PARKER

Jason Statham as Parker

PARKER (2013). Director: Taylor Hackford.

Back in the sixties author Donald Westlake (writing as Richard Stark) wrote a whole series of novels starring ruthless career criminal, Parker. The series stopped, and Parker disappeared for quite a few years, until he came back in, eh, "Comeback." Two books later there was "Flashfire," of which Parker is an adaptation. Parker is not a total sociopath -- he doesn't blow away his partners-in-crime so he can steal their share of the take -- and he doesn't kill unless he absolutely has to. Still ... The Parker novels are well-written and entertaining -- "Flashfire" is one of the best -- but there are critics who badly overrate them. One critic suggested that the Parker novels are "not just masterpieces of the genre, but masterpieces period." Well -- the books are fun but you sort of forget them the minute you're through, and it's hard to think a novel is a "masterpiece" when it has so little resonance. I think this is an example of fans over-praising something that they pretty much know is pure pop culture and a guilty pleasure.

As for Parker, Jason Statham, who has appeared in many movies that wouldn't especially interest me, makes a perfect lead but for the fact of his English accent (Parker is very, very American). There have been some changes from the novel, but for the most part it sticks to the main story. Parker feels he has been cheated out of his share of a robbery, and takes after the other men, who are now planning a big heist in tony Palm Beach. He is aided by a realtor named Leslie (Jennifer Lopez of Gigli), who lives with her mother (Patti Lupone) and hates her life. Michael Chiklis [Fantastic Four] is vivid as the head of the gang that Parker's after; Bobby Cannavale has a couple of brief scenes as a cop who likes Leslie; and Nick Nolte, playing a character who is not in the novel, sounds like Daffy Duck and looks like the wreck of the Hesperus. Emma Booth plays Claire, Nolte's daughter, who appears in the Parker novels but doesn't have much to do in this installment. The best scene details a vicious hotel room fight between Parker and a hit man.

Parker doesn't seem to have gotten much publicity. Other films made from Parker novels include The Split, The Outfit, and Point Blank. The best of these is The Split.

Verdict: Holds the attention but nothing special. The book is better. **1/2.

GIGLI

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck

GIGLI (2003). Writer/director: Martin Brest.

A "cute" (that is "nice") hit man named Larry Gigli (Ben Affleck of Hollywoodland), and a pretty -- and nice -- hit woman named Ricki (Jennifer Lopez of Monster-in-Law) team up to kidnap and possibly murder a mentally-disabled youth named Brian (Justin Bartha). And this is an (alleged) comedy? Perhaps in a very wild farce with extremely gifted farceurs this may have worked, but Gigli deserves its reputation as one of the worst movies ever made -- what on earth was Brest thinking (no wonder he hasn't worked since)? Let me make it clear that Gigli wasn't just excoriated because of over-exposure to "Bennifer" -- Lopez and Affleck were lovers at the time -- but because it was a tedious and dreadful picture. To make matters worse -- if that's possible -- there is even some homophobic nonsense with Ricki, a committed lesbian, having sex with Larry simply because the real-life couple had to sleep together in the movie! Al Pacino [88 Minutes] is the best thing in the picture as a maniacal mob boss, but there isn't enough of him to save the movie.

Verdict: If only this had been about Beniamino Gigli, the opera singer. This is beyond abysmal. 1/2 star for Pacino.

MONSTER-IN-LAW

MONSTER-IN-LAW (2005). Director: Robert Luketic.

Jennifer Lopez thinks she's met the man of her dreams in handsome and successful Michael Vartan, but she didn't count on his having a mother (Jane Fonda) who wants to run almost every aspect of his life, particularly in regards to whom he marries. Fonda steals the picture and is excellent as the middle-aged newswoman who's just been replaced by a young bimbo at the network, and has plenty of free time to make life miserable for Lopez – who finally realizes what's up and fights back. Lopez is fine in the movie, as is Vartan [from TV's Alias], but you have to wonder why Vartan's character isn't able to see through his mother and realize what problems she might cause for Lopez later on. Wanda Sykes may be a limited performer but she's also excellent as Fonda's friend, assistant, and conscience. Late in the picture Elaine Stritch puts in a memorable apperance as Fonda's mother-in-law. A cute, consistently entertaining comedy if not quite a classic. But Fonda looks great and is wonderful.

Verdict: Lots of fun. ***.