ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET CAPTAIN KIDD

Charles Laughton as Captain Kidd

ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET CAPTAIN KIDD (1952). Director: Charles Lamont. 

Seven years after playing Captain Kidd in a serious film, Charles Laughton reprised the role in this parody with Bud Abbott (Rocky) and Lou Costello (Puddin' Head). The fellows are working at the Death's Head tavern when Kidd comes in for a meal with lady pirate Ann  Bonney (Hillary Brooke) -- who was a real-life Irish pirate. Bonney and Kidd argue over who gets what of the treasure that has been secreted on Skull island, and Lou winds up possessing a map that shows the location of said treasure. Unfortunately, the map keeps getting confused with a love letter sent by Lady Jane (Fran Warren) to the amorous singer, Bruce Martingale (Bill Shirley). Everyone winds up on a ship heading for the island while Lou and Kidd try to outwit each other and Bonney inexplicable finds Puddin Head's charms irresistible. 

Laughton and Lou Costello mug

Abbott and Costello Meet Captain Kidd starts out as a very funny comedy with everyone in good form, especially Laughton, who plays the role with perhaps just a touch more humor than before. Laughton and Lou Costello prove to be a good team in this, and poor Abbott is somewhat shunted to the side. Hillary Brooke could give decent performances in some films but there is an extra comical edge to the notion that she is actually doing scenes with the great Charles Laughton, as she is nowhere in his league as an actor. Costello sometimes overdoes his shtick,  which was typical for him. Bill Shirley has a nice voice and he and Fran Warren get to warble some rather pleasant songs by Russell and Lee: Captain Kidd, A Bachelor's Life, Tonight We Sail, Tall Pine, and North of Nowhere, the last two being romantic ballads. The movie is cute, Laughton is terrific, but eventually it just gets too silly and too many gags are repeated ad nauseam. 

Verdict: Just misses being an Abbott and Costello classic. **3/4. 

DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE GIRL BOMBS

Who cares? Just give me the check!

DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE GIRL BOMBS (aka Le spie vengono dal semifreddo/1966). Director: Mario Bava.

Probably due to the ad campaign, the spy craze of the period, and the presence of Vincent Price, Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikimi Machine was a hit for AIP. A year later the inevitable sequel materialized, with Price reprising his role of the diabolical doctor who has escaped death and is now blowing up horny generals by using beautiful robot girls full of explosives. Instead of Frankie Avalon, we have another teen idol, Fabian, playing spy, and there are two Italian alleged comedians who also play bumbling agents. Goldfoot's ultimate scheme is to drop a super-hydrogen bomb on Moscow, bringing about WW3. Goldfoot also has a pool full of piranha who never figure in the plot, as well as another general who happens to be Goldfoot's twin -- nothing much happens with that, either. Despite the fact that Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs has one more laugh-out-loud moment than Bikini Machine -- bringing the total up to half a dozen (that's one laugh every fifteen minutes) -- it's an even worse movie than its predecessor. Price, with both eyes on his paycheck and certainly not on the script, gives a gleefully hammy performance and probably never sat through this crapola himself -- if only his fans had been spared! As an actor, Fabian [A Bullet for Pretty Boy] actually amassed 48 credits. Possibly Mario Bava's worst movie.

Verdict: Just awful. 1/2*.

FLESH GORDON

Flesh Gordon offers to repay Prince Precious

FLESH GORDON (1974). Directors: Michael Benveniste; Howard Ziehm.

