THE LOVE MACHINE

John Phillip Law as Robin Stone, the "Love Machine"

THE LOVE MACHINE (1971). Director: Jack Haley Jr.  

Newscaster Robin Stone (John Phillip Law of The Sergeant) attracts the attention of both Network head Greg Austin (Robert Ryan) and his lustful wife, Judith (Dyan Cannon), leading to him getting more than one promotion both on-camera and in the executive suite. Meanwhile Robin beds numerous ladies, including a model named Amanda (Jodi Wexler) and Judith, both of whom become much too possessive. Recognizing that Robin has become too big for his britches and is a threat both to his job and his power, Austin wonders if a morals clause might be one way to get rid of the threat. It's well known that Stone has had many ladies in his bed, but is he also involved with his good friend, the flamboyantly gay photographer and producer Jerry Nelson (David Hemmings of Deep Red)? Judith causes a scene at a Hollywood party that may have them all out on the street. 

Dyan Cannon and Robert Ryan

Robin Stone was originally to be played by Brian Kelly, but just before filming began he was involved in an accident which ended his acting career (although he went on to become a successful producer). John Phillip Law then took over as Stone but was given a very underwritten role to play. Law is handsome and okay in the part, but he lacks that certain charisma, that all-important X Factor, at least in this picture, and Stone remains a bit of a cypher anyway. In the Jacqueline Susann potboiler that this was based on, Stone not only gets involved with Amanda and Judith, but with an actress named Maggie. This character has been reduced to a bit, well-played by Sharon Farrell. Robert Ryan gives the movie a touch of class as Austin, and manages to maintain his dignity. Hemmings is quite good and sharp as Jerry, although he was understandably criticized for perhaps overdoing the swishiness of his performance. (Jerry is neither gay nor a photographer in the book.)  Dyan Cannon, an actress who for some reason always looks as if she should have a mustache, is also good as Judith. 

Jodi Wexler and David Hemmings

Jodi Wexler was introduced in this film, both her first and last screen credit. I did not think her performance was bad, as she was playing a sweet and naive young lady, but Love Machine was a major bomb that didn't do much good for anyone's career. Jackie Cooper makes the most of his role as Danton Miller, the network head of programming. Shecky Greene is a second-rate comedian basically playing a version of himself, and there are good turns from Maureen Arthur as a promiscuous publicity agent and William Roerick as another executive who councils both Austin and his wife. 

Jackie Cooper and David Hemmings

Both the novel and the film adaptation were utterly excoriated by the critics. The odd thing is that the movie isn't truly awful, it's entertaining and has some vivid performances and sequences. There's Judith discovering Robin in the shower with two nubile and busty twins (the Collinsons of Twins of Evil) and setting fire to the bedroom by pouring vodka all over their clothing, and a four-way fight scene between Robin, Judith, Jerry and a boyfriend, Alfie (Clinton Greyn), over a supposedly incriminating inscribed bracelet that Judith thinks will utterly ruin Robin as they all desperately scrabble to get it and slap, pummel and kick anyone who gets in their way. These scenes are deliberately amusing if not hysterical. While the knocks at the TV industry may not rise to the level of Network, the gay material is a bit tiresome, Stone is never sufficiently developed even though he's the main character, and the film just sort of ends abruptly without any major resolution, much of the picture actually plays quite well.  Law, however, was seen to better advantage in Danger:Diabolik. 

Verdict: If you take this in the right spirit and don't expect Citizen Kane, but the book is much better ... ***. 

DOCTORS WIVES

DOCTORS' WIVES (1971). Director: George Schaefer.

"I don't appreciate your sleeping with your wife." 

Lorrie Dellman (Dyan Cannon) announces to a group of friends, all of whom are married to doctors as she is, that she intends to sleep with all of their husbands, and has already gotten to two of them. The next day Lorrie is caught in bed with a doctor and shot to death by her husband as everyone wonders which man (who survived the shooting and is fighting for his life in the hospital) was her lover. And this is just in the first ten minutes!

WIVES: McCargo, Williams, Cannon, Rule, Roberts

Unfortunately, anyone hoping for a serious film or just a trash wallow will be disappointed, as Doctors Wives is not a very good picture and sadly isn't quite bad enough to be much fun either. Judging from this movie, doctors, nurses and interns spend almost as much of their time having affairs as they do tending to patients. The wives in the picture consist of Amy (Janice Rule of The Swimmer) who is married to Peter (Richard Crenna), who is having an affair with his head nurse Helen (Diana Sands), whose little boy has an aneurysm. Then there's Della (Rachel Roberts of When a Stranger Calls) who is married to Dave (Gene Hackman) and confesses to him that she also had sex with lusty Lorrie. Maggie (Cara Williams) is separated from Joe (Carroll O'Connor) and drinks too much, while neglected Elaine (Marian McCargo aka Marian Moses) beds an intern-stud named Mike (Anthony Costello) even as her hubby Paul (George Gaynes of One Touch of Venus) is similarly occupied elsewhere. You need a scorecard. (If this makes you want to rush out and buy the DVD, be forewarned.) 

