THE LONG HAUL

Diana Dors and Victor Mature

THE LONG HAUL (1957). Director/co-screenplay: Ken Hughes. Colorized. 

American ex-GI Harry Miller (Victor Mature) lives in England with his wife, Connie (Gene Anderson) and little boy, Butch (Michael Wade). Desperate to find work he comes afoul of crooked trucker, Joe Easy (Patrick Allen of Night Creatures) and Easy's "easy" girlfriend, Lynn (Diana Dors), who transfers her affections to Harry after Joe is brutal with her. Naturally this doesn't sit well with either Connie or Joe. Still Joe, Harry and Lynn wind up driving a truck full of stolen furs to the river for an illicit rendezvous. They've been told they must get on the ship and sail to America with the furs to avoid prosecution, but Harry may not be able to leave his wife and child behind no matter what ...

Patrick Allen with Mature

The Long Haul is a very good example of British film noir with all of the usual elements. Of course these elements -- desperate man pulled into crime, a tug of war between wife and mistress, sexy femme fatale with redeemable features -- are all quite familiar to the viewer, but they are all blended together quite well and bolstered by some fine acting. In the right role, as this is, Mature can certainly deliver and his portrait of this weak, confused man is right on target. Dors proves that she isn't just big breasts and blond hair. Patrick Allen is also terrific as the slimy Joe, calculating the odds until the last. Liam Redmond and Peter Reynolds are also notable as two ill-fated gentlemen, Casey and Lynn's brother, Frank. Trevor Duncan has crafted an exciting score as well. Reynolds and Dors both appeared in Man Bait. Ken Hughes also wrote and directed Heatwave. 

Verdict: Absorbing, well-acted British crime thriller. ***. 

NOTHING BUT THE NIGHT

Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee

NOTHING BUT THE NIGHT (1973). Director: Peter Sasdy.                                                            

A number of trustees of the Van Traylen Orphanage on the island of Bela are dying in suspicious accidents. Then a bus crash puts one of the orphans, Mary Valley (Gwyneth Strong), in the hospital, where she is ministered to by Dr. Haynes (Keith Barron) and a reporter named Joan (Georgia Brown), both of whom have to contend with the girl's abusive and crazy mother, Anna (Diana Dors). Eventually Colonel Bingham (Christopher Lee) of the police and Sir Mark Ashley (Peter Cushing), a concerned doctor, head for Bela to find out exactly what is going on in the orphanage and check up on Mary. But the homicidal Anna is heading there as well, yet Mrs. Allison (Shelagh Fraser) and the other staff take it, strangely, in stride and even refuse special police guards. Bingham and Ashley discover that what's going on in the orphanage is even more horrible than they suspect ... 

Georgia Brown and Peter Cushing

With its two special stars, an adept supporting cast (especially Valley, Brown and Dors), an interesting premise, not to mention a skilled director in Peter Sasdy, Nothing But the Night -- which is not a Hammer production, unfortunately -- should be much better than it is. Unfortunately, the movie is lethargic -- there is no tension or suspense and you find yourself merely watching to see what happens instead of getting caught up in the events. There is a fairly exciting climax when all is revealed, but by then it's too late. Too bad. Georgia Brown, who is very good in this, first made her mark playing Nancy in the musical Oliver in both London and New York, but she wasn't in the film adaptation. Cushing and Lee were frequently teamed together, such as in Dr. Terror's House of Horrors, The Curse of Frankenstein, and The Skull, among several others.

Verdict: An interesting failure. **. 

HAMMER HOUSE OF HORROR

Peter Cushing

HAMMER HOUSE OF HORROR (1980 British television anthology series).

This British anthology series of horror stories lasted for one season and 13 episodes. It is a mixed bag with arguably only one really outstanding episode and a lot of stories with intriguing premises that are ruined by weak scripts and flat wind-ups. Peter Cushing stars in what may be the best episode, "The Silent Scream," in which a former Nazi scientist (Cushing) imprisons an ex-con and his wife in a cage along with several animals. There are some interesting twists and turns to the plot, although the ending is a little implausible. Among the more notable episodes are "Rude Awakening," directed by Peter Sasdy, in which a man (Denholm Elliott) has increasingly sinister dreams involving his wife and his mistress. There's an exciting sequence inside a building that is being demolished. "Children of the Full Moon" has to do with a honeymoon couple who encounter the inhabitants of an old house, a cult of werewolves, with a depressing conclusion. "The Two Faces of Evil" is a disquieting episode, well-directed by Alan Gibson,  in which a paranoid woman is besieged by demonic duplicates of her husband (Gary Raymond of The Millionairess) and son. "The House That Bled to Death" details odd occurrences in a house where grisly murders were committed, and bears a resemblance to The Amityville Horror but has its own shrewd and devilish twist.

