RAGTIME

Howard E. Rollins Jr. as Coalhouse Walker

RAGTIME (1981). Director: Milos Forman. 

A well-to-do couple (James Olson and Mary Steenburgen) live with their young son and her brother (Brad Dourif) after the turn of the century. They take in a homeless black woman, Sarah (Debbie Allen), and her baby, and become friendly with the child's father, Coalhouse Walker (Howard E. Rollins Jr.). Dourif pursues a relationship with Evelyn Nesbit (Elizabeth McGovern), whose husband Henry Thaw (Robert Joy) shoots and kills her former lover, the architect Stanford White (Norman Mailer). Evelyn also encounters Tateh (Mandy Patinkin) and his little daughter, and winds up starring in the silent films he makes when he goes to Hollywood. When Coalhouse is humiliated by a bunch of Irish firefighters, feces dumped in his model T, he tries to get justice. Failing that, he somehow puts together a virtual militia with many weapons and begins bombing firehouses and shooting firemen. Dourif agrees to supply them with explosives. Nothing good will come of this ...  

Elizabeth McGovern as Evelyn Nesbit

For me Ragtime pretty much falls apart about this time as despite Coalhouse's understandable anger at his treatment, his murderous overreaction seems wildly contrived -- it's not as if these firemen killed anyone after all. (Besides, I have never found any kind of terrorism to be justifiable no matter how legitimate the grievances.) Dourif's character and his actions go undeveloped and unexplored, and the whole notion of mingling the Stanford White/Evelyn Nesbit story and its "trial of the century" with the Coalhouse Walker story (novelist E. L. Doctorow based all this on a German novella entitled Michael Kohlhaas, and claimed Ragtime is a homage to it) is perhaps ill-advised to begin with. What might have worked on the printed page doesn't always work in the cinema. 

Mandy Patinkin, Mary Steenburgen, James Olson

There are good performances in the film -- Rollins (who was Oscar-nominated and died of AIDS-related complications at only 46); an excellent Olson; James Cagney (at 81 playing a real-life police commissioner who was actually in his thirties at the time); Moses Gunn as Booker T. Washington trying to convince Coalhouse of the error of his ways --  and a notable score by Randy Newman. But as a whole I found the movie unconvincing and occasionally ridiculous. Other old-time stars in the film are Pat O'Brien and Donald O'Connor. Later this was turned into a Broadway musical. 

Verdict: Has its pleasures, but overall a misfire. **1/4. 

LOOPHOLE

Albert Finney and Martin Sheen

LOOPHOLE (1981). Director: John Quested.                                                  

Stephen Booker (Martin Sheen), an American architect living in England with his wife (Susannah York) and children, discovers that a certain deal didn't go through and he has lost his job. He also discovers that potential employers find him over-qualified, and there are no openings anywhere. Meanwhile, his and his wife's debts are mounting, the kids are in expensive private schools, bank loans are being called in, and things look pretty dire. Mike Daniels (Albert Finney) does offer Booker a job doing work on a building that he owns, but it turns out that Daniels doesn't really own the building and the job actually has nothing to do with floor extensions and everything to do with robbing the safety deposit vault in a bank. Booker can use his expertise to get the men through the rat-infested sewers below the bank and up to where the booty waits. At first Booker is appalled by Daniel's proposal, but as his debts mount up he decides to join in ... 

Robert Morley

Loophole is one of those caper films in which the robbers seem like friendly, nice guys who would never think of shooting anyone or betraying one another, and even Booker -- who was pulled into this scheme in a very duplicitous way and should be furious -- seems to be enjoying their company. The possibility that Booker may have planned or even achieved revenge on all of them is only intimated, and many viewers felt cheated by the somewhat abrupt and ambiguous and even illogical ending. A climax in which the tunnels are flooded as the thieves try to escape is well-handled, but it's hard to believe there would be such raging torrents in the sewers after such a short period of heavy rain. The film holds the attention but the characters are not developed that well. The very American Sheen and very British Finney actually work together very well, and although her part is small Susannah York has some good moments as Mrs. Booker. Robert Morley has only two brief scenes as Booker's anxious banker, but his presence is always welcome. Jonathan Pryce also scores as one of the robbers. 

Verdict: Rats, sewers and floods are always fun. **1/2. 

DEADLY BLESSING

DEADLY BLESSING (1981). Director: Wes Craven.

