THEY ONLY KILL THEIR MASTERS

THEY ONLY KILL THEIR MASTERS (1972). Director: James Goldstone. 

Chief of Police Marsh (James Garner) investigates when a woman is found dead and it is at first assumed that she was the victim of a Doberman Pinscher. But it turns out that she was murdered by a much more human adversary. Her husband (Peter Lawford) says she told him she was going to leave him for another woman. Interestingly enough, she was also pregnant at the time of her death. Suspects include a vet (Hal Holbrook), his assistant (Katherine Ross), who becomes involved with Marsh, and the vet's wife (June Allyson, who is quite good in a brief sequence). Edmond O'Brien plays the owner of a liquor store, and Tom Ewell and Ann Rutherford have supporting roles as well; Harry Guardino is another cop. This is typical of slick TV-like movies released theatrically in the seventies that try to be "hip" by adding homoerotic elements, but Lane Slate's script is pretty dated when it comes to the subject of homo and bisexuality and swinging. Garner is Garner; Ross is pretty. The best scene has the Doberman going a little nutty when Garner and Ross are in bed. 

Verdict: If you're a swinger you gotta die. **.

THE OSCAR

THE OSCAR (1966). Director: Russell Rouse.

Frankie Fane (Stephen Boyd) is a low-level garment worker who sort of falls into acting because he "impresses" a lady talent scout named Sophie (Eleanor Parker). Sophie gets him a top agent in "Kappy" Kapstetter (Milton Berle), who manages to convince studio head Kenneth Regan (Joseph Cotten) to sign him to a contract even though Regan senses something off about the guy. Fane becomes a star, but keeps biting the hand that feeds him -- even though some of his remarks to those who helped him have a point. When his career starts slipping badly, he has nightmares of going back to being nobody, and hitches upon a desperate plan to nab an Oscar and put himself back on top. The Oscar does show how undeserving louts can become movie stars simply because somebody has the hots for them -- which has happened more often than anyone imagines. The movie might have had more bite had Fane been someone desperately committed to the art of acting, but this can't be confused with the far superior Career -- it's basically entertaining trash with mostly one-dimensional characters and often hokey dialogue -- and not a few tedious moments. Once Fane begins to slide, however, the pic picks up. The fact is that the narcissistic, ambitious, self-absorbed Fane is all too typical of most Hollywood actors.

Elke Sommer and Boyd

Although miscast as some low-bred tough guy, Boyd is not at all bad as Fane, and has his best moment at the very end of the movie (you almost feel sorry for him). As his pal and procurer, Hymie, Tony Bennett seems amateurish until he has some powerful moments at the climax. Jill St. John gives it a good try, but she hasn't the real acting chops to make the most of her scenes as the girlfriend Fane stole from Hymie. Elke Sommer is okay as Kay Bergdahl, a designer Fane makes a play for and eventually marries, and Berle is at least flavorful as Kappy. Eleanor Parker gives the sauciest performance as Sophie, and makes St. John and Sommer look like a couple of kittens in comparison. But Edie Adams and Ernest Borgnine almost walk off with the movie as a husband and wife who are celebrating their divorce in Mexico when they encounter Fane and Kay and re-enter their lives in an unexpected fashion. Peter Lawford has a small but significant scene where he plays a once-famous actor who is now a headwaiter at a Hollywood restaurant; Lawford is excellent and this is probably the best scene in the movie. There are some celebrity cameos and Hedda Hopper as well. One of the screenwriters was Harlan Elison, who became better known as a science fiction writer.

Verdict: Not exactly Eugene O'Neill but fun. ***.

GOOD NEWS

Peter Lawford and June Allyson

GOOD NEWS (1947). Director: Charles Walters.

Love is in the air at Tait University. Beef (Loren Tindall) is crazy about Babe (Joan McCracken), but she only has eyes for skinny Bobby (Ray McDonald). Connie (June Allyson) is smitten with football hero, Tommy (Peter Lawford), but he pangs for a new student, the pretentious, money-hungry, French (mis)quoting Pat (Patricia Marshall). Pat resists Tommy because she thinks the stuffy Peter Van Dyne III (Robert E. Strickland) has much more money. Considering who the stars of the picture are, it's no secret who will wind up with whom.

Patricia Marshall and Peter Lawford

Good News is a remake of a 1930's musical that was based on a Broadway show from the twenties. The plot -- such as it is -- was silly and insubstantial for 1930 let alone 1947, so the movie has to get by on its charm, its cast and its music. Neither Peter Lawford nor June Allyson can really sing -- Lawford is especially horrible to listen to; even his speaking voice is overly nasal -- and the other cast members don't have such dulcet tones, either, although Marshall is okay and McCracken (who was on Broadway in Rodger and Hammerstein's Me and Juliet) at least has personality and a voice best described as flavorful. Then there are the songs [De Sylva/Henderson/Brown].

