ROPE OF SAND

Burt Lancaster and Peter Lorre

ROPE OF SAND (1949). Director: William Dieterle. Colorized. 

Mike Davis (Burt Lancaster) is an African guide whose charge, Ingram (Hayden Rourke), goes off into forbidden diamond territory while he's sleeping. When Davis finds him, Ingram is near-death, clutching a load of diamonds. Davis leaves the diamonds and tries to get Ingram out of the desert. When police guards, led by Commandant Paul Vogel (Paul Henreid), come upon the pair, Ingram is dead and Davis is tortured, but refuses to tell where the diamonds are located. Two years later Davis is back in the territory, where diamond mogul Martingale (Claude Rains), who pretends to like Vogel but secretly despises him, decides to use a beautiful refuge, Suzanne (Corinne Calvet of Flight to Tangier), to get the location of the diamonds from Davis. A battle of wills ensues between Davis and Vogel as they fight it out for both diamonds and lady, with Martingale manipulating everyone behind the scenes and Toady (Peter Lorre) hoping to score as well. Meanwhile, Davis has decided to go for the gems come hell or highwater ... 

Claude Rains and Corinne Calvet

Rope of Sand is a seriously flawed film, but it is entertaining and well-acted enough to prove a good watch. There seems to be so much missing of the characters' back stories that while you're watching it you think it must be based on a long novel, not all of which made it onto the screen, but this is not the case. This was supposed to be a follow-up to Casablanca with Bogart and Bergman in the Lancaster and Calvet roles, but producer Hal Wallis had to be satisfied with three of the supporting cast of that film. John Bromfield (of The Big Bluff) has a smaller role as one of Henreid's officers. Dieterle's direction is assured, the performances -- especially Rains' -- are uniformly good, there is outstanding cinematography from Charles Lang [Wild is the Wind]  and an exciting score by Franz Waxman, but you may find it hard to tell if there's more -- or less -- here than meets the eye. Lancaster and Henreid have a nifty fist fight at one point. 

Verdict: Certainly it's not boring. ***.  

SERIOUS CHARGE

Andrew Ray, Sarah Churchill, Anthony Quayle

SERIOUS CHARGE (1959). Director: Terence Young. 

Reverend Howard Phillips (Anthony Quayle of Tarzan's Greatest Adventure) lives with his wise, feisty mother (Irene Browne) at the vicarage. Hester Peters (Sarah Churchill of Royal Wedding) is an aging spinster who is almost desperately in love with him. One of the parishioners, Mary (Leigh Madison of The Giant Behemoth), has been knocked up by juvenile delinquent Larry (Andrew Ray), who now wants nothing to do with her. Rejected by Howard, Hester has a bad reaction, especially when she sees Mary coming out of a back door of the vicarage. But just when you're thinking Howard will be accused of fathering Mary's child, the picture -- based on a play by Philip King -- pulls a neat twist: Larry accuses bachelor Howard of "interfering" with -- in other words, molesting -- him in the latter's study. Hester backs up Larry, and now Howard is subjected to a whole barrage of homophobic poison pen letters and more. But Mrs. Philips isn't going to take this lying down ... 

Quayle with Churchill

Thanks to a swift pace and some excellent performances, especially from Quayle, Serious Charge, despite some dated aspects, emerges a credible, entertaining and fairly frank British drama. The juvenile delinquents seem a little too much like the Hollywood version, and due to the casting of singer Cliff Richard, "introduced" in the movie, scenes of the kids dancing as if they were on a TV show look like very weird production numbers -- Richard even sings on more than one occasion. Fortunately, these scenes don't ruin the movie. Of all the things Larry -- played with marvelous sleaziness by Ray -- could have accused Howard of, what he chooses makes one wonder what put it into his mind in the first place. As for Howard's sexuality, this fifties film remains mum on that although Howard's mum seems convinced he only needs a good woman. Well ... This was an early film for director Young, most famous for Dr. No and Thunderball. Percy Herbert of Mysterious Island plays Larry's father. 

Verdict: Fine acting, a good script, makes this a worthwhile watch despite its flaws. ***.   

SADDLE ACES OF THE CINEMA

SADDLE ACES OF THE CINEMA. Buck Rainey. A. S. Barnes; 1980.

In this very interesting volume, Rainey looks back at the cowboy heroes of yesteryear, from the silent era to the mid-fifties when television took over from the B movie westerns that proliferated before the "boob tube" became ascendant. The book is much more interesting than I first imagined, because Rainey's prose is quite good and he unearths a lot of interesting information on these mostly forgotten movie stars. The names of Tom Mix and Gene Autry [The Phantom Empire]  and a couple of others may be familiar to the casual reader, and we've also got the likes of Ken Maynard, Hoot Gibson, Rex Bell, Harry Carey [The Vanishing Legion], Buck Jones, Jack Holt [Holt of the Secret Service] and others. Many of these gentlemen went on to successful careers as character actors in westerns, serials and other genres. The book is packed with black and white illustrations, a complete list of each actor's film credits, as well as lots of biographical information. If nothing else the book makes it clear how fleeting fame can be, but each man had many, many devoted fans in their day.

Verdict: For western fans and film enthusiasts. ***. 

