VERY GOOD NEW MOVIE -- MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: DEAD RECKONING Part One

Tommy Cruise

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: DEAD RECKONING Part One (2023). Director: Christopher McQuarrie. 

Action movies either work, keeping you on the edge of your seat, or they're as flat as a wet pancake, and this flick works every step of the way. It doesn't really matter that the "Macguffin" -- the thing that everyone's fighting for -- in this might be something called a "Cruciform Key" which has to do with Artificial Intelligence and could take over the minds of everyone on the planet. What matters is the fun ride as the forces of good and evil do their level best to keep the key out of the other side's hands -- just like in an old-time cliffhanger serial, which this kind of resembles despite the high-tech -- and that the pace is fast and the stunt work absolutely thrilling.  

Esai Morales and Hayley Atwell

In this Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) teams up with a pretty thief named Grace (Hayley Atwell) who is an on again/off again ally. Some of his old colleagues are also around for another set-to. Highlights include a vicious fight scene in an alley, a business with a train speeding through a tunnel with combatants on the roof, and a climactic sequence with a collapsing train trestle that is positively eye-popping. It is all so well-done that it's quite spectacular. It doesn't hurt that the film has a rousing score (Lorne Balfe), great cinematography (Fraser Taggart), and some effective performances, with my favorites being Esai Morales as Gabriel and Cary Elwes as Denlinger, the director of National Intelligence. 

Verdict: Trust No One -- and wait anxiously for Part Two. ***1/4.  

ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S TOPAZ

Ill-fated lovers: Karin Dor and Frederick Stafford

ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S TOPAZ (aka Topaz/1969). Director: Alfred Hitchcock. Based on the novel by Leon Uris. UNCUT version. 

On the eve of the Cuban Missile Crisis, a haughty defecting Russian Intelligence officer, Colonel Boris Kusenov (Per-Axle Arosenius), escapes from Denmark with the help of the Americans, including Michael Nordstrom (John Forsythe) of the state department. Nordstorm is good friends with a French agent living in Washington named Andre Devereaux (Frederick Stafford), and asks him for his help. First he has to get certain papers from a Cuban officer, Rico Parra (John Vernon of Point Blank), who absolutely loathes Americans. Then Devereaux travels to Cuba, as he does frequently, to see if he can find out exactly what the Russians are up to there. Finally he learns of an organization, code named "Topaz," which consists of highly-placed treasonous French officials who are secretly working with Moscow. Devereaux can't tell his bosses what he has learned about activities in Cuba until he finds and excises this traitorous element. 

Frederick Stafford as Devereaux

If Topaz had been directed by anyone besides Alfred Hitchcock, it would be an acclaimed film. But because the direction is not "showy" as in some Hitchcock films, and there are no outstanding cinematic sequences one can point to -- although there are several good scenes -- Topaz has been unfairly dismissed as a Hitch stinker. Actually it has a very interesting plot and good characters, although you might wish some of them were better-developed. One which is better developed is Andre Devereaux, who seems to have a happy marriage with one-time resistance fighter Nicole (Dany Robin of Follow the Boys) but also has a mistress, Juanita de Cordoba (Karin Dor), in Cuba. Widow of a revolutionary hero, her appeal to Devereaux is obvious -- she is still a "resistance fighter," secretly working against communist influences in Cuba at great risk to herself and her associates. 

Roscoe Lee Browne and John Vernon

Topaz has several acts. The first suspenseful section deals with the defector and his family getting away in Denmark and nearly paying the final price when Russian agents with guns pursue them. The second act takes place in New York, especially in a Harlem hotel, where Devereaux's associate Philippe (Roscoe Lee Browne) makes a deal with Rico Parra's secretary, Luis Uribe (Donald Randolph of The Mad Magician), for some papers that detail Russian missile activities in Cuba -- a lot of suspense is worked up over getting those papers out of a certain briefcase and the street chase that follows (which ultimately leads to problems for Devereaux and far worse problems for Juanita). The third act occurs in Cuba. The final section takes place in France, when Devereaux must somehow explains things to his superiors without indirectly giving important information away to the communists. Although Hitchcock filmed three endings, all of which can be seen on the DVD, he went with a quiet if satisfying conclusion at an airport. Perhaps he should have chosen the ending in which Devereaux and his friend, a man known as "Columbine" who runs Topaz, have a duel. (Apparently this was the original ending but preview audiences hated it.) 

