SHARKNADO

Sharks fly through the air in Sharknado

SHARKNADO (2013 telefilm). Director: Anthony C. Ferrante.

A hurricane picks sharks right up out of the water and sends them flying inland where they cause havoc. Leading the charge against the sharks are Fin Shepard (Ian Ziering), feisty if annoying Nova (Cassie Scerbo), and grizzled "old" George (John Heard). This Syfy channel original may have a unique premise but it's sunk by a bad script and mostly mediocre acting, with fair-to-middling computer FX. A scene when Fin attacks a shark falling out of the air with a chainsaw makes little sense since it's unlikely the shark would even survive the drop. Even if you love monster movies there's absolutely no reason to go out of your way to see this one. Gore-geeks will be disappointed that there are no grisly beheadings or disembowelments.

Verdict: For the most part clumsy and stupid. **.

MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS

MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS (2009). Director: Jack Perez.

Oceanologist Emma MacNeil (Deborah Gibson), paleontologist Lamar Sanders (Sean Lawlor), scientist Dr. Shimada (Vic Chao), and smirking official-type Allan Baxter (Lorenzo Lamas) team up to stop the menace of two humongous prehistoric sea monsters: a shark of massive size and an octopus that's just as big. Typical of direct-to-video monster flicks that wind up on Syfy, this picture is a lot of talk, talk, talk and you hardly ever see the monsters (and they're none too impressive when you do). The group uses pheromones to attract the beasts to a specific area, and the two begin a lacklustre battle. Emma and Dr. Shimada have a romance. Oh, and there's a lot more talk. The cast is rather appealing in its way, but the monsters are a real let-down. A few years ago Lorenzo Lamas appeared as a panelist on a really dumb show where people were judged as to their sex appeal, and he got to tell guys who were much more attractive than he was that they "weren't hot." That was probably the nadir of Lamas' career until Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus came along.

Verdict: Watch It Came from Beneath the Sea instead. *.

SAND SERPENTS

SAND SERPENTS (2009). Director: Jeff Renfroe. A Syfy Original Movie.

In a rip-off of Tremors, a team of United States army personnel in Afghanistan are saved from agents of the Taliban who are about to behead them when giant, carnivorous worms erupt from the desert and devour the bad guys. Jason Gedrick is the only well-known cast member, and he and the other actors do a nice job. As usual, there's a great deal of talk in the movie with sporadic attacks by the worms (who are never given an origin), who are brought to life with more-than-adequate computer animation. The best scene has one of the monsters suddenly rising up to attack a blackhawk on a rescue mission. Good ending as well. What idiot decided to rename the Sci Fi Channel Syfy?

Verdict: Okay if you don't expect too much. **.