THE RED CIRCLE

The mysterious "red circle" with Renate Ewert

THE RED CIRCLE (aka Der rote Kreis/1960). Director: Jurgen Roland.

A condemned man is saved from the guillotine because the executioner forgets to remove the nail that keeps the blade from descending. Sent to Devil's Island, he escapes and takes up residence in London as the hooded criminal mastermind the Red Circle (who resembles the Shadow). Chief Inspector Parr of Scotland Yard (Karl-Georg Saebisch) and bumbling assistant Haggett (Eddi Arent) are out to stop him as he makes his way through numerous victims including Lady Dorringham (Edith Mill) and Mr. Beardmore (Alfred Schlageter). The latter's handsome nephew, Jack Beardmore (Thomas Alder), is carrying on a romance with suspected jewel thief Thalia Drummond (Renate Ewert) and becomes a suspect along with several others. Meanwhile slick private eye Derrick Yale (Klausjurgen Wussow) does his best to help Inspector Parr, who is given a deadline to unmask the Red Circle or else. 

Thomas Alder, Karl-Georg Saebisch, Klausjurgen Wussow

The Red Circle is another adaptation of an Edgar Wallace story made in West Germany. It is one of the best examples of the genre. Suspenseful, fast-paced, well-acted, and exciting, it maintains suspense and has several surprises, including a couple of twists at the end. True, not everything is cleared up and the resolutions may confuse you, but the whole thing is so damn entertaining it doesn't really matter. Renate Ewert makes a wonderful impression as the irrepressible Thalia who keeps you guessing as to exactly whose side she's on. Tragically, both she and Thomas Alder committed suicide while in their early thirties. 

Verdict: Top-notch West German thriller or Krimi. ***.

ONE TOO MANY

Ruth Warrick contemplates her next drink

ONE TOO MANY (1950). Director: Erle C. Kenton.

Helen Mason (Ruth Warrick of Guest in the House) was once a well-known concert pianist who gave it up when she married reporter Bob (Richard Travis of The Man Who Came to Dinner) and had a daughter named Ginger (Ginger Prince). She has substituted booze for her career while Bob is what Dr. Phil would call an "enabler." Helen is convinced she is not an alcoholic and can get off the sauce without going to AA. But in this she is kidding herself. Helen and Bob find their lives spiraling out of control as Helen not only continues to drink but to drive drunk, endangering herself, her daughter, and everyone else on the road ... 

The Harmonaires pad out the running time

One Too Many probably has its heart in the right place although its polemical approach to the material is not as dramatic as intended. Much of the movie has Bob and others arguing that alcoholism is a disease that needs treatment and special hospital wings, dismissing the notion that all addicts are just weak-willed drunks of low character. Unfortunately these sequences turn the movie into a lecture that makes some good points but is not terribly entertaining. Strangely, the movie is padded with a long concert sequence at the end when the black group the Harmonaires do three numbers, and Warrick plays "The Minute Waltz" and a more contemporary number on the piano in a nightclub. 

An enabler? Richard Travis

Warrick gives a good performance in this although she's not the kind of riveting actress who can give an added bite to the picture a la Stanwyck or Crawford. Travis is, as usual, likable and pleasant and laid-back even when his world seems to be falling apart. William Tracy, who plays a photographer, is given a long, tedious sequence -- more padding -- as he waits outside the window in the maternity ward where his wife is having a baby. Ginger Prince is a talented child actress who can also sing and dance. Rhys Williams, Mary Young, Thurston Hall, and Victor Kilian are all good as Sully the bartender and his wife, newspaper publisher Simes, who hates drunks, and Emery, a mayoral candidate who gets caught in an inebriated state in a bar. Larry J. Blake is fine as Helen's old friend, bandleader Walt Williams. Erm Westmore appears briefly to give Warrick a makeover. Little did audiences of 1950 know that the scourge of drugs would almost replace alcoholism as a social ill. Erle C. Kenton also directed Why Men Leave Home, which also has Westmore and Prince in it and is even worse. From Hallmark. 

Verdict: A long commercial for AA -- a cocktail might help. **. 

MUMSY, NANNY, SONNY & GIRLY

Howard Trevor, Vanessa Howard, Pat Heywood, Ursula Howells

MUMSY, NANNY, SONNY & GIRLY (aka Girly/1970). Director: Freddie Francis. 

On an isolated if beautiful estate with a sprawling mansion, a weird family -- consisting of mother Mumsy (Ursula Howells), daughter Girly (Vanessa Howard of The Blood Beast Terror), her brother Sonny (Howard Trevor), and their cheerful nanny (Pat Heywood of 10 Rillington Place) -- collect people and keep them prisoner for bizarre fun and games. If they don't obey the rules they are "sent to the angels." Their latest victim is the "New Friend" (Michael Bryant of The Ruling Class), who after a period of adjustment, so to speak, begins "servicing" Mumsy and Girly, with a jealous Nanny and Sonny becoming more and more agitated. Whose head will wind up boiled in a big pot on the kitchen stove?