Carlos Rivas and John Vernon

Topaz features some interesting casting. John Forsythe is solid as Nordstorm, although we never get to learn that much about him. Czech actor Frederick Stafford played a secret agent in a couple of French films previously and seemed perfect for Devereaux, which he is. German actress Karin Dor -- whose best-known film was You Only Live Twice as a Bond villainess who goes to the piranhas -- is given one of her best roles as Juanita, and you wish there was more of her. Phillipe Noirot manages to make his unsympathetic character of Henri Jarre strangely appealing and Per-Axle Arosenius is terrific as the rather obnoxious Russian defector who may be figuratively bloodied but is definitely unbowed. John Vernon had a long career, mostly on TV, but his performance as Rico Parra is only adequate. As his bodyguard Hernandez, Carlos Rivas [The Black Scorpion] makes a striking figure with a thatch of red hair and a beard to match. Ann Doran [It, the Terror from Beyond Space] appears briefly as a woman who ministers to the defector and his family when they first arrive at the safe house. There are also good turns from Michel Subor as Devereaux' son-in-law Francois, and John Roper, Lewis Charles and Anna Navarro as ill-fated associates of Juanita's, among others. Roscoe Lee Browne and Donald Randolph make the most of their scenes in the hotel and elsewhere. 

John Forsythe

Topaz is well-shot by Jack Hildyard [Summertime] but Maurice Jarre's score is problematic. I love the exciting opening theme, but just wish the rest of the score had been as dynamic. There are some good moments, but the music mostly lacks the dramatic intensity that might have turned Topaz into a whole new picture; I truly believe it's one of the reasons the film wasn't a critical success. Hitchcock's longest  film, it also could have used some trimming and tightening, especially in the final section. (Apparently this was done for the original theatrical version.) The screenplay is by Samuel Taylor, who wrote Vertigo. 

Verdict: The Master of Suspense tells the story more simply, perhaps, but still manages to do a better job than most contemporary directors. Some terrific scenes in this! ***. 

OSS 117 UNLEASHED

Kerwin Mathews

OSS 117 UNLEASHED 

(aka OSS 117 se dechaine/1963) 

Director: Andre Hunebelle.

An American agent with the Office of Strategic Services is searching for the prototype of a device that can detect atomic submarines and thinks he's found it in a grotto when he is killed. Hubert Bonisseur de la Bath, also known as OSS 117 (Kerwin Mathews of The Viscount), is sent to replace the dead man, and investigates a scuba instructor, Renotte (Henri-Jacques Huet), and his girlfriend, Brigitta (Nadia Sanders), who is keeping secrets. A nasty character named Mayan (Roger Dutoit) is out to keep 117 from finding the detector and employs various unsavory agents, male and female, to stop him. The climax takes place at a spooky estate located above the grotto where 117 will either destroy the device or die trying. 

Irina Demick holds a rifle on 117

OSS 117 was introduced in a series of French novels and made his first film appearance in 1957 where the character had a different name and was a French agent. When Dr. No became a sensation in 1962 filmmakers in France decided to revive the character and make him more like James Bond. Hence Mathews' adroit performance is clearly cut from the same cloth: a man with an eye for the ladies, callous and ruthless, and not at all bothered by the death of anyone, good guy or bad. The movie is fast-paced and suspenseful, with some colorful supporting characters. It cries out for a much better score, however, and the pop song that opens the film is especially bad. Followed by Panic in Bangkok. In French with subtitles. Director Hunebelle directed most of the succeeding 117 films in the sixties as well as Fantomas. 117 still appears in movies made in the 21st century. 

Verdict: Acceptable Eurospy film with handsome Mathews quite effective as the spy. **3/4. 

SPY IN YOUR EYE

Dana Andrews

SPY IN YOUR EYE (aka Berlino appuntamento per le spie/1965). Director: Vittorio Sala.

Colonel Lancaster (Dana Andrews) assigns two of his men --  Bert Morris (Brett Halsey) and Willie (Mario Valdemarin) -- to rescue Paula Krauss (Pier Angeli), the daughter of a deceased scientist who has invented a "super death ray." Both the Russians and Chinese want Paula in the hopes that she knows her father's secret formula. As the woman is shuttled back and forth from spy to spy and country to country, Colonel Lancaster has his missing left eye surgically replaced with a micro-telecamera that looks like a human eye. Lancaster thinks that only he can see out of his mechanical eye and doesn't realize that enemy agents are seeing and hearing everything that he does, and therefore have full knowledge of his agents' plans. 

Brett Halsey

This last aspect of the story is really the only point of interest in the movie, but little is done with it. Because Dana Andrews was still a name, and Brett Halsey a recognizable "B" actor, American filmgoers were fooled by a major ad campaign and saturation bookings into thinking they were seeing some kind of James Bond-type adventure. Instead they got a mediocre eurospy film  Aside from the fake eye, the movie is pretty low-tech, with Bert using special dehydration pills to get two bad guys to talk, and another bad guy employing a supposedly devastating weapon to shoot down a bird. 

Consultation: Halsey and Andrews

There is some mild excitement at the climax, in which the walls of a clinic move back and forth, creating new rooms to fool secret agents, a femme fatale is crushed, and the heroes and villains shoot it out amidst the melee.  The real voices of Halsey [Return of the Fly] and Andrews [Night of the Demon] are used, while the Italian actors are generally dubbed. Both actors had many, many more credits after this film was released, although this was not one of the better films that either performer appeared in. 

