THE MAGIC CHRISTIAN

Peter Sellers and Ringo Starr

THE MAGIC CHRISTIAN  (1969). Director: Joseph McGrath.

Wealthy Sir Guy Grand (Peter Sellers) has no son and heir, so he picks up a tramp he calls Youngman (Ringo Starr) and adopts him. Grand and son enjoy seeing how much people will do for money, and it turns out to be quite a lot. The last third of the film takes place on the title ocean liner, where there are riotous -- but, unfortunately, not very funny -- proceedings on board. The climax has Guy putting cash in a pool of literal crap and watching men dive for the loot while Thunderclap Newman's "Something in the Air" plays over the action. Meant to tackle sacred cows of the period, The Magic Christian is merely awful and tedious, although there are times when you just can't turn your eyes away. The picture has the distinction of being the one Peter Sellers movie in which he clowns around but just isn't funny, and Starr, while adequate, is just along for the ride. There's a lot of homo-eroticism in the picture -- such as two dancing gay bodybuilders, and two boxers who begin making out instead of punching one another (for such a "daring" movie it's strange the way the camera cuts away before they actually kiss) -- and, alas, Leonard Frey of The Boys in the Band is forced to play a character named Laurence Faggot (pronounced Fag- go). What's meant to be shocking and sarcastic is just silly and asinine. Wilfrid Hyde-White [The Browning Version] is fine as the captain of the Magic Christian; Laurence Harvey [Life at the Top] seems to be having fun doing what might be called a Shakespearean striptease; Raquel Welch wields a mean whip in a galley scene; and Patrick Cargill and John Cleese are somewhat amusing as discombobulated employees of Sotheby's. Christopher Lee even shows up wearing his Dracula teeth and threatening to put the bite on a lady passenger. But the best cameo hands-down goes to Yul Brynner [Westworld], who is frankly astonishing as a somewhat odd-looking songstress warbling Noel Coward's "Mad About the Boy" in a cocktail lounge. Otherwise, this is a criminal waste of time! The whole film looks as if everyone involved was completely stoned all during filming.

Verdict: One of the worst movies ever made -- aside from a "fabulous" Brynner. *.

THE PINK PANTHER 2

THE PINK PANTHER 2 (2009). Director: Harald Swort.

"Here is the Pope's ring! His wife will be happy."

Steve Martin returns as Inspector Clouseau in this sequel to The Pink Panther (2006). A thief known as the Tornado is stealing national treasures, including the famous Pink Panther diamond [ignoring the first film, the diamond is now the national symbol of France and has no owner]. A crack team of international detectives, including Clouseau, are assembled to uncover the identity of the Tornado and stop the thefts. Aishwarya Rai Bachchan [!] is fun and sexy as the one woman in the group, Sonia, and Emily Mortimer is back as Nicole, who is carrying a torch for Clouseau. Others in the cast include the always-wonderful Alfred Molina, John Cleese [somewhat disappointing as Dreyfus], Jeremy Irons as a suspect, and even Lily Tomlin as a woman who tries to teach Clouseau political correctness but finds it a losing battle. Jean Reno underplays nicely as Clouseau's partner, Ponton, carried over from the first film along with Nicole. There are some funny scenes in this -- Clouseau interviewing the Pope at the Vatican is especially memorable -- and the film is essentially amiable with a fine Martin seemingly enjoying himself. You probably will, too, even if there have been better "Pink Panther" movies.

Verdict: Not a terrible time-passer. **1/2.