IMMORTALS

Henry Cavill vs. opponents

IMMORTALS (2011). Director: Tarsem Singh.


After his mother is murdered in front of his eyes by Hyperion (Mickey Rourke), Theseus (Henry Cavill) -- with the aid of pretty seeress Phaedra (Freida Pinto) and plucky Stavros (Stephen Dorff) -- takes on the evil ruler and his armies of masked, bloodthirsty warriors. Hyperion has a weapon called the Epirus Bow, and hopes to unleash the imprisoned Titans for even more havoc. If only this was half as interesting as it sounds! If you're expecting mythological fun a la Jason and the Argonauts, be forewarned that this is a fairly tedious mess that juggles around a lot of mythology without ever coming up with an intriguing storyline of its own. Previous films have cast imposing filmic legends [think Olivier, Maggie Smith etc. in the original Clash of the Titans] as the gods of Mount Olympus, but here we get a kind of bony Luke Evans as Zeus, proclaiming that "no god may interfere in the affairs of man!" Since when? The movie has one impressive sequence, when Theseus rallies the troops and they all bang their swords in unison and there's a temporary excitement, as well as skill in editing and direction. Then we're back to fight scenes that resemble gory video games. Cavil, Pinto and Dorff are okay, but Rourke underplays his role to the point of somnambulance; he's as bad in this as he was good in Iron Man 2 [there has to be more to a performance than intensity]! John Hurt and Stephen McHattie turn up in supporting roles. The film is generally good to look at, with some beautiful photography and striking scenic design, but that and some okay FX work can't save a pretty lousy and tedious picture. This is even worse than the remake of the aforementioned Clash of the Titans.

Verdict: Even if you think you like mythological movies, think again about this one. **.

BLADE

Wesley Snipes as vampire/vampire-hunter Blade

BLADE (1998). Director: Stephen Norrington.

The character of Blade first appeared in the Marvel comic book Tomb of Dracula. He was human, immune to vampire bites, and on a mission to find the particular vampire who turned his mother, even as he was in her belly, into a bloodsucker. Along the way he'd kill any vampire he encountered. Oddly, when this movie was made decades after Blade first appeared, they borrowed an idea from rival DC comics series "I, Vampire" from House of Mystery, in that like the hero of that series, the movie Blade is also a "good" vampire. A bigger problem is that this film isn't especially well directed, and the action scenes have no true punch, although there is a nifty sequence when skulls tear their way out of vampires' mouths. Wesley Snipes isn't much of an actor, and his performance seems to be a collection of grimaces. As his main adversary Deacon Frost, Stephen Dorff [Xlll] underplays too much and betrays no dramatic flair as the villain. Kris Kristofferson, without stretching overly much, probably gives the best performance as Blade's associate, Whistler. N'Busche Wright is also okay as a young doctor who becomes embroiled in dastardly events after being bitten. Blade is a somewhat noble figure who needs better treatment and a better actor. Unlike Tomb of Dracula, written by Marv Wolfman, the characterization in this film is minimal. Followed by two sequels.

Verdict: Stick with Dracula. **.

XIII [Thirteen]

XIII [Thirteen] (2008). NBC two-part four hour mini-series. Director: Duane Clark.

This is a Ludlumesque conspiracy story centering on the assassination of the country's first female president. The killer is identified as a man named Steven Rowland (Stephen Dorff), but Rowland has lost his memory after a fall out of a plane and what's more apparently he isn't even Steven Rowland. Although XIII never has the energy or intensity of 24, it's certainly reminiscent of that series with its white house intrigue and top level traitors who think they can make a better America. The climax has to do with a dirty bomb about to go off in Washington. A post script, in which more questions are raised but go unanswered, suggest that at one time there may have been plans to turn XIII into a series. Stephen Dorff is nearly as intense as Kiefer Sutherland and makes a compelling lead (he looks much better with the close-cropped hair and receding hair line than he does with the shaggy locks in the poster). Caterina Murino, Stephen McHattie, Lucinda Davis, Jonathan Higgins, and Mimi Kuzyk are also notable. Val Kilmer is top billed but doesn't show up that much as The Mongoose.

Verdict: Okay, but no 24. **1/2.