Verdict: Better than some eurospy movies but not great. **1/4. 

FOREIGN INTRIGUE

Robert Mitchum and Genevieve Page

FOREIGN INTRIGUE (1956). Produced, written and directed by Sheldon Reynolds.  

"Did he say anything before he died?" -- numerous characters

Dave Bishop (Robert Mitchum) works for a millionaire philanthropist named Danemore (Jean Galland). When Danemore dies of a sudden heart attack, Bishop realizes that he knows very little of the past of his employer. A mysterious letter and a sealed package to be opened only if Danemore's death was suspicious ignites Bishop's interest. His curiosity brings him into contact with a bald little man named Spring (Frederic O'Brady), who may be much more sinister than he seems. Bishop is involved with two women: Danemore's widow (Genevieve Page), who discovers that her marriage of convenience may not have as big a pay-off as she'd hoped for; and Brita (Ingrid Thulin) -- the daughter of another widow, Mrs. Lindquist (Inga Tidblad) -- who quickly falls in love with Dave. Bishop is then contacted by various government agents who convince him to pretend to be a blackmailer so he can get the goods on several men who each betrayed their country. 

Ingrid Thulin with Mitchum

Foreign Intrigue is greatly bolstered by a solid and engaging performance by Robert Mitchum, who always seems interested in what's happening even when at least half the audience has stopped giving a damn. The movie has a fairly decent premise but few outstanding incidents nor indeed any sequences that stand out in the mind (except perhaps when a little boy gives Mitchum a playful kick in the leg); there is no style, suspense or tension and after while you just want it to be over. Both Genevieve Page and Ingrid Thulin (billed as Ingrid Tulean) were "introduced" in this film, and they are both attractive and more than competent, although neither -- in this film, at least -- is especially distinctive. Thulin [Return from the Ashes] had appeared in several Swedish films previously, and of course worked with Ingmar Bergman a few years later. Genevieve Page [Youngblood Hawke] had also appeared in numerous films previously and had a lengthy international career. Paul Durand's score is interesting if not always appropriate. In Eastmancolor.

Verdict: You can miss Mitchum speaking French! **.

FILMS I JUST COULDN'T FINISH ROUND 3

FILMS I JUST COULDN'T FINISH ROUND 3.

These are not reviews, per se, but notes on films that I watched or suffered through until I just gave up on them for one reason or another. Sometimes I skipped to different sections just to get a sense of what was going on or to see if the film became more entertaining. Not all of these pictures are necessarily bad, they just didn't hold my attention. If you see one on the list that you think deserves another look, let me know.

Forbidden Jungle (1950) has a hunter coming to Africa to search for a boy who was lost in a plane crash and is now living, Tarzan-like, in a village with a kindly older man and a native girlfriend. Half of this dull flick was more than enough.

Seeing that it starred Dennis Morgan, Richard Denning and Paula Raymond -- in a western directed by William Castle, no less -- I figured that The Gun That Won the West (1955) would certainly be of some interest. Alas, this tale of the Army and a few civilians versus the Indians never amounts to much. It's all professionally done, just mediocre and dull.

Secret of the Red Orchid (1962) is a dubbed version of a West German Edgar Wallace adaptation about gangsters ordering wealthy people to pay up or die. I started watching this because Christopher Lee and Klaus Kinski were in the cast, both of whom are dubbed. Lee plays, of all things, an American FBI agent! The movie was simply too dull to watch for more than half an hour.

Cave of the Living Dead aka Night of the Vampires (1964) is actually a dubbed West German-Yugoslavian import (Der Fluch der grunen Augen) about an Inspector investigating the murders of young women in a small village. There is some atmosphere, but not much suspense because you find out what's happening pretty early on. Not terrible, but not good enough to waste time on the second half.

Succubus (1968) is another horrible film directed by Jess Franco. His fans consider this one of his best, which -- judging from this claptrap -- certainly isn't saying much. The plot, such as it is, has to do with an actress who has violent and sexual fantasies. Due to its advertising campaign, it made a lot of money in the U.S., but I pity anyone who actually had to pay for a ticket. I gave up on this dull, slow, pseudo-artsy and pretentious mess after about twenty minutes.

The Wildcats of St. Trinian's (1980) is, I believe, the third sequel to The Belles of St. Trinian's -- after Blue Murder at St. Trinian's and Pure Hell of St. Trinian's -- but I could hardly get through a quarter of it despite the fact that it had the same director as the original. There is no Alistair Sim in this, and a much, much less interesting cast.

Christmas Evil (aka You Better Watch Out/1980) features a demented man who works in a toy factory and goes on a rampage. The whole look and pacing of the film got me to stop watching after about half an hour.