Michael Bryant with Howells

Based on a play ("Happy Family") which utilized only the characters but not the rest of the plot, Mumsy is a weird -- too weird -- black comedy that is, unfortunately, devoid of laughs aside from one or two moments (one of which might be the boiling pot, although it's a wonder that nobody smells anything). Although the actors are very, very good, handling these oddball, irritating roles with aplomb, it's hard to take any of them, especially the brother and sister, almost from the start. Things begin to get more interesting towards the end, when the quartet turn against each other, but by then it's too late. These psychos never come off remotely like real people. Freddie Francis only made the picture because he'd always wanted to film inside the impressive setting, Oakley Court. 

Verdict: Proof positive that even homicidal weirdos can be dull. *1/2. 

HOLLOW MAN

Kevin Bacon 

HOLLOW MAN (2000). Director: Paul Verhoeven. 

Brilliant scientist Sebastian Caine (Kevin Bacon) leads a team working on developing invisibility for military purposes. Caine takes the plunge and decides to inject himself with the formula, but a man who was already a bit of a conscienceless egomaniac turns into a dangerous and violent megalomaniac when attempts to make him visible again fail. In a nod to H. G. Wells' classic novel The Invisible Man, Caine goes on a reign of terror, trapping the other scientists in their underground bunker and taking after them one by one. Will anyone be left alive when the dust clears?

Elisabeth Shue

Hollow Man received some criticism because it follows a tried and true path instead of treading new territory in its treatment of invisibility. But on its own terms the movie works beautifully as a modern retelling of Wells' tale and as a thriller with many exciting scenes --especially a breathless climax in an elevator shaft -- along with superb special effects showing animals and humans disappearing as muscles, organs and bones, the covering flesh vanishing, are gradually revealed. The movie has a fast pace and nary a dull moment. 

Dickens, Brolin, Shue, Grunberg, Slotnick

Bacon gives an excellent and energetic performance, and is matched by a feisty Elisabeth Shue as a co-worker who used to be his lover. Josh Brolin, Kim Dickens, Greg Grunberg, Joey Slotnick and Mary Randle are also good as the other members of the team, and William Devane scores in a small role as another scientist overseeing the project from afar. Some of the characters are a bit cold-blooded and there are questionable scenes regarding some of Sebastian's sleazy actions. However, this is a very entertaining  and well-made picture with stunning and Oscar-nominated FX work, Nice score by Jerry Goldsmith, too. The 2020 film The Invisible Man was another notable Wells-influenced thriller. 

Verdict: Visibly exciting thriller. ***. 

AMSTERDAMNED

 

Huub Stapel and Wim Zomer

AMSTERDAMNED (1988). Written and directed by Dick Maas. 

A maniac wearing a scuba diving outfit is swimming the many canals of Amsterdam, emerging to carve up a lot of innocent people, male and female. Detective Eric Visser (Huub Staple) joins forces with old friend and rival John van Meegeren (Wim Zomer) of the river police to track down the killer. This unknown person always seems one step ahead of the authorities. In the meantime Eric begins a relationship with beautiful diver Laura (Monique van de Ven), who has a friendship with her psychiatrist, Martin (Hidde Maas). The story culminates in a wild and exciting speedboat chase through the canals but the killer may be closer to home than Eric realizes. 

The spooky canals at night

Amsterdamned is an imperfect but worthwhile thriller and borderline horror film with good performances and interesting and unpredictable developments. One of the movie's flaws is a fairly ridiculous sequence when the killer manages to completely behead one poor guy -- underwater, no less -- in what seems a matter of seconds; the logistics are just impossible and it all looks and comes off as phony as can be. Other murder sequences, such as a protracted sequence on a boat with an old man listening to Il trovatore on his record player, and a briefer scene when a woman's float is pierced by a butcher knife from the water below, are more effective (although the latter scene is a bit tasteless). The long speedboat chase is the decided highlight of the film, and there is also a creepy sequence when Eric explores a sewer tunnel in search of the devious perpetrator. Eric is a pretty terrible father who leaves his young daughter alone to get into mischief on a regular basis. Dick Maas also wrote and directed the unpleasant Shaft. 

NOTE: Amsterdamned 2 is in pre-production and due for release in 2025. Huub Staple again stars as a now-retired cop who teams with a female officer to take down a new murderer haunting the canals. 

Verdict: Scenic views of Amsterdam interspersed with murders, maniacs, and thrilling chases. ***. 

RAW MEAT

RAW MEAT (aka Death Line/1972). Director: Gary Sherman. 

When an important dignitary vanishes from a London subway station, Inspector Calhoun (Donald Pleasence of Halloween) questions American student Alex Campbell (David Ladd) and his girlfriend, Patricia (Sharon Gurney), who discovered the man unconscious (he later disappears). You learn very early on from Inspector Richardson (Clive Swift of Keeping Up Appearances and Frenzy) that before the turn of the century some male and female workers were trapped in a cave-in while scooping out a new station nearby. Apparently they managed to survive via cannibalism. Now the last survivor (Hugh Armstrong) of the descendants of this group is plucking hapless people from the subway to become his supper, and the latest would-be victim is poor Patricia -- Alex goes in search of her. 

