti-social Ursa. John Williams contributes his usual effective scoring, and Geoffrey Unsworth's cinematography is first-rate. As in the first film, Superman reverses time again, so that Lois no longer knows his secret identity (this was done differently in the theatrical version, I believe), but that insures that events that no longer could have happened are referred to afterward -- confusing, as usual. Followed by Superman III.

Verdict: Worth it for the Times Square battle if nothing else. ***.

STARDUST MEMORIES

Woody Allen realizes what a lousy picture he's made

STARDUST MEMORIES (1980). Written and directed by Woody Allen.

Filmmaker Sandy Bates (Woody Allen), a Woody Allen-clone, goes to a retrospective of his work at the Stardust Hotel and encounters manic fans while he contemplates his past and several of the women he has loved or wants to love. These include actress Dorrie (Charlotte Rampling of 45 Years); French Isobel (Marie-Christine Barrault of Swann in Love), who wants to marry him; and Daisy (Jessica Harper of Suspiria), a violinist with issues. Stardust Memories is Allen working in a Fellini-esque mode (with a bit of Bergman thrown in) and coming up so short that it's laughable. Not only is Allen no Fellini, but Stardust Memories is a rarity among Allen films -- it's criminally boring. There's no real plot to the movie -- and while there are the usual stand-up quips and interesting observations -- the dream sequences are tiresome and the real-life sequences aren't much better. There's limited fun in picking out which actor is playing which real-life person in Allen's life. If Allen thinks that peopling his movie with interesting faces will turn him into Fellini, he's sadly mistaken. Not only is this possibly the worst of Allen's films, it's one of the worst movies ever made. A self-indulgent mess.

Verdict: A tedious embarrassment for all concerned. *.

THE FIENDISH PLOT OF FU MANCHU

Peter Sellers and Helen Mirren

THE FIENDISH PLOT OF DR. FU MANCHU (1980). Director: Piers Haggard.

On Dr. Fu Manchu's (Peter Sellers) 168th birthday, his life-sustaining elixir vitae is spilled, and he orders his loyal men to run about stealing the necessary ingredients. Naturally this alerts his longtime adversary, Nayland Smith (also played by Peter Sellers), who has become a little strange after being tortured by the Si-Fan, the group of which Fu is leader. Suspecting that the queen may be a target, Smith has her impersonated by policewoman Alice Rage (Helen Mirren), who is kidnapped by Fu -- and falls in love with him! If you're looking for an inventive laugh riot, look elsewhere, for Fiendish Plot is a mediocre film despite the genius of Peter Sellers, the film's chief saving grace. Helen Mirren [Phil Spector] shows why she became so famous with her excellent portrayal of the kind of schizoid Alice, and David Tomlinson scores as Sir Roger Avery with Scotland Yard. Sid Ceasar does what he can as an FBI agent who, unfortunately, keeps referring to Chinese people as "chinks" throughout the movie, another black mark against the production. Clement Harari as dietitian Dr. Wretch and John Le Mesurier as Smith's valet Perkins are more suitably cast. Fiendish Plot does have a small share of chuckles, and one laugh-out-loud moment involving a mechanical spider. but it lacks pacing and suspense, which is required even for a parody. Fu also employs a big plant that emits a sleeping gas, while Smith's country cottage contains a balloon through which he and his associates fly off in the cottage to the Himalayas to confront Fu, who becomes a rock star with a "Rock a Fu" production number. This was executive produced by Hugh Hefner when Playboy wanted to get into the movie game, which everyone probably regretted. (Hefner was also exec. producer for Kim Novak's TV vehicle The Third Girl from the Left.)  Piers Haggard also directed one of my favorite movies, A Summer Story, which is about a zillion times better than this; genre movies were not his forte. Sadly, this was Peter Sellers' last movie.

Verdict: Not Fu's -- or Sellers'-- finest hour. **

CRUISING / INTERIOR: LEATHER BAR

Al boogies in  the gay bar 

CRUISING (1980). Director: William Friedkin.

INTERIOR: LEATHER BAR (2013). Director: James Franco; Travis Mathews.

Steve Burns (Al Pacino) is assigned to go undercover in the gay leather milieu to see if he can get leads on whoever is murdering the patrons of these bars. Burns feels uncomfortable in his assignment, but his superior (Paul Sorvino) talks him into continuing. Burns seems to have caught the killer when another murder occurs .... Modern-day viewers may wonder what the fuss was about when they look at this through 21st century eyes. But in 1980, decades before LBGT sections on Hulu and Netflix, there weren't that many films about the gay lifestyle, and it was enraging that the best that two major filmmakers (Pacino of The Godfather and Friedkin of The Exorcist)  could come up with was this mediocre slasher film that exploited the gay community, presenting one-dimensional characters to be slaughtered. Most of the film's opponents (which included this critic and activist) didn't object to the movie exploring the gay s & m scene (which was always more about role-playing than anything else) but to its complete failure in any way to positively illuminate that scene aside from sexual activity. While Cruising is well-produced, with a lot of atmosphere due to James Contner's cinematography, and Pacino's performance is okay, it is a much less effective* "slasher" film than, say, the original Friday the 13th,which came out the same year. (Friday the 13th was also much more influential, and while also excoriated by critics, made a lot more money than Cruising.)

Seen today, how is the movie? Well, it's still mediocre, not only due to its exploitation of gay men but to its penny dreadful script. Its use of multiple maniacs (which is apparent once you try to figure out who the killer is) only makes the pic much more confusing than it needs to be. Then there's that ridiculous early sequence where we see two men clad half in leather and half in drag -- like that ever happens (except maybe on Halloween)! At one point Burns expresses sympathy for a gay suspect beaten by police (in an utterly ludicrous sequence that was supposedly based on fact), which makes the implied ending more ridiculous. (This suggests that Burns murdered his friendly gay neighbor as the character did in the crappy source novel)  There's no point in trying to figure out who the different murderers are because it's clear that -- while Friedkin today tries to make it sound like he had some master plan all along -- the movie is simply badly structured and edited, a sloppy hack job in every sense of the word. Friedkin and company could have made a much more positive (and coherent and fascinating) film while remaining true to its thriller/slasher origins. 

One of the cast members of Interior: Leather Bar

And now we come to Interior: Leather Bar, a silly documentary made by actor James Franco and Travis Mathews. The idea was to recreate the supposedly lost forty minutes cut from Cruising that presented more raw footage from the backroom gay bar scenes. The reality is that only a few minutes have been recreated; most of the film is about actor Val Lauren's discomfort in being associated with the project. In some sequences he looks like he'd rather be anywhere else than in this movie. There's at least one gay sex scene, and James Franco admirably talks about why it's unfair that such scenes are often suppressed in major theatrical movies, which is not the case with straight sex scenes. The whole idea of this movie seems to be to get a group of both gay and straight actors in a room and have them interacting in a homoerotic manner, but I get the impression this is more about the filmmakers' fantasies than anything else. One can imagine this is one way the recognizable Franco can be in a gay bar without actually being in a gay bar!

[*Friday's shock/murder scenes are better handled, the film has more suspense, as much atmosphere, and its characters are no less dimensional than Cruising's. In addition, the movie's victims aren't members of a persecuted and marginalized community, unless you think camp counselors are a minority group.]

Verdict: Cruising: **1/2.
              Interior: Leather Bar *1/2.

BLOOD BEACH

BLOOD BEACH (1980). Written and directed by Jeffrey Bloom. 

"Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water you can't get to it."

Harry Caulder (David Huffman), who works for the beach patrol, re-encounters his ex-girlfriend Catherine (Marianna Hill) when her mother, Ruth (Harriet Medin of The Ghost) goes missing. Seems Ruth was just out walking her dog on the beach when she disappeared. Then there are more disappearances, and a young woman covered in sand gets bitten all over her body and goes into shock. There is something under the sand that is pulling people down and devouring them. (One victim is a would-be rapist who gets his penis bitten off!) Captain Pearson (John Saxon) and Sergeant Royko (Burt Young)  lead the investigation, but it is Caulder and Catherine who search for the monster in caverns under the sand. Blood Beach, which may have been influenced by the classic "Invisible Enemy" episode of The Outer Limits, is creepy and suspenseful even if the monster itself is a bit disappointing. The performers are more than adequate, with a dynamic Saxon leading the cast. Four years after this film was released, Huffman, only 39 and with a wife and two children, was murdered by a thief he pursued. Hill [The Baby] has had numerous credits, was off the screen for twenty to thirty years, but has resurfaced in a new movie, Chief Zabu.

Verdict: And you thought sunburn was bad! **1/2.

FLASH GORDON (1980)

Flash and winged Vultan lead the attack on Ming's palace

FLASH GORDON (1980). Director: Mike Hodges.

Flash Gordon (Sam J. Jones) and Dale Arden (Melody Anderson) are shanghaied to Mongo by nutty professor Arkov (Topol of For Your Eyes Only) when Ming (Max von Sydow) begins terrorizing the earth for sport. There Flash meets Ming's daughter, the sexy Princess Aura (Ornella Muti), who has a hankering for the hunky quarterback; Prince Barin of Arboria (Timothy Dalton), who is betrothed to the unfaithful Aura; and Vultan (Brian Blessed), leader of a race of winged warriors. These disparate groups eventually become allies but will even they be able to beat the forces of Ming? While there are many things to like about this version of Flash Gordon, ultimately it's a disappointment. There's no reason to harp about its silliness, as the original serials were pretty silly (but not campy). Jones is acceptable as the heroic Flash, and Anderson isn't bad as Dale, but the acting honors go to von Sydow (although he can't erase the memory of the wonderful Charles Middleton); Dalton as the prince; Peter Wyngarde as Klytus, the masked head of the secret police (Wyngarde's face is never seen but he makes a definite impression); and Mariangela Melato as the nasty General Kala, who wields a mean whip. Muti deserves special mention for her excellent, seductive portrayal of Aura, who switches sides when her own father has her tortured by (unseen) bore worms. Flash Gordon's strength lies in its striking scenic design -- Ming's magnificent palace; the land of Arboria which consists of mile-high trees; Vultan's HQ in the sky -- and a couple of memorable scenes, chief of which is a battle between Flash and Barin atop a floating platform, miles in the air above Mongo, which begins to tilt precariously during the battle and even shoots out spikes from its surface. There's also a crab-like creature that lives below the surface of Arboria and reaches up to ensnare Flash, and an interesting sequence when Zarkov's memories are expunged and we see quick glimpses of his life as it goes backwards. A sobering scene, at odds with the rest of the movie, depicts a boy who tests his manhood in a bizarre ritual, and dies (with hardly anyone giving him a thought). A big problem with the movie is that it has no suspense or real sense of danger -- that the earth itself is about to be destroyed -- until the very final minutes. Rock group Queen's theme music is awful, but it's interesting that Wagner's wedding march from Lohengrin is played even on Mongo! The ending sets up a sequel which never materialized. One wouldn't have considered this an auspicious debut for Jones (he actually had small roles in two previous films), but the actor amassed 76 credits after this film, and starred as The Spirit on TV. Anderson mostly did TV work as well. Muti has had a long career of mostly Italian films. Peter Wyngarde was the star of Burn, Witch, Burn.

Verdict: Opulent, with some good scenes and performances, but one can see why there wasn't a sequel. **1/2.

CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC

CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC (1980). Director: Nancy Walker.

"We are going to make milk more glamorous than champagne."

Aspiring composer Jack Morrell (Steve Guttenberg) figures it would be great if there was a new group to perform his music, and enlists the aid of his pal and former model, Samantha (Valerie Perrine). "Sam" goes to ex-boyfriend and record producer Steve (Paul Sand), and importunes him to sign the group even as they audition singers and put it all together. One by one the right fellows show up and Voila! -- it's the Village People! Will the members blend into a new sound and will everybody be happy? Can't Stop the Music, which pretends to be a "bio" of the once-popular group, now considered a "camp classic" by some people, tried to be all things to all people and made the mistake of alienating many gay fans -- the group courted the gay community by utilizing gay arch-types (or stereotypes) -- by trying to "straighten" the gay out the group. Even the openly gay members (such as "cowboy" Randy Jones, but there were others) are put into semi-romantic situations with women, and the production numbers feature lots of leggy female models draping themselves on and around the fellows. Unless I missed something, the word "gay" is never uttered, even in the "Liberation" number, although there's a brief moment when it is questioned if the milk commercial the group appears in conforms to "America's family image." All that being said, what's left is a kind of boring musical with the occasional bright spot, such as the aforementioned production number for "Milkshake." Jacques Morali's songs -- YMCA, the title tune -- are catchy enough, and the members of the Village People, while uncertain actors, seem pleasant enough. "Leatherman" Glenn Hughes does a nice rendition of "Danny Boy" and lead vocalist Ray Simpson (the "policeman") has a very good voice. June Havoc plays Guttenberg's mother; Bruce [now Caitlyn] Jenner plays Perrine's romantic interest; Jenner's mother is played by Barbara Rush; and Tammy Grimes appears as an agent and gives the picture it's only fleeting laugh. Altovise Davis and Marilyn Sokol are also in the cast. In her brief turn Rush [Bigger Than Life] comes off the best, Grimes is fun, Guttenberg is his usual likable self, Perrine is okay, and Paul Sand is Paul Sand. Allan Carr was one of the producers.

Verdict: "Like Nothing You've Ever Seen Before" claimed Movieline. That's for sure. **1/2.

ISLAND CLAWS

One Might Big Crab! Note two men at lower right.

ISLAND CLAWS (1980). Director: Herman Cardenas.

Pete Adams (Steve Hanks) is a teaching assistant and researcher working with Dr. McNeal (Barry Nelson), who hopes to increase the size of crabs as, presumably, a food source. Pete is attracted to a woman, Jan (Jo McDonnell), who is doing a story on McNeal's work, but, implausibly, is unaware that her father was driving the car in which his parents died years ago. Pete's surrogate parents are Moody (Robert Lansing) and Rosie (Nita Talbot), the former of whom owns the tavern where Rosie works as barmaid. Meanwhile, an accident at a nearby reactor unleashes radioactive waste into the water. The combination of growth hormones and radioactivity engenders bizarre behavior in ordinary crabs, as well as creates a crab of especially humongous stature. Island Claws combines a "nature turned nasty" plot about killer animals running amok with a giant monster on the loose. The scenes with the small crabs moving en masse toward potential victims are creepy, with the crustaceans being good little actors, but they never really seem to be "attacking." The big crab -- yes, there's only one [at least Attack of the Crab Monsters had two crabs] -- appears to be a full-size mechanical model that lacks great mobility but is efficient enough and is generally masked in darkness. A sub-plot involves a family of Haitians who sneak ashore and are at first blamed for some of the strange deaths in the area. There is some attempt at creating three-dimensional characters, and the acting is generally good. Bill Justis' eerie music is a plus. Island Claws holds the attention and isn't badly done, but ultimately there's not enough of the monster. Ricou Browning, who played the Gill Man in The Creature from the Black Lagoon and its sequels, was co-scripter along with Jack Cowden.

Verdict: Has its moments, but can't beat Corman's Attack of the Crab Monsters. **1/2.

FADE TO BLACK

Dennis Christopher and Linda Kerridge

FADE TO BLACK (1980). Writer/director: Vernon Zimmerman.

"I can't imagine the creature who would want to marry you. Who is this unlucky girl?"

A frustrated film buff nerd, Eric (Dennis Christopher), who lives with his monster of an aunt (Eve Brent), dresses up as famous movie characters and kills off his alleged enemies in manners relating to the pictures he loves. Fade to Black has a great premise -- if only it hadn't all been left up to undistinguished writer-director Zimmerman, for the movie is painfully slow-paced with a dull, dragged-out climax; 25 minutes of the film's running time should have been cut. The production is also rather cheapjack. That leaves it to the actors to make the film even remotely entertaining, and Christopher does a good job in the lead. Veteran actors James Luisi and Norman Burton make the best impression as, respectively, a police captain and Eric's boss, but there are also good moments from Immortals' Mickey Rourke (in an early film appearance) and Linda Kerridge, as a Monroe lookalike; she was "introduced" in this picture but only made a few more film appearances. Eve Brent (Forty Guns) overacts horribly as Eric's Aunt Stella.  There's at least one good scene -- a mob-style attack in a barber shop on an unethical producer -- and a Psycho shower scene spoof is slightly amusing. Tim Thomerson is a cokehead idiot psychiatrist named Dr. Moriarity; Gwynne Gilford is a cop named Anne; and Peter Horton is a guy on the make for Kerridge.

Verdict: Fade to Black all right. **.

THE MIRROR CRACK'D

Novak, Hudson and Taylor

THE MIRROR CRACK'D (1980).  Director: Guy Hamilton.  Based on "The Mirror Crack'd From Side to Side" by Agatha Christie.

"Chin up, darling -- both of them!"