The Curse (1987\) is a version of H. P. Lovecraft's The Colour Out of Space with a meteorite in a small town causing mutations. It was directed by actor David Keith. The movie didn't seem entirely worthless but the poor production values and pacing put me off of it pretty quickly. The first adaptation of this story starred Boris Karloff and was entitled Die Monster, Die. It was also poor.

Call Me (1988) stars Patricia Charbonneau as a woman who goes to a bar for a rendezvous with a man she thinks is her boyfriend, and winds up witnessing the murder of a drag queen in a bathroom. Unfortunately, this got less interesting the farther into it I got, which I admit wasn't very far.

The Oxford Murders (2008) is a mystery film about murders involving a professor and author (John Hurt) and a young man (Elijah Wood) who wants to study with him. But then the professor's elderly friend (Anna Massey), with whom Wood is boarding, is found murdered and the professor thinks there will be more killings by an unknown assailant. Sounds good, but who cares? The characters are uninteresting, the story uninvolving, and I couldn't even care who the murderer might turn out to be so I only made it about halfway through this. Hurt and Massey are wasted.

The Colour Out of Space aka Die Farbe (2010) is a German film version of H. P. Lovecraft's excellent novella of the same title, previously filmed as the aforementioned Curse and Die, Monster, Die. The story has been transplanted from New England to Germany, which doesn't work at all, but even worse is the slow pacing and the sparse style which is the complete opposite of the great Lovecraft's florid, Victorian, emotional, atmospheric, and terrifying approach to the material. There is some impressive black and white photography, but I found this so tedious I watched it in spurts. It just wasn't compelling enough to hold the attention.

The Privileged (2013) has a young man and his wife visiting his supervisor and his wife at their home where the former begs to keep his job. An intruder breaks in and gets shot, and the violence escalates as a cover-up begins. This is by no means a terrible movie -- it is well-acted and well-shot -- but it's predictable and minor, and I confess I skipped ahead to the very depressing conclusion.

The Monkey's Paw (2013) is a variation of the famous story that doesn't do nearly enough with the idea and was a bit too slow to hold my attention, despite such talented cast members as Stephen Lang.

There were two spy spoofs that I just couldn't make it through, a 1965 Japanese production entitled Ironfinger and the 1964 American film Spies a Go Go (aka The Nasty Rabbit). I could only make it a quarter of the way through the first one, which seemed as stupid as any American spy spoof, and only a few minutes of the second one, which simply seemed too cheap and moronic to bother with; I skimmed through some of it to my regret.

GOOD NEW MOVIE: MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE -- FALLOUT

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE -- FALLOUT (2018). Director: Christopher McQuarrie.

"We need people who care about the one life as much as they do about the millions."

This picture is sort of a sequel to the last MI film Rogue Nation, as villains and supporting characters from that film are re-introduced. Frankly, the first half of this movie just seems like one long, somewhat confusing chase scene with so many characters and factions that you need a scorecard, but none of that really matters, because in the second half the film really gets going. The set-up has Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) and his Impossible Missions team attempting to disarm two nuclear bombs in India, but they not only have to find the bombs -- which are linked together in a non-physical sense-- but get the detonator from the bad guy so everything that needs to be done can be done at the precise instant required. Naturally there are all sorts of complications, with one creep trying to keep the team away from the bombs even as Ethan flies off in a helicopter after the man with the detonator. This leads into a copter battle in mid-air and a tense, exciting climax with the two opponents clashing high on top of a mountain. True, there is nothing here that hasn't been seen before, but it is nevertheless very well done.

Tom Cruise and Henry Cavill

The best thing about MI -- Fallout is the stunt work, with Cruise doing his own amazing stunts (one cast member never knew if Cruise would even be alive the next day; he broke his ankle at one point). I can see risking your life if you'\re really going to prevent a nuclear bomb from going off, but for a movie it seems a little foolhardy. However, Cruise, who is showing his age and beginning to resemble Dustin Hoffman, clearly wants to give his fans a big thrill and prove he's still "got it." This is Cruise's picture all the way, but he gets some good support from Henry Cavill [Man of Steel] , underplaying as a suspect American agent. Alec Baldwin [Blue Jasmine] offers his customary effective performance as the Secretary of State while Angela Bassett as a CIA chief is in bust-ass mode throughout.

Alec Baldwin and Cruise

Hunt is an admirable character, but I had to laugh when someone who worked on the film suggested that he's not a super-hero, but an ordinary guy. Sure, like James Bond is an "ordinary" guy.  Dodging bullets, surviving car and copter crashes against "impossible" odds, Hunt is as much a super-hero as Batman. As entertaining as this movie is, however, it and the other films in the series never achieve that classy, action-elegant level of the best of the James Bond movies. Younger viewers are more impressed by movies like this because they haven't seen as much to compare it with.

