FILMS I JUST COULDN'T FINISH ROUND 3

FILMS I JUST COULDN'T FINISH ROUND 3.

These are not reviews, per se, but notes on films that I watched or suffered through until I just gave up on them for one reason or another. Sometimes I skipped to different sections just to get a sense of what was going on or to see if the film became more entertaining. Not all of these pictures are necessarily bad, they just didn't hold my attention. If you see one on the list that you think deserves another look, let me know.

Forbidden Jungle (1950) has a hunter coming to Africa to search for a boy who was lost in a plane crash and is now living, Tarzan-like, in a village with a kindly older man and a native girlfriend. Half of this dull flick was more than enough.

Seeing that it starred Dennis Morgan, Richard Denning and Paula Raymond -- in a western directed by William Castle, no less -- I figured that The Gun That Won the West (1955) would certainly be of some interest. Alas, this tale of the Army and a few civilians versus the Indians never amounts to much. It's all professionally done, just mediocre and dull.

Secret of the Red Orchid (1962) is a dubbed version of a West German Edgar Wallace adaptation about gangsters ordering wealthy people to pay up or die. I started watching this because Christopher Lee and Klaus Kinski were in the cast, both of whom are dubbed. Lee plays, of all things, an American FBI agent! The movie was simply too dull to watch for more than half an hour.

Cave of the Living Dead aka Night of the Vampires (1964) is actually a dubbed West German-Yugoslavian import (Der Fluch der grunen Augen) about an Inspector investigating the murders of young women in a small village. There is some atmosphere, but not much suspense because you find out what's happening pretty early on. Not terrible, but not good enough to waste time on the second half.

Succubus (1968) is another horrible film directed by Jess Franco. His fans consider this one of his best, which -- judging from this claptrap -- certainly isn't saying much. The plot, such as it is, has to do with an actress who has violent and sexual fantasies. Due to its advertising campaign, it made a lot of money in the U.S., but I pity anyone who actually had to pay for a ticket. I gave up on this dull, slow, pseudo-artsy and pretentious mess after about twenty minutes.

The Wildcats of St. Trinian's (1980) is, I believe, the third sequel to The Belles of St. Trinian's -- after Blue Murder at St. Trinian's and Pure Hell of St. Trinian's -- but I could hardly get through a quarter of it despite the fact that it had the same director as the original. There is no Alistair Sim in this, and a much, much less interesting cast.

Christmas Evil (aka You Better Watch Out/1980) features a demented man who works in a toy factory and goes on a rampage. The whole look and pacing of the film got me to stop watching after about half an hour.

The Curse (1987\) is a version of H. P. Lovecraft's The Colour Out of Space with a meteorite in a small town causing mutations. It was directed by actor David Keith. The movie didn't seem entirely worthless but the poor production values and pacing put me off of it pretty quickly. The first adaptation of this story starred Boris Karloff and was entitled Die Monster, Die. It was also poor.

Call Me (1988) stars Patricia Charbonneau as a woman who goes to a bar for a rendezvous with a man she thinks is her boyfriend, and winds up witnessing the murder of a drag queen in a bathroom. Unfortunately, this got less interesting the farther into it I got, which I admit wasn't very far.

The Oxford Murders (2008) is a mystery film about murders involving a professor and author (John Hurt) and a young man (Elijah Wood) who wants to study with him. But then the professor's elderly friend (Anna Massey), with whom Wood is boarding, is found murdered and the professor thinks there will be more killings by an unknown assailant. Sounds good, but who cares? The characters are uninteresting, the story uninvolving, and I couldn't even care who the murderer might turn out to be so I only made it about halfway through this. Hurt and Massey are wasted.

The Colour Out of Space aka Die Farbe (2010) is a German film version of H. P. Lovecraft's excellent novella of the same title, previously filmed as the aforementioned Curse and Die, Monster, Die. The story has been transplanted from New England to Germany, which doesn't work at all, but even worse is the slow pacing and the sparse style which is the complete opposite of the great Lovecraft's florid, Victorian, emotional, atmospheric, and terrifying approach to the material. There is some impressive black and white photography, but I found this so tedious I watched it in spurts. It just wasn't compelling enough to hold the attention.

The Privileged (2013) has a young man and his wife visiting his supervisor and his wife at their home where the former begs to keep his job. An intruder breaks in and gets shot, and the violence escalates as a cover-up begins. This is by no means a terrible movie -- it is well-acted and well-shot -- but it's predictable and minor, and I confess I skipped ahead to the very depressing conclusion.

The Monkey's Paw (2013) is a variation of the famous story that doesn't do nearly enough with the idea and was a bit too slow to hold my attention, despite such talented cast members as Stephen Lang.

There were two spy spoofs that I just couldn't make it through, a 1965 Japanese production entitled Ironfinger and the 1964 American film Spies a Go Go (aka The Nasty Rabbit). I could only make it a quarter of the way through the first one, which seemed as stupid as any American spy spoof, and only a few minutes of the second one, which simply seemed too cheap and moronic to bother with; I skimmed through some of it to my regret.