LOUSY NEW MOVIE: KNIVES OUT

The family of Knives Out

KNIVES OUT (2019). Written and directed by Rian Johnson.

Popular author Harlan Thrombey (Christopher Plummer of The Fall of the Roman Empire) is found dead, apparently of a slit throat, the night of his birthday party in his beautiful mansion. His death is initially thought to be a suicide, but his caregiver, Marta (Ana de Armas), may know a lot more than she's saying -- at least at first. A private investigator named Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig) has been hired -- although he doesn't know by whom -- into investigating Thrombey's death, so he speaks to all of the relatives -- and Marta. Then at the reading of the will, everyone finds out just who Thrombey left his money to and pandemonium ensues.

Daniel Craig as a southern private eye

I'm not at all certain what writer/director Rian Johnson was thinking of when he put together this movie, which is not a witty comedy and certainly not a serious drama or even clever mystery. If he was trying to come up with a master sleuth along the lines of Hercule Poirot with Benoit Blanc, he comes a cropper. Although Daniel Craig [Spectre] does a convincing enough southern accent and gives a good performance, Blanc is a completely one-dimensional and uninteresting detective. If this is an Agatha Christie pastiche, it's a petty poor one. One of the worst elements of the film is that the heroine literally pukes whenever she tells a lie, which is often. This business is not only disgusting but gets tiresome very quickly. Some elements of the plot are mildly clever, but Rian Johnson is certainly no Christie.

Barf Baby: Ana de Armas

What's worse, the film is almost completely devoid of memorable dialogue. Some viewers complained that the movie's politics were too leftist -- some of the family members have conservative views, some don't, but in either case these are mere attempts at characterization, which the film has all too little of -- but I found it ironic and amazing that the African-American cop assigned to the case, Lt. Elliott (LaKeith Stanfield), is both literally and figuratively shunted aside the minute the southern P.I. shows up, having very little to do or say thereafter! This is progressive?

The minute I saw that Jamie Lee Curtis [Halloween] was in the film I feared it would be a stinker, and I was right, although Curtis' performance is actually okay. As the lead character, Ana de Armas is competent but she completely lacks distinction as a performer, at least in this film. However, I was impressed with the performances of Christopher Plummer (seen in flashbacks), Don Johnson, Chris Evans, and Toni Collette [Fright Night], among others, as various members of the Thrombey family. The worst thing I can say about Knives Out, however, is that it's overlong and becomes tedious with only a few spurts of minor excitement along the way. It's easily thirty minutes too long.

Verdict: Puke on this movie and read a great Agatha Christie novel instead. **.

AMERICAN PRINCE: A MEMOIR -- TONY CURTIS

AMERICAN PRINCE: A MEMOIR. Tony Curtis and Peter Golenbock. Harmony; 2008.

Apparently not being satisfied with the first book, this is the late Curtis' second autobiography. Never forgetting a slight, real or imagined, in this volume he settles scores. Since his first wife, Janet Leigh, had passed away by then, he feels free to dissect their marriage and highlight her alleged faults as a wife. (One can't imagine that this endeared him to his daughters by Leigh, including Jamie Lee Curtis.) One gets the impression that Curtis had no real interest in honest reflection nor in seeing things from other people's pov\s. He is the very personification of the self-absorbed movie star.

Curtis traces his early years and his bad relationship with his parents; the tragic deaths of his two brothers -- he never balances his basically successful life with the brother who was placed in a mental institution and eventually wound up homeless and beaten to death --  his determination to make it in Hollywood, and his cinematic triumphs in such as Sweet Smell of Success (arguably his greatest performance) and Some Like It Hot, among others.  Curtis doesn't shy away from detailing the years afterward, when he was forced to take virtually any role in any piece of crap just to pay the bills, including alimony and child support. He also writes about his cocaine addiction and his many marriages (at least one wife never gets mentioned at all).

Curtis never lost the chip on his shoulder. Part of this is due to the fact that he never felt he was really taken seriously. Part was also due to the fact that no matter what the role he generally came off as dead-common. This book didn't help him shake off that image.

Verdict: Not a bad read, but it leaves a sour taste. **1/2. 

HALLOWEEN HORROR -- PART TWO

HALLOWEEN HORROR -- PART TWO.

For the second weekly installment of my two part, two week annual Halloween horror round-up, Great Old Movies looks at a classic Alfred Hitchcock episode; a Roger Corman-Vincent Price-Edgar Allan Poe "collaboration;" a late entry slasher film that doesn't star Jamie Lee Curtis; and a supernatural horror film that doesn't star her, either, although she is in the supporting cast. (Hint: her mother is in it, too.). There's also a certified horror classic, Night/Curse of the Demon with Dana Andrews, and a sequel to that movie with the pumpkin monster that you read about last week.