Verdict: If you liked the other MI movies you'll probably enjoy this one but you'll also forget it before you've even left the theater. ***.

GET SMART, AGAIN!

Bernie Kopell and Don Adams

GET SMART, AGAIN! (1989 telefilm). Director: Gary Nelson.

The comedy spy series Get Smart had already had one theatrical feature, The Nude Bomb, when nine years later this TV movie reunited most of the crew of the series. In this the spy group CONTROL has gone out of business, but their opposite number, KAOS, is still alive and kicking and is blackmailing the world with a deadly weather control device. Maxwell Smart (Don Adams) is called back to active duty, and eventually his wife, Agent 99 (Barbara Feldon) follows suit. Conrad Siegfried (Bernie Kopell) is still Smart's adversary, only he now reports to a mysterious new leader. Meanwhile, Agent 99 is preparing to publish her memoirs when she discovers enemy agents have gotten their hands on some of the pages. Get Smart, Again! may sometimes trade on old gags, but it is also guilty of inspired lunacy, such as when helicopters and the resultant winds are used for top security "Hover Cover."  Then there's the bit with the "Hall of Hush" where spoken words are transformed into literal letters until the room gets so crowded with them that no one can read what they're saying. And then there's that old "Cone of Silence," now placed in the Smarts' bedroom. Get Smart, Again! retains its hilarity for most of its length although it gets a little slack towards the end, but the cast, a top-notch group of very funny actors led by the wonderful Adams, is certainly game and able. Kenneth Mars especially scores as the head of the security agency, as does Dick Gautier, who is just terrific as Hymie the robot.

Verdict: If you liked the original series, you'll probably like this. ***. 

MR. MOTO TAKES A CHANCE

Mr. Moto (Peter Lorre) in disguise as an old guru

MR. MOTO TAKES A CHANCE (1938). Director: Norman Foster.

"If I was casting a horror picture I'd have him play the murderer." -- reference to Mr. Moto.

Mr. Moto (Peter Lorre) is on an archaeological dig in Cambodia, which is under French rule, when who should drop in by parachute but Victoria Mason (Rochell Hudson), who was flying around the world until her plane caught fire. Among the other supporting characters are filmmakers Marty (Robert Kent of Who's Guilty?) and Chick (Chick Chandler of Circumstantial Evidence), who hope to photograph some of the forbidden royal temples. Objecting to this is Bokor (George Regas), the High Priest, who is in a power struggle with the portly and deceptively amusing Rajah Ali (J. Edward Bromberg of The Mark of Zorro). Then one of the Rajah's wives is murdered by poison dart. Half of the time Moto disguises himself as an elderly guru  who gives orders to the High Priest while spies are plotting and trying to kill each other -- and Moto -- everywhere. If this sounds interesting, be warned that Mr. Moto Takes a Chance is essentially a plot-less stew with a thrown-together script that just gets duller as it goes along until a fairly exciting climax in the temple. Peter Lorre gives his customary good performance but one senses he was mighty bored with the material, along with the audience.

Verdict: Where's Charlie Chan when you need him? **. 

ARABESQUE

Sophia Loren and Gregory Peck 

ARABESQUE (1966). Produced and directed by Stanley Donen.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this, my dear, but Mr. Pollock is as poor as a church mouse." -- Beshraavi

"He was rather strange, even for an American."

Professor David Pollock (Gregory Peck) is drafted by an Arab Prime Minister, Hasson Jena (Carl Duering) to enter the home of the sinister Beshraavi (Alan Badel of Salome) and decode a cipher on a piece of paper with a Hittite inscription that my reveal the man's plans. The house is apparently owned by Yasmin Azir (Sophia Loren), Beshraavi's mistress, and to Pollock's befuddlement her role keeps changing even as she seems to switch sides with the drop of a hat. Before long he and Yasmin are on the run, dodging bullets and trying to get back the cipher so they can figure out what is happening. But David is never sure if he can fully trust Yasmin. Arabesque was Stanley Donen's follow-up to the more successful Charade, but the film's first big problem is the miscasting of the two leads. Peck tries to approximate but fails to deliver the light touch of a Cary Grant, and Loren is also a bit too heavy-handed, although she tries. Arabesque has a solid plot but the script has too many silly, indeed stupid, detours, and some of the action scenes are completely muffed by Donen, who is no Hitchcock. On the other hand, there is some exciting business near the end, including an attack on the principals at a construction site, an attempt to stop an assassination, and a race across a bridge while a helicopter is firing live ammunition at the couple. Another problem is that Alan Badel looks too much like Peter Sellers impersonating an Indian (which he did more than once in his career, such as in The Millionairess, which he did with Loren) and you keep expecting -- or hoping -- he will suddenly indulge in some hilarious shtick. No such luck. Henry Mancini's score does little to help. A much better thriller for Peck was Mirage.

Verdict: So so comedy-thriller with a few good sequences, but not nearly enough. **1/2.

THEY MET IN THE DARK

James Mason and Joyce Howard

THEY MET IN THE DARK (1943). Director: Karel Lamac.

Richard Heritage (James Mason) receives a court-martial because fake orders were palmed off on him by an unknown person. He goes to see a young manicurist named Mary (Patricia Medina of The Killing of Sister George), who tells him she has something important to tell him and will speak to him later. She never makes the date but her dead body is found  by Laura Verity (Joyce Howard) in a house owned by Laura's uncles. When Mary's body disappears, the police want to put Laura in jai for supposedly lying and leading them on a chase, so she runs off with Richard in pursuit, neither quite trusting the other. Along the way they encounter a slimy mind reader named Riccardo (Karel Stepanek of The 2nd Best Secret Agent in the Whole Wide World); a radio singer named Lily (Phyllis Stanley); a theatrical impresario named Christopher Child (Tom Walls); a petty officer named Bill Grant (Robert Sansom of He Found a Star); and others, some of whom are part of a nest of spies. Meanwhile Commander Lippinscott (David Farrar of The Sea Chase) is surreptitiously trying to check out the story Richard told at his hearing. He and Richard discover that a certain song to be sung in a nightclub contains a secret code that could sink a ship ... They Met in the Dark is all too typical of WW2 spy movies that are cobbled together with elements lifted from Hitchcock films. These films are called "Hitchcockian" because of those elements but the simple truth is that it's Hitchcock's style of direction that sets his movies apart. Without that style -- and with a poor script and weak direction, as this has -- these movies have no reason to exist. As well, They Met in the Dark is almost stupefyingly dull. The actors, including Mason, can't be faulted, but this badly-constructed picture is an effort to sit through. Director Lamac seems to have no clue as to how to put a picture together in a compelling fashion, although even Hitch himself may have been defeated by the screenplay.

Verdict: Dreadful -- the kind of pictures Mason had to put up with in the earlier days of his career. *.

SPIES, SPIES, AND MORE SPIES

SPIES, SPIES, AND MORE SPIES. 

This week we look at a round up of spy movies and novels, including the latest James Bond feature, Spectre; two recent James Bond novels, Solo and Trigger Mortis (love that title!); three eurospy movies featuring Tom Adams as Charles Vine, Tony Kendall as Kommissar X, and Gordon Scott as Bart Fargo; a spy spoof, Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs, starring Vincent "Just give me the money" Price; and The Girl from Rio, which is not a spy movie as such but certainly borrows all the conventions of the genre. Some of these movies are fun; others are just dreadful, not "so bad they're good" but just bad. But that's what you get with this genre: either a slick piece of entertainment or pure schlock!

DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE GIRL BOMBS

Who cares? Just give me the check!

DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE GIRL BOMBS (aka Le spie vengono dal semifreddo/1966). Director: Mario Bava.

Probably due to the ad campaign, the spy craze of the period, and the presence of Vincent Price, Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikimi Machine was a hit for AIP. A year later the inevitable sequel materialized, with Price reprising his role of the diabolical doctor who has escaped death and is now blowing up horny generals by using beautiful robot girls full of explosives. Instead of Frankie Avalon, we have another teen idol, Fabian, playing spy, and there are two Italian alleged comedians who also play bumbling agents. Goldfoot's ultimate scheme is to drop a super-hydrogen bomb on Moscow, bringing about WW3. Goldfoot also has a pool full of piranha who never figure in the plot, as well as another general who happens to be Goldfoot's twin -- nothing much happens with that, either. Despite the fact that Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs has one more laugh-out-loud moment than Bikini Machine -- bringing the total up to half a dozen (that's one laugh every fifteen minutes) -- it's an even worse movie than its predecessor. Price, with both eyes on his paycheck and certainly not on the script, gives a gleefully hammy performance and probably never sat through this crapola himself -- if only his fans had been spared! As an actor, Fabian [A Bullet for Pretty Boy] actually amassed 48 credits. Possibly Mario Bava's worst movie.

Verdict: Just awful. 1/2*.

DANGER!! DEATH RAY

Delfi Mauro and Gordon Scott

DANGER!! DEATH RAY (aka Il raggio infernale/1967). Director: Gianfranco Baldanello.

When Professor Carmichael (Tullio Altamura) is kidnapped along with his death ray -- more powerful than a laser beam -- American agent Bart Fargo (Gordon Scott) is sent into action. En route to Barcelona, Fargo first encounters a pretty plane passenger (Silvia Solar), who turns up again in dramatic circumstances, and then meets the painter, Lucille (Delfi Mauro). In addition to flirting with the ladies, Fargo has to fight off several assassins, including one, Al (Massimo Righi), who becomes Bart's helpmate when his companions turn on him. The hired guns in this are especially inept, particularly in one comical sequence when an assassin tries to push Bart out a window and goes flying into space himself! The high-tech effects include an obviously toy helicopter and submarine, and the "death ray" certainly doesn't do much until a few seconds at the end. (Any notions that the movie presents attacks on cities or buildings by giant death rays because of the title are quickly forgotten.) One clever bit has jackhammers being turned into machine guns. Gordon Scott, best known for playing Tarzan in such films as Tarzan's Greatest Adventure, makes a perfectly acceptable super-spy, the ladies are adept enough, and Alberto Dalbes is effective as Carver, the slimy villain of the piece. The movie's score is terrible.

Verdict: Sub-standard Eurospy trash in widescreen Eastmancolor. **.

KOMMISSAR X: ISLAND OF LOST GIRLS

Tony Kendall and Brad Harris

KOMMISSAR X: ISLAND OF LOST GIRLS (aka Three Golden Serpents/Drei goldene Schlangen/1969). Director: Roberto Mauri.

Those adventuresome daredevils, private eye Joe Walker (Tony Kendall) and Captain Tom Rowland (Brad Harris), are back in another "Kommissar X" adventure set in Thailand. ("Kommissar X" is a nickname for Walker.) Tourist Maud Leighton (Loni Heuser) contacts the two men when her daughter, Phyllis (Hansi Linder) is kidnapped in Bangkok. Phyllis has been taken to an island where captive women are held to be sex slaves for wealthy perverts. Armand Landru (Walter Brandi), is a French agent who is actually in the employ of  Madame Kim Soo (Vilaiwan Vantanapanich, a supposedly benevolent woman who has numerous charitable interests and is apparently above reproach. Petra (Rotraut de Neve) is assigned to watch over the ladies, but makes a break for it and tries to get help. There is also an ice princess, Kathin (Monica Pardo), who makes poisons for Landru and paralyzes Joe at one point, placing a cobra near his bed. The cultists employed by Madame Kim Soo all have tattoos of three snakes (hence the alternate title Three Golden Serpents), and her handsome associate Frank (Carlos de Castro) has a mean way with a knife. Island of Lost Girls boasts some colorful locations and has a fast pace. The basic plot actually deserves a better movie. Everyone in the movie is dubbed, including the two lead actors. An Italian-West German release.

Verdict: Average, modestly entertaining Kommissar X feature. **1/2.

SOLO -- A James Bond Novel

SOLO. A James Bond novel. William Boyd. HarperCollins; 2013.

The year is 1969 and James Bond's boss, "M," asks 007 to intercede in a civil war going on in a small West African nation, Zanzarin. Oil has been found on one tribe's land, and said tribe decides to secede instead of sharing the bounty with the entire country. The head of this new nation of Duham is Solomon Adeka, who might have to be "taken care of" because Duham is now seen as a threat to certain oil interests. Portraying a journalist, Bond infiltrates Duham with the help of a pretty agent named Blessing Ogilvy-Grant, and encounters the vicious mercenary Kobus Breed and a millionaire philanthropist named Hulbert Linck who is using his money to bring arms and more mercenaries into Duham to fight against Zanzarin forces. Betrayed by familiar faces and nearly killed, Bond winds up in Washington, D.C., on an unsanctioned (or "solo" mission) where he re-encounters some of the Duhami players as well as Felix Leiter of the CIA, and comes face to face with hard and cold facts of war and oil. Solo is a more serious and sobering James Bond novel than usual, with less of the more flamboyant aspects of the 007 books written by Ian Fleming and John Gardner. Suspenseful and intriguing, the only flaw in Solo is that there is no really memorable villain for Bond to match wits with, as Kobus Breed is merely an especially nasty underling. Still, this is a solid, entertaining Bond book. A questionable aspect of the book is how an agent of Bond's ability can be taken by surprise -- by a group of men, no less -- sneaking up on him on more than one occasion.

Verdict: Solid 007. ***.

TRIGGER MORTIS -- A James Bond Novel

TRIGGER MORTIS. A James Bond novel. Anthony Horowitz. 2015; HarperCollins.

Trigger Mortis takes place after the events of Ian Fleming's Goldfinger. James Bond is back in London co-habiting with the apparently happily bisexual Pussy Galore. Both of them are aware that this will not be a long-lasting romance, and in a scene that is somewhat comical Pussy meets up with her next lover a few chapters into the book. Then Bond is ordered to become an undercover auto racer in order to save the life of speedster Lancey Smith, who has been targeted by those nasty Russians of SMERSH. Meanwhile Bond also encounters a sinister Korean man named Jason Sin, who seems to be in league with SMERSH and unveils a diabolical plan to wipe out half of Manhattan. Sin's origin includes the horrifying true-life massacre at No Gun Ri -- in which hundreds of innocent refugees, mostly women and children and the elderly -- were mowed down by U.S. soldiers with orders to kill (although some claim this was an unfortunate "accident"), an event that had a devastating impact on the few survivors. Bond's female helpmate in this is the unfortunately named Jeopardy Lane (ugh!). Horowitz has done a good job of updating Bond and exploring his psychology while remaining faithful to the 1950's period, and there is plenty of action, hair-breath escapes and death traps, and a finale thrilling enough to please any serious 007 fan.