In this erotic parody of the Flash Gordon serials, Flesh Gordon (Jason Williams) and Dale Ardor (Suzanne Fields) travel with Dr. Jerkoff (Joseph Hudgins) in his Phallic spaceship to the planet Porno, where the evil Emperor Wang (William Dennis Hunt) is aiming a destructive "sex ray" at the earth. Most of this is a sophomoric semi-romp featuring painfully obvious double entendres (some of which are amusing) with some stop- motion animation by David Allen [The Day Time Ended] and Jim Danforth to enliven the proceedings. The "penisauruses," with big eyeballs at the end of their stalks, aren't badly done; there's a metal insectoid creature that reminds one of the moonmen in First Men in the Moon; and a giant, talking, hooven satyr who carries off Dale at one point -- there are some smooth shots of this creature as well as crude ones. The movie is both progressive and regressive for its day, with the members of the Amazon Underground trying to have their way with Dale and called "Dykes!" by Jerkoff. Meanwhile Prince Precious (Prince Barin in the original), played by Mycle [sic] Brandy, leads a band of gay merry men. Unlike the amazon queen the prince is not played as a stereotype except for one scene when he screams like a woman. After the prince helps save Flesh and the others, Flesh asks him if he can repay him -- Precious gives Flesh a blow job! While there are plenty of naked breasts "fleshing" about, this is pretty soft-core, with sexual activity being more suggested than anything else. Joseph Hudgins, who is actually quite good, does a dead-on imitation of Frank Shannon in the original serials. (As Dr. Jerkoff puts it as regards his rocket ship: "I was able to get most of the parts from the Sears catalog.") Fields and Brandy are fine in their respective roles, getting into the spirit of the silliness, while it's tempting to say that Williams makes Sam J. Jones (as well as Buster Crabbe) in Flash Gordon look like Laurence Olivier, but he's adequate. Hunt chews the scenery as Wang, which is appropriate, but doesn't erase the memories of the much more restrained Charles Middleton. Ultimately, this would have worked better as a short sketch instead of a 90 minute movie! Craig T. Nelson [Poltergeist] did the voice of the giant Satyr. Followed by Flash Gordon Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders which replaced Jason Williams with Vince Murdocco, and which, if I recall correctly, had some gross if imaginative touches to it.

Verdict: A somewhat clever, more often dopey, college kid's movie, with occasionally decent visual effects. **.

DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE BIKINI MACHINE

DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE BIKINI MACHINE (1965). Director: Norman Taurog.

Dr. Goldfoot (Vincent Price) uses robot versions of beautiful women to seduce and marry wealthy men so that the not-so-good doctor can enrich his coffers. His best robot, no. 11 or Diane (Susan Hart), mistakenly pursues agent 001/4 Craig Gamble (Frankie Avalon) of SIC (Secret Intelligence Committee, or something like that), until she realizes she's really after the rich Todd Armstrong (Dwayne Hickman). Craig has trouble convincing his boss and uncle, D. J. (Fred Clark of Hollywood Story), about the despicable plot even as Diane gets Todd to sign over virtually all of his assets. This spy spoof is bolstered by a fine and amusing performance by Vincent Price, as well as a smart and sexy one by Susan Hart [War-Gods of the Deep] -- Fred Clark is also good and Avalon and Hickman aren't bad, either. However, despite a few good laughs -- a funny bit involving a piece of ice and a woman's panties in a restaurant; a cameo by Annette Funicello -- the movie is way too silly and has a lengthy and tedious chase sequence at the end. Shots and sets from Price's Pit and the Pendulum are used for a sequence in which Goldfoot tries to kill Todd. The Supremes (!) sing a snappy title tune, but it's unlikely it ever turned up on a "best of" CD.

Verdict: Five laugh-out-loud moments but that's not nearly enough. **.

KISS KISS BANG BANG

 KISS KISS BANG BANG (1966). Director: Duccio Tessari.

