TALES FROM THE CRYPT Cable TV Show

The Crypt-Keeper reads a comic

TALES FROM THE CRYPT HBO series; 1989.

This gruesome TV show lasted for seven seasons and all of the 93 episodes were based on stories published in E.C.'s horror comics, such as Tales from the Crypt. As many of these stories were only a few pages long and were chiefly interested (in many cases) with just the final twist or shock-gore ending, the telewriters often had to "flesh out" the scripts and plot lines, sometimes felicitously, sometimes not.

Among the most memorable episodes: "And All Through the House," involving a murderess and a Santa Clause on a deadly rampage. "Til Death," with a love potion affecting a wealthy woman who never dies to her lover's extreme consternation. "My Brother's Keeper," in which a Siamese twin's falling in love causes extreme complications. In "The New Arrival," a radio shrink deals with a very weird child in a creepy old house. "Spoiled" features a neglected wife, her lover, and the husband who enacts a diabolical revenge involving a truly grotesque switch in parts. An old magician (a splendid Martin Sheen) gets even with a younger rival  in "Well-Cooked Hams." Arguably the best episode is the extremely gruesome "Split Second," in which a handsome lumberjack dallies with the boss's wife and the highly bloody developments this leads to involving a chainsaw.

Other notable episodes: "House of Horror;" "Let the Punishment Fit the Crime;" "Started in Horror;" "Only Skin Deep;" "Till Death Do We Part;" "Oil's Well that Ends Well;" "Came the Dawn;" "Escape;" "Smoke Wrings;" "Mournin' Mess;" "What's Cookin'"; "Death of Some Salesman;" "The Switch;" "Collection Completed;" "The Ventriloquist's Dummy;" "Television Terror;" "Dig that Cat -- He's Real Gone;" and "The Man Who Was Death."

Tales from the Crypt could be overly campy at times (to say the least) and can be best described as very black comedy. The writers added lots of blatant sexuality to the original stories.The hideous puppet "Crypt-Keeper" was expertly voiced by John Cassir, who somehow managed to make him somewhat lovable [?] despite the atrocious puns. NOTE: See The Horror Comics for more information on these and other horror stories.

Verdict: Only about half of these or less are really worth watching, but the good ones are quite entertaining. **1/2.

MILDRED PIERCE (2011)

Kate Winslet as Mildred

MILDRED PIERCE (2011 HBO mini-series. Director: Todd Haynes.

"I am never coming back to this hovel as long as I live!" --Veda Pierce.

This mini-series is adapted from the same James M. Cain novel that was the basis of the Joan Crawford movie of the same title. This version is much more faithful to the novel, as the Crawford version added a murder sequence that was not in the book and turned the original Mildred Pierce into a classic piece of film noir, which this version is definitely not. In the mini-series Mildred is played by Kate Winslet, who doesn't have Crawford's presence but gives a good performance, although it lacks spontaneity. The story begins in 1931 California where Mildred splits from her husband and is left to take care of their two daughters. As in the original movie, the proud Mildred gets a job as a waitress, bakes pies, opens her own restaurant -- and has to contend with her haughty older daughter, Veda [first played as a child -- and quite well -- by Morgan Turner, who might even have been able to handle the later sequences]. As in the novel Veda is studying piano, but discovers she lacks distinction. In the book she becomes an opera singer in a rather ludicrous fashion, so the mini-series wisely has her talking about it instead of showing it. The other major character is gigolo Monty Beragon, played by a credible Guy Pearce. Mildred Pierce has some fine performances and memorable sequences, such as a tragic death scene for a young character; an interview for a housekeeping job that Mildred has with rich bitch Mrs. Lenhardt [uncredited but very good]; Mildred's reaction when she first hears Veda's singing voice on the radio; and an explosive climax in a bedroom when Mildred sees her daughter's true colors in the cruelest way possible. The adult Veda is played by Evan Rachel Wood, who isn't bad in the part, but she just can't compare to the vicious brilliance of Ann Blyth in the original version [and Pearce can't quite erase memories of smarmy Zachary Scott as Monty]. Mare Winningham, James LeGros, Melissa Leo, Brian F. O'Byrne, and Quinn McColgan are all notable in important supporting roles. Nice music from Carter Burwell. Veda's gorgeous soprano singing voice is supplied by the very talented Sumi Jo.

Verdict: Pretty classy cable mini-series. ***1/2.

EMPIRE FALLS

EMPIRE FALLS (2005). HBO mini-series. Directed by Fred Schepesi. Screenplay by Richard Russo, from his novel.

This must be a pretty dumbed-down adaptation of the novel because otherwise one can't imagine why on earth anyone would think it was worthy of a Pulitzer Prize. Miles Roby (Ed Harris) lives in the town of Empire Falls, Maine, where he runs a diner for the local matriarch Francine Whiting (Joanne Woodward). While he deals with his ex-wife (Helen Hunt), daughter, half-drunk father (Paul Newman, pictured), and others, Miles also thinks back to when he was a young boy and he spent a summer with his mother and Francine's husband, Charlie (Philip Seymour Hoffman). Frankly, the flashbacks scattered through this meandering two-part movie only make things so confusing that many viewers may not even "get" the big secret about Miles and why Francine seems to delight in making his life miserable. The movie becomes a little more interesting when we're introduced to Francine's lame and emotionally disturbed daughter, who's been unrequitedly in love with Miles for decades, but this sub-plot sort of goes nowhere, which is true with many other situations in the movie. There are too many cliches and stereotyped, "cutesy" characters and the sappy, mediocre musical score seems to be trying to alert us that this is supposed to be something "meaningful' and "significant." Fat chance. It all comes off like superficial Stephen King without the horror except for a Columbine-like shooting scene that is thrown in for good measure. The acting is generally better than the picture deserves. Newman's performance isn't exactly a "great" one but he's not bad at all as Max. Like a soap opera without the sex.

Verdict: Phony and a bit dull all told. **.