Diana Dors in "Children of the Full Moon"

One of the most disappointing episodes is "The 13th Reunion," in which plane crash survivors have turned into a cannibal sect, but this great premise is completely muffed.  "Witching Time" is a mediocre story of a 17th century witch who is on the loose in modern times. "Growing Pains," in its story of weird things that happen after a scientist and his wife adopt a strange little boy, is initially absorbing but then becomes too confusing for its own good. An African fetish statue that causes death is the title object in the unoriginal and hum-drum "Charlie Boy," although it has some suspense. Pierce Brosnan is one of the victims of the "Carpathian Eagle," which butchers a series of men, and "Guardian of the Abyss" concerns a young lady in a cult and a supernatural mirror. "The Mask of Satan" is a stupid episode in which a man is convinced that he's been infected with a very strange virus. Kathryn Leigh -Scott of Dark Shadows fame stars in "Visitor from the Grave," in which a woman kills an intruder who keeps appearing wherever she goes; a poor script sinks this one, unfortunately.

Verdict: Not enough great episodes but most are at least reasonably entertaining. **1/2. 

THE SAINT'S GIRL FRIDAY

THE SAINT'S GIRL FRIDAY (1953). Director: Seymour Friedman.

"I have a hobby of reforming burglars." 

Simon Templar, famously known as the Saint (Louis Hayward), returns to London from New York and learns that a woman he cared for, Julie (uncredited), has died in an accident, plunging her car off a bridge during a high-speed chase. Templar discovers that Julie had somehow gotten involved with a gang of gamblers who blackmailed people into working for them and conveniently resorted to murder for their ends. As Templar investigates -- to the chagrin of friendly adversary Chief Inspector Teal (Charles Victor) -- he encounters a woman named Carol (Naomi Chance of Wings of Danger) and a flirtatious hostess named Kate (Jane Carr), one or both of whom may be working for the mysterious boss of the gang. Templar also has a brief dalliance with a sluttish blonde acquaintance of the chief, an unnamed woman played by Diana Dors (who briefly livens up the picture but not enough to do it much good). William Russell, Fred Johnson and Sam Kydd also have supporting roles in this uninspired late Saint adventure that barely has any suspense or excitement. Hayward is fine as Templar and the other actors are all good.

Verdict: Distinctly minor fifties entry in the shady sleuth sub-genre. **.

FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE

FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE (1974). Director: Kevin Connor.

This anthology, based on the work of R. Chetwynd-Hayes, features stories that are loosely tied in with an antique shop run by an elderly proprietor (Peter Cushing). The first story deals with a mirror  with a demonic inhabitant who urges the owner, Edward Charlton (David Warner) to butcher women. In the second story Christopher Lowe (Ian Bannen), a man saddled with a harridan of a wife (Diana Dors,) encounters an old fellow veteran (Donald Pleasance of You Only Live Twice), and his rather odd daughter (Angela Pleasance) who falls for him -- or so he thinks. The third story is about a man (Ian Carmichael) and his wife (Nyree Dawn Porter) who hire a medium, Madame Orloff (Margaret Leighton of The Astonished Heart), to get rid of an "elemental" that is causing havoc. The fourth and final episode, which is easily the best and most suspenseful, has a man (Ian Ogilvy of And Now the Screaming Starts) affixing an antique door to a cupboard and discovering that it now opens into a cobwebbby and sinister old room that is kept alive by human sacrifices, one of whom almost becomes his wife (Lesley-Anne Down).

Verdict: Well-produced Amicus film with some good actors and generally mediocre scripts. **1/2 out of four.

HAMMERHEAD

Ben Casey as spy: Vince Edwards

HAMMERHEAD (1968). Director: David Miller.

"Is she pretty? Or is he pretty? Well, you never know."

Agent Charles Hood (Vince Edwards) is brought in by British Intelligence to investigate a character known only as Hammerhead (Peter Vaughn). Hood pretends to be a dealer in pornography so as to get on Hammerhead's yacht, where he learns a plan is afoot to steal some very important papers. Another part of the dire plot is to have someone impersonate Sir Richard (Michael Bates), a British dignitary, spiriting him away from a classical music concert and replacing him with a double. A laid-back Vince Edwards [City of Fear] is effective enough as Hood, but he has absolutely no chemistry with his leading lady, the somewhat monkey-faced Judy Geeson, and the romantic scenes don't exactly sizzle. This might not have been the case had these moments been turned over to the sexier Diana Dors, who runs a nightclub where Geeson sings and who is Hammerhead's girlfriend. What Hammerhead has going for it is great locations, good photography, and some lively fight sequences. The movie isn't campy for the most part, although it is way too "mod" at times and includes too many scenes with "flower children." Perhaps the most interesting scene has Hood taking a piece of film he needs to see into a porn theater, where the projectionist has to show the horny fellows a comparatively dull movie. The funniest scene is when Geeson performs a number with her voice dubbed by Madeline Bell, whose deep smoky voice is hardly suited to the squeaky Geeson. Peter Vaughn isn't given a chance to make much of an impression as the master villain, but Patrick Cargill is his usual efficient self as a British agent. Geeson and Dors both appeared with Joan Crawford in Berserk and David Miller directed her in Sudden Fear.

Verdict: Not great, but there have been worse sixties spy films and Edwards is appealing ... **1/2.

IS YOUR HONEYMOON REALLY NECESSARY

Diana Dors and Bonar Colleano

IS YOUR HONEYMOON REALLY NECESSARY (1953). Director: Maurice Elvey.

American serviceman Commander Laurie Vining (Bonar Colleano) arrives in London for his honeymoon with his second wife, Gillian (Diana Decker). Unfortunately his first wife, Candy (Diana Dors of Berserk) shows up at the hotel and insists that they were never actually divorced. Laurie calls his lawyer, Frank (David Tomlinson) for help even as he makes up excuses to stay out of the marital bed. Eventually both Candy and Frank wind up moving into the suite. How will Laurie manage to get out of this sticky situation! Is Your Honeymoon Really Necessary is based on what must have been a mediocre drawing room comedy and never gets off the ground, although some of the performances help. Dors is adorable and adept; Tomlinson is on the money; Becker is very appealing; and while the unconventionally attractive Colleano is certainly no Cary Grant as an actor, he manages to get his character across. Sidney James is a soldier friend of Laurie's named Hank, and MacDonald Parke is Admiral Fields. Lou Jacobi has a very small role as a testy captain. One odd thing is that an unmarried maid named Lucy (Audrey Freeman) keeps flirting with various men and they react as if she's Margaret Hamilton when she's actually quite pretty. Hank acts upset when she kisses him, but she's out of the homely guy's league, which the picture just doesn't seem to get. Maurice Elvey also directed The Tunnel.

Verdict: Skip it if you can. **.

MAN BAIT

MAN BAIT (aka The Last Page/1952). Director: Terence Fisher.

The British film The Last Page was given the zestier title Man Bait  -- with the figure of Diana Dors highlighted in the ads -- when it was released in the U.S. John Harman (George Brent, in one of his last theatrical films) runs a book store in London and cares for his invalid wife (Isabel Dean). He has a loyal assistant named Stella (Marguerite Chapman) and a sexy clerk, Ruby (Diana Dors), who is saucy and always coming in late. A minor incident between the two -- Ruby impulsively kisses John when they're working late in his office -- snowballs into tragedy when Ruby's new friend, the sinister Jeffrey (Peter Reynolds), importunes Ruby to make more of the business and even blackmail her boss. Before long, John is being accused of murder. It seems bizarre that John was planning to take his wife on a holiday, when she proves to be so fatally frail later in the movie. Man Bait holds the attention, but is distinctly minor, although Dors is quite good, as is Reynolds, and Brent and Chapman are more than competent. Eleanor Summerfield also makes an impression as Vi, a woman who is crazy about Jeffrey and jealous of Ruby. This was a Hammer film released and distributed by Lippert in the United States.

Verdict: Competent, if unexciting little programmer. **1/2.