WE'RE NOT MARRIED

Wedded bliss? Fred Allen and Ginger Rogers

WE'RE NOT MARRIED (1952). Director: Edmund Goulding.

"I'll say one thing about our marriage. If there's such a thing as an unjackpot, I've hit it!" -- Ramona

Five couples who were married by a dithering Justice of the Peace (Victor Moore) discover that the man's license only went into affect after the new year, so that their marriages are invalid. Those affected include radio show hosts Ramona and Steven Gladwyn (Ginger Rogers and Fred Allen), who hate each other and only speak during the show; Katie and Hector Woodruff (Eve Arden and Paul Douglas), who have gotten into a rut; Annabel and Jeff Norris (Marilyn Monroe and David Wayne), who have an adorable baby boy; Patsy and Wilson Fisher (Mitzi Gaynor and Eddie Bracken), who are expecting a child; and Eve and Fred Melrose (Zsa Zsa Gabor and Louis Calhern), who are facing an expensive divorce -- for Fred. 

Gabor, Louis Calhern, Paul Stewart

Although there are a few laugh-out-loud moments, We're Not Married has a very insufficient screenplay. Some of the stories have such flat endings that you wondered why anyone even bothered. It also makes no sense to team the adorable Marilyn Monroe -- whose appearances virtually amount to a cameo! -- with the bland and utterly sexless David Wayne; they hardly set the screen on fire. The best episode has lawyer Paul Stewart dictating divorce terms to Louis Calhern, then a certain letter arrives in the mail, but even this segment is completely predictable. For me it doesn't help that Eddie Bracken happens to be one of my least favorite actors ever, although his typically whiny performance is adequate. Calhern, Rogers and others are wasted in this piffle, which could have been a really strong picture with a much, much better screenplay. Fred Allen was once a very popular comedian, although he's virtually forgotten today. Movies like this didn't help.

Verdict: A lot of good actors with generally disappointing material. **1/2.

STAR SPANGLED RHYTHM

Dick Powell and Mary Martin

STAR SPANGLED RHYTHM (1942). Director: George Marshall.

"I just can't make it tonight -- Veronica Lake is going to show me her other eye. " -- Bob Hope.

In this all-star Paramount wartime picture, the main plot has to do with Johnny Webster (Eddie Bracken), a sailor on leave who comes to Hollywood with his buddies. Eddie's father was once "Bronco Billy" Webster (Victor Moore of Carolina Blues), star of silent pictures, but is now reduced to being a guard at the studio gate. Ashamed of this comedown, Billy has lied to his son and told him that he is head of the studio! Eddie's girlfriend, Polly (Betty Hutton of the "craptastic" Betty Hutton Show), helps "Pop" put over the deception but needs some big help from the stars when Pop foolishly promises that his Paramount stars will put on a show for the sailor boys ... Star Spangled Rhythm has some slow stretches -- the whole second half consists almost entirely of acts, including one stop-the-movie-dead skit where four men play poker as if they were women -- but it also has its share of delights, including a hilarious bit when Polly enlists the aid of two men to help her get over the wall of the Paramount studio. Dick Powell and Mary Martin and an uncredited black group (the Mills Brothers?) do an excellent "Dreamtime" number on a train; there's a splendid and rather sexy production number called "Swing Shift" in a factory; and Eddie "Rochester" Anderson stars in another vibrant and all-Black dance number called "Sharp as a Tack." Dorothy Lamour, Veronica Lake, and Paulette Goddard spoof their images in "Sweater, Sarong, and Peekaboo Bang," and Sterling Holloway [Shake, Rattle & Rock], Walter Catlett and Arthur Treacher play the same ladies in drag. William Bendix has a funny shower scene with Bob Hope. Bracken, Hutton, and Moore are all on the money; Walter Abel scores as the real studio head, as does Anne Revere as his secretary; and Cecil B. Demille proves a perfectly adept actor playing himself. Cass Daley does her weird shtick, buck teeth and all. George Marshall keeps the pace fast and makes things visually interesting as well.

Verdict: Enjoyable romp. ***.

BRING ON THE GIRLS

BRING ON THE GIRLS (1945). Director: Sidney Lanfield.

"You're a real tin horn. First you tried to buy me off and now you're trying love. Well, that won't work, either."

J. Newport Bates (Eddie Bracken), who has twenty million dollars, is sick of people liking him just because he's rich, so he joins the Navy incognito with Phil (Sonny Tufts) as a kind of chaperon. Just his luck to run into a gold digger, Teddy (Veronica Lake), on his first night out, although Sonny, who was once involved with Teddy, mistakenly thinks his charge has actually fallen for society singer Sue (Marjorie Reynolds). There are a few complications before everything is worked out. Sonny Tufts sings a couple of novelty numbers, and Reynolds also does a couple of songs, all of which are forgettable. Lake is saucy, Reynolds is pretty and competent, Bracken is Bracken, and I'm not sure what to make of Sonny Tufts, who doesn't disgrace himself but who lacks a certain something. In any case as the butler, August, Alan Mowbray steals the whole movie away from everyone else in one brief scene when he thinks Bracken is deaf and tells him what he really thinks of him. Huntz Hall and Noel Neill have smaller roles and Marietta Cantry is fun as the maid, Ida. Joan Woodbury of Brenda Starr, Reporter plays another gold digger and Norma Varden plays Bracken's Aunt Martha with her customary aplomb. There are a few amusing moments.

Verdict: At least it's in Technicolor. **1/2.

A SLIGHT CASE OF LARCENY

A SLIGHT CASE OF LARCENY (1953). Director: Don Weis.

Two old Army buddies -- one of whom (Eddie Bracken) is married with children, the other (Mickey Rooney) single and with ambitions -- hook up to run a gas station that does good business for a while. Then a big competitor opens a competing station right across the highway and nearly drives them out of business. Rooney comes up with the idea of tapping into the pipeline running below the station and stealing gas, which helps them drive out the competition. The word "slight" was invented for movies like this -- the pic could be retitled A Slight Case of Comedy -- and there's very few laughs in Jerry Davis' screenplay. Both Bracken and Roony are good -- as is Elaine Stewart as the sexy gal Rooney falls for -- but the only thing this really has going for it is Rooney's pure, unfiltered charm and enthusiasm. There's a cute scene when Rooney is sounding off pretentiously and in high-falutin' terms to Bracken's little boy. Not much to this time-waster.

Verdict: Too slight to be memorable aside from Rooney. **.