HE LAUGHED LAST

Frankie Laine and Lucy Marlow

HE LAUGHED LAST (1956). Director: Blake Edwards. 

When prohibition mobster Big Dan Hennessy (Alan Reed of I, the Jury) is wiped out by an ambitious underling, Max (Jesse White), the latter discovers that the dead man has left everything to an employee, singer-dancer Rosie (Lucy Marlow), including his stake in all of his rackets. This causes problems for Rosie because she is engaged to a cop, Jimmy Murphy (Richard Long). Surveying all this while having little impact on events is the late Dan's benign henchman, Gino Lupo (Frankie Laine), who also sings now and then. Max cooks up the idea of having handsome dancer Dominic Rodriguez (Anthony Dexter of Fire Maidens of Outer Space) become Rosie's partner and romance her, hoping to win her heart and hand and control of the rackets for Max. But Rosie may have other plans. 

Dick Long with Marlow

After the success of the film version of Guys and Dolls the previous year, there were all sorts of Damon Runyonesque-type stories featuring comical gangsters, of which He Laughed Last is one of the worst. Despite the title, the movie has virtually no laughs, and no one in the cast is remotely amusing. Frankie Laine, whose character doesn't really have much to do in the story, has no great comic skill, Jesse White is as annoying and unfunny as ever, Richard Long is certainly no comedian, and although Lucy Marlow plays it cute she's not a barrel of laughs, either. Blake Edwards script is, in a word, a stinker, an idea that should never have seen the light of day. 

Marlow with Anthony Dexter

He Laughed Last is not an actual musical, although Marlow is given two numbers and Laine sings a couple of times as well. The one and only highlight of the picture is when Rosie and that Latin Lover Boy Dominic dance a sexy tango together and the movie is (very) temporarily scintillating. Dexter had played Valentino five years earlier and uses the smooth assurance he displayed in that film to good affect in this, but he doesn't have enough screen time. Blake Edwards also directed Bring Your Smile Along, his first film, which also featured Marlow and Laine. It's a question why Laine even chose to appear in this picture. This might be the only time Richard Long was billed as "Dick Long."

Verdict: One tango does not a worthwhile movie make. *1/2. 

CAPTAIN KIDD AND THE SLAVE GIRL

Anthony Dexter and Eva Gabor

CAPTAIN KIDD AND THE SLAVE GIRL (1954). Director: Lew Landers. 

Captain William Kidd (Anthony Dexter) is convicted of piracy and sentenced to hang (as he was in real life). In this completely fictionalized story, Kidd's death is faked with the complicity of Lord Bellomont (James Seay), who hopes to eventually learn where Kidd's treasure is buried. To that end Kidd is given a new name and put on board a ship helmed by Captain Pace (the ever-uninteresting Lyle Talbot). Also on board is Judith Duvall (Eva Gabor) who was put there to report back to Bellomont. After an adversarial relationship, the two eventually become lovers, possibly because Kidd walks around with his shirt off through much of the movie. Eventually the two encounter Blackbeard (Michael Ross) and lady pirate Ann Bonney (Sonia Sorel). It's a question who will wind up with the treasure and if Kidd and Judith will ever make it back to England. 

Alan Hale Jr. with Dexter

Captain Kidd and the Slave Girl is fast-paced and amusing, with a dashing and adept performance by Dexter, who'd previously played Valentino and appeared in the trash-classic Fire Maidens of Outer Space. Gabor is better than expected, Ross [Attack of the Fifty Foot Woman] makes a blustering Blackbeard, and Sorel is quite effective as Bonney. It's fun watching Kidd turn Gabor into a galley slave early in their relationship, and even more fun watching Gabor and Sorel having a zesty "cat-fight." A hilarious scene has Kidd telling Judith to pretend to be his slave when she is wearing a fancy gown. Someone in the make up department had the lousy idea of painting a beard and mustache on Dexter's face instead of letting him grow one or using a fake beard with spirit gum -- in some shots it looks very strange. Alan Hale Jr. is excellent as Jay Simpson, a good friend of Kidd's who sticks with him to the bitter end. William Tannen also makes an impression as Steve Castle, a decided enemy of Kidd's, and smaller roles are played by William Schallert, Harry Lauter, Ken Terrell, and others who appeared in numerous B movies and serials. Although this movie was released in color, the only print I could find was black and white. 