Varsity Drag

Some of the songs are instantly forgettable, but there are a few that stay in the memory. "The Best Things in Life are Free" is, of course, a well-known standard, but there's also "Lucky in Love," as well as "Pass That Peace Pipe", "Just Imagine" and "Varsity Drag," which is the movie's liveliest production number. The performances across the board are all good, even though hardly anyone looks like a college kid with maybe the exception of 27-year- old McDonald. Allyson is certainly much more appealing in this than the rather freakish Penny Singleton in the 1930 version. Lawford has enough charm to get by even though he is hardly perfect casting. Others in the cast include Mel Torme as a student, Connie Gilchrist as a house mother, Donald MacBride as a rapacious coach, and Clinton Sundberg as a French teacher. Patricia Marshall did not appear in another movie for 28 years; she appeared primarily on the stage. McDonald only lived until 37 and McCracken died at 43.

Verdict: Mindless kitsch but fun if you're in the mood. **3/4. 

ROYAL WEDDING

Fred Astaire and Jane Powell

ROYAL WEDDING (1951). Director: Stanley Donen.

"She's quiet, but deep. At least I hope she's deep or she's wasting a lot of her time being quiet." -- James Ashmond on his daughter, Anne.

Tom and Ellen Bowen (Fred Astaire and Jane Powell) are a brother and sister team of entertainers who take their latest show, "Every Night at Seven," to London just in time for the Royal Wedding. Although Ellen has been a bit of a playgirl, and Tom isn't marriage-minded, they both find themselves falling in love: Ellen with Lord Brindale (Peter Lawford); and Tom with pub owner's daughter and dancer, Anne (Sarah Churchill). But will respective marriages break up the act? Royal Wedding is a bit of MGM fluff but well turned out, with very good performances, some nice singing and dancing, and several highlights. For me it's Jane singing the beautiful romantic ballad "Too Late Now," although Astaire's dancing on his room's walls and ceiling is a close second. Then there's Astaire and Powell's rendition of the comical "How Could You Believe Me (When I Said I Love You)?" The songs are by Alan Jay Lerner and Burton Lane, and another memorable tune is "My Love," warbled beautifully by Powell. Sarah Churchill [He Found a Star] received a lot of bashing for her acting in this, but I think she's charmingly effective, and despite the somewhat mannish features that I've noted, quite lovely -- she was the daughter of Winston Churchill. Albert Sharpe scores in the role of Anne's father, James Ashmond, and Keenan Wynn is fine in dual roles of twin brothers, one for each side of the Atlantic. "I Left My Hat in Haiti" is a snappy production number.

NOTE: Beware which DVD firm you buy, rent or borrow this movie from. Westlake Entertainment offers one of the worst video transfers I've ever seen, with washed-out colors, whole scenes that seem cast in shadows, and so on. You expect this for cheap old B movies and TV shows, but a glossy MGM musical? Fortunately, there are other DVDs of this movie.

Verdict: Dancing on the ceiling indeed! *** out of 4.

SYLVIA

SYLVIA (1965). Director: Gordon Douglas.

"Before you can save the soul, you gotta feed the body."

Frederic Summers (Peter Lawford) hires private eye Alan "Mack" Macklin (George Maharis) to investigate the background of his fiancee, Sylvia (Carroll Baker). As Mack tracks down the woman's past, he learns about how she was raped by her stepfather, became a prostitute, then a poet, and has favorably impressed many of the people she met along her journey. This includes the librarian, Irma (Viveca Lindfors) and a former "hostess" named Jane (Joanne Dru), whose hospital bills were paid by Sylvia. Mack finally catches up with Sylvia herself, and is drawn to her -- but what will happen when she discovers the truth about him? At first Sylvia seems that it might have serious possibilities, and doesn't just seem like a tawdry exercise despite the subject matter, but as the film proceeds it's clear that it's pretty much junk that isn't lurid enough. The two leads are okay, but small-scale, and hardly give great performances. There is better acting from Lindfors (whose character has often been considered a lesbian although there's nothing in this to indicate it); Dru; and especially Ann Sothern [A Letter to Three Wives] as a slatternly former co-worker of Sylvia's. There are also nice turns by Nancy Kovack as a stripper, Jay Novello as a priest, Edmond O'Brian [Backfire] as a former client of Sylvia's, Connie Gilchrist as a madame, and especially Paul Gilbert [So This is Paris] as a drag queen entertainer/club owner known as "Lola." Lawford is actually quite good and there are appearances by Aldo Ray, Lloyd Bochner, and Majel Barrett, among other familiar faces, as well. Although the story bounces around from Mexico to New York and other places, there is never any sense of time or location, as if everything exists in that certain soap opera void that only Hollywood could produce.

