DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE BIKINI MACHINE

DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE BIKINI MACHINE (1965). Director: Norman Taurog.

Dr. Goldfoot (Vincent Price) uses robot versions of beautiful women to seduce and marry wealthy men so that the not-so-good doctor can enrich his coffers. His best robot, no. 11 or Diane (Susan Hart), mistakenly pursues agent 001/4 Craig Gamble (Frankie Avalon) of SIC (Secret Intelligence Committee, or something like that), until she realizes she's really after the rich Todd Armstrong (Dwayne Hickman). Craig has trouble convincing his boss and uncle, D. J. (Fred Clark of Hollywood Story), about the despicable plot even as Diane gets Todd to sign over virtually all of his assets. This spy spoof is bolstered by a fine and amusing performance by Vincent Price, as well as a smart and sexy one by Susan Hart [War-Gods of the Deep] -- Fred Clark is also good and Avalon and Hickman aren't bad, either. However, despite a few good laughs -- a funny bit involving a piece of ice and a woman's panties in a restaurant; a cameo by Annette Funicello -- the movie is way too silly and has a lengthy and tedious chase sequence at the end. Shots and sets from Price's Pit and the Pendulum are used for a sequence in which Goldfoot tries to kill Todd. The Supremes (!) sing a snappy title tune, but it's unlikely it ever turned up on a "best of" CD.

Verdict: Five laugh-out-loud moments but that's not nearly enough. **.

THE SECRET HEART

Claudette Colbert

THE SECRET HEART (1946). Director: Robert Z. Leonard.

On shipboard, Lee (Claudette Colbert) is romanced by Chris (Walter Pidgeon), who urges her to marry him instead of his "friend," Larry Addams (Richard Derr), to whom she is engaged. But Lee does marry Larry and finds herself trapped in a relationship with a neurotic, paranoid composer -- basically an asshole -- who takes a long time to finally dispose of himself. Chris comes back into Lee's life, but she resists him out of guilt. Another complication is that her step-daughter, Penny (June Allyson), thinks she's fallen in love with the much older Chris -- when she learns the truth of whom he really loves will she go the way of her father? The Secret Heart is an absorbing enough romantic melodrama, bolstered by some very good performances, especially from Colbert, Derr [Terror is a Man], Robert Sterling [Bunco Squad] as Lee's stepson and Patricia Medina as his fiancee. Lionel Barrymore is in Wise Old Owl mode as Penny's shrink, and Marshall Thompson is charming as a young man who is attracted to a dismissive Penny. June Allyson is not bad as Penny, although, as usual, she's a trifle cloying, and Pidgeon manages to hold his own with Colbert without being on her level. Elizabeth Patterson and Dwayne Hickman are also in the cast. Leonard also directed the far superior In the Good Old Summertime.

Verdict: Some people you can live without. **1/2.