DON'T JUST STAND THERE

Mary Tyler Moore and Robert Wagner just read the script

DON'T JUST STAND THERE (1968). Director: Ron Winston. 

Martine Randall (Mary Tyler Moore of Just Between Friends) works for romance novelist Sabine Manning (Glynis Johns of The Cabinet of Caligari), who has run off to who-knows-where. Kendall Flannigan (Barbara Rhoades) is hired to finish Manning's latest opus, but after she is accused of killing her boyfriend she is kidnapped by his gangster friends. Martine hires Lawrence Colby (Robert Wagner of Say One for Me) to finish the book, and he winds up affecting a rescue of Kendall. And it gets more confusing and stupider after that. 

Wagner and Moore went in disguise after pic's release

I'm afraid that Don't Just Stand There is one of those alleged comedies that is simply busy and frenetic instead of funny. I believe I laughed exactly once during the entire hour and forty minutes. Moore and Johns must have been appalled at the results if and when they saw this incredibly bad movie disaster. Both, especially Moore, are capable of being funny, but the script defeats them. Even Harvey Korman in a supporting role doesn't garner a single laugh. This is the first film for Barbara Rhoades and she's lucky it wasn't her last. Glynis Johns at least isn't on screen for that long. Charles Williams, who wrote the book (The Wrong Venus) this was based on also wrote the screenplay, so he has to get much of the blame. Possibly this was never meant to be a comedy? 

Verdict: Atrocious film is an effort to sit through despite some good players. *. 

THE CABINET OF CALIGARI

Constance Ford, Daniel O'Herlihy, Glynis Johns

THE CABINET OF CALIGARI (1962). Director: Roger Kay. 

When her car breaks down, Jane Lindstrom (Glynis Johns of The Vault of Horror) seeks shelter at a sanitarium run by Dr. Caligari (Daniel O'Herlihy of Invasion U.S.A.). But her gratitude turns to fear and outrage when she discovers that there's no apparent way out of the establishment and she is being kept prisoner. The other "guests" don't seem to be much help: old Ruth (Estelle Winwood); romantic young Mark (Richard Davalos); friendly Vivian (Doreen Lang of The Wrong Man); firm and deceptively helpful Christine (Constance Ford); and others. When Jane sees Ruth being assaulted by one of the other patients as the others calmly watch, she determines to find her way out of this nuthouse no matter what she might have to do ... 
 

Johns is "helped" by Constance Ford

Robert Bloch wrote the screenplay for this mess, and it's proof that the man could turn out solid scripts as well as ones that should never see the light of day. This is one of three theatrical films for director Roger Kay, who mostly toiled in television, and he's unable to do much with this terrible story. Heroine Glynis Johns, with her squeaky voice and munchkin-like appearance, seems all wrong for this kind of movie, although one could argue that she is the ultimate masochist. Johns gives a good and committed performance, however, although there must have been times when she and the other actors wished they'd chosen a better project. Daniel O'Herlihy is effective in a supposedly dual role, and the others named are all better than the picture deserves. This is a remake of the silent classic The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari in name only, although some shots try to ape the expressionistic sets of the original. There is  an explanation for the strange goings-on, but the movie is so utterly tedious that you probably won't want to wait until the ending to find out. There are some interesting touches -- Caligari has a revolving door into his office, and there's a glass panel above Johns' bathtub into which people can peek as she bathes -- but they aren't enough to save this from the scrapheap.

Verdict: A waste of talent and celluloid. *1/2. 

ANOTHER TIME, ANOTHER PLACE

Sean Connery and Lana Turner as lovers

ANOTHER TIME, ANOTHER PLACE (1958). Director: Lewis Allen.

"Odd, how the presence of someone you love can make a whole place beautiful."

In 1945 London reporter Sara Scott (Lana Turner) falls in love with BBC journalist Mark Trevor (Sean Connery). Unfortunately, Mark tells Sara that he is already married. Sara will never find out if Mark would have stayed with Sara or gone back to his wife, Kay (Glynis Johns), because he's killed in a plane crash shortly after his disclosure. After some time recuperating from her grief in a sanitarium, Sara travels to Cornwall where Mark lived and in a rather contrived development winds up meeting, and then living with, Mark's widow and his young son, Brian (Martin Stephens). The plot is pure soap opera, but it does present an intriguing situation, if only the characters were more dimensional (especially Sara) and if the script rose above its fairly trite level. Turner is okay, but she only indicates whatever her character is feeling without really exploring it, but Glynis Johns [The Vault of Horror] is excellent as Mark's widow. Although Sean Connery [Marnie] was "introduced"in this film, he'd appeared in several movies before this, and gives a more than satisfactory performance as Mark, convincingly making love to Turner, who was ten years or so older at the time. Barry Sullivan [Night Gallery] has the thankless role of Sara's boss, who has been in love with Sara for some time, and was even engaged to her before she met and fell in love with Mark. Sullivan is meant to be a stoic type who keeps his emotions to himself, but he adds no nuances or complexities to his performance, albeit his part is also underwritten. Johns and Connery come off the best, with a nod to little Martin Stephens, who is very good and charming as Brian.