Verdict: A sexy Kidd never hurts! ***. 

THE PHANTOM PLANET

THE PHANTOM PLANET (1961). Director: William Marshall.

Captain Frank Chapman (Dean Fredericks) winds up on a asteroid that can maneuver through space and upon which the inhabitants are only a few inches high. Chapman shrinks inside his space suit, encounters the space Lilliputians, and winds up embroiled in their conflicts and problems. The women on the asteroid include Colleen Gray as Liara and Delores Faith as Zetha, while the male aliens include Anthony Dexter (Fire Maidens of Outer Space; Valentino; Three Blondes in His Life), former silent star Francis X. Bushman (The Three Musketeers; 12 to the Moon, also with Dexter) and even Richard Kiel (Jaws of the Bond movies) as a silly-looking "Solarite" monster. One good scene shows a lieutenant floating off into space after an accident, and some of the other FX in the film aren't bad. Some interesting ideas in this if nothing else. Gray starred as The Leech Woman a year earlier.

Verdict: Save it for a lazy afternoon. **1/2.

THREE BLONDES IN HIS LIFE

THREE BLONDES IN HIS LIFE (1961). Director: Leon Chooluck.

"You don't have to listen to a word I say. I just want to know what you're going to have for your last meal."

Insurance investigator Duke Wallace (Jock Mahoney) looks for a missing colleague, Bill Collins, and discovers that the man's disappearance may not only be tied into a case dealing with a valuable stolen necklace, but to another case where a married man died after drunkenly driving off an embankment. Wallace has his hands full not only determining if the two cases add up to insurance fraud and murder, but finding out which of the three women associated with these cases may be involved -- and possibly responsible for Collins' homicide. Jock Mahoney plays Wallace in just the right note; in fact he's so perfect as a hard-boiled private eye that it's a wonder a TV series was never built around him -- he would have made an excellent Michael Shayne [in fact this whole movie is highly reminiscent of a Mike Shayne novel]. Jesse White is fine as another associate of Wallace's, but blond and bosomy Gretta Thyssen probably makes the biggest impression as the wife of the man who died in the car accident. [Thyssen also appeared in Terror is a Man. Elaine Edwards, who plays Collins' wife, Lois, was also in Curse of the Faceless Man. Anthony Dexter, who plays bad boy Charlie, starred as Valentino and in Fire Maidens of Outer Space.] While Three Blondes in His Life may not be a great picture and has its improbable moments, it does have suspense, good performances, and a certain tough and sexy atmosphere that puts it a notch above similar items.

Verdict: Entertaining if cheap and TV-like. ***.

VALENTINO (1951)

VALENTINO (1951). Director: Lewis Allen.

Mostly fictionalized biography of the great silent star Rudolph Valentino, played here by Anthony Dexter, who looks quite a bit like Rudy and gives an excellent performance as well. Valentino meets famous actress Joan Carlisle (Eleanor Parker) and through her and her director Bill King (Richard Carlson) finds himself in the movies. [Carlisle and King are supposed to be director Rex Ingram and his actress wife Alice Terry, who appeared on-screen with Valentino.] Valentino romances several ladies, including Joan, who's reluctant to get involved with the Latin lover boy because he has serious commitment problems. Instead Joan marries King, and finds herself in an uncomfortable position when she's teamed with Rudy, whom she's still attracted to, in a movie. By focusing on this triangle, the movie completely avoids all the true drama of the essentially homosexual Valentino's life and career and becomes a little tedious. The production isn't first-rate, either. The capable supporting cast includes Lloyd Gough as a nosy reporter Eddie, Otto Kruger as a producer, Patricia Medina as an actress Valentino nearly marries, and Dona Drake in another fiery role as Valentino's dance partner, boss, and lover early in the picture. [Drake was memorable as Bette Davis' slovenly maid in Beyond the Forest.]

Because Valentino wasn't successful despite his fine performance, Anthony Dexter later wