THE LOFT

The male leads -- or pigs -- of The Loft

THE LOFT (2014). Director: Erik Van Looy.

Vincent (Karl Urban of Star Trek Into Darkness) gives keys to a luxury condo to his married male friends so they can all have a place where they can screw around without their wives knowing. Unfortunately, one day a woman's dead body is discovered in the bed. It isn't long before the five men realize that one of them must be the killer. But is it Vince, Chris (James Marsden), Luke (Wentworth Miller), chubby Marty (Eric Stonestreet), or Chris' messed-up brother, Philip (Matthias Schoenaerts)? You probably won't care because the unsympathetic male characters are pigs. Understandably the female characters have little to do in the movie (except play dead) but Rhona Mitra and Kali Rocha, among others, still manage to make a minor impression. Of the guys, Miller and Marsden [X-Men] come off the best. The Loft holds the attention and has some suspense, but the script is tricky and ultimately not that compelling, although it does have some interesting moments. NOTE: This is a remake of a Belgian version that was also directed by Van Looy and starred Schoenaerts (who does a convincing American accent in this) six years earlier.

Verdict: Pigs be damned! **1/2.

HAIRSPRAY (2007)

Mother and daughter: John Travolta and Nikki Blonsky

HAIRSPRAY (2007). Director: Adam Shankman.

"If we get any more white people in here this'll be a suburb."

Tracy Turnblad (Nikki Blonsky) manages to get on Baltimore's Corny Collins dance program where she earns the scorn of Amber Von Tussle (Brittany Snow) and her mother, Velma (Michelle Pfeiffer), who happens to be station manager. Will Tracy win the coveted Auto Show crown and integrate the Corny Collins show as well? The original Hairspray was turned into a Broadway musical, and this is less of a remake of the film as it is a screen adaptation of the stage work. Instead of classic rock songs we get some generic "Broadway" tunes, although a couple of them ["I Love You, Baltimore"] are catchy, and the black anthem "There's a Dream" is memorable. Still, this version is in virtually every way inferior to the original, lacking charm and with too heavy an approach. Water's Hairspray made its points on integration in a light, satirical way that got it across without pounding you on the head with its "message" but this Hairspray says the same things, however admirable, over and over and over again. It's like a Black Pride movie made mostly by white people; except for Queen Latifah [Mad Money], the stars are all white, too. It also has a sub-text of what you might call Fat Pride, but can't resist more than its quota of fat jokes with Tracy and her mother constantly being offered something to eat. The only performers who make any kind of impression (in the right way) are Michelle Pfeiffer [Grease 2] and Queen Latifah (wearing Ruth Ford's blond wig from the original?). As Tracy's friend Penny, Amanda Bynes is too old and too sophisticated, and the less said about John Travolta [Carrie] in drag as Edna Turnblad the better. Some members of the supporting cast are perfectly okay (James Marsden in his limited screen time as Corny Collins; Zac Efron as Link) but Jerry Stiller again fails to impress, this time in the role of Big Gal clothing shop owner, Mr. Pinky. At least Travolta and Christopher Walken (playing Mr. Turnblad) seem to be having fun with their number "You're Timeless to Me." The movie eventually becomes quite boring, which you can't say about the original.

Verdict: Some things should be left alone. **.

THE BOX

THE BOX (2009). Writer/director: Richard Kelly.

Loosely based on Richard Matheson's short story "Button, Button," this film at least has an intriguing premise: a man (Frank Langella) shows up at the home of a young couple (Cameron Diaz; James Marsden) and gives them a small box. If they push the button in the box, he tells them, they will receive one million dollars, but someone -- they don't know who -- will die. The moral dilemma, uncertainty and sheer strangeness of the situation carry the movie ... for a time. But despite some striking images and not bad acting, the picture is more like a bad dream than anything else -- it's impossible to tell if it's supposed to be taken seriously or not. Ultimately it's a waste of a great idea.

Verdict: Not much point in opening this box. **.

SUPERMAN RETURNS

SUPERMAN RETURNS (2006). Director: Bryan Singer.

Hearing reports that astronomers have discovered a planet that may be Krypton, Superman sets out to find it -- and doesn't return for five years. Which is understandably upsetting to Lois Lane, as he has left her with child. We never really find out why it took so long for the faster-than-light Man of Steel to return to Earth after discovering Krypton was -- as we all already new -- a shattered husk, but the real problem with the film is that it's lacklustre, disjointed, and slowwww. There are some good rescue scenes however, such as the business with the space shuttle and a tense scene when Lois, her son, and her boyfriend, Richard (James Marsden) are nearly drowned in a tight compartment. Brandon Routh is excellent as Superman, however, as is Kate Bosworth as Lois and Frank Langella as Perry White. Kevin Spacey sort of plays Luthor in the same quasi-camp mode as Gene Hackman before him -- has no one read the comics or seen the cartoons, where Luthor is a much more imposing presence? Parker Posey is even more irritating as Luthor's bimbo, Kitty. The plot has something to do with Luthor using kryptonian crystal technology to create a new continent, which will bring about the demise of everyone else on Earth. (There is no real sense of impending doom or even urgency to this.) The scene when a tough hood plays Heart and Soul with little Jason (the likable Tristan Lake Leabu) is charming, but in the wrong movie, but it does lead into a startling revelation. In trying to be all mythic, Singer (who did a better job on the X-Men films) forgot to be entertaining.

Verdict: Some magical moments, but overlong. **1/2.