THREE SAILORS AND A GIRL

Gene Nelson, Jane Powell, Gordon MacRae

THREE SAILORS AND A GIRL (1953). Director: Roy Del Ruth.

"Are you certain Judy Garland started like this/"

When some submarine sailors on leave, including Twitch (Gene Nelson of So This is Paris) and Porky (Jack E. Leonard of The Fat Spy), want to spend their back pay on girls and booze, the more sensible "Choirboy" (Gordon MacRae) importunes them to invest the money instead. His original intention is Wall Street, but due to the intervention of producer Joe Woods (Sam Levene) and Broadway hopeful Penny Weston (Jane Powell), they wind up putting $50,000 in a hopeless show. But will the combined talents of George Abbot, Moss Hart, and Ira Gershwin (none of whom play themselves), not to mention the U. S. Marines, turn this turkey into a hit? Three Sailors and a Girl suffers from the same problem as the show-within-a-show, U.S.S. Texas, in that it has serious book problems. Not only is the script a mass of cliches, but the characters are paper-thin stereotypes. Fortunately, there's some pleasure in the movie, including a few funny lines, the beautiful voices of both MacRae and Powell, and the snappy dancing of Gene Nelson (his fancy footwork in a garage is one of the film's highlights). The songs were contributed by two Sammy's: Cahn  and Fain, and the songs are at the very least pleasant and one or two are memorable: "The First Time That We Kissed;" "There Must Be a Reason." Jack E. Leonard, who was introduced in this picture, seems to be channeling Lou Costello at times, but has an amiable, portly presence. Small roles are enacted by Merv Griffin, Paul Burke, Jack Larson, and Burt Lancaster, who plays a show biz hopeful who is rejected because he looks too much like Burt Lancaster. Archer MacDonald is quirky as librettist Melvin Webster, and Veda Ann Borg [Jungle Raiders] is vivid as Woods' girlfriend. By now Sam Levene could have played this fast-talking role in his sleep but he's very good. George Givot is fun as the ham opera star Emilio Rossi, possibly an affectionate parody of Ezio Pinza.  Jack E. Leonard eventually developed a more brash personality and was more of a stand-up
comic than actor.

NOTE: This is not to be confused with Three Girls and a Sailor; Three Girls and a Gob; Three Gobs and a Girl; A Girl, A Guy, and a Gob; Three Sailors Go to Paris with a Gal; Three Sailors Go to Paris with a Guy; Three Gay Sailors, a Guy, and a Gob; or numerous others.

Verdict: More "technicolor twaddle," but some fun. **.

THE FAT SPY

Phyllis Diller as Rapunzel/Camille Salamander

THE FAT SPY (1966). Director: Joseph Cates.

"After I saw The Fat Spy I went straight to confession -- and I'm not even Catholic." -- Phyllis Diller

George Wellington (Brian Donlevy), the head of a cosmetics firm, and Camille Salamander (Phyllis Diller) are both hoping to get their hands on a fountain of youth formula and are annoyed that a bunch of singing teenagers have taken up residence on the island where the formula might be found. Or something like that. Rarely have there been such films of stark brilliance, comedic genius, and extreme profundity -- and The Fat Spy is certainly not one of them. The movie is a weird combination of Beach Party-spoof, teen musical, and alleged comedy, although it has only a couple of genuinely amusing sequences. In one of these Camille's boyfriend Herman (Jack E. Leonard) sings a funny number, "You Haven't Changed a Bit" ["a peeping tom pulled down the shade"] to her, and the ending is kind of funny, too. Otherwise ... There are some decent tunes warbled by Johnny Tillotson, Jordan Christopher [who later married Sybil Burton] and the Wild Ones, and even Jayne Mansfield, who sings "I'd Like to Be a Rose in Your Garden, but I'm Just a Thorn in Your Side." Diller isn't bad, Donlevy is an old pro, but Leonard isn't much of an actor yet is given two roles to play. Jayne Mansfield has done better work elsewhere, such as an episode on The Alfred Hitchcock Hour. The film is padded with long sequences of good-looking young people dancing. Cates also directed Who Killed Teddy Bear? and little else of note.

Verdict: Get ready to hit that fast-forward button -- or "stop!": *1/2.