THE CARETAKERS

THE CARETAKERS (1963). Produced and directed by Hall Bartlett.

Lorna Melford (Polly Bergen) has been deteriorating mentally ever since the death of her little boy, and her husband, Jim (Robert Vaughn), has no choice but to put her in the Canterbury state mental hospital. There she is enrolled in a controversial new program called "Borderline," where several patients are isolated from the others and may even have a chance at being outpatients in the future. This program is run by Dr. MacLeod (Robert Stack), and he is violently opposed by head nurse Lucretia Terry (Joan Crawford), who has been with the institute for a long time and thinks his methods are impractical and ridiculous. Frankly, although the film clearly takes the side of McLeod -- I mean, "Lucretia?" --  considering some of the goings-on in the hospital you can certainly see Terry's objections. Lorna actually tries to stab one (admittedly unpleasant) nurse, Bracken (Constance Ford) in the back, and runs off only to wind up in a ward with psychotic males who try to have their way with her (what actually happens is left to the imagination). Still MacLeod and his staff -- Nurse Clark (Susan Oliver), Dr. Denning (Van Williams), and Nurse Horne (Diane McBain) -- are convinced that Lorna and the others can someday lead normal and productive lives. Well ... maybe. 

Butting heads: Stack and Crawford with McBain in back

The Caretakers tries to come off as a compassionate and sincere look at the struggles of the mentally ill, and almost succeeds, although it can't quite resist succumbing to the lurid on more than one occasion. Director Bartlett keeps things moving and the film has several cinematic, briskly-edited sequences, such as when Lorna gets shock treatment. Bergen gives a good performance although she almost goes over the top on more than one occasion. Robert Stack comes off like the grim Elliott Ness in the opening sequences -- who would want him for a doctor? -- but he warms up a bit as the movie proceeds and has an excellent sequence when he talks about his own father's mental illness. Joan Crawford plays with her customary authority and gives a very good latter-day performance, classing up the picture to a certain degree, as does Herbert Marshall in his sympathetic portrayal of Dr. Harrington, the hospital's superintendent. 

Joan oversees her nurses learning judo

Inmates are portrayed by such as Janis Paige  [Please Don't Eat the Daisies], who nearly steals the picture as the prostitute Marion, who covers up her insecurities with cutting remarks. Ellen Corby is the grandmotherly type who tries to be kind to all of the others. Barbara Barrie is Edna, who hasn't spoken for seven years, and nearly sets fire to the ward before miraculously uttering her first word. (This is one person who should definitely not be an outpatient! She and Lorna obviously need a lot more help before they can go home, and Nurse Terry would undoubtedly agree!) Robert Vaughn, that ultra-cool Man from UNCLE, gives a strong performance as a man who is simply unable to cope with his wife's severe mental and emotional problems. Susan Oliver and Van Williams are given a well-played scene together as the former wonders if she's really cut out for her job. Constance Ford ["The Creeper"] is effective as the rather cold Nurse Bracken, who backs up Lucretia Terry in every way she can. 

Constance Ford tussles with Polly Bergen

Crawford and Marshall, those old pros, play extremely well together. At one point Nurse Terry says "Sometimes I look back and I see myself years ago," the line given added poignancy by the fact that both, long-time stars, are playing supporting roles in a picture that may not be worthy of their talents. Elmer Bernstein's score has its attractive aspects, but it is also inappropriately jazzy and "sensational" at times. Cinematographer Lucien Ballard gives the film a crisp look, and there is one sobering moment when the camera pulls way, way back to show exactly how large the ward is and how many poor people are, in a sense, trapped there. 

Verdict: For all its obvious flaws, the picture is absorbing, ***. 

PLEASE DON'T EAT THE DAISIES

David Niven and Doris Day

PLEASE DON'T EAT THE DAISIES (1960). Director: Charles Walters.