DOCTORS: Gaynes, Hackman, Colicos, O'Connor, Crenna

Others have noted that Doctors Wives comes off more as a racy and frank nighttime TV soap opera than a theatrical movie, and having the competent but bland, strictly small-screen Crenna in the lead doesn't help. Otherwise the cast is game with Roberts, Sands, Cannon and Williams making the best impression. And John Colicos is especially notable as the very cool, near-sociopathic wife killer who  schemes to get out of police custody when he's called to operate on Helen's son, and there are also good turns from Richard Anderson as the D.A. and Ralph Bellamy as Cannon's father. Anthony Costello also scores -- literally as well as figuratively -- as the horny and busy intern. The business with a gal named Sybil recording all of her sexual episodes is stupid, however, as is much of the movie. Several plot elements go unresolved but at least there wasn't a sequel! 

Verdict: For those anxious to see close-up shots of open heart surgery only! Some good performances but otherwise not worthwhile at all. **. 

THE RISE AND FALL OF LEGS DIAMOND

Warren Oates and Ray Danton

THE RISE AND FALL OF LEGS DIAMOND (1960). Director: Budd Boetticher.

After doing a dancing act with his partner, Alice, (Karen Steele), Jack Diamond (Ray Danton) manipulates his way into the camp of roaring twenties' mobster Arnold Rothstein (Robert Lowery) and even romances his woman, Monica (Elaine Stewart of Most Dangerous Man Alive). Rothstein christens Jack "Legs" and is somewhat amused by his rival's all-too-obvious ambition. As Jack becomes a competitor, as well as a murderer many times over, he also manipulates Alice into marrying him, to the consternation of the authorities who'd hoped for her help. Legs brags that he is unkillable -- but is that really the case? Legs Diamond is another film that takes a few facts about a legendary gangster and somehow manages to make the man's life more cliched and less interesting than it actually was. Although Ray Danton [I'll Cry Tomorrow] offers his customary charismatic performance, he is hardly perect casting -- what this needs is the almost manic energy of a Cagney. Robert Lowery [Batman and Robin] scores as Rothstein, and there's some good work from Steele; Stewart; Warren Oates as Legs' brother, Eddie; Joseph Ruskin as Rothstein's bodyguard, Moran; and Judson Pratt as Legs' associate Fats. Simon Oakland is the cop investigating Legs; Dyan Cannon is another bimbo; and Gordon Jones -- the second serial hero in the cast -- is an old Army "buddy" of Legs' who goes to work for him. The Rise and Fall of Legs Diamond is not especially well directed and despite the subject matter even becomes boring after awhile. This is one of the few starring roles handed to Ray Danton, and it's a shame Warner Brothers couldn't have assigned him to a better picture, as he was certainly a dynamic figure. The following year Danton reprised his role of Legs in Portrait of a Mobster about Dutch Schultz, and David Janssen played Rothstein in King of the Roaring 20's, in which the character of Legs did not appear.

Verdict: This study of an unrepentant sociopath should have been much sharper. **.

THE LAST OF SHEILA

THE LAST OF SHEILA (1973). Director: Herbert Ross. Screenplay by Anthony Perkins and Stephen Sondheim.

Producer Clinton Green (James Coburn) gathers together a group of people on his yacht for a party of games and murder, as he believes one member of the collection was responsible for the death of his wife, Sheila, in a hit and run. The suspects include writer Tom (Richard Benjamin) and his wife, Lee (Joan Hackett); director Philip (James Mason); actresses Christine (Dyan Cannon) and Alice (Raquel Welch); and Anthony (Ian McShane) to round out the group. These self-absorbed show biz folk are given cards assigning them a particular "vice" as well as clues telling them where to look for more information in the mystery game Clinton insists they all play. But then someone gets murdered for real ... The movie holds the attention and the actors are all good, with James Mason taking top honors, but screenwriters Perkins and Sondheim don't provide fully dimensional characters and are too clever for their own good. As one character says: it "doesn't quite add up -- it leaves you with too many questions." The sexual ambiguity of more than one character only adds to a generally dated quality, with sexual orientations seemingly [and improbably] changing at the drop of a hat [not surprising, considering Tony Perkins worked on the script!]. There's some amusing dialogue and interesting observations at times.

Verdict: Reasonably entertaining, but in the end it adds up to very little. **1/2.

REVENGE OF THE PINK PANTHER

REVENGE OF THE PINK PANTHER (1978). Director: Blake Edwards.

The fifth movie in which Peter Sellers plays Inspector Clouseau begins with a snappy new version of the classic Pink Panther theme. A crime boss named Douvier (Robert Webber) decides to prove that he still has cojones by ordering a hit on Clouseau and killing the "great" arch enemy of villains. The plot seems to succeed -- one of the film's highlights is a sane, reinstated Chief Inspector Dreyfus (Herbert Lom) giving the eulogy! -- but Clouseau has merely gone undercover. His manservant Cato (Burt Kwouk) has opened a "Chinese nookie factory" in Clouseau's apartment, presided over by Madame Wong. Sellers and Lom are as wonderful and funny as ever, and Dyan Cannon makes the most of her part as Douvier's rejected lover. The trouble with this installment is that it eventually becomes very frenetic but not that funny.

Verdict: Not up to the rest of the series but not without its moments. **1/2.