BEACH BALL

Call her Miss Ross

BEACH BALL (1965). Director: Lennie Weinrib.

"Wriggle, wriggle. Dr. Tickle, Dr. Tickle, Right now." -- lyrics.

Dick Martin (Edd Byrnes) tries to raise money to pay for instruments for his band, the Wrigglers, by getting grant money for college under false pretenses. When Susan (Chris Noel). the gal who hands out the grants, discovers the truth. she and her intellectual lady friends put on bikinis and try to get Dick and the guys to stay in school. This is the plot -- I wouldn't kid you. Five minutes into the flick The Four Seasons appear to sing the catchy "Dawn," but, unfortunately, they are never seen again. There are appearances by the Righteous Brothers, the Hondells, and the Supremes, each of whom are given one number except for the last group, who are forced to sing a couple of bad, inappropriate "surfer" songs, although the second one, the title tune, is somewhat less awful than the first. Desperately playing college boys are Aaron Kincaid and Robert Logan, the latter of which appeared with Byrnes on 77 Sunset Strip. Even the worst episode of that series would have been better than sitting through this excruciatingly boring and completely unfunny farce, although the actors are at least enthusiastic. The songs sung by the "Wrigglers" are mostly dreadful, although "Candy, Baby," is perhaps the least dreadful. Rock movies in the fifties generally spent more time on the special guest-stars than the plot -- if only that had been the case with Beach Ball, whose acts have limited running time. If they'd just let Frankie Valli and the fellows sing one number after another, you might not be reaching for that fast forward button. The fellows dress in drag for their final number, and a gag is lifted from Some Like It Hot. A guy asks Logan, still wearing his wig, for a date. Logan removes the wig and says "It wouldn't work out between us." The guy replies, "Yeah, you're taller than I am." He then turns to Kincaid, "what about you, honey?" This little bit of gay humor. albeit unoriginal, is handled with perfect amiability. The movie, alas, is too stupid to ever really amount to anything. Dick Miller has a small role as a cop and is fine. James Wellman, who plays Bernard Wolf, the man who wants the money for the band instruments, is pretty bad.

Verdict: This imitation of the AIP Beach party movies from Paramount is even worse than the originals. *1/2.

THE GIRLS ON THE BEACH

THE GIRLS ON THE BEACH (1965). Director: William Witney.

"I saw them on Ed Sullivan. Lovely boys -- but they could certainly use a haircut."

It turns out that the treasury of the Alpha Beta sorority is depleted, and a big mortgage payment is due. How can the girls raise the money to save their house? Some of the young women enter a cooking contest; Patricia (Lori Saunders) enters a beauty/talent competition; Arlene ((Anna Capri) gets nerdy, bright Stu (Peter Brooks) to help her with puzzles that pay; and Selma (Noreen Corcoran) and her pals get completely hoodwinked by three horny guys who promise them that they personally know the Beatles; the fab four will raise the money they need by singing at a show. Yeah, right. The Beatles, of course, never appear in this movie, but we do get the Beach Boys and Lesley Gore, who sings "It's Gotta Be You" and "Loser in Love" in the movie's most memorable sequences. Martin West plays Duke, the leader of the trio who "know" the Beatles, and Aron Kincaid and Steven Rogers are his pals; the funniest scene has them trying to duck out of the sorority house by dressing in drag. Sheila Bromley plays Mrs. Winters, the house mother who's given away all of their money; Arnold Lessing is Patricia's disapproving, hypocritical boyfriend, Frank; and there are cameos by Bruno VeSota [The Cat Burglar] and the ever-lovable Dick Miller [A Bucket of Blood] . Lana Wood appears as Bonnie. The gals try to imitate the Beatles with dismal results. William Witney directed a lot of lively cliffhanger serials such as The Crimson Ghost.

Verdict: Utterly amiable junk. **1/2.