Raw Meat benefits from some highly atmospheric and creepy underground settings (and some gross, explicit and well-done make-up effects), but suffers from very, very somnambulistic pacing. Virtually every scene and shot goes on for far too long. Because you know exactly what's happened to the people who disappeared almost from the very first, there's absolutely no suspense. In fact, the film is pretty tedious until the final few minutes. Donald Pleasence is also hard to take, playing his character in a fashion that is meant to be humorous but is merely obnoxious. The best performance in the film comes from Christopher Lee, who shows up for five minutes as an understandably condescending (to Pleasence) member of MI5. Gary Sherman also directed Dead and Buried, which is much better than this. 

Verdict: Nice idea but poor execution. **. 

THE WILLIAM SCHOELL COLLECTION

THE WILLIAM SCHOELL COLLECTION. Encyclopocalypse Publications. 2024. 

All eight of my vintage horror novels have been reissued in spanking new editions with new introductions by yours truly. 

You can order the whole bundle at a special price, or buy them separately (scroll down on the page). 

RAW WIND IN EDEN

RAW WIND IN EDEN (1958). Director: Richard Wilson.

"This is just a question -- not the bell for the next round." -- Laura

"What are you doing here? You belong on an island with nobody on it." -- ditto

Laura with no last name, the oldest fashion model in the world (Esther Williams was nearing forty when she made this film) is in Rome when she gets a visit from her married lover's lawyer, Wally Drucker (Carlos Thompson). She decides to return home with him in his plane, but they make a crash landing on a small island located near Sardinia. The only inhabitants of the island are Urbano (Eduardo De Filippo) and his daughter, Costanza (Rossana Podesta), who is betrothed to a strange man named Moore (Jeff Chandler), who came to the island seeking peace and isolation and never left. As Laura and Wally try to fix up a yacht to take them off the island, Laura and Moore find themselves attracted, even as strange acts of sabotage occur on the boat, and Costanza's handsome ex-lover, Gavino (Rik Battaglia), shows up now and then in his rowboat gunning for Moore. Laura makes up her mind to find out exactly who "Moore" is and where he comes from. 

Carlos Thompson and Esther Williams

If you think this movie might be interesting, be forewarned that it's not a fraction as entertaining as it sounds. There's a lot of empty posturing with no substance underneath, hollow, under-written characters, and lead actors who are competent but completely miscast. While there's what passes for smoldering passion between Laura and Moore, and Wally seems hot for everyone, the movie has an erotic charge that registers zero. With more than one climax, it seems to take forever to finally end. Thompson seems to have been dubbed by Paul Frees, and the pseudo-romantic music, some of which is nice, is by Hans Salter. Wilson also directed The Big Boodle with Errol Flynn.

Verdict: The only memorable thing about this tedious mess is the title. *1/2.

MAKE HASTE TO LIVE

Stephen McNally and Dorothy Maguire

MAKE HASTE TO LIVE (1954). Director: William A. Seiter. 

At the very beginning of Make Haste to Live, a shadowy stranger arrives at the home of Crys Benson (Dorothy Maguire) -- who has learned that her dangerous husband Steve (Stephen McNally of The Black Castle) has just been released from prison and may be coming to kill her -- and is able to easily open the front door which is not even locked and get inside. This is just one of many problems with the script for Make Haste, but the movie has other issues as well. 

John Howard with a distraught Maguire

Crys (originally named Zena) got away from her husband after she discovered he had shot and killed a cop. He gets away with that murder but winds up going to jail for the murder of Zena in an explosion (it was actually another unknown woman and it may have been an accidental death). Zena has reinvented herself and lives far away from Chicago in New Mexico with her teenage daughter, Randy (Mary Murphy of The Mad Magician). She has a boyfriend named Josh (John Howard of The Mad Doctor) whose proposals she keeps rejecting. The scene when Steve shows up -- something "Crys" has clearly been dreading and is terrified of -- completely lacks tension and impact and is badly muffed. Maguire was certainly a talented actress but in this sequence she acts as if it was only her brother -- whom Steve pretends to be -- showing up instead of the man who spent twenty years in prison for her alleged murder! McNally could also give decent performances but there are a dozen actors who could have made much, much more of this interesting role. For that matter Barbara Stanwyck could also have made a lot more of Crys and her situation. 

Ron Hagerthy and Mary Murphy

The supporting cast, including Howard, Murphy, Ron Hagerthy as her boyfriend, Edgar Buchanan as the sheriff, and Carolyn Jones as Crys' old friend, Mary -- who at Zena's direction tells the authorities she is alive but who is not believed -- are all good, and there is an effective score by Elmer Bernstein [Far From Heaven]. But there are a few too many holes in the plot, and Crys' actions are often senseless. The reactions and attitudes of the two lead characters in an incredibly difficult situation simply do not ring true. There are interesting elements to this that never jell. A bit with a bottomless pit in some Indian diggings being worked by Josh leads to a moderately exciting climax. From Republic studios. 

Verdict: An intriguing situation but you can see why this flick is completely forgotten today. **1/4. 

THE GIRL IN THE RED VELVET SWING

Joan Collins as Evelyn Nesbit

THE GIRL IN THE RED VELVET SWING (1955). Director: Richard Fleischer. 