Verdict: "Another Movie" -- or script --  might have helped, but this has its moments. **1/2.

THE CHAPMAN REPORT

THE CHAPMAN REPORT (1962). Director: George Cukor.

"The one thing we must remember: we must be sensible."

"Why?" 

Researcher Dr. Chapman (Andrew Duggan) and his assistant Paul (Efrem Zimbalist Jr.), interview several women about their sex lives. These include Sarah (Shelley Winters), a married woman who is having an affair with a theater director named Fred (played by who else but Ray Danton); Naomi (Claire Bloom), whose nymphomaniacal activities doomed their marriage; Teresa (Glynis Johns), who is happily married but requires one fling with a really hot man (Ty Hardin of Berserk); and Kathleen (Jane Fonda), a widow whose late husband complained of her frigidity. In an unlikely development Paul finds himself drawn into a romantic relationship with Kathleen. While the movie is obviously inspired by the Kinsey report (and a trashy potboiler by Irving Wallace), the types in this movie are no different from women in countless other movies and the really eyebrow-raising stuff in Kinsey's report is avoided. So what we're left with is a reasonably entertaining soap opera with some fine acting. Zimbalist is no better than he ever is, Duggan has nearly a bit part, but the ladies offer something more. Bloom gives an affecting performance as a lonely, semi-alcoholic woman who is gang-raped in one chilling sequence. Winters is excellent as the wife with an unattractive husband (Harold J. Stone) who needs passion in her life with a handsome partner. Johns is okay in a sequence that is played primarily for laughs (John Dehner is her unsuspecting husband). Jane Fonda, always more talented than her father, gives another wonderful performance. Chad Everett shows up briefly as a hunky water man who appears at Naomi's house, and Corey Allen [The Big Caper] is very effective as the slimy musician, Wash Dillon, who casts a sick spell over Naomi. Perhaps the best performance comes from Henry Daniell [The Four Skulls of Jonathan Drake], a psychologist who fears that Chapman may be setting things in motion without the appropriate follow-up.

Verdict: Laughably unscientific but entertaining. ***.

THE VAULT OF HORROR

Glynis Johns and Terry-Thomas

THE VAULT OF HORROR (1973). Director: Roy Ward Baker.

After the success of their Tales from the Crypt, Amicus decided to release this follow-up featuring more adaptations of 1950's E.C. horror comic stories. The framing device has five men entering an elevator and winding up down in a sub-basement lounge, where they tell each other of horrible dreams -- or prophecies -- that they've had. Rogers (Daniel Massey), who is looking for his sister (played by real-life sister Anna Massey) for nefarious purposes, uncovers a nest of vampires in a small town in "Midnight Mess." Glynis Johns [Personal Affair] has had more than she can stand of her neat freak, belittling husband (Terry-Thomas) and takes action in "A Neat Job," from the gruesomely amusing story from the first issue of ShockSuspense Stories. "This Trick'll Kill You" features Curt Jurgens [The Mephisto Waltz] and Dawn Addams [The Two Faces of Dr. Jekyll] as a team of magicians who even resort to murder to steal tricks away from Indian fakirs, with back-firing results. Michael Craig [Doctor in Love] and Edward Judd [First Men in the Moon] make a "Bargain in Death," an insurance scam in which one of them pretends to be dead -- but of course there are horrible complications. "Drawn and Quartered" features an artist (Tom Baker) who uses voodoo and paintings depicting scenes that come true to get even with several people who cheated him out of his rightful acclaim and fortune. Superior to Tales from the Crypt, Vault of Horror is very entertaining, creepy and, at times, delightfully ghoulish.

Verdict: Good anthology horror film. ***.

PERSONAL AFFAIR

PERSONAL AFFAIR (1953). Director: Anthony Pelissier.

"I loved her the way one loves a child that is lost."

School teacher Stephen Barlow (Leo Genn) is beginning to tutor student Barbara Vining (Glynis Johns), when his wife Kay (Gene Tierney) tells him that the girl is clearly in love with him -- and confronts the young lady about it as well. Shortly afterward Barbara disappears. The problem is that without telling anyone Stephen made arrangements to meet with her. Did he murder the girl? Did she throw herself into the river? Has Kay Barlow got something to do with the disappearance? And what about Barbara's rather weird spinster aunt Evelyn (Pamela Brown)? Stephen tries to assure her parents that there was nothing going on between him and Barbara -- but is he telling the truth? This is not an Agatha Christie-type mystery but rather a character study showing various reactions to a disappearance and the concerns and accusations it causes. Tierney gives a stand-out performance as Kay. It's hard to imagine Leo Genn exciting schoolgirl fantasies, but there's no accounting for taste. Certain suggestions -- unspoken but tacit -- are made about Aunt Evelyn that seem psychlogically dubious.

Verdict: Interesting for what it is. **1/2.