Kate MacKay (Doris Day) and her husband, Larry (David Niven of Enchantment) are raising four adorable if rambunctious boys and planning a move to the country. Larry, a professor of drama, is made a theater critic for a top newspaper. In a contrived event, he is assigned to review his best friend, Alfred's (Richard Hadyn), new musical, and not only slams it, but prints that the leading lady, Deborah Vaughn (Janis Paige of This Side of the Law), has no talent. This leads into amusing encounters between Larry and Deborah as well as an opportunity for Alfred to get a kind of revenge on Larry. Meanwhile Kate is worried that her husband is turning into the kind of justifiably-abhorred critic who is more interested in making clever jokes at a playwright's expense than in writing serious and fair-minded theater reviews. If you take some of the improbable developments (they move into a house that resembles a castle) with a grain of salt, Please Don't Eat the Daisies is a delightful comedy, with the two leads in top form. Day and Niven work very well together and seem to be having as much fun as the audience. Some of the critical words that come out of the mouth of Doris' mother make her seem like a monster, but the casting of sweet Spring Byington makes her character more palatable.  Patsy Kelly plays the housekeeper but isn't given much of a chance to shine, although Hadyn scores as the angry Alfred, and Paige is just wonderful and very sexy as Deborah. Jack Weston is also fine as a taxi-driving wannabee playwright, and Kathryn Card of I Love Lucy appears briefly as a principal. The business with the baby being kept in a locked cage would raise eyebrows today and frankly makes little sense. (The rationale is that he can pick locks, but wouldn't that include the locks on his cage?) Please Don't Eat the Daises -- the title comes from a reference to one of the boys eating flowers -- is based on a novel by Jean Kerr, a playwright who was married to Walter Kerr, best-known as a theater critic for the N.Y. Times; the couple had six children. Doris does a reprise of "Que sera, sera" from The Man Who Knew Too Much and also nicely warbles the title tune and "Anyway the Wind Blows."

Verdict: Very amusing and well-acted comedy with an especially winning Day. ***.

HOLLYWOOD CANTEEN

Davis, Leslie, Garfield and Hutton

HOLLYWOOD CANTEEN (1944). Director: Delmer Daves.

Corporal Slim Green (Robert Hutton) and his buddy Sergeant Nowland (Dane Clark) are on leave in LA when they drop by the Hollywood Canteen. The canteen was started by Bette Davis and John Garfield, and both stars play a prominent role in the film, which is basically built around Slim wanting to meet actress Joan Leslie, playing herself, and the romance that ensues. During this, a number of stars either appear or do numbers. Among the highlights: Dennis Morgan and Joe E. Brown sing "You Can Always Tell a Yank;" The Andrews Sisters perform "We're Getting Corns for Our Country;" Jack Benny and Joseph Szigeti have a comical duel of violins; Joan McCracken does a jazz ballet production number; a Spanish dance number from Rosario and Antonio; and Kitty Carlisle singing "Sweet Dreams, Sweetheart." Peter Lorre and Sydney Greenstreet have an amusing cameo, and there are lots of guest appearances by a host of stars, some of whom you may miss if you blink (Eleanor Parker, for instance). Davis and Garfield are wonderful playing themselves; Dane Clark has an affecting moment when his character realizes that he no longer needs to use his cane; and Robert Hutton is excellent as the shy, sensitive small-town fellow who develops quite a crush on Leslie, who gives a winning performance as well. Zachary Scott and Barbara Stanwyck have notable cameos, and Janis Paige makes a decided impression as a studio messenger who pretends to be an actress. Corporal Green addresses his fellow fighting men and allies at one point, and mentions "our own colored boys" as it flashes to a shot of several black soldiers. Good. Although Hutton never became a major star (this was his fourth picture) he did amass 90 credits in his long career. However, the one single actor who has the most sheer presence in the two hour film is the formidable Joan Crawford.

Verdict: Entertaining, and ultimately quite moving. ***.

MR. UNIVERSE

Vince Edwards struts his stuff as "Mr. Universe"

MR. UNIVERSE (aka Mister Universe/1951). Produced and directed by Joseph Lerner.

"He's young, healthy, clean -- doesn't it give you ideas?'