Young model Evelyn Nesbit (Joan Collins) is so attractive that she comes to the attention of many men, including famous New York architect Stanford White (Ray Milland), who is married, and Pittsburgh millionaire Harry Thaw (Farley Granger), who is not. Evelyn and Stanford fall in love but he refuses to leave his wife, and she has little interest in being a kept woman on the side. Stanford's attempts to turn her into a kind of daughter, sending her to finishing school, don't work out, but Evelyn finally marries the abusive and rather obnoxious Harry. Harry is still obsessed with her past relationship with Stanford, and his murderous actions will lead into the real-life "trial of the century."

Collins with Ray Milland

The Girl in the Red Velvet Swing, for which Nesbit herself served as consultant, is a highly entertaining mix of truth, half-truths, fabrications and dramatic license. Although she claimed on the witness stand that she was drugged and raped by Stanford, this film suggests that she was perjuring herself upon the insistence of her mother-in-law. (How old she actually was when she and White had sex is debatable.) Despite situations that would blacken her character back in the day, the film generally treats her in a sympathetic manner; White as well. Collins and Granger give good if imperfect performances, but Milland comes off best. 

Farley Granger with Collins

There are some fine supporting performances in the film. Glenda Farrell, whom I didn't even recognize, as Mrs. Nesbit; Luthor Adler [House of Strangers] as Shaw's lawyer; Gale Robbins [Double Jeopardy] as Gwen Arden, Evelyn's friend and fellow entertainer; Frances Fuller as White's wife, Bessie; Cornelia Otis Skinner as Harry's mother; Richard Travis as Charles Dana Gibson; and others. The film is handsomely produced with a score by Leigh Harline and cinematography by Milton R. Krasner. The movie Ragtime also looks at the Stanford White murder, although in that movie Evelyn Nesbit is not only presented basically as a greedy dingbat but is almost a comic figure. Marilyn Monroe refused to do the film and it would have been interesting to see her take on Evelyn. Richard Fleischer also directed Fantastic Voyage and many others. 

Verdict: If taken with a grain of salt this is a slick, well-acted drama. ***1/4. 

RAGTIME

Howard E. Rollins Jr. as Coalhouse Walker

RAGTIME (1981). Director: Milos Forman. 

A well-to-do couple (James Olson and Mary Steenburgen) live with their young son and her brother (Brad Dourif) after the turn of the century. They take in a homeless black woman, Sarah (Debbie Allen), and her baby, and become friendly with the child's father, Coalhouse Walker (Howard E. Rollins Jr.). Dourif pursues a relationship with Evelyn Nesbit (Elizabeth McGovern), whose husband Henry Thaw (Robert Joy) shoots and kills her former lover, the architect Stanford White (Norman Mailer). Evelyn also encounters Tateh (Mandy Patinkin) and his little daughter, and winds up starring in the silent films he makes when he goes to Hollywood. When Coalhouse is humiliated by a bunch of Irish firefighters, feces dumped in his model T, he tries to get justice. Failing that, he somehow puts together a virtual militia with many weapons and begins bombing firehouses and shooting firemen. Dourif agrees to supply them with explosives. Nothing good will come of this ...  

Elizabeth McGovern as Evelyn Nesbit

For me Ragtime pretty much falls apart about this time as despite Coalhouse's understandable anger at his treatment, his murderous overreaction seems wildly contrived -- it's not as if these firemen killed anyone after all. (Besides, I have never found any kind of terrorism to be justifiable no matter how legitimate the grievances.) Dourif's character and his actions go undeveloped and unexplored, and the whole notion of mingling the Stanford White/Evelyn Nesbit story and its "trial of the century" with the Coalhouse Walker story (novelist E. L. Doctorow based all this on a German novella entitled Michael Kohlhaas, and claimed Ragtime is a homage to it) is perhaps ill-advised to begin with. What might have worked on the printed page doesn't always work in the cinema. 

Mandy Patinkin, Mary Steenburgen, James Olson

There are good performances in the film -- Rollins (who was Oscar-nominated and died of AIDS-related complications at only 46); an excellent Olson; James Cagney (at 81 playing a real-life police commissioner who was actually in his thirties at the time); Moses Gunn as Booker T. Washington trying to convince Coalhouse of the error of his ways --  and a notable score by Randy Newman. But as a whole I found the movie unconvincing and occasionally ridiculous. Other old-time stars in the film are Pat O'Brien and Donald O'Connor. Later this was turned into a Broadway musical. 

Verdict: Has its pleasures, but overall a misfire. **1/4. 

ONCE UPON A MATTRESS (2005)

ONCE UPON A MATTRESS. Wonderful World of Disney. (2005 ABC telefilm.) Director: Kathleen Marshall. Teleplay: Janet Brownell; based on the Broadway musical. 

This is a delightful version of the Broadway musical starring Carol Burnett, who this time relinquishes the role of the princess to an excellent Tracy Ullman and essays the role of Queen Aggravain. Burnett falls back on some of her typical shtick at times, but otherwise is magnificent. The story, of course, is based on The Princess and the Pea. Aggravain is pathologically determined to prevent her son from marrying (it would undermine her power, for one thing) so she dreams up impossible tests for the female candidates to pass – or rather, fail. The latest hopeful is Princess Winnifred the Woebegone (Ullman) who eventually discovers that she is to prove her “sensitivity” as she sleeps by feeling a pea that has been placed beneath twenty mattresses. Complaints that the leads are too old miss the point that this situation has been going on for years and years and the prince is approaching middle-age, which makes the song during which his father the King explains the facts of life to him even funnier! (Besides, the prince is called Dauntless the Drab, not Harry the Hunk! In any case, it's the secondary love story of Lady Larkin and Harry that features a young, more traditionally attractive couple.) 

