LOVE HAPPY

"Some men are following me:" Groucho and the Adorable One

LOVE HAPPY (1949). Director: David Miller.

The Marx Brothers get embroiled with a penniless theatrical company when the evil Madame Egelichi (Ilona Massey of Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman) learns that a stolen necklace she covets is in a can of sardines lifted by Harpo, who brings food to the actors. Groucho is a private detective who narrates the story and in one brief sequence dallies with Marilyn Monroe in a cameo that was not her first film appearance. (She had a big part in Ladies of the Chorus with Adele Jergens the previous year, for one thing.) Chico is a wannabe performer who adopts the theater company, or vice versa. 

Love Happy is not a comedy classic like A Night at the Opera; in fact, it's not a very good movie and wastes the talents of its stars. As the femme fatale of the piece, Ilona Massey certainly has a voluptuous figure -- in one outfit her nipples look like loaded weapons -- but hasn't the face to match, giving her all the sex appeal of Margaret Hamilton. At first chubby-cheeked ingenue Vera-Ellen (Three Little Words) seems so squeaky clean she makes Doris Day look like a dominatrix, but she also has a good figure -- and is a very good dancer -- and when she plays Sadie Thompson in a production number she's not as bad as one might think. Paul Valentine makes little impression as the director/producer of the show-within-the-show. The songs by Ann Ronell are best described as forgettable, especially the lousy title tune and a truly dreadful number called "Who Stole the Jam?" which is performed by Marion Hutton (In Society), Betty's less successful sister, as Bunny. Raymond Burr plays -- and plays well-- one of Massey's thug cohorts, resulting in a bizarre moment when Harpo slaps Perry Mason in the face! There are some funny moments, especially relating to Harpo's coat from which voluminous items are pulled in one great gag, but Love Happy is mostly a sad comedown for the clowns and kind of tedious to boot. Director Miller also helmed Sudden Fear with Joan Crawford and many others.

Verdict: Not such a happy affair. **.

THE PRINCE AND THE SHOWGIRL

Lord Olivier and La Monroe

THE PRINCE AND THE SHOWGIRL (1957). Director: Laurence Olivier.

"We are not dealing with an adult but an unruly child."

On the eve of the coronation of the new British King in 1911 London, the Grand Ducal Highness of the Balkan nation of Carpatha, AKA Charles (Laurence Olivier), invites a pretty American showgirl named Elsie (Marilyn Monroe) to supper at the Carpathian embassy. Alas, the Grand Duke doesn't realize that Elsie is a lot smarter than she looks -- and not quite as "easy" as he hopes. During the night and the following day, the two argue and banter, and Elsie manages to wend her way into Carpathian politics and  more via the Duke's son Nicky (Jeremy Spenser), soon to be king, and the prickly if lovable Queen Dowager (Sybil Thorndike). The cast in this entertaining if overlong comedy, including Jean Kent as an actress friend of Charles and Richard Wattis as Northbrook, a liaison, is uniformly excellent. Olivier is fine as the rather stuffy if amorous duke, and Monroe is natural, unaffected and marvelous -- luminescent, in fact -- as Elsie. I'm not the first to think that she sort of out-acts Olivier at times, but both are splendid. The ending is a bit strange, but this is a colorful, unusual picture.

Verdict: The High and the Horny. ***.

SCUDDA HOO! SCUDDA HAY!

Walter Brennan, June Haver, Lon McCallister

SCUDDA HOO! SCHUDDA HAY!  (1948). Written and directed by F. Hugh Herbert. 

"Snug" (Lon McCallister) lives with his father, Milt (Henry Hull), termagant stepmother (Anne Revere), and nasty stepbrother, "Stretch" (Robert Karnes) on a farm. Fed up with his horrible wife, Milt goes back to sea while Snug goes to work for the dyspeptic farmer McGill (Tom Tully). McGill has two daughters: the adorable little "Bean" (Natalie Wood), and the older, curvaceous "Rad" (June Haver). Snug makes a deal with McGill for two mules that the farmer doesn't want, and with the help of old Tony (Walter Brennan), turns the mules into a team that will bring in good money. But McGill and Stretch cook up a nasty scheme to get the mules back -- or will they? 

Is that June -- or Marilyn?

I had heard of this oddly-tilted movie -- the title is actually a kind of mule call -- for decades, but never had that much desire to see it until I discovered the "adorable one" -- Marilyn Monroe -- was in the cast. Alas, her part was cut down so drastically that I couldn't even spot her until I checked again and saw her say hello to June Haver while coming out of church. And that's it! The poster tries to make the flick look as sexy and exciting as possible, and wouldn't you know that June Haver actually looks a lot like Marilyn Monroe in the ad! As for the film itself, it does have some good moments (the two step brothers have a rip-roaring fight; Rad tells off her father) and even a bit of suspense at the end as our hero sort of "bets the farm" on whether or not his mules can pull a tractor out of the mud, but other than that it gets a little tedious. As ever June Haver is bland, pretty, and professional, while Lon McCallister is a combination of charm and petulance. At times Snug hardly seems much nicer than Stretch. Brennan and the rest of the supporting cast are all terrific, and Natalie Wood nearly steals the movie in her very cute turn as the precocious and intelligent Bean. Geraldine Wall subdues her usual feistiness as McGill's wife but is good. Lee MacGregor has a nice scene when he comes to tell Rad that Snug's father died at sea. 

Lon McCallister was an appealing actor who was often cast in these kind of roles. He was the boyfriend of actor William Eythe, who co-starred with Tallulah Bankhead in A Royal Scandal. In this film you will learn that mules are a combination of horses and donkeys but are actually more intelligent than either -- yes, it's true!

Verdict: Way too much about mules! **1/4. 

WE'RE NOT MARRIED

Wedded bliss? Fred Allen and Ginger Rogers

WE'RE NOT MARRIED (1952). Director: Edmund Goulding.

"I'll say one thing about our marriage. If there's such a thing as an unjackpot, I've hit it!" -- Ramona

Five couples who were married by a dithering Justice of the Peace (Victor Moore) discover that the man's license only went into affect after the new year, so that their marriages are invalid. Those affected include radio show hosts Ramona and Steven Gladwyn (Ginger Rogers and Fred Allen), who hate each other and only speak during the show; Katie and Hector Woodruff (Eve Arden and Paul Douglas), who have gotten into a rut; Annabel and Jeff Norris (Marilyn Monroe and David Wayne), who have an adorable baby boy; Patsy and Wilson Fisher (Mitzi Gaynor and Eddie Bracken), who are expecting a child; and Eve and Fred Melrose (Zsa Zsa Gabor and Louis Calhern), who are facing an expensive divorce -- for Fred. 

Gabor, Louis Calhern, Paul Stewart

Although there are a few laugh-out-loud moments, We're Not Married has a very insufficient screenplay. Some of the stories have such flat endings that you wondered why anyone even bothered. It also makes no sense to team the adorable Marilyn Monroe -- whose appearances virtually amount to a cameo! -- with the bland and utterly sexless David Wayne; they hardly set the screen on fire. The best episode has lawyer Paul Stewart dictating divorce terms to Louis Calhern, then a certain letter arrives in the mail, but even this segment is completely predictable. For me it doesn't help that Eddie Bracken happens to be one of my least favorite actors ever, although his typically whiny performance is adequate. Calhern, Rogers and others are wasted in this piffle, which could have been a really strong picture with a much, much better screenplay. Fred Allen was once a very popular comedian, although he's virtually forgotten today. Movies like this didn't help.

Verdict: A lot of good actors with generally disappointing material. **1/2.

THE ASPHALT JUNGLE

Sam Jaffe and Sterling Hayden

THE ASPHALT JUNGLE (1950). Director: John Huston.

"Crime is only a left-handed form of human endeavor."

