THE JAYNE MANSFIELD STORY

Loni Anderson

THE JAYNE MANSFIELD STORY (1980 telefilm). Director: Dick Lowry. 

Jayne Mansfield (Loni Anderson), a newly-divorced mom with a young daughter, tries to take Hollywood by storm and succeeds -- for a time. Jayne appears on Broadway in Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter? and is lucky enough to get cast in the film adaptation. Overdoing the publicity bit while waiting for future assignments from her studio, 20th Century-Fox, she discovers that few people take her seriously, except perhaps her new husband, Mickey Hargitay (Arnold Schwarzenegger). Becoming one of those celebrities who would "go to the opening of an envelope," her career rapidly goes on the downslide, doing nude scenes in cheap Grade D movies and club acts in dives.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Loni Anderson

Although one might wonder if the story of a minor show business casualty is even worth the telling, this telepic succeeds because of some very good performances. Although she overdoes the squealing a bit, Loni Anderson probably gives a better performance than the real Mansfield ever did, turning the actress from a kewpie doll into a pathetic figure who garners some sympathy. (While there may be people far more deserving of our pity, self-absorbed actors who are desperate to stay relevant and employed do suffer in their own way, as evidenced by Mansfield's excessive drinking.) Arnold Schwarzenegger gives a surprisingly appealing and sensitive -- if such a term can be used in conjunction with the body builder -- performance, and Ray Buktenica and Kathleen Lloyd score as, respectively, Mansfield's agent and her friend and companion. G. D. Spradlin also makes an impression as Mansfield's liaison at the studio. 

Verdict:  Possibly more than the poor Mansfield deserves. ***. 

THE LOVES OF HERCULES

Jayne Mansfield

THE LOVES OF HERCULES (aka Hercules vs. the Hydra/aka Gli amori di Ercole/1960). Director: Carlo Ludovico Bragaglia.

Hercules (Mickey Hargitay of Bloody Pit of Horror) learns that his wife and child were murdered by the King of Ecalia. What he doesn't know is that the actual murderer was Licos (Massimo Serato of The Killer Nun), who goes so far as to murder the king to cover up the crime. Hercules goes to Ecalia to confront the king's daughter, Queen Delanira (Jayne Mansfield of The Burglar), who goes through a strange, violent ceremony to prove she had no part in the death of Hercules' family. For his part, Hercules seems to forget all about his slain wife and falls in love with Delanira in a trice. When the queen's fiance is found murdered, Hercules is blamed and is forced to go on the run, where he encounters the Amazons, whose Queen Hippolyta is fond of turning her lovers into trees and develops a dangerous hankering for the son of Jupiter. Will Hercules and his new beloved Delanira manage to triumph over the evil schemes of both Licos and Hippolyta and finally be reunited?

The three-headed hydra

Hungarian body-builder Hargitay and his wife Mansfield were two years into their six-year marriage (resulting in three chidren, including the very gifted Mariska Hargitay of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit) when they went to Italy to make this "spectacle," which does feature a few impressive settings as well as the out-sized physiques of the briefly-married couple. As their voices are dubbed it's hard to judge their performances, but one can safely say there were no Oscar contenders in the cast, at least not in this production. The film is briefly and minimally enlivened by the appearances of a huge bull that Mickey wrestles to the ground, an 8-foot-tall caveman, and a full-scale Hydra which is like a funhouse prop, but is very well-designed, has three fire-breathing heads, and looks good despite its limited movement. In the second half of the film Hippolyta transforms herself into Delanira, so Mansfield is given a dual role. The men-turned-into-trees business is a macabre touch.

Verdict: Hardly anything spectacular here but more watchable than you might imagine. **1/2. 

BLOODY PIT OF HORROR

Mickey Hargitay

BLOODY PIT OF HORROR (1965). Director: Max Hunter [Massimo Pupillo].

A group of photographers and models think an old castle will be the perfect place to have a photo shoot for the covers of Italian horror novels. But they are unaware that Travis Anderson (Mickey Hargitay), the current resident and a former actor and muscleman, has gone insane and thinks he is the medieval Crimson Executioner, a former resident, who was executed and entombed in the castle. Edith (Luisa Barrato) was once engaged to Travis, so he lets the group stay -- and become his victims. Some of these wind up in his torture chamber, where there is a descending canopy outfitted with spikes, or in a death trap maze with a big robot spider with poisoned fangs and a web. This is hardly a great movie, but there are some zesty, colorful sequences. Hargitay was married to Jayne Mansfield and is the father of Mariska Hargitay of Law and Order: SVU.

Verdict: There have been worse. **1/2.