The cast of Once Upon a Mattress

Ullman may lack that certain endearing “homeliness” of Burnett and Sarah Jessica Parker, but she manages to make a very effective and amusing Winnifred. Denis O'Hare is splendid as the dorky but appealing prince, and Edward Hibbert as funny as ever as the Wizard. Zooey Deschanel and Matthew Morrison make a convincing Larkin and Harry. As the mostly mute King Tommy Smothers has little to say but he gets his character across admirably nevertheless. The songs – lyrics by Marshall Louis Barer and music by Mary Rodgers – are tuneful and pleasant and occasionally memorable. Rodgers' melodies are easy on the ears, and sometimes better, although none have that magical specialness of her famous father, Richard Rodgers', work. That said, "Happily Ever After" is a swell, jazzy number; "Shy" is a lot of fun; "In a Little While" is sweet; and "Sensitivity" is a riot. On the other hand, I could do without "I'm in Love with a Girl Named Fred." All of the songs are well-sung and well-orchestrated, with no attempt to turn them into generic pop tunes as often occurs. TV versions of Gypsy and South Pacific may not have been very good, but Once Upon a Mattress is a very happy surprise. Oddly, the DVD for this program was released only two days after it premiered on television. 

NOTE: Burnett played Winifred in two earlier versions of Mattress in 1964 and 1972. Once Upon a Mattress is now on Broadway (direct from a production at City Center's "Encores") with Sutton Foster in the lead role. I had completely forgotten about this version until I came across my review -- reposted here -- on an old website!

Verdict: If you can't get to Broadway ... ***1/2. 

HE LAUGHED LAST

Frankie Laine and Lucy Marlow

HE LAUGHED LAST (1956). Director: Blake Edwards. 

When prohibition mobster Big Dan Hennessy (Alan Reed of I, the Jury) is wiped out by an ambitious underling, Max (Jesse White), the latter discovers that the dead man has left everything to an employee, singer-dancer Rosie (Lucy Marlow), including his stake in all of his rackets. This causes problems for Rosie because she is engaged to a cop, Jimmy Murphy (Richard Long). Surveying all this while having little impact on events is the late Dan's benign henchman, Gino Lupo (Frankie Laine), who also sings now and then. Max cooks up the idea of having handsome dancer Dominic Rodriguez (Anthony Dexter of Fire Maidens of Outer Space) become Rosie's partner and romance her, hoping to win her heart and hand and control of the rackets for Max. But Rosie may have other plans. 

Dick Long with Marlow

After the success of the film version of Guys and Dolls the previous year, there were all sorts of Damon Runyonesque-type stories featuring comical gangsters, of which He Laughed Last is one of the worst. Despite the title, the movie has virtually no laughs, and no one in the cast is remotely amusing. Frankie Laine, whose character doesn't really have much to do in the story, has no great comic skill, Jesse White is as annoying and unfunny as ever, Richard Long is certainly no comedian, and although Lucy Marlow plays it cute she's not a barrel of laughs, either. Blake Edwards script is, in a word, a stinker, an idea that should never have seen the light of day. 

Marlow with Anthony Dexter

He Laughed Last is not an actual musical, although Marlow is given two numbers and Laine sings a couple of times as well. The one and only highlight of the picture is when Rosie and that Latin Lover Boy Dominic dance a sexy tango together and the movie is (very) temporarily scintillating. Dexter had played Valentino five years earlier and uses the smooth assurance he displayed in that film to good affect in this, but he doesn't have enough screen time. Blake Edwards also directed Bring Your Smile Along, his first film, which also featured Marlow and Laine. It's a question why Laine even chose to appear in this picture. This might be the only time Richard Long was billed as "Dick Long."

Verdict: One tango does not a worthwhile movie make. *1/2. 

NEW FACES

Robert Clary stinks up another number

NEW FACES (1954).  Director: Harry Horner.

Making CinemaScope productions of Broadway revues was certainly a rare occurrence in the 1950's, but New Faces was quite successful and it was supposed that it would transfer well to the screen. Well ... the trouble is the material and some of the players. The two performers who get the most screen time are Eartha Kitt and Robert Clary.  Kitt (of Anna Lucasta) was a very talented actress, but her voice was not always exactly euphonic. Clary, best-known for a supporting role on the sitcom Hogan's Heroes, must have had an uncle or somebody else who backed the show, for his appearance in this is inexplicable. He does number after number but betrays no great singing talent nor comedic ability. You'll be reaching for the fast forward button!