Verdict: Excellent James Bond adventure! ***1/2.

SPECTRE

SPECTRE (2015). Director: Sam Mendes.

James Bond (Daniel Craig) seems to have two adversaries in this outing. One is Ernst Stavros Blofield (Christoph Waltz of Inglorious Basterds [sic]), who is running the organization, SPECTRE, a group that links together previous villains and deaths in 007's sphere. The other is Max Denbigh or "C" (Andrew Scott), the head of the Center of National Security, who thinks M (Ralph Fiennes of Wrath of the Titans) and his methods are hopelessly out of date. M sends Bond out on an assignment that has him infiltrating a SPECTRE meeting, one of the best and most suspenseful scenes in the movie. Other characters include Marco Sciarra (Allesandro Cremona), who engages Bond in Mexico City, and the Bond women include Lucia (Monica Bellucci), the widow of an infamous criminal, and Dr. Madeleine Swann (Lea Seydoux), the daughter of another criminal named White (Jesper Christensen), who may have secret knowledge of SPECTRE. Craig is terrific as Bond, Waltz makes an effective Blofeld, and the other actors are good, including nice turns by Naomie Harris as Moneypenny, and Ben Whishaw as "Q." The cinematography by Hoyte Van Hoytema is excellent, and there's a good score by Thomas Newman, although the title tune is all but ruined by the dreadful "singing" of Sam Smith. A train fight doesn't compare to the one in From Russia with Love.

Verdict: Sinister, but not as thrilling as it ought to be, although it's not a bad 007 entry. ***.

COUNTERSPY MEETS SCOTLAND YARD

Ron Randell

COUNTERSPY MEETS SCOTLAND YARD (1950). Director: Seymour Friedman.

In the desert town of Croftenay, a group of American counter-intelligence agents join forces with a visitor from Scotland Yard, Simon Langton (Ron Randell). The agents are headed by David Harding (Howard St. John of Strait-Jacket), who uncovers a nest of spies centering on the office of phony Dr. Gilbert, aka Hugo Borin (Everett Glass). After Chief of Section Don Martin (Harry Lauter) is murdered, Langton takes over his job and meets Martin's secretary-assistant and former fiancee, Karen Michelle (Amanda Blake). The spies are after a gyroscopic control on Professor Schuman's (Gregory Gaye) rocket, and hypnotize Karen to get the information. Langton goes undercover as an elderly patient to get the goods on the spies and get the classified Intel away from them. Australian-born Randell [I Am a Camera], always a good actor, is fine as Langton and affects an English accent in this; his last name is pronounced the same as Tony Randell. Other familiar cast members include Rick Vallin, John Dehner [The Chapman Report], and Fred F. Sears (later a prolific director of The Giant Claw and many others) as agents. June Vincent is quite good as the deceptively friendly nurse, Barbara, who is in cahoots with the doctor.

Verdict: Acceptable time-passer with some good performances and scenes, and versatile Randell is always interesting. **1/2.

DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE BIKINI MACHINE

DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE BIKINI MACHINE (1965). Director: Norman Taurog.

Dr. Goldfoot (Vincent Price) uses robot versions of beautiful women to seduce and marry wealthy men so that the not-so-good doctor can enrich his coffers. His best robot, no. 11 or Diane (Susan Hart), mistakenly pursues agent 001/4 Craig Gamble (Frankie Avalon) of SIC (Secret Intelligence Committee, or something like that), until she realizes she's really after the rich Todd Armstrong (Dwayne Hickman). Craig has trouble convincing his boss and uncle, D. J. (Fred Clark of Hollywood Story), about the despicable plot even as Diane gets Todd to sign over virtually all of his assets. This spy spoof is bolstered by a fine and amusing performance by Vincent Price, as well as a smart and sexy one by Susan Hart [War-Gods of the Deep] -- Fred Clark is also good and Avalon and Hickman aren't bad, either. However, despite a few good laughs -- a funny bit involving a piece of ice and a woman's panties in a restaurant; a cameo by Annette Funicello -- the movie is way too silly and has a lengthy and tedious chase sequence at the end. Shots and sets from Price's Pit and the Pendulum are used for a sequence in which Goldfoot tries to kill Todd. The Supremes (!) sing a snappy title tune, but it's unlikely it ever turned up on a "best of" CD.

Verdict: Five laugh-out-loud moments but that's not nearly enough. **.