Kirk Warren (Giulano Gemma) is about to be executed when he receives a pardon on the condition that he steal a formula the government wants before it can fall into the hands of the mysterious "Mr. X." Warren also wants to be paid a million dollars and when his liaison balks, decides he'll steal the formula for himself. He enlists the help of several aides, including his girlfriend Alina Shakespeare (Nieves Navarro), pulls off the robbery, then is caught in a cat and mouse game of trying to get paid for the formula as he dodges friend and foe alike. There's an acrobat, a parrot named Socrates, a talking pigeon, and an elderly lady who wields a mean cane. Warren is given a gun that emits laughing gas instead of bullets. Of all the James Bond parodies that were made, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang has to be one of the worst. Gemma, with his male model good looks, makes a convincing enough lover boy and anti-hero, there are some good settings, including Venice, and one decent scene when Warren has to parachute out of a plane onto a mountaintop, but mostly the movie is like one of the worst episodes of Batman and about as funny. It's interesting to note Warren uses a car that can go underwater, as in a much later James Bond movie with Roger Moore. The picture's score has musical diversity but is almost uniformly lousy. A dubbed Italian-Spanish co-production.

Verdict: Unfunny and atrocious. *.

IN LIKE FLINT

James Coburn, Thomas Hasson, Lee J. Cobb

IN LIKE FLINT (1967). Director: Gordon Douglas.

"By this time tomorrow, women will be ruling the world."

"Brain and hair-washing at the same time!"

"An actor as President?"

In this sequel to Our Man Flint, super-adventurer Derek Flint (James Coburn) is contacted by Lloyd Cramden (Lee J. Cobb) of Z.O.W.I. E. when he realizes that he was blanked out for three minutes during a golf game with President Trent (Andrew Duggan). During that time Trent was replaced by a double, a plot engineered by a group of women who plan to sabotage missiles -- Project Damocles -- to gain their ends. The main representative of this women's group is Lisa Norton (Jean Hale), who runs a cosmetic outfit called Fabulous Face that has its headquarters in the Virgin Islands, adjacent to the missile base. Unfortunately for the ladies, General Carter (Steve Ihnat), is only pretending to be an ally and turns on them, forcing the women to engage in Operation Smooch ... In Like Flint is sillier than the worst episode of The Man from U.N.C.L.E., slow-paced, unfunny for the most part, and with a climax that seems to go on for four hours. Coburn isn't bad in the part, although both Duggan and Cobb make more of an impression. Anna Lee is fine as Elisabeth, one of the older women in the group, but Jean Hale, while very pretty, isn't much of an actress. Searching for two missing lady cosmonauts, Flint winds up in Moscow, where he gets a standing ovation after dancing in a ballet! Yvonne Craig of Batman fame plays a Russian gal who offers Flint a doped cigarette. That same year saw the release of The Thousand Eyes of Sumuru, which was also about a group of women plotters and which was even worse than In Like Flint. The ladies in Flint never seem very menacing, probably due to typical sixties sexism.

Verdict: This could have killed the parody spy genre altogether. **.

RE-ANIMATOR

RE-ANIMATOR (1985). Director: Stuart Gordon.

H.P. Lovecraft's "Herbert West, Reanimator," which appeared in several installments during the writer's lifetime, was a zesty and fascinating story about a mad doctor's experiments with reviving the dead, experiments which always led to incredibly horrific and grotesque consequences. The story spanned several decades, and had West operating in different locales, finally winding up in a basement near the Cobb's Hill cemetery in the south end of Boston. West not only "reanimates" bodies, but pieces of bodies. Lurid and pulp-ish in a good sense, it was atypical but highly entertaining.

This film version uses the main character and premise and certain elements from the stories, but is updated and handled like a black comedy to the point where it pretty much turns into a burlesque. Stuart Gordon's direction is uneven, and Richard Band's music is a homage to/rip-off of Herrmann's Psycho theme, but there is some decent acting, especially from Jeffrey Combs as the mad doctor and Barbara Crampton as the dean's daughter. The liveliest scenes have to do with West keeping alive the head of Dr. Hill (David Gale), who is able to control his body even after being beheaded. Some "serious" newspaper critics at the time of the film's release were taken with its combination of yuks and some inventive gore, but one still wishes for a more faithful adaptation of the fascinating and truly horrific source material.

Verdict: Some grisly laughs and energy. **1/2.