Thrown out of his Hittite community for marrying a non-believer, Jim Schmidt (Douglas Barr) farms his land with his wife, Martha (Marin Jensen). After he is killed in a strange tractor accident, Martha is visited by two close friends, Lana (Sharon Stone) and Vicky (Susan Buckner), both of whom have unpleasant encounters with the pious Hittite leader (and Jim's father), Isaiah (Ernest Borgnine). But there are other forces leveled against the women that they may be unprepared to deal with ...

A tarantula wants to make nice with Sharon Stone, who's having none of it

Deadly Blessing has some interesting things in it, but its script is disjointed and illogical. Wes Craven's direction shows no great skill -- although the snake in the bath tub is memorable, and was later sort of re-used in Craven's A Nightmare on Elm Street -- and much of the acting is insufficient. Sharon Stone [Total Recall] is so mediocre that you would have imagined she'd wind up in one or two slasher films and then settle in as a salesgirl at Mrs. Field's Cookies. Marin Jensen is not much better, and Borgnine's performance borders on caricature. Susan Buckner makes a more favorable impression, as do Doug Barr and Jeff East [Pumpkinhead] as his sympathetic younger brother. Lisa Hartman is given one of the most embarrassing debuts since Jean Arless in Homicidal, and Lois Nettleton [Butterfly] certainly deserves much better material.

Marty gets religion: Ernest Borgnine

One female character in the film has a secret, but whether it's that she's really male, transsexual, or a hermaphrodite isn't made clear. There's a fast-moving "cat fight" at the end of the film. James Horner's score liberally borrows from Bernard Herrmann and especially Jerry Goldsmith, to an almost comical degree. With a tighter script and better direction, Deadly Blessing might have been a contender, but no dice. Former model Maren Jensen had few credits; this was her last feature film; Buckner's as well.

Verdict: Silly and oddball in the wrong way. **. 

DEAD AND BURIED

James Farentino

DEAD AND BURIED (1981). Director: Gary Sherman.

Dan Gillis (James Farentino) is the sheriff at the small town of Potter's Bluff, which suddenly seems to have an epidemic of homicide. Mutilated corpses are turning up, and we see that the perpetrators are gangs of ordinary citizens attacking outsiders. Dan, however, is even more perplexed than the audience, especially when one of the victims turns up alive with a new identity. Dan's paranoia increases when he suspects that the town's old mortician, Dobbs (Jack Albertson), who is also the medical examiner, may know more than he's saying, and when he finds that his wife, Janet (Melody Anderson), has been reading a book on witchcraft. Then he gets a piece of film that reveals the true horror of the situation, and one especially shocking revelation ...

Jack Albertson

Dead and Buried counts many things among its influences, Frankenstein chief among them, but it also has its own originality if you take it with a grain of salt. There are scenes that go on too long (the opening especially), but otherwise the film is well-paced and consistently suspenseful. Although Jack Albertson [The Subject Was Roses] would not have been my first choice for the role of Dobbs, he's still effective and never chews the scenery. Farentino is excellent, adroitly handling a difficult role, and Melody Anderson [Flash Gordon] is also on target as his wife. The supporting cast, which includes a pre-Freddie Krueger Robert Englund, is well-chosen. Although there are several exciting and chilling sequences in the film, perhaps the most memorably disturbing is an attack on a frightened family in an old abandoned house. The gruesome make ups are expertly handled by Stan Winston. Director Gary Sherman originally wanted this to be a black comedy, but, fortunately, the movie, despite its absurd aspects, is played straight.

Verdict: Very creepy picture with a disquieting premise. ***.

ROAD GAMES

Jamie Lee Curtis and Stacy Keach

ROAD GAMES (aka Roadgames/1981). Produced and directed by Richard Franklin.

Pat Quid (Stacy Keach of Butterfly) is a truck driver in Australia hauling a load of pig carcasses. He begins to suspect that a man in a green van may have done away with a woman that this other man shacked up with in a hotel, As his suspicions mount, he picks up a gal named Pamela (Jamie Lee Curtis), who is seemingly taken away by that man in the van. Or did she just shack up with this other guy of her own free will? Quid is torn between forgetting the whole thing or obsessively following the van to find out for sure what's up. Complicating matters is the fact that the police are beginning to suspect Quid of being a serial killer ... 