"Love is a Simple Thing" dance routine

Fortunately there are a few more talented people in the movie. Paul Lynde (of Bye Bye Birdie) does a hilarious routine on going on a disastrous vacation in Africa. Singers Virginia Wilson and June Carroll do a couple of numbers each. Carol Lawrence [A View from the Bridge] and Alice Ghostly [Rodger and Hammerstein's Cinderella] also appear, the latter doing a forgettable skit with Lynde. The rest is decidedly a mixed bag. "Penny Candy" is an awful number that seems to go on forever; Kitt is at least given a fairy decent song with "Santa Baby," and "Love is a Simple Thing" is the most memorable tune; the dancers excel during this number. "You Can't Chop Your Papa Up in Massachusetts" -- about Lizzie Borden -- is meant to be cute and whimsical but is simply an exercise in bad taste. In the barely existing backstage plot, Ronny Graham tries to get Virginia's father to fork over the money for the show. Harry Horner also directed Vicki, a murder mystery set in the theater world. 

Verdict: Too much tedium but Paul Lynde helps a lot. **. 

PAID IN FULL

Bob Cummings and Lizabeth Scott

PAID IN FULL (1950). Director: William Dieterle.  

"Youth should be a blessing, not an apology." 

Jane Langley (Lizabeth Scott) makes continual sacrifices for her spoiled sister, Nancy (Diana Lynn), and even steps aside when both women fall in love with the same man, Bill Prentice (Robert Cummings). Bill and Nancy get married but he soon realizes that he got hitched to the wrong sister. Nancy is too selfish and immature to make a good wife or mother, but both Jane and Bill are too dumb to see it. When a tragedy involving a child occurs, no one seems to be held responsible for it. Meanwhile Dean Martin sings "You're Wonderful" on the soundtrack and Eve Arden, playing an arch gal named "Tommy," delivers her advice in her usual sardonic style. 

Cummings with Diana Lynn

Paid in Full is somewhat absorbing romantic schlock with generally credible performances. Others in the cast include Ray Collins of Perry Mason as a doctor, John Bromfield and Dorothy Adams, as well as Charles Bradstreet and Carol Channing in bits. Lizabeth Scott [I Walk Alone] delivers each and every line in a beatific style that makes her come off like the biggest sap on the planet. Shot by Leo Tover and with a score by Victor Young. William Dieterle also directed Dark City with Scott.

Verdict: Not one of the great classics of Hollywood. **1/4. 

FEAR NO MORE

Mala Powers appeals to Jacques Bergerac for help

FEAR NO MORE (1961). Director: Bernard Wiesen. 

Sharon Carlin (Mala Powers of Edge of Doom) is having a bad day. A man points a gun at her in a train compartment and accuses her of murdering the dead blonde whose body is nearby. This man disappears and a police officer (Robert Karnes) shows up and tries to take her into custody. When she runs off she is nearly run over by Paul Colbert (Jacques Bergerac of Twist of Fate), who is travelling with his young son. Paul eventually comes to care about Sharon and tries to help her figure out what's going on, especially when her employer, Milo Seymour (John Harding), denies all knowledge of sending Sharon on that train trip. Then Mrs. Seymour, for whom Sharon was hired as  a companion, shows up but is a completely different woman (Helena Nash). Still Paul supports Sharon until he learns that she was in a mental institution and may have murdered her last elderly employer. Still, something just doesn't sit right with Paul ... 

Powers with Jon Baer

Fear No More will hold your attention as it maneuvers the various twists and turns of the interesting plot, although Sharon's actions are often stupid, and a lot of the details of the alleged plot she's gotten herself into don't make much sense when all is said and done. However, Powers gives a good accounting of herself and she gets good support from Bergerac, Harding, Nash, and John Baer [Terry and the Pirates] as Keith, a tippling friend of hers who comes to an bad end. Anna Lee Carroll is also good as Paul's ex-wife, Denise. The picture leads up to a tense confrontation at a cabin in the woods. 

Verdict: Intriguing if imperfect mystery-thriller with a good cast. ***. 

DON'T JUST STAND THERE

Mary Tyler Moore and Robert Wagner just read the script

DON'T JUST STAND THERE (1968). Director: Ron Winston. 

Martine Randall (Mary Tyler Moore of Just Between Friends) works for romance novelist Sabine Manning (Glynis Johns of The Cabinet of Caligari), who has run off to who-knows-where. Kendall Flannigan (Barbara Rhoades) is hired to finish Manning's latest opus, but after she is accused of killing her boyfriend she is kidnapped by his gangster friends. Martine hires Lawrence Colby (Robert Wagner of Say One for Me) to finish the book, and he winds up affecting a rescue of Kendall. And it gets more confusing and stupider after that. 

Wagner and Moore went in disguise after pic's release

I'm afraid that Don't Just Stand There is one of those alleged comedies that is simply busy and frenetic instead of funny. I believe I laughed exactly once during the entire hour and forty minutes. Moore and Johns must have been appalled at the results if and when they saw this incredibly bad movie disaster. Both, especially Moore, are capable of being funny, but the script defeats them. Even Harvey Korman in a supporting role doesn't garner a single laugh. This is the first film for Barbara Rhoades and she's lucky it wasn't her last. Glynis Johns at least isn't on screen for that long. Charles Williams, who wrote the book (The Wrong Venus) this was based on also wrote the screenplay, so he has to get much of the blame. Possibly this was never meant to be a comedy? 

Verdict: Atrocious film is an effort to sit through despite some good players. *. 

GREAT OLD MOVIES SUMMER SCHEDULE

 

GREAT OLD MOVIES

is going on a Summer Schedule. There will be occasional posts in the hot months, but in general we will return on a regular basis in the Fall. This will give me time to finish up some book projects.

