THE MAGIC CHRISTIAN

Peter Sellers and Ringo Starr

THE MAGIC CHRISTIAN  (1969). Director: Joseph McGrath.

Wealthy Sir Guy Grand (Peter Sellers) has no son and heir, so he picks up a tramp he calls Youngman (Ringo Starr) and adopts him. Grand and son enjoy seeing how much people will do for money, and it turns out to be quite a lot. The last third of the film takes place on the title ocean liner, where there are riotous -- but, unfortunately, not very funny -- proceedings on board. The climax has Guy putting cash in a pool of literal crap and watching men dive for the loot while Thunderclap Newman's "Something in the Air" plays over the action. Meant to tackle sacred cows of the period, The Magic Christian is merely awful and tedious, although there are times when you just can't turn your eyes away. The picture has the distinction of being the one Peter Sellers movie in which he clowns around but just isn't funny, and Starr, while adequate, is just along for the ride. There's a lot of homo-eroticism in the picture -- such as two dancing gay bodybuilders, and two boxers who begin making out instead of punching one another (for such a "daring" movie it's strange the way the camera cuts away before they actually kiss) -- and, alas, Leonard Frey of The Boys in the Band is forced to play a character named Laurence Faggot (pronounced Fag- go). What's meant to be shocking and sarcastic is just silly and asinine. Wilfrid Hyde-White [The Browning Version] is fine as the captain of the Magic Christian; Laurence Harvey [Life at the Top] seems to be having fun doing what might be called a Shakespearean striptease; Raquel Welch wields a mean whip in a galley scene; and Patrick Cargill and John Cleese are somewhat amusing as discombobulated employees of Sotheby's. Christopher Lee even shows up wearing his Dracula teeth and threatening to put the bite on a lady passenger. But the best cameo hands-down goes to Yul Brynner [Westworld], who is frankly astonishing as a somewhat odd-looking songstress warbling Noel Coward's "Mad About the Boy" in a cocktail lounge. Otherwise, this is a criminal waste of time! The whole film looks as if everyone involved was completely stoned all during filming.

Verdict: One of the worst movies ever made -- aside from a "fabulous" Brynner. *.

HAMMERHEAD

Ben Casey as spy: Vince Edwards

HAMMERHEAD (1968). Director: David Miller.

"Is she pretty? Or is he pretty? Well, you never know."

Agent Charles Hood (Vince Edwards) is brought in by British Intelligence to investigate a character known only as Hammerhead (Peter Vaughn). Hood pretends to be a dealer in pornography so as to get on Hammerhead's yacht, where he learns a plan is afoot to steal some very important papers. Another part of the dire plot is to have someone impersonate Sir Richard (Michael Bates), a British dignitary, spiriting him away from a classical music concert and replacing him with a double. A laid-back Vince Edwards [City of Fear] is effective enough as Hood, but he has absolutely no chemistry with his leading lady, the somewhat monkey-faced Judy Geeson, and the romantic scenes don't exactly sizzle. This might not have been the case had these moments been turned over to the sexier Diana Dors, who runs a nightclub where Geeson sings and who is Hammerhead's girlfriend. What Hammerhead has going for it is great locations, good photography, and some lively fight sequences. The movie isn't campy for the most part, although it is way too "mod" at times and includes too many scenes with "flower children." Perhaps the most interesting scene has Hood taking a piece of film he needs to see into a porn theater, where the projectionist has to show the horny fellows a comparatively dull movie. The funniest scene is when Geeson performs a number with her voice dubbed by Madeline Bell, whose deep smoky voice is hardly suited to the squeaky Geeson. Peter Vaughn isn't given a chance to make much of an impression as the master villain, but Patrick Cargill is his usual efficient self as a British agent. Geeson and Dors both appeared with Joan Crawford in Berserk and David Miller directed her in Sudden Fear.

Verdict: Not great, but there have been worse sixties spy films and Edwards is appealing ... **1/2.

THE AVENGERS Season 4

Emma Peel as queen of the Hellfire Club

THE AVENGERS (season four/1966).

The Avengers began life in 1961 as a man named John Steed (Patrick Macnee, who lasted through all seven seasons) helps "avenge" the murder of Dr. David Keel's (Ian Hendry) wife; the two men then went on to have several more adventures. Keel was replaced by Cathy Gale (Honor Blackman) for seasons 2 and 3, the episodes for which appeared to be on tape and rather low-tech in nature. With the 4th season, The Avengers was on film, became a very slick show, and best of all starred Diana Rigg [No Turn Unstoned] as the jumpsuit and leather-clad Mrs. Peel, who retained her femininity while apparently excelling in every form of combat known to man -- or, rather, woman. This was the first season in which the British series was shown in the U.S. on the high-rated ABC network. The show tried to maintain a balance between quirky, tongue-in-cheek humor and stories that had genuine suspense and excitement. Often the show would go over the line and descend into camp ["The Girl from Auntie" being a prime example, and as bad as the lowest camp episode of The Man from U.N.C.L.E.). On the other hand, many of the episodes were quite smart and entertaining: "Death at Bargain Prices" features a bomb inside a department store; athletes are hypnotized into committing crimes in "The Master Minds;" a murder-for-hire outfit masquerades as a dating service in "The Murder Market" (with Patrick Cargill of Inspector Clouseau and Suzanne Lloyd);"A Touch of Brimstone" features Emma caparisoned as a black queen in the Hellfire Club; and a bunch of pseudo-feminist slayers take orders from a marionette in "How to Succeed ... at Murder." We mustn't forget the "Man-eater of Surrey Green" with its monster plant. Other memorable episodes include "The Gravediggers"  with Paul Massie; "The Cybernauts" with Michael Gough; "The Hour that Never Was;" "Two's a Crowd;" "The House that Jack Built" with its weird, twisting domicile; "The Danger Makers;" and "A Sense of History." The show was generally very well directed and edited with many exciting fight scenes, and Mrs. Peel took on female opponents more than once, especially in "Murder Market" (two gals go after Emma at the same time) and "How to Succeed at ... Murder."

Verdict: Peel and Steed make a lively and sophisticated duo. ***.

INSPECTOR CLOUSEAU

Alan Arkin as Inspector Clouseau

INSPECTOR CLOUSEAU (1968). Director: Bud Yorkin.

Commissioner Braithwaite (Patrick Cargill) of Scotland Yard is dismayed to learn that the Prime Minister insists he bring in an outsider, Inspector Clouseau, to track down a gang of thieves who have been quite difficult to apprehend. Another problem is that the members of the gang hit upon the idea of wearing face masks that make them look just like Clouseau. Alan Arkin had the unenviable task of stepping into the very large shoes of Peter Sellers, and while he's a talented actor, and arguably a "sexier" Clouseau, he just can't quite make the role his own. Cargill is another talented actor, but he won't make anyone forget Herbert Lom as Clouseau's favorite foil. Barry Foster of Hitchcock's Frenzy is also in the cast, as are Frank Finlay (The Deadly Bees, Twisted Nerve) as a Superintendent and Beryl Reid, amusing as his wife. Delia Boccardo is the pretty undercover cop who assists Clouseau. Inspector Clouseau isn't terrible, there's a lot of talent on screen, but it's the weakest of the films showcasing the weird French policeman. Steve Martin was somewhat more effective as Clouseau, playing it more farcically. It probably doesn't help that this was directed by Bud Yorkin and not Blake Edwards.

Verdict: Stick with Sellers. **1/2.