Stacy Keach

Road Games won some acclaim when it was released, primarily because Richard Franklin was clearly more talented than the average director of slasher films, and the film has virtually no gore. However, although the film starts very well and pulls one along, and is very well photographed by Vincent Monton, it doesn't quite make it as a really excellent thriller. The pic starts to go downhill when Jamie Lee Curtis [Terror Train] , whose acting is highly insufficient, shows up as the hitchhiker, and she and Quid almost immediately start talking about the potential serial killer with hardly any prelude. It makes the film seem as if a chunk wound up on the cutting room floor. Curtis' character is undeveloped and irritating, but at least she isn't on camera too long. Keach gives a solid performance as the smarter-than-average truck driver with issues, but for the most part the score by Brian May is just all wrong for the movie.

The film does boast an exciting, suspenseful and very well-executed climax involving a tight alleyway, Quid's over-sized truck, the van and the man inside it, and two cops, one of whom is crawling under the big truck in an attempt to get to the front of it and the fight that's ensuing there. Everett De Roche's script is unpredictable, and it does have touches that could be considered "Hitchcockian," although the movie is never on the level of the best of Hitchcock. This did, however, help Franklin land the plum assignment of directing Psycho II. 

Verdict: Too many loose ends, implausible moments, and a pretty weak Jamie Lee. **1/2. 

MURDER OBSESSION

Nightmare sequence

MURDER OBSESSION (aka Murder Syndrome/Fullia Omicida/1981). Director: Riccardo Freda.

Michael Stanford (Stefano Patrizi) is an actor who hasn't seen his mother, Glenda (Anita Strindberg), in quite a few years. He comes to her castle -- where she lives with a majordomo named Oliver (John Richardson of She and One Million Years B.C.) -- for a visit and invites a few of his colleagues: the director Hans Schwartz (Henri Garcin); his assistant Shirley (Martine Brochard); a leading actress named Beryl (Laura Gemser); and Michael's girlfriend, Deborah (Silvia Dionisio). Apparently Michael killed his father, William (also Patrizi), a famous conductor, when the latter was beating his mother. Michael spent time in an institution and remembers little of the incident. But even he wonders if he is responsible when someone starts assaulting the people in the castle with definite homicidal intent.

Stefano Patrizi and Laura Gemser

Murder Obsession is one of those schlocky Italian horror psycho-shockers with way too much thunder and lightning, an obnoxious synthesizer soundtrack (except for the classical music which provides moments of blessed relief), bad overwrought dubbing, and a convoluted plot line with zany twists, one of which you can certainly see coming. There is a dream sequence for Deborah that seems absolutely endless and features spiders, bats and monks (and which turns out to not be entirely a dream), and at one point some poor soul gets a chainsaw in the throat. The final scene -- invoking the Pieta -- is suitably macabre, but otherwise the movie is not memorable. Riccardo Freda also directed The Ghost and Caltiki, the Immortal Monster, among others; both films are much better than this one.

Verdict: Throw in a castle and some gore and you've got a movie. *1/2. 

LIBERACE VS. LEATHERFACE

LIBERACE VS. LEATHERFACE (1981). Director: Toby Hooperman.

Fans of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre are probably unaware that this incredible film, never released, was actually the first sequel to the famous horror film. Liberace did the film as a lark, and good-naturedly spoofs his flamboyant, very stereotypically gay image. In the movie Leatherface and his family are driving to Atlantic City to meet relatives -- killing and eating people along the way -- when their car breaks down. They wind up at an old mansion wherein they find Liberace, greeting them at the door in all his finery and holding the all-important candelabra. Leatherface and his pals have no idea what to make of the star, while Liberace seems completely unfazed by the weird assortment of cannibals he finds on his door. He even attempts a makeover on Leatherface, and calls in Phyllis Diller to do everyone's hair. It all ends in a riotous free-for-all between police and the freaks, with Liberace wondering why the cops should be so brutal to "such nice friendly people."

Verdict: Well, it's certainly different. **1/2.

LOOKER

Albert Finney and Susan Dey

LOOKER (1981). Written and directed by Michael Crichton.

Cosmetic surgeon Larry Roberts (Albert Finney) does work on several beautiful women who obsess over certain "imperfections." You would think that he would wonder where these women got the exact-to-the-centimeter measurements of their alleged flaws, but Roberts only worries about it after they start being murdered. The murders are traced back to a sinister TV test group, Digital Matrix -- although it is never really explained why the women are murdered -- who plan to use computer-generated images to replace real people not just in commercials but in political ads -- or something like that. They have also invented a gun that freezes people in their tracks so to them it appears as if time has passed by without their being aware of it. While the technological stuff is not without interest  -- although by now it's rather dated -- Looker is still an astonishingly dull movie despite all the running around. There's one decent, fairly suspenseful scene in which Larry and his surviving patient, Cindy (Susan Dey), break into a lab, but the chase sequences which make up most of the movie aren't that exciting and Finney [Shoot the Moon] looks ridiculous playing action hero, especially when he dresses up like a cop  -- he's wasted in the movie anyway. Dey is appealing enough, and James Coburn and Leigh Taylor-Long are appropriately reptilian as the couple who run Digital Matrix, but -- typical for Crichton -- they aren't given actual characters to play. Darryl Hickman [The Tingler] plays Larry's associate, Jim, and looks good with a beard. Michael Crichton's attempt to have himself another hit like Westworld didn't work this time. Some of the pretty women who play Larry's patients can't act to save their lives -- literally.

Verdict: Not worth a "look." *1/2.

EVILSPEAK

Clint Howard

EVILSPEAK (1981). Director: Eric Weston.

Stanley Coopersmith (Clint Howard) is an orphan who has been sent to the West Andover Military Academy, where most of the students and staff are equally loathsome. Stanley discovers an ancient mystical tome in a dank cellar, and begins to type spells into his computer; he is soon allied with the spirit of an excommunicated monk from the past. A secretary (Lynn Hancock) also discovers the book and somehow manages to agitate a group of already excitable pigs who later devour her. Tormented by one too many bullies, one of whom even slaughters his puppy, Stanley uses the forces of evil to strike back with a vengeance -- you have to see hungry hogs on the rampage to believe it. Anyone expecting another Carrie will be disappointed, as Evilspeak is too disjointed, slow and incoherent to make much impact, although the gore FX at the climax aren't badly done. Clint Howard, the brother of Ron Howard, makes an effective "hero" and there are decent performances from Hamilton Camp as an instructor; R. G. Armstrong as a drunken janitor; Don Stark as nasty cadet Bubba; Charles Tyner as the highly unsympathetic Colonel Kincaid; and Joe Cortese as the school's reverend, all of whom die horribly. There's some catharsis in watching the bad guys get their just desserts, but the movie is still a major disappointment. It's interesting that the only person who is kind to Stanley is a black cadet who is too sensitive and intelligent to judge the boy by his athletic ability or lack of same.

Verdict: Good idea thrown together too haphazardly. **.

P.S. I LOVE YOU: AN INTIMATE PORTRAIT OF PETER SELLERS

P. S. I LOVE YOU: AN INTIMATE PORTRAIT OF PETER SELLERS. Michael Sellers. E. P. Dutton; 1981.

In this revealing, entertaining, and well-written book, the son of Peter Sellers talks about his life with his famous father, his siblings, his mother, and his father's assorted other wives, including actresses Britt Ekland [Asylum] and Lynne Frederick [Schizo]. The portrait that emerges is of a man who never seemed quite satisfied no matter what he got out of life, which in terms of success, wealth and prestige was considerable. Paranoid, mercurial, and often inexplicably temperamental, Peter Sellers would routinely disown assorted children on what some might deem a whim, although he was often mortally offended, such as when his daughter Victoria tactlessly referred to him as looking like a "little old man" in Being There. (Victoria was the daughter of the hated second wife, Britt Ekland). Michael Sellers and his siblings had a life of privilege for the most part, although his father was, like most movie stars, probably more concerned with his status in the industry than with anything else, although he undoubtedly loved his children as much as he was capable of. The final chapters of the book deal with how fourth wife Frederick somehow managed to get virtually all of her estranged husband's fortune away from his own children. This is an intimate and frank portrait of its subject, although I'm not certain if we needed to know about Seller's late-in-life bouts with impotency.

Verdict: Good read about a comic genius with assorted issues. ***.

MIDNIGHT LACE (1981)

Gary Frank and Mary Crosby

MIDNIGHT LACE (1981 telefilm). Director: Ivan Nagy.

TV reporter Cathy Preston (Mary Crosby) is haunted by the fact that her mother, who heard voices and committed suicide, may have passed on her madness to her daughter. Cathy gets especially hysterical when she hears weird voices in the fog and on the telephone, and it seems as if someone is trying to kill her. This is a mediocre remake of the similarly-titled Doris Day thriller, with Gray Frank offering his usual sensitive performance as Cathy's supportive husband, Brian. Celeste Holm [Cinderella] is on hand as Cathy's aunt, along with brief turns from Carolyn Jones [The Man in the Net] as a nightclub psychic and Susan Tyrrell [From a Whisper to a Scream] as Cathy's boss, who thinks she's just a rich dilettante. Joanne Nail makes an impression as a crazy rock star named Luana, and Robin Clarke is fine as Craig, the family lawyer who's holding a few secrets too many. A miscast Shecky Greene isn't very good as the police lieutenant on the case.

Verdict: Stick with the original. **.

MOMMIE DEAREST

Joan and paramour: Faye Dunaway and Michael Edwards

MOMMIE DEAREST (1981). Director: Frank Perry.

"I don't want [Christina] growing up a spoiled Hollywood brat just because she's Joan Crawford's daughter."

"Bring me the ax!"

The first thing to remember about Mommie Dearest is that it is not about Joan Crawford. It is, in my opinion, about a fictional movie star whose life in some ways parallels the real Crawford. Based on her daughter Christina Crawford's venom-dipped memoir, the film can hardly be accused of objectivity. The second thing to remember about Mommie Dearest is that it might have amounted to a fairly good movie, a moving account of a troubled relationship between a mother and daughter who loved each other in spite of everything, had Frank Perry used made-up names for the characters, admitted it was mostly "fake and fictional" as two of Joan's other children charged, and reigned in the more abysmal moments of Faye Dunaway's performance.

The shame of it is that Mommie Dearest, and Dunaway herself, have their moments. Dunaway's best scenes are her quieter, more vulnerable ones, such as when L. B Mayer (Howard Da Silva) releases Joan from her contract, or when her lover Greg (Steve Forrest) walks out on her, or when she admits to her grown daughter that "I'm scared, Tina, I'm scared" after she's dropped by another studio. The trouble is that director Frank Perry either allowed Dunaway to gnash at the scenery in her worst moments, or was completely helpless to prevent her from going completely over the top. You keep expecting foam to come out of her mouth. It is these scenes that make some people feel that the movie is a camp or cult classic. The screenplay doesn't help, of course, but Dunaway should have realized that even when a person is angry and drunk they don't necessarily act utterly demented. This movie's negative portrayal of Joan does nothing to suggest whatever emotional devastation or disturbance might have caused the fictional Joan's abusive actions. This is not shameless over-acting; it's shameful over-acting. It turns the movie into a travesty.

Dunaway [Bonnie and Clyde] rarely plays a real person, but instead trades on Crawford's latter-day movie image. Hence we have her calling for Tina to bring her an ax (a la Strait-Jacket) in the garden at midnight and slapping Tina as if she were Veda in Mildred Pierce. This not only does a disservice to Crawford, it does a disservice to the movie and everyone connected to it. It dissipates the effect of genuinely well-handled and well-acted scenes, such as when Joan gives Tina a pearl necklace, the first gift that husband Alfred Steele had ever given her, after his death. And the film is illogical as well, with Crawford "acting out" not just when she's at the bottom but after she wins an Oscar! (This is not to say, however, that the film is dull; it isn't.)

The other actors fare better. Steve Forrest as Greg Savitt, a character based on lawyer Greg Bautzer, is occasionally more on target than Dunaway. Both Mara Hobel and Diana Scarwid are excellent as Christina as,a child and an adult. Howard Da Silva makes a cunning L. B. Mayer,  Rutyana Alda scores as Joan's devoted maid and companion, as does Priscilla Pointer as Mrs. Chadwick, who runs the girl's school in which Tina is enrolled. Harry Goz and Michael Edwards have smaller roles, as, respectively, Alfred Steele and Joan's gorgeous date, Ted Gelber, and are fine. Paul Lohmann's cinematography is first-rate. Joan had two other children besides Christina and Christopher (who makes sporadic appearances), but understandably they are not depicted in the film as they thought Christina's book was garbage; Crawford's three other husbands are also ignored. Mommie Dearest does make a few minor stabs at objectivity, at presenting some of Crawford's more positive qualities, but this is Christina's movie all the way -- it was even co-produced by her husband. Christina thought Dunaway's performance was "ludicrous." which is saying a lot, but what did she expect would come out of "Mommie Dearest?"Christina was also reacting to Dunaway's disinterest in talking to her and her possible disbelief in the validity of the memoir. Meanwhile, Frank Perry has directed much better movies, such as Diary of a Mad Housewife and The Swimmer.