However, don't despair! My brother blog, B MOVIE NIGHTMARE, will maintain a regular schedule during the summer months and may even come out with more frequency. Yeah! 

THE PRINCE AND THE SHOWGIRL

Lord Olivier and La Monroe

THE PRINCE AND THE SHOWGIRL (1957). Director: Laurence Olivier.

"We are not dealing with an adult but an unruly child."

On the eve of the coronation of the new British King in 1911 London, the Grand Ducal Highness of the Balkan nation of Carpatha, AKA Charles (Laurence Olivier), invites a pretty American showgirl named Elsie (Marilyn Monroe) to supper at the Carpathian embassy. Alas, the Grand Duke doesn't realize that Elsie is a lot smarter than she looks -- and not quite as "easy" as he hopes. During the night and the following day, the two argue and banter, and Elsie manages to wend her way into Carpathian politics and  more via the Duke's son Nicky (Jeremy Spenser), soon to be king, and the prickly if lovable Queen Dowager (Sybil Thorndike). The cast in this entertaining if overlong comedy, including Jean Kent as an actress friend of Charles and Richard Wattis as Northbrook, a liaison, is uniformly excellent. Olivier is fine as the rather stuffy if amorous duke, and Monroe is natural, unaffected and marvelous -- luminescent, in fact -- as Elsie. I'm not the first to think that she sort of out-acts Olivier at times, but both are splendid. The ending is a bit strange, but this is a colorful, unusual picture.

Verdict: The High and the Horny. ***.

ALICE DOESN'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE

Ellen Burstyn

ALICE DOESN'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE (1974). Director: Martin Scorsese.

After the death of her husband in an accident, Alice Hyatt (Ellen Burstyn of The Exorcist) packs up and drives off to a new life as a singer with her young son Tommy (Alfred Lutter). Trying to get a job as a singer -- although she's not very good -- she winds up as a waitress in a diner in Arizona and along the way gets involved with two very different men (Harvey Keitel and Kris Kristofferson). This once very popular movie hasn't worn well with time. Although Alice was hardly the first Hollywood movie to deal with a widow moving on and starting a new life for herself, stumbling all the while, it came out in a decade reappraising women's roles and therefore seemed more novel than it actually was. Burstyn is good, if a bit overwrought at times, and won the best actress Oscar for the role. Lutter as her son is terrific and the rest of the supporting cast, including a young Jodie Foster as a friend of Tommy's, is excellent. A product of its time if little else.

Verdict: Pleasant and well-acted. **1/2.

HOUSEWIFE

HOUSEWIFE (1934). Director: Alfred E. Green.

Nan Reynolds (Ann Dvorak) helps to push her husband Bill (George Brent) to success, then has to deal with it when he falls in love with a man-hungry co-worker, Patricia Berkeley (Bette Davis) and says he wants to marry her. You can argue that the film is fairly predictable and formulaic, but it's also well-acted by the principals and surprisingly entertaining. Dvorak is very lovely and capable, Brent proves again that he could give many a winning performance, and Davis is saucy and likable despite her "bad girl" role. John Halliday and Ruth Donnelly also score as, respectively, one of Bill's clients (in his advertising business), who falls for Nan, and Nan's amused and amusing sister-in-law, Dora. 

Verdict: Easy to take and quite enjoyable, with a winning cast. ***

THE COWBOY AND THE BLONDE

THE COWBOY AND THE BLONDE (1941). Director: Ray McCary.

"Oh, you beautiful dope!"

Actress Crystal Wayne (Mary Beth Hughes), a complete bitch, is softened when she falls in love with a hopeful new cowboy star, Lank Garrett (George Montgomery), which is just as well because Garrett proves to be a hopeless actor except when he's doing love scenes with Crystal. The couple have a series of dumb misunderstandings throughout the 64 minute movie, which seems three hours long. Alan Mowbray plays Crystal's liaison in the studio. Minerva Urecal shows up for a minute or two. It's hard to believe this dog was actually released by 20th Century-Fox, as it looks like nothing so much as a poverty row item with an undistinguished cast. Hughes is at least somewhat vivid as Crystal; Montgomery has some charm but little else. This "comedy" has not got one single real laugh in it.

Verdict: 64 minutes long and only one half-hearted chuckle! *.

THE MAD MONSTER

George Zucco

THE MAD MONSTER (1942). Director: Sam Newfield.

"I'm not interested in your imbecilic mouthings."

Dr. Cameron (George Zucco) wants revenge on the scientific colleagues who mocked him, so he uses a formula created from wolf's blood to turn his handy man Petro (Glenn Strange) into a voracious monster complete with two fangs, a shaggy beard, and lipstick! Petro goes out to take care of Cameron's alleged enemies. Anne Nagel of The Secret Code is the doctor's daughter, Lenora, and Johnny Downs [Adventures of the Flying Cadets] plays a reporter named Tom Gregory. The film has its share of foggy atmosphere, but there's an awful lot of talking about things we already know. But the performances are good: Nagel [Black Friday] is always a pleasure, and Zucco is fun to watch no matter what the vehicle.

Verdict: Low-grade wolf man film with some limited appeal -- and Zucco! **.