Fresh out of jail, Doc Reidenschneider (Sam Jaffe) immediately tries to get a team together for a big-time jewelry heist. Cobby, the bookie (Marc Lawrence), suggests that the wealthy lawyer Emmerich (Louis Calhern) can put up the front money so the operation can be carried out. He also enlists the aid of Dix (Sterling Hayden), a gunsel who only wants to go home to the country, safe cracker Louis (Anthony Caruso of Where Love Has Gone), and bartender Gus (James Whitmore). What none of the men know is that Emmerich is flat broke and planning on running off with the loot -- all of it.

The Adorable One with Louis Calhern

The Asphalt Jungle is a justifiably famous caper movie, although it isn't quite as good as The Killing, which also starred Sterling Hayden and came out five years later. Huston isn't a Hitchcock, and he doesn't play for maximum suspense, but the film is nevertheless absorbing and unpredictable. The robbery itself is, perhaps, less important than the aftermath. Sam Jaffe and Louis Calhern pretty much divide the movie up between them, as both of them are simply superb. But Caruso, Whitmore, and especially Marc Lawrence are also notable, as are Jean Hagen [Singin' in the Rain] as a woman who loves Dix, and the adorable one, Marilyn Monroe, as Calhern's sexy mistress, Angela, who is particularly good in her scenes with the police. John McIntire is also fine as Police Commissioner Hardy. Hayden, who was importuned by Huston to appear in the film, is not on the level of the others, and some times just seems to be merely reciting lines. He has given better performances elsewhere.

The film has a good look to it thanks to the cinematography of Harold Rosson, and although Miklos Rozsa's music is used sparingly, it is always effective.

Verdict: Another sharp, well-paced caper movie with a very interesting cast and characters, and brilliant work by Jaffe and Calhern.***. 

BUS STOP

Monroe and Don Murray

BUS STOP (1956). Director: Joshua Logan. Based on the play by William Inge.

"Ain't it wonderful when somebody so terrible turns out to be so nice." -- Cherie.

Bo Decker is a young rancher who has a lot of energy but little experience with life or women. With his foreman and best friend, Virgil (Arthur O'Connell), he travels to Phoenix, Arizona to compete in a rodeo. He is certain that he will meet the right gal for him, and is convinced that that is just what's happened when he runs into nightclub entertainer Cherie (Marilyn Monroe). The trouble is that while Cherie may think Bo is handsome, she has no intention of marrying a complete stranger that she has just met. Bo, unfortunately, simply won't take no for an answer ...

Don Murray as Bo

Bus Stop was based on a stage play by William Inge, and it was opened up by screenwriter George Axelrod. Joshua Logan also directed the film version of Inge's Picnic the same year, although he had not directed the stage version of Bus Stop as he did Picnic. The movie benefits from inspired casting. Marilyn Monroe is simply outstanding as Cherie -- possibly the best performance of her career -- and is able to bring out the pathos and confusion in her character as well as her more comical aspects. Her interpretation of "That Old Black Magic" which she deliberately sings off-key in the saloon is very funny. Don Murray [Advise and Consent], whose first theatrical film this was, is also excellent, just perfect in fact, as Bo, managing to make a man who seems nearly psychotic at times a bit vulnerable and greatly appealing in some instances.

Arthur O'Connell and Monroe

As for the rest of the cast, Arthur O'Connell offers another of his spot-on performances as father surrogate Virgil. Betty Field [Seventeen] makes an impression, and seems to be channeling Mae West a bit, as the coffee shop owner, Grace. Robert Bray [Never Love a Stranger] has possibly his best role as the bus driver, Carl, who has a yen for Grace, and who has a fateful encounter with Bo. Eileen Heckart and Hope Lange are also effective in smaller roles as, respectively, Cherie's friend and co-worker and a young woman on the bus who befriends Cherie. Like Picnic, this romance has a bittersweet conclusion. Murray was nominated for an Oscar (supporting); Monroe should have been. The TV series Bus Stop was very loosely based on this movie.