Verdict: A textbook case in how an untrammeled star, an uneven script, and poor source material can sink what might have been a good movie. **1/2.

THE FINAL CONFLICT

Son of Satan: Sam Neill

THE FINAL CONFLICT aka Omen III: The Final Conflict/1981. Director: Graham Baker.

"Most people confuse 'evil' with their own trivial lusts and perversions." -- Damien Thorn

Damien Thorn (Sam Neill), the anti-Christ, is now grown and still causing bloody mischief after the events of The Omen and Damien: Omen 2. Thorn becomes the new ambassador to Britain, then discovers that the Christ child has been born in London. Even as Thorn has his minions murdering male infants in case one of them is his adversary, Father DeCarlo (Rossano Brazzi) and his monks attempt to kill Thorn with special daggers -- only the little devil outwits them every time. Thorn develops a relationship with reporter Kate Reynolds (Lisa Harrow), but seems more interested in indoctrinating her teenage son, Peter (Barnaby Holm), into the ways of evil and lord only knows what else. But Damian's plans may come to nothing despite his best efforts ... The Final Conflict is a highly-enjoyable, slick and well-made horror film if you don't take it seriously, which is impossible to do for all but the sub-literate. On that mindless level the film boasts an excellent performance from Neill [Daybreakers], and a very notable turn from Don Gordon, who is Damien's executive assistant, and unbeknownst to Thorn, the father of a boy born on the wrong day. Brazzi [Summertime] doesn't seem to take anything that seriously, and probably didn't; Harrow and Holm are fine. The set-pieces in the film -- an assassin gets caught in a fiery trap while trying to kill Damien in a TV studio; the assorted suspenseful murders of the infants -- are well-done although a scene with dogs allegedly tearing a monk apart doesn't quite work because the rather cute doggies don't actually seem to be doing anything. The film is tremendously bolstered by a near-operatic score by Jerry Goldsmith, who has delivered an epic and beautiful theme with demonic undertones, and embellishes every scene with a sweeping and majestic backdrop. When Kate is, to all intents and purposes, raped late in the movie, she has virtually no reaction! But then the filmmakers have no more compassion for the assorted victims than Damien does.

NOTE: This was followed by the TV movie Omen IV, and just this year A and E had a series entitled Damien detailing the further adventures of Damien Thorn; it lasted one season.

Verdict: Comparatively empty but engaging and rather clever horror flick. *** out of 4.

AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON

Griffin Dunne and David Naughton

AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON (1981). Writer/director: John Landis.

Two Americans, David (David Naughton) and Jack (Griffin Dunne) are on a walking tour through the British countryside when they are attacked by a werewolf. Jack is killed, but David is bitten, and Jack's increasingly decomposing corpse keeps showing up to warn David that he will turn into a werewolf and kill people, and that his only recourse is to commit suicide. David would prefer to think he's just having crazy hallucinations, particularly as he's just entered into a relationship with his hospital nurse, Alex (Jenny Agutter). Then one night when the moon is full David begins to transform and the killings begin ... I thought American Werewolf was greatly over-rated when it first appeared, and my opinion of it hasn't changed over thirty years later. The black comedy approach may have [unfortunately] influenced many subsequent alleged "horror" films, but it was nothing new -- in fact, the whole movie resembles nothing so much as an EC horror comics story of the fifties. Naughton is okay in the lead, but you get the impression he should have stayed with Dr. Pepper commercials. Dunne is much better as Jack, Agutter is competent, and Lila Kaye makes an impression as a barkeeper. The movie is bloodier than it needs to be, which is kind of at odds with the supposedly "light" tone of the piece. The man-into-wolf transformation scene got a lot of press at the time; it's less impressive today, and the scenes showing the monster walking about aren't very credible. An interesting sequence has David meeting his disfigured victims in a porno movie house. In some ways the movie is quite schlocky; even the attack scenes aren't that well handled. Landis had few if any big hits after The Twilight Zone tragedy, which was covered in the book "Outrageous Conduct."

Verdict: Uneven blend of gore and comedy. **.

INSEMINOID

The cast of Inseminoid discuss firing their agents

INSEMINOID (aka Horror Planet/1981). Director: Norman J. Warren.