Verdict: There's a reason why certain movies are completely forgotten. **.

DEAD RINGER

DEAD RINGER (1964). Director: Paul Henreid. 

Edith Phillips (Bette Davis), a middle-aged bar owner in Los Angeles, attends the funeral of her sister Margaret DeLorca's (also Bette Davis) husband, the man that both women loved but whom Margaret managed to snatch away from her sister. When Edith learns that Margaret had completely made up that she was pregnant, she hatches a plot to take her place in the DeLorca mansion. But boy are there complications. It's great fun watching Davis, with her great flaring eyes, battling with herself (see photo), although in the early sequences it's obvious that it's not Davis under Margaret's black veil. Dead Ringer is entertaining and has lots of good twists. Karl Malden is a cop who loves Edith and Peter Lawford is Margaret's lover. Jean Hagen, Estelle Winwood, George Macready and Cyril Delevanti are also in the cast, and all are fine; Davis is in pretty good form as well. Andre Previn's theme music and romantic scoring are excellent. Not badly directed by Paul Henreid, Davis' leading man in Now,Voyager and Deception. The maid, Janet, is played by Monika Henreid, Paul's daughter. She was also in her father's Girls on the Loose and had about a dozen credits. Wonderfully ironic conclusion. 

Verdict: One of Davis' better latter-day movies. ***.

IT SHOULD HAPPEN TO YOU

IT SHOULD HAPPEN TO YOU (1954). Director: George Cukor. Screenplay by Garson Kanin.

Recently fired from her job, Gladys Clover (Judy Holliday), who wants to be somebody, decides to use her limited resources to put her name in big letters on a billboard in Herald Square. Her new friend Peter (Jack Lemmon, who was introduced in this film) is appalled that she's wasting her money on an idea that has no real purpose. Indeed, Gladys is not only a moron, but she is so untalented that she can't even read off cue [or "idiot"] cards without sounding mentally deficient. Peter Lawford plays a Madison Avenue man who tries to romance Gladys even as he wants to buy away her advertising space. After much tedium and not a single real laugh, we finally arrive at the movie's obvious point, when Gladys turns down an offer for the Army to name a plane after her. "It isn't just making a name," she says, "it's making a name stand for something." (Wise words for Paris Hilton and her ilk.) I don't believe for one minute that Gladys is really bright enough to come to such a conclusion (anymore than Paris Hilton is). Honestly, although I sat through this entire dull, annoying film I could have left the room at any point, shaved, cut my nails, made a few phone calls, had dinner and shopped, and come back and not missed a single moment of value. Lemmon occasionally overacts; Lawford is as pleasantly bland as ever. The problem with the casting of Holliday is that when you have a dopey-looking person playing a dope, it makes them twice as irritating. Possibly the worst film that Cukor and Kanin ever worked on.

Verdict: It Should NOT happen to you. *.

SERGEANTS 3

SERGEANTS 3 (1962). Director: John Sturges.

Along with Ocean's 11, Robin and the 7 Hoods, and 4 for Texas, this was one of the "Rat Pack" movies made during the sixties. It's a variation on the Gunga Din story set in the old west. Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, and Peter Lawford as the three sergeants, and Sammy Davis Jr. -- in the Gunga Din role -- plays bugler Jonah Williams (and probably gives the best performance; in any case he has more to do in Sergeants 3 than in the other RP movies he appeared in. Joey Bishop has a small role as well.) One critic called this "a 4 million dollar home movie for Sinatra's gnat pack," and while it isn't especially memorable, it does have its good points. Winton C. Hoch's sweeping wide screen cinematography is excellent, and the boys' performances are acceptable. The storyline has them up against a maverick band of white-hating Indians; a sub-plot has Martin and Sinatra trying to talk an engaged Lawford out of quitting the Army (Ruta Lee is very appealing as Lawford's fiancee.) Although essentially light-hearted, the movie does have its "serious" moments. Some of the action is well-staged, although the climactic battle scene is mediocre. There's a funny and tense moment involving a rope bridge wherein Martin nearly falls to his death and for added measure a horse tries to climb out on the already precarious construction. The obvious matte paintings in this and other scenes are a minus, however. Overlong, and a bit slow at times.

Verdict: Some amusing and exciting moments but basically for Rat Pack fanatics only. **.