JUPITER'S DARLING

George Sanders and Esther Williams -- in the same movie!

JUPITER'S DARLING (1955). Director: George Sidney.

"If Hannibal attacks and Rome is destroyed, we can be buried together as man and wife." -- Fabius.

In 216 B.C. Hannibal (Howard Keel of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers) is marching toward Rome with hundreds of men and sixty elephants to sack the city. Inside the city, the dictator Fabius (George Sanders) tries his best to marry his recalcitrant fiancee Amytis (Esther Williams) while hoping he can hold the barbarians at bay. Amytis and her maid, Meta (Marge Champion), sneak off to grab a peek at the elephants -- and handsome Hannibal -- and before you know it they are captured by Hannibal's men. Now it's a question if Hannibal will murder Amytis as a spy or fall in love with her.

Howard Keel as the lusty Hannibal

Jupiter's Darling is a real oddity. First we have Esther Williams and George Sanders in the same movie, although it must be said that they play perfectly well together, although it's no question that despite Williams adroitness in this kind of stuff Sanders is the better actor. Then we have to take into consideration that this is, after all, an Esther Williams Musical and she does manage to get in a fair amount of swimming. Jupiter's Darling is also a kind of war movie (although the climactic battle never quite takes place) as well as a romance and action story. Everything but the kitchen sink. It would be all too easy to laugh at the picture if we were meant to take it seriously, but we're obviously not, and although the picture was a financial bomb for MGM -- it probably cost a fortune to make --  it is also quite entertaining and quite successful on several levels.

The magnificence of Rome

First there is the look of the picture. The cinematography by Paul Vogel and Charles Rosher is outstanding and the movie -- filmed in CinemaScope and Eastman color -- is great to look at throughout, thanks also to art direction by Cedric Gibbons [Tarzan and His Mate] and Urie McCleary. There is especially stunning underwater photography, and the underwater sequences are in every way splendid. Esther dances with some statues that come to life, and later is chased by three of Hannibal's men in an exciting and protracted sequence wherein you wonder when the participants managed to get some oxygen. The songs by Harold Adamson [Change of Heart] and Burton Lane are more than pleasant, with Keel warbling "The Road to Rome," "I Never Trust a Woman," and "Don't Let This Night Get Away." The soldiers come out with "Hannibal, Oh Hannibal," on more than one occasion. Although a dubbed Williams gets to sing "I Had a Dream", the duet she later sings with an un-dubbed Sanders, as well as a dance number for Marge and Gower Champion (playing another slave/soldier) was criminally cut, although it can be seen on the DVD.

Marge and Gower Champion dance with Hannibal's elephants

Speaking of the dancing, although his number about how he loves being a slave is in questionable taste, Gower delivers some fancy footwork in this sequence. Gower and his wife Marge really show off in a subsequent number in which they dance with a group of well-trained and talented elephants. (For the end of the film, the elephants were dyed different colors!) Hermes Pan did the lively choreography for the film. Keel, Williams, and especially Sanders, all offer good performances (albeit nothing Oscar-worthy), and they get excellent support from Norma Varden as Fabius' disapproving mother, Richard Hadyn as an historian, and Douglass Dumbrille as one of Fabius' generals.  An interesting aspect of the movie is that the heroine is essentially a traitress, although she does not kill anyone as some people have wrongly suggested. Another interesting aspect is that there's no way even audiences of the time could get around the fact that Hannibal and Amytis -- who fears becoming a vestial virgin -- are really shaking up that tent as Hannibal keeps postponing the sacking of Rome to satisfy his lusty appetites!

Verdict: Say what you will, this is an entertaining, colorful, and occasionally sexy MGM romp. ***. 

TARZAN AND HIS MATE

Cheeta gives Tarzan a kiss

TARZAN AND HIS MATE (1934). Director: Cedric Gibbons.

In  this first sequel to Tarzan the Ape Man, Harry Holt (Neil Hamilton), who is still in love with Jane (Maureen O'Sullivan) returns to Africa to try to get her back, as well as to get some ivory. His slimy friend, Martin (Paul Cavanagh), is broke and after ivory as well, and has no moral values whatsoever. Harry wants Jane to importune Tarzan (Johnny Weissmuller) to take the men to the elephants' graveyard -- which Holt was trying to find in Tarzan the Ape Man - but Tarzan won't allow the place to be desecrated -- besides, Jane's father is also buried there. Then there is an angry tribe of nasty natives who go after the party and kill many of their number after first murdering two rival ivory hunters, whose corpses are left to rot, hanging from trees and covered with crawling insects. Tarzan and His Mate is essentially a retread of the first, more interesting picture, but it is also intense and violent, and has several good scenes: Tarzan battling a truly humongous crocodile; Jane taking a sensual nude swim with Tarzan (in his loincloth); and a climactic attack by a pride of hungry lions. The original Cheeta, who appears almost man-sized, dies in the film and is replaced by a new, smaller Cheeta, who at one point, in the movie's funniest scene, rides on the back of an ostrich! Considering some of his actions, Martin's death isn't nearly horrible enough. The performances are adequate, with Cavanagh [Son of Dr. Jekyll] having the edge. Cedric Gibbons was originally an Oscar-winning art director [Mad Love] and reportedly Jack Conway and others worked on this film uncredited. Gibbons only directed this one film.

Verdict: For heaven's sake -- stay away from the elephant's graveyard. Nothing good ever comes of it! **1/2.

MAD LOVE

MAD LOVE (1935). Director: Karl Freund.

One of the most fascinating horror films ever made, this features a superb performance by Peter Lorre as brilliant surgeon Dr. Gogol, who is tormented by his unrequited obsession with a beautiful actress,Yvonne Orlac (Frances Drake). Gogol buys a life-like statue of Yvonne from a wax musem and sets it up in his living room. When her husband, a great concert pianist named Stephen Orlac, has his hands hopelessly mangled in a train wreck, Gogol operates but tells no one that he has replaced Orlac's hands with the hands of a murderer, a knife thrower, who was recently guillotined. The hands take on a life of their own, as Gogol plots to remove Orlac from the scene so that Yvonne will belong to him alone. Lorre's portrait of what seems like a decent man (in contrast to Orloc's hateful step-father, who comes off as a real monster) driven to insane, evil acts by a torturous and maddening infatuation, holds the film together despite the bizarre moments and disruptive comedy relief of a nervous reporter. Fine script (various writers), vivid direction, very atmospheric photography (Gregg Toland, Chester Lyons), impressive art direction (Cedric Gibbons), a fast pace and not a dull moment.

Verdict: Great. They don't make 'em like this anymore. ***1/2.