An honest, naive, and simple-minded man named Tommy Tomkins (Vince Edwards) easily wins a "Mr. Universe" contest for well-proportioned males just after he meets up with an old army buddy whose life he saved. Jeff Clayton (Jack Carson) is a huckster and phony who convinces Tommy he should become a wrestler, and importunes promoter Joe Pulaski (Bert Lahr) to take him on. There's also the slimy "Fingers" Maroni (Robert Alda), who wants a big piece of "Universe" for himself. When Tommy wraps up his matches in so short a time that the audiences want their money back, Jeff and Joe try to wear him out before a bout, with expected complications. What puts this cute if minor flick over is the excellent cast who are all in top form, including Janis Paige as Jeff's girlfriend, and "Slapsy" Maxie Rosenbloom [The Yanks are Coming] as the trainer, "Big Ears." Vince Edwards [Hammerhead], introduced in this film as a blond, is fine as the likable if dumb Tommy and certainly illustrates his versatility in a role entirely unlike his "Ben Casey" a few years later. The wrestlers, such as Gorilla Hogan and Delightful Dave, are played by themselves, as is announcer Dennis James. Joan Rivers is supposedly one of the teenage girls screaming for the handsome Universe. Harry Landers [Phantom from Space; Rear Window] and Joyce Matthews have little to say but still manage to make an impression as Fingers' gunsel and moll, respectively. Lahr and Carson make a great team. This picture spoofed the utter phoniness of wrestling as a "sport" but things sure aren't any different today.

Verdict: Enthusiastic cast makes this more than watchable. **1/2.

FOLLOW THE BOYS (1963)

Russ Tamblyn and Paula Prentriss

FOLLOW THE BOYS (1963). Director: Richard Thorpe.

Liz (Janis Paige) and Bonnie (Connie Francis) are "sea gulls" who follow their Naval husbands around from port to port, grabbing what moments of intimacy they can. Bonnie is a newlywed married to Billy (Roger Perry of Count Yorga, Vampire), while Liz's husband is a Lt. Commander (Ron Randell of Most Dangerous Man Alive). who hopes to become admiral. Unfortunately, Liz is more interested in settling down with him and starting a family. In the meantime Toni (Paula Prentiss), a wealthy woman, shows up claiming she is engaged to playboy Lt. Langley (Richard Long); her parents hope to make a strictly business match that will increase everyone's coffers. Finally Michele (Dany Robin) is anxious to meet up with Langley herself, although for unexpected reasons. Assigned to escort Michele, seaman Smitty (Russ Tamblyn) winds up falling for Toni and vice versa. The actors are all professional, with Tamblyn [The War of the Gargantuas] and Prentiss making an appealing couple, and while the movie threatens to become another Connie Francis Movie it never quite gets there, despite a couple of song numbers. Francis is too self-consciously "cute" by far in this, and while it has some good scenes and entertaining moments, Follow the Boys eventually becomes an effort to sit through. The most interesting thing about the movie is Langely's recipe for a Torpedo: one part each of rum, vodka, brandy and creme de menthe, with a maraschino cherry, cucumber slice, lemon peel, a piece of orange, and bitters added for good measure. Having two of these beforehand may definitely make this or any other movie more entertaining!

Verdict: Torpedo this one! **.

THIS SIDE OF THE LAW

Kent Smith and Robert Douglas

THIS SIDE OF THE LAW (1950). Director: Richard L. Bare.

Down and outer David Cummins (Kent Smith) is hired by lawyer Philip Cagle (Robert Douglas) to impersonate his client, Mr. Taylor, a man who has been missing for nearly seven years. David is able to fool the family dog, but he also has to fool his brother, Calder (John Alvin); his sister-in-law, Nadine (Janis Paige), who was having an affair with Taylor; and even his wife, Evelyn (Viveca Lindfors), who reveals that her husband was basically a contemptible person. Cagle claims that the point of the impersonation is to protect Evelyn's interests, but there may be something much more dangerous going on. Most of the story takes place on a creepy estate called Sans Souci, with a big house nestled nearly at the edge of a cliff. Smith [Paula] is okay in the lead, albeit typically bland; Lindfors [These are the Damned] seems atypically disinterested; but Douglas, Alvin [Shanghai Chest], and especially Paige are more on the mark. The trouble with the movie is that the characters are paper-thin, and the plot unravels much too easily; it has a nice ending, however. Nita Talbot is listed prominently in the movie's credits, but she seems to have been left on the cutting room floor. Her character of "Miss Goff" doesn't resemble the older secretary in the movie at all. Bare directed the classic "To Serve Man" episode on The Twilight Zone, more than one Virginia Mayo movie, and the split-screen horror film Wicked, Wicked, among others. Douglas was a busy actor who later directed many television episodes.

Verdict: Film noir lite with an insufficient script. **1/2 out of 4.