Verdict: Very entertaining and well-acted comedy drama. ***. 

DON'T BOTHER TO KNOCK

Marilyn Monroe

DON'T BOTHER TO KNOCK (1952). Director: Roy Ward Baker. Based on the novel "Mischief" by Charlotte Armstrong.

Eddie Forbes (Elisha Cook Jr.) is an elevator operator at Manhattan's McKinley Hotel who wishes he had never let his niece, Nell (Marilyn Monroe), babysit for the young daughter of guests Peter and Ruth Jones (Jim Backus and Lurene Tuttle of The Manitou). For Nell has been disturbed ever since the man she loved died at sea in a plane crash. It doesn't help that she encounters a pilot named Jed Towers (Richard Widmark), whose girlfriend, Lyn (Anne Bancroft of Gorilla At Large) told him to take a hike because she not only feels they have no future but finds him essentially cold. Confusing Jed with the dead man, Nell becomes increasingly unraveled and things look more and more dangerous for her and the little girl (Donna Corcoran) and possibly Jed as well ... Marilyn Monroe is given a pretty tough assignment to play an emotionally disturbed, indeed mentally ill woman in this, and her performance ranges from some quietly effective moments to the occasionally embarrassing one; but all in all she's good and may even manage to wrangle a tear or two from some viewers. Bancroft and Widmark are excellent, and there is also notable work from young Corcoran, as well as Verna Felton (the stern maid on I Love Lucy) and Don Beddoe, as a nosy hotel guest and her husband. Gloria Blondell is a nightclub photographer, Jeanne Cagney plays a telephone operator, and Michael Ross [Attack of the 50 Foot Woman] is the house dick.  The ending to this is rather moving, and none of the major characters are untouched by the experience. This was released by Twentieth Century Fox with big-name leads, but it's essentially a "B" movie with a short running time. 

Verdict: Sad story of a grieving, neurotic woman disguised as a competent little thriller. ***. 

CATCH THAT BLONDE!

CATCH THAT BLONDE! (1961). Director: Arthur Lubin.

One of the rarest, least-seen movies ever made, Catch That Blonde! presents the teaming of Marilyn Monroe with the Three Stooges. Initially Monroe was only supposed to do a walk-on, but she had such fun with the stooges that her part was quickly expanded and she agreed to do three more day's work. The Stooges play private eyes who are hired by a jealous husband to find his wandering wife. Originally Marie Windsor had been hired to play the part in a blond wig but when La Monroe decided to stick around Windsor was quickly paid off and dismissed, although she returned to the set a week or so later to play a supporting role and film a zesty cat fight with Monroe. Catch That Blonde! was quickly pulled out of release after Monroe's untimely death, and has never been re-released or put on DVD or VHS. There have been private screenings of the film and grainy bootlegs have circulated for decades. It's too bad more people haven't seen it as both Monroe and the Stooges are in top, funny form and the picture is mostly a scream.

Verdict: Strange bedfellows and all that. ***.

THE FOGHORN, THE ADORABLE ONE AND THE BEFUDDLED OLD MAN

THE FOGHORN, THE ADORABLE ONE, AND THE BEFUDDLED OLD MAN. 

In this very amusing sequence from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes we have three very unique, talented and interesting players interacting for comic results. First we have "the adorable one," Marilyn Monroe, doing her "dumb" perky bit with skillful shrewdness; then little George "Foghorn" Winslow whose deep voice and deadpan delivery was always hilarious; and finally, the ever-befuddled Charles Coburn, a wonderful actor who was at home in comedy as he was in drama (In This Our Life, among many, many others). What an amazing trio!

If this video doesn't work, click here to watch it on youtube!

THERE'S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS

The technicolor finale of There's No Business ...

THERE'S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS (1954). Director: Walter Lang.

Molly Donahue (Ethel Merman) and her husband Terence (Dan Dailey) are long-time vaudevillians who have three children who join their act: girl-happy Tim (Donald O'Connor); pretty Katy (Mitzi Gaynor); and jazz baby Steve (Johnnie Ray), who actually prefers to enter the priesthood. Tim falls hard for a sexy lady named Vicky (Marilyn Monroe), but a misadventure with her sends him running off from a role in a Broadway show on the eve of WW 2. Is this the end of the Five Donahues? Aside from the title tune (which actually comes from Annie Get Your Gun), you'd be surprised that the music is by Irving Berlin, as the new numbers are pretty terrible and the older ones are ruined by inappropriately jazzy arrangements. As Steve, Johnnie Ray over-sings everything and makes faces, and his rendition of "Alexander's Ragtime Band," which he butchers, has to be seen to be believed. Ray also delivers the pious "If You Believe" (while mimicking Elvis' movements!) while the Adorable One -- La Monroe -- sexes up "Tropical Heatwave" in her inimitable style, although she's dubbed by Delores Gray and the number is otherwise not especially memorable. Although Monroe isn't quite up to her more "serious" scenes, she's positively luminescent in this and delivers her comedy sequences with her usual panache. As for the rest of the cast, Merman is terrific, with fine support from Dailey, Gaynor [The Joker is Wild] and O'Connor; Ray is fairly pleasing when he isn't singing. Hugh O'Brian [Rocketship X-M] shows up briefly as a theater man who falls for Katy; Robin Raymond [The Glass Wall] is the crude Lillian, who dates Tim; and Chick Chandler and Lee Patrick hardly get any lines as a couple of old vaudevillians at the Donahues party. The ending is nicely sentimental, and the last production number is a positive riot of brilliant technicolor.

Verdict: It would be all too easy to quibble about this picture's general mindlessness and often hokey numbers, but it all plays in spite of it. ***.

HOME TOWN STORY

Alan Hale Jr. with the Adorable One

HOME TOWN STORY (1951). Writer/director: Arthur Pierson.

When Blake Washburn (Jeffrey Lynn of The Law of the Tropics) fails in his reelection bid for his senatorial seat, he returns to his home town in Illinois where he is editor of the local paper. He is accused of using the paper to mount a campaign to get himself back into the Senate by attacking the winner, Bob McFarland (Hugh Beaumont of Money Madness). Will Blake allow his political ambition to get the better of him, and will anybody care? Home Town Story is a fairly dull, slight drama that plays more like a TV pilot than a theatrical movie. Lynn is not bad in the lead, and Alan  Hale Jr. [The Cruel Tower] scores as his associate on the newspaper, as do Donald Crisp as McFarland's father and Barbara Brown as Blake's mother, but the movie's chief interest is in the brief appearances by the "Adorable One," Marilyn Monroe, as a secretary. Marjorie Reynolds, Richard Crane, and Byron  Foulger are also in the cast.

Verdict: An early glimpse of the Adorable One, who had presence from the first. **.

NIAGARA

NIAGARA (1953). Director: Henry Hathaway.

"For a dress like [Monroe's], you better start making plans at about 13." -- Polly.

A young couple on their honeymoon, Polly (Jean Peters) and Ray (Max Showalter aka Casey Adams), become entwined with another couple staying at the same cabins near the falls. George Loomis (Joseph Cotten) is unaware that his wife, Rose (Marilyn Monroe), has taken a darkly handsome lover, Ted (Richard Allan), and that Rose wants this younger man to murder George. However, the best laid plans ... The actions of some of the characters in this are pretty dumb, but the movie is not boring. Monroe [Love Happy] looks sensational, although she's given better performances elsewhere. Cotten [September Affair] and Peters are fine, but Showalter's golly-gee-whiz attitude quickly grows tiresome, and he's not very good. The picture has an exciting, if somewhat abrupt, climax on the falls. Don Wilson and Lurene Tuttle are fine as Ray's associate and his wife. Very good use of Niagara locations. Peters and Showalter were both in Vicki.

Verdict: Monroe sizzles sexily while those waters keep rushing! ***.

CLASH BY NIGHT

Barbara Stanwyck and Paul Douglas in a tense moment

CLASH BY NIGHT (1952). Director: Fritz Lang. Based on the play by Clifford Odets; screenplay by Alfred Hayes.

"Home is where you come when you run out of places."

"I'm tired of looking after men. I want to be looked after!"

"I guess it's terrible to get old and lonely. I guess that's what everyone's afraid of."

"You impress me as a man who needs a new suit of clothes or a new love affair, but he doesn't know which." 

Mae Doyle (Barbara Stanwyck) returns to the fishing village where she was born to escape unhappy memories of her failure to find lasting love and success in New York. She begins dating fisherman Jerry D'Amato (Paul Douglas) but can't stand his insolent friend Earl (Robert Ryan) and at first fights her attraction to him. Mae eventually marries one of those men, and an unpleasant triangle situation develops. The basic plot may be nothing new, but this is based on a play by Clifford Odets and has a richness of character and detail that lifts it far above the usual marital infidelity drama. Stanwyck and Douglas are superb and Ryan gives one of his finest performances which calls on him to be both hard and pathetically vulnerable. J. Carroll Naish gives another of his exemplary performances as Jerry's uncle, and Silvio Minciotti also scores as his old papa. There's also very nice work from Keith Andes [introduced in the film] and Marilyn Monroe [in her pre-stardom days] as, respectively, Mae's somewhat disapproving brother and his rather independent girlfriend. The film is very well directed by Fritz Lang, and beautifully photographed by Nicholas Musuraca. The only negative thing about the movie is the phoney Hollywood happy ending forced on it by the production code.

Verdict: It's a shame this lovely, intense adult drama isn't better known. ***1/2.

FALLEN ANGELS: THE LIVES AND UNTIMELY DEATHS OF 14 HOLLYWOOD BEAUTIES

FALLEN ANGELS: The Lives and Untimely Deaths of 14 Hollywood Beauties. Kirk Crivello. Citadel Press; 1988.

In this very interesting book, Crivello examines the often tragic lives of several different actresses, then has a round-up of dozens more at the end, amply illustrating the dark side of Hollywood fame -- and infamy. Along with such famous women as Monroe, Mansfield, Natalie Wood, and Sharon Tate, Crivello covers the careers, trials and tribulations of Barbara Payton, Gail Russell, Barbara Bates and several others. Some of these stories are so heart-breaking that they really hit you in the gut. It's a shock to read about actress Suzan [sic] Ball, her struggles with disease, and then learn that after all she'd been through she was only 22 when she died. These women had fame, beauty, talent and promise, but they all came to sad ends -- some due to accidents, some to suicide -- and many were just abandoned by Hollywood and couldn't deal with it.

Verdict: A sad, absorbing read. ***.

THE GODDESS

THE GODDESS (1958). Director: John Cromwell.

Uneven but absorbing film written by Paddy Chayefsky is a fictionalization of the Marilyn Monroe story. While an almost-middle-aged Kim Stanley is an odd choice to play the Marilyn part – she isn't photographed particularly well and never creates the sexy, alluring aura of a Monroe – the producers probably figured a little subterfuge was in order (Monroe was still alive when the film was released) and Stanley's performance is generally splendid. Lloyd Bridges is fine as her second husband, an ex-boxer who only wants to go back home where he's still admired, but Steven Hill's off-kilter thesping as husband number one only shows why he never became a major player. Betty Lou Holland almost runs off with the movie as Stanley's mother, who in youth is a pathetic woman desperate for a better life, and in old age becomes a withered withdrawn bible-thumper. While the film has its slack and cliched moments, there are also moments that are trenchant and powerful. Elizabeth Wilson offers her usual finely-honed performance as Stanley's devoted companion in her later years.

Verdict: Worth a look. ***.