An archaeological expedition is sent to a planet where has been discovered a "vast, tomb-like complex," the exploration of which they hope will give them insight into the past inhabitants and what might have wiped them out. But before you can say Alien, Sandy (Judy Geeson) is attacked and impregnated by an alien creature that apparently takes over her mind and makes her go psycho. Inseminoid turns into a space-slasher film as Sandy stalks the other crew members, probably in an attempt to protect her baby. Besides Geeson, the only "name" actor is Stephanie Beacham [And Now the Screaming Starts] as another crew member. Inseminoid is slow, confusing and tedious, with nary a single thing to recommend it. This is the type of terrible movie that does no one's career any good, although most of the actors are all perfectly competent, although for some reason you can't quite take Jennifer Ashley seriously as the leader of the expedition. Geeson was also in Berserk with Joan Crawford. A dreadful musical score only makes the whole experience even more awful.You can probably miss the scene when a trapped lady astronaut uses a saw on her foot.

Verdict: Atrocious. 1/2 *.

GALAXY OF TERROR aka MINDWARP

A touchy-feely alien gets another victim

GALAXY OF TERROR (aka Mindwarp/1981). Director: Bruce D. Clark. Produced by Roger Corman.

"There's no horror here we don't create ourselves."

A spaceship is sent to a distant planet to see if they can find the survivors of the last expedition. What they find are the remains of the spaceship, some weird creepy-crawly aliens that attach themselves to their body parts, and a giant pyramid-like structure in which they are stalked by half-seen creatures and must confront their own fears. This is an old idea -- astronauts bedeviled by materializations of their own terrors -- but it's also an obvious copy of Alien. The movie has surprisingly good production design, courtesy of James Cameron [later famous as the director of Titanic] and Robert Skotak, and an interesting cast, including Edward Albert, Erin Moran, the ever-brooding Zalman King, Ray Walston as a cook with secrets, Robert Englund [Nightmare on Elm Street], Sid Haig as an astronaut who's murdered by his own severed arm, and Grace Zabriskie as a kind of butch captain, sole survivor of something called the Hesperus disaster (as if any vessel would be named after a famous shipwreck!).  Taffee O'Connell is pursued by a maggot grown to giant size that seems more interested in tearing off her clothing and licking her naked body than it is in eating her. Despite some fairly impressive sequences and decent acting, Galaxy of Terror has a cheapjack look and feel to it, and while not awful, it's not that memorable, either.

Verdict: One of the better Alien imitations, so you can imagine how awful some of the others were. **1/2.

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY (1981). Director: John Glen.

For Your Eyes Only begins with Bond putting flowers on his late wife's grave [see On Her Majesty's Secret Service], a nice nod to 007 history. After that there's a semi-comical prologue with Bond caught in a helicopter remote-controlled by old foe Blofeld. After a credit sequence which almost functions as a music video [we see the singer of the title song, Sheena Easton, something that was never done for Shirley Bassey], the story really begins and it's a convoluted one. An important encryption device has been lost in a shipwreck. When a couple who are searching for it on behalf of the British government are assassinated, their daughter Melina (Carole Bouquet) wants vengeance on everyone in the chain of responsibility, to which end she teams up with a hesitant Bond, and uses her crossbow weapon on anyone who gets in her way. Bond winds up at the Olympics where there are a number of chase/battle scenes connected to various sports, including a brief one on a bobsled that doesn't compare well to the bobsled sequence in the aforementioned Majesty. There are no real "Bond girls" -- super sexy beauties -- as such in the movie, although that's not to say the women are not attractive. In addition to Melina, Bond has to fight off the advances of teenage skater Bibi Dahl (Lynn-Holly Johnson, a real-life skater who became an actress), and dallies erotically with Countess Lisl (Cassandra Harris). For Your Eyes Only has a handsome Bond-villain for a change instead of the usual plug-uglies, embodied by Julian Glover [Theatre of Death] in the role of Kristatos, Bibi's sponsor and a man who wants to sell the encryption device to the Russians. Topol is cast as a criminal, Columbo, who becomes one of Bond's allies after Kristatos' henchmen kill the countess [it is never recorded if Columbo knows that Bond slept with his girlfriend the night before!]. Jill Bennett of Hammer studio's The Nanny plays Bibi's guardian and coach.

The underwater photography in For Your Eyes Only is excellent, and figures in two memorable sequences, an eerie one when Bond and Melina dive into the shipwreck with its drowned corpses; and a splendid scene when Kristatos has the couple tied together and towed behind his ship through sharp coral not to mention the sharks attracted by their blood [this sequence actually comes from Ian Fleming's novel Live and Let Die, but was not used in the film version thereof]. However the movie's most outstanding sequence takes place when Bond climbs up to the abandoned monastery at St. Ciro's which Kristatos is using as his headquarters, especially a taut and beautifully-edited passage when Bond tries desperately to get to the top even as a man overhead keeps knocking out the pitons that hold his rope to the rock.

For Your Eyes Only was a deliberate and successful attempt for the popular 007 series to become a little more down to earth after what some saw as the absurd sci fi excesses of The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker. Although it's by no means a perfect Bond outing, and is a bit overlong with a few slack stretches and chase scenes that fall a bit flat, when it is good it is very good, and proof that an entertaining Bond movie could be made without Jaws and high-tech special effects in outer space. Bill Conti's theme song is not bad at all; otherwise this is definitely one of the lesser Bond movie scores.

Verdict: Flawed but often invigorating Bond adventure. ***.

MYSTERY ON MONSTER ISLAND

MYSTERY ON MONSTER ISLAND (1981). Director: Juan Piquer Simon.

Jeff Morgan (Ian Sera) wants to see the world before settling down, and goes on a voyage arranged by his Uncle William (Peter Cushing). But the young man winds up shipwrecked on Spencer Island with all manner of beasties, the nervous-nellie instructor Prof. Artelect (David Hatton), and a fellow named Taskinar (Terence Stamp). They encounter everything from giant steam-snorting caterpillars to crazed kelp creatures, as well as phony rubber fish men. Most of the monsters are barely mobile, but for once there's an explanation for this, which I won't give away here. Very loosely based on the novel "L'École des Robinsons" by Jules Verne. There's some charming stuff in this, including a chimp who wears men's shoes, and a good sequence when the group uses primitive weapons to fight off some invaders.

Verdict: Not quite as awful as it could have been. **1/2.

I AIN'T DOWN YET: THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF MY LITTLE MARGIE GALE STORM

I AIN'T DOWN YET: THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF MY LITTLE MARGIE. Gale Storm with Bill Libby. Bobbs-Merrill; 1981.

Gale Storm appeared in some musicals and other movies for Monogram and other studios before finding lasting fame on two hit TV series, My Little Margie and Oh Susanna!. A big problem with this book is that it's less of a performing arts autobiography than it is an inspirational tome about alcoholism. Storm can't figure out why she began drinking [the fact that it got serious when she switched from hit TV shows to dinner theater may have had something to do with it] but she was in serious denial over her problem even when her liver expanded to "three to four times its regular size." The book has a few pages on show business and the people Storm worked with, and many, many more pages that read as a testimonial for an alcoholism clinic that Storm credits with saving her life and for which she eventually became a paid consultant. This book may have some value for people with drinking problems, but if you're expecting something that tears the lid off TV and tinsel town, look elsewhere. Storm doesn't even have that much to say about her co-stars. Sections are written by her husband, four children, and even the head of the aforementioned clinic. Storm's religiosity occasionally becomes borderline cloying. Readable, fast-paced, and not badly done for what it is, it still should have been so much more.

Verdict: Watch an episode of My Little Margie instead. **1/2.

OUTLAND

Frances Sternhagen

OUTLAND (1981). Writer/Director: Peter Hyams.

In the future, a mining colony has been established on Io, the third moon of Jupiter. The new Marshall, William O'Neil (Sean Connery), investigates when there is an increase in grisly suicides, and discovers something rotten in the state of Io: illegal drugs are being offered to workers to increase their productivity but it eventually makes them psychotic. When Sheppard (Peter Boyle), the head of the operation, realizes that O'Neil is out to shut him down, he enlists the aid of two hit men to come to Io and finish off the Marshall, who can expect no help from anyone, including his men. The only exception is the feisty Dr. Lazarus (Frances Sternhagen). This is basically High Noon in outer space. Connery is okay although it might be said that he's just going through the motions, betraying no sense of moral outrage over what's happening to the miners. Sternhagen is simply terrific. The special effects are solid and still hold up thirty years later. Fine score by Jerry Goldsmith.

Verdict: Not exactly original but an interesting variation on a theme. ***.