Move star Marina Gregg (Elizabeth Taylor) and her director husband Jason Rudd (Rock Hudson) have taken over a British country estate while in England to film Marina's comeback film when during a party a young fan (Maureen Bennett) talking to Marina is given a poisoned drink and dies. It isn't long before it is determined that Marina was the true target of the poison -- or was she?  Miss Marple (Angela Lansbury) asks questions while her nephew, an Inspector (Edward Fox), investigates, but it's sure bet who'll solve the case first. Agatha Christie got the germ of her idea from an actual tragic incident that happened to actress Gene Tierney, although Marina does not seem otherwise based on that particular movie star. Taylor is perfect casting as the difficult, whiny, needy fading actress going to fat, but that is not to say her performance is any more than passable. Kim Novak is better and much more fun as a movie rival of Marina's who trades bitchy remarks with her. Hudson is okay, if a bit dour and superficial, and Tony Curtis is fun enough as a vulgar producer.  Geraldine Chaplin is Rudd's suspicious secretary, and Charles Gray is his butler. This is better than another adaptation done on Masterpiece Mystery in 2010. Lansbury looks more like Miss Marple than Margaret Rutherford did, but she's not as funny nor meant to be.

Verdict: At least it has an interesting cast and Novak looks sensational. ***.

THE NUDE BOMB

THE NUDE BOMB (1980). Director: Clive Donner.

In this theatrical film based on the sixties TV series Get Smart, evil forces of the sinister group Kaos have created a "nude" bomb which will destroy all fabric, leaving everyone on the planet in their birthday suits. Don Adams is as wonderful and funny as ever as Maxwell Smart, although Dana Elcar makes little impression as the Chief [after Ed Platt]. Andrea Howard, however, is appealing as agent 22. ["Barbara Feldon's "99" does not appear in the movie, for shame.] Some of the funniest scenes feature Bill Dana as Jonathan Levinson Seigle of the garment trade. For some reason the organization known as Control on the TV series is now called PITS. Vittorio Gassman seems to be having a lot of fun as the villain of the piece, and there's a wild finale wherein dozens of his clones get in a melee with dozens of Smart's duplicates. Rhonda Fleming has a nice bit as an ex-wife of Gassman's whom Maxwell pays a call on. The Nude Bomb is silly, yes, but it's also quite amusing. Fans of the show will definitely enjoy.

Verdict: Much better than that remake. ***.

RAGING BULL

RAGING BULL (1980). Director: Martin Scorsese.

The unapologetic story of boxer Jake La Motta, who became middle-weight champion of the world for a time but also beat his wife out of almost pathological jealousy and all around was his own worst enemy, winding up doing stale routines in nightclubs in an effort to hold on to his celebrity and make some money. While the film is well-made and well-acted for the most part, Scorsese too often confuses violence with drama, and the film never quite overcomes the fact that its lead character is utterly repellent. Robert De Niro is fine as La Motta, but often he seems more like De Niro than La Motta. Cathy Moriarty and Joe Pesci are also quite good as, respectively, La Motta's wife and brother, whom he accuses of having an affair together. Sometimes Paul Schrader and Mardik Martin's screenplay strains to find serious drama in this story of a moronic lug. Still, while the film isn't really great despite its reputation, it does hold the attention and has some good scenes. Much of the film's atmosphere and power is actually derived from the background music, taken from the work of Italian opera composer Pietro Mascagni (the music comes from Cavalleria rusticana, Silvano and Guglielmo Ratcliff). This really doesn't compare favorably to other films that also deal with brutal environments and characters, such as On the Waterfront.

Verdict: Acclaimed but not for all tastes. ***.

POPEYE

POPEYE (1980). Director: Robert Altman.

Robert Altman probably wasn't the best choice to helm this live-action adaptation of the classic cartoons, although Popeye is by no means as dreadful as reputed. The trouble is simply that the film isn't well-edited and that the fun peters out long before the conclusion, with silliness and noisiness overtaking humor. Robin Williams isn't bad as Popeye, but Shelley Duvall really steals the show as Olive Oyl, and Wesley Ivan Hurt -- “Swee'pea” -- is one of the cutest babies in the movies. The first half of the picture as Popeye arrives in the fishing village of Sweethaven to find his Pappy is quite charming and entertaining. When Pappy (Ray Walston) shows up, however, we've got one Popeye too many. The climax with Popeye pursuing a captured Olive Oyl isn't well handled by Altman and is boring instead of exciting, although there is a nifty, bad-tempered octopus on hand. Jules Feiffer's screenplay is perfectly workable but gets bogged down in the latter half. However, the scenic design is excellent, and Nillson's songs are memorable, especially “Sweethaven” [despite the closing chords that remind one of Annie's “Tomorrow”] and “Everything is Food.” Paul L. Smith makes a nice Bluto and Roberta Maxwell scores as Nana Oyl. Despite its undeniable imperfections, there are a lot of good things in this movie, including the staging of “Everything is Food,” and it's all quite cute and clever.

Verdict: Fun if you're in a silly mood and don't expect too much. **1/2.