Have a great Halloween!

THE FOG (1980)

THE FOG (1980). Director: John Carpenter.

As the California coastal town of Antonia Bay prepares for its centennial, most of the town's citizens are unaware of its truly tragic origin. The town's founders, learning that a wealthy man was planning to build a leper colony near the town, deliberately sank the schooner that the lepers were sailing on and took the wealthy man's gold for themselves. Now it's one hundred years later and the ghosts of the lepers want revenge. Noticing the glowing fog at sea, along with some other strange occurrences, are several townspeople, including: Stevie (Adrienne Barbeau), who runs the local radio station out of a lighthouse; hitchhiker Elizabeth (Jamie Lee Curtis) and the fisherman, Nick (Tom Atkins), who gives her a lift; the tippling Father Malone (Hal Holbook), whose grandfather was one of the town's founders; and Mrs. Williams (Janet Leigh), who tries to stay in charge of the ceremonies even as she deals with the fact that her husband is missing.

Adrienne Barbeau

This was the second theatrical film after Halloween for both director Carpenter and Jamie Lee Curtis, who has a supporting part in this. I was not all that impressed with The Fog when it was released, and it hasn't grown on me, although it is by no means a terrible picture, especially when compared to some of the horror schlock released at the same time. The main problem with the film is its too-deliberate pacing, which should at least give the movie time to develop its characters but doesn't. The main premise is quite good, but Carpenter, who co-scripted, just doesn't do enough with it, and viewers often get the impression that the movie is over just when it starts to get really interesting -- although to be fair there are some eerie sequences and a couple of startling moments. It also has some mood and atmosphere, and Dean Cundey's cinematography is notable. The picture cries out for a much better score than the one that composer Carpenter has provided, however. Janet Leigh gives a very obvious performance, but Barbeau [Two Evil Eyes] is better, along with most of the other cast members. Barbeau and John Carpenter were married at the time; their marriage lasted five years. I found it hard to believe that Barbeau's character would stay at the radio station instead of going to her little boy's rescue. Remade in 2005.

Verdict: If you like movies with creepy things in the fog, watch The Crawling Eye instead. **1/2.

HALLOWEEN HORROR -- PART ONE

HALLOWEEN HORROR -- PART ONE.

Welcome to the first week of our two week, two part Halloween horror special at Great Old Movies. This first week we cover everything from horror on Live Television to two Boris  Karloff movies, one Italian giallo film, a slasher-type picture with Jamie Lee Curtis, a British Hammer Horror anthology series, and a film entitled, appropriately enough, Pumpkinhead.

More to come next week!

ROAD GAMES

Jamie Lee Curtis and Stacy Keach

ROAD GAMES (aka Roadgames/1981). Produced and directed by Richard Franklin.

Pat Quid (Stacy Keach of Butterfly) is a truck driver in Australia hauling a load of pig carcasses. He begins to suspect that a man in a green van may have done away with a woman that this other man shacked up with in a hotel, As his suspicions mount, he picks up a gal named Pamela (Jamie Lee Curtis), who is seemingly taken away by that man in the van. Or did she just shack up with this other guy of her own free will? Quid is torn between forgetting the whole thing or obsessively following the van to find out for sure what's up. Complicating matters is the fact that the police are beginning to suspect Quid of being a serial killer ... 

Stacy Keach

Road Games won some acclaim when it was released, primarily because Richard Franklin was clearly more talented than the average director of slasher films, and the film has virtually no gore. However, although the film starts very well and pulls one along, and is very well photographed by Vincent Monton, it doesn't quite make it as a really excellent thriller. The pic starts to go downhill when Jamie Lee Curtis [Terror Train] , whose acting is highly insufficient, shows up as the hitchhiker, and she and Quid almost immediately start talking about the potential serial killer with hardly any prelude. It makes the film seem as if a chunk wound up on the cutting room floor. Curtis' character is undeveloped and irritating, but at least she isn't on camera too long. Keach gives a solid performance as the smarter-than-average truck driver with issues, but for the most part the score by Brian May is just all wrong for the movie.

The film does boast an exciting, suspenseful and very well-executed climax involving a tight alleyway, Quid's over-sized truck, the van and the man inside it, and two cops, one of whom is crawling under the big truck in an attempt to get to the front of it and the fight that's ensuing there. Everett De Roche's script is unpredictable, and it does have touches that could be considered "Hitchcockian," although the movie is never on the level of the best of Hitchcock. This did, however, help Franklin land the plum assignment of directing Psycho II. 

Verdict: Too many loose ends, implausible moments, and a pretty weak Jamie Lee. **1/2.