BEACH BALL

Call her Miss Ross

BEACH BALL (1965). Director: Lennie Weinrib.

"Wriggle, wriggle. Dr. Tickle, Dr. Tickle, Right now." -- lyrics.

Dick Martin (Edd Byrnes) tries to raise money to pay for instruments for his band, the Wrigglers, by getting grant money for college under false pretenses. When Susan (Chris Noel). the gal who hands out the grants, discovers the truth. she and her intellectual lady friends put on bikinis and try to get Dick and the guys to stay in school. This is the plot -- I wouldn't kid you. Five minutes into the flick The Four Seasons appear to sing the catchy "Dawn," but, unfortunately, they are never seen again. There are appearances by the Righteous Brothers, the Hondells, and the Supremes, each of whom are given one number except for the last group, who are forced to sing a couple of bad, inappropriate "surfer" songs, although the second one, the title tune, is somewhat less awful than the first. Desperately playing college boys are Aaron Kincaid and Robert Logan, the latter of which appeared with Byrnes on 77 Sunset Strip. Even the worst episode of that series would have been better than sitting through this excruciatingly boring and completely unfunny farce, although the actors are at least enthusiastic. The songs sung by the "Wrigglers" are mostly dreadful, although "Candy, Baby," is perhaps the least dreadful. Rock movies in the fifties generally spent more time on the special guest-stars than the plot -- if only that had been the case with Beach Ball, whose acts have limited running time. If they'd just let Frankie Valli and the fellows sing one number after another, you might not be reaching for that fast forward button. The fellows dress in drag for their final number, and a gag is lifted from Some Like It Hot. A guy asks Logan, still wearing his wig, for a date. Logan removes the wig and says "It wouldn't work out between us." The guy replies, "Yeah, you're taller than I am." He then turns to Kincaid, "what about you, honey?" This little bit of gay humor. albeit unoriginal, is handled with perfect amiability. The movie, alas, is too stupid to ever really amount to anything. Dick Miller has a small role as a cop and is fine. James Wellman, who plays Bernard Wolf, the man who wants the money for the band instruments, is pretty bad.

Verdict: This imitation of the AIP Beach party movies from Paramount is even worse than the originals. *1/2.

DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE BIKINI MACHINE

DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE BIKINI MACHINE (1965). Director: Norman Taurog.

Dr. Goldfoot (Vincent Price) uses robot versions of beautiful women to seduce and marry wealthy men so that the not-so-good doctor can enrich his coffers. His best robot, no. 11 or Diane (Susan Hart), mistakenly pursues agent 001/4 Craig Gamble (Frankie Avalon) of SIC (Secret Intelligence Committee, or something like that), until she realizes she's really after the rich Todd Armstrong (Dwayne Hickman). Craig has trouble convincing his boss and uncle, D. J. (Fred Clark of Hollywood Story), about the despicable plot even as Diane gets Todd to sign over virtually all of his assets. This spy spoof is bolstered by a fine and amusing performance by Vincent Price, as well as a smart and sexy one by Susan Hart [War-Gods of the Deep] -- Fred Clark is also good and Avalon and Hickman aren't bad, either. However, despite a few good laughs -- a funny bit involving a piece of ice and a woman's panties in a restaurant; a cameo by Annette Funicello -- the movie is way too silly and has a lengthy and tedious chase sequence at the end. Shots and sets from Price's Pit and the Pendulum are used for a sequence in which Goldfoot tries to kill Todd. The Supremes (!) sing a snappy title tune, but it's unlikely it ever turned up on a "best of" CD.

Verdict: Five laugh-out-loud moments but that's not nearly enough. **.