MADE IN HEAVEN

Sonja Ziemann and Petula Clark 

MADE IN HEAVEN (1952). Director: John Paddy Carstairs.

In a post-war British village, Basil Topham (David Tomlinson) and his wife, Julie (Petula Clark), live with his parents but are hoping to move into a new house -- and get a new cook because grandpa (A. E. Matthews) burns all of their food. They are expecting an elderly maid to arrive, but instead it turns out to be the beautiful Hungarian refugee, Marta (Sonja Ziemann), who sets a lot of hearts and hormones a 'flutter. Julie isn't crazy with this situation and matters aren't helped when she and Basil are chosen to be competitors for a side of bacon if they prove to be the happiest married couple in the village. But then Marta starts coming on to Basil, the bacon is stolen, the Vicar is in an uproar, and Marta's ex-fiance (Ferdy Mayne) shows up with a new marriage proposal. Yes, Made in Heaven has a strange plot, but while it's amiable enough, it has no laugh-out-loud moments. You know a comedy is in trouble when the funniest line is that old gag about "saving your bacon." Watching this, one gets the impression that a memorable film might have been made if MGM had bought the rights, turned this into a musical, hired top stars and some great American character actors, and turned the whole thing into a jolly farce with singing and dancing. The performers are all good, however, including Sophie Stewart and Charles Victor [The Woman in Question] as Basil's parents, Richard Wattis [The Prince and the Showgirl] as the Vicar, and Athene Seyler [I Thank a Fool] as the Vicar's formidable sister, Rosabelle. Most Americans got to know Petula Clark when she had a hit with the record "Downtown" in the sixties, but she'd been performing in England for years, and later appeared in Goodbye, Mr Chips with Peter O'Toole. Ziemann primarily worked in German movies. Tomlinson [War-Gods of the Deep] was a busy actor on both sides of the Atlantic. John Paddy Carstairs also directed He Found a Star with Sarah Churchill.

Verdict: Well, it's certainly different.... **.

THE FIENDISH PLOT OF FU MANCHU

Peter Sellers and Helen Mirren

THE FIENDISH PLOT OF DR. FU MANCHU (1980). Director: Piers Haggard.

On Dr. Fu Manchu's (Peter Sellers) 168th birthday, his life-sustaining elixir vitae is spilled, and he orders his loyal men to run about stealing the necessary ingredients. Naturally this alerts his longtime adversary, Nayland Smith (also played by Peter Sellers), who has become a little strange after being tortured by the Si-Fan, the group of which Fu is leader. Suspecting that the queen may be a target, Smith has her impersonated by policewoman Alice Rage (Helen Mirren), who is kidnapped by Fu -- and falls in love with him! If you're looking for an inventive laugh riot, look elsewhere, for Fiendish Plot is a mediocre film despite the genius of Peter Sellers, the film's chief saving grace. Helen Mirren [Phil Spector] shows why she became so famous with her excellent portrayal of the kind of schizoid Alice, and David Tomlinson scores as Sir Roger Avery with Scotland Yard. Sid Ceasar does what he can as an FBI agent who, unfortunately, keeps referring to Chinese people as "chinks" throughout the movie, another black mark against the production. Clement Harari as dietitian Dr. Wretch and John Le Mesurier as Smith's valet Perkins are more suitably cast. Fiendish Plot does have a small share of chuckles, and one laugh-out-loud moment involving a mechanical spider. but it lacks pacing and suspense, which is required even for a parody. Fu also employs a big plant that emits a sleeping gas, while Smith's country cottage contains a balloon through which he and his associates fly off in the cottage to the Himalayas to confront Fu, who becomes a rock star with a "Rock a Fu" production number. This was executive produced by Hugh Hefner when Playboy wanted to get into the movie game, which everyone probably regretted. (Hefner was also exec. producer for Kim Novak's TV vehicle The Third Girl from the Left.)  Piers Haggard also directed one of my favorite movies, A Summer Story, which is about a zillion times better than this; genre movies were not his forte. Sadly, this was Peter Sellers' last movie.

Verdict: Not Fu's -- or Sellers'-- finest hour. **

DOMINIQUE

DOMINIQUE (1979). Director: Michael Anderson.

Dominique Ballard (Jean Simmons) is convinced that her husband, David (Cliff Robertson), is trying to drive her out of her mind. She importunes the chauffeur, Tony (Simon Ward), to help her, but he knows upon which side his bread is buttered. Dominique then apparently commits suicide -- but who is that that David sees walking around both outside his office and inside their estate? There are no big surprises in this ersatz ghost story which doesn't have a bad plot, although it's not very original. Simmons and Ward come off best, with good performances from Jenny Agutter as David's half-sister, Flora Robson as the housekeeper, Ron Moody as the family doctor, and David Tomlinson as the family lawyer. Robertson [Obsession] tries to act "British" but he's not exactly Herbert Marshall. Dominique is professional enough on all levels, but it still comes off like a forgettable made-for-TV movie. Anderson also directed The Wreck of the Mary Deare and many others. A much, much better thriller starring Jean Simmons is Angel Face.

Verdict: Simpering ersatz horror. **1/2.

IS YOUR HONEYMOON REALLY NECESSARY

Diana Dors and Bonar Colleano

IS YOUR HONEYMOON REALLY NECESSARY (1953). Director: Maurice Elvey.

American serviceman Commander Laurie Vining (Bonar Colleano) arrives in London for his honeymoon with his second wife, Gillian (Diana Decker). Unfortunately his first wife, Candy (Diana Dors of Berserk) shows up at the hotel and insists that they were never actually divorced. Laurie calls his lawyer, Frank (David Tomlinson) for help even as he makes up excuses to stay out of the marital bed. Eventually both Candy and Frank wind up moving into the suite. How will Laurie manage to get out of this sticky situation! Is Your Honeymoon Really Necessary is based on what must have been a mediocre drawing room comedy and never gets off the ground, although some of the performances help. Dors is adorable and adept; Tomlinson is on the money; Becker is very appealing; and while the unconventionally attractive Colleano is certainly no Cary Grant as an actor, he manages to get his character across. Sidney James is a soldier friend of Laurie's named Hank, and MacDonald Parke is Admiral Fields. Lou Jacobi has a very small role as a testy captain. One odd thing is that an unmarried maid named Lucy (Audrey Freeman) keeps flirting with various men and they react as if she's Margaret Hamilton when she's actually quite pretty. Hank acts upset when she kisses him, but she's out of the homely guy's league, which the picture just doesn't seem to get. Maurice Elvey also directed The Tunnel.

Verdict: Skip it if you can. **.