IDENTITY THIEF

"A repulsive and obnoxious fat woman"

IDENTITY THIEF (2012). Director: Seth Gordon.

A businessman named Sandy Patterson (Jason Bateman) doesn't realize that his identity has been stolen by a repulsive and obnoxious fat woman (Melissa McCarthy) who supposedly has the same name but is actually Diana or something else. When his new boss threatens to fire him, Sandy decides to track down Diana, who's been running riot with his credit cards, so he can keep his job and bring her to justice. This alleged "comedy " is scripted by the supremely untalented Craig Mazin. I mean, I didn't expect Bringing Up Baby but I thought the film might have a chuckle or two. The first problem is that anyone who's ever had their identity stolen, or is afraid it might happen to them, is not going to find much amusement in the premise, nor in the fact that Patterson bonds and becomes friends with the woman who screwed up his life, who, of course, blames it all on a difficult childhood. The movie tries too hard and unconvincingly to create sympathy for someone who, until the unreal and sentimental conclusion, has no sympathy for anyone but herself. In one amazingly moronic moment, an imprisoned Diana talks about "dykes" trying to get at her "sweet stuff" in front of the hero's wife and children, both of whom seem more bothered by her vulgarity than her homophobia [the character also seems racist, although she never utters the "n" word that, at least, still being more or less verboten]. Sitcom star Bateman is okay but has little big-screen charisma, while McCarthy's character is so utterly repellent that it's hard to judge her acting skill. Adding insult to injury, the movie is more boring than anything else and is nearly two hours long! Two hours with one of the most odious and unattractive characters in the movies. The best scene has the chunky anti-heroine hit by a car, but, unfortunately, she survives.

Verdict: Why fast forward buttons were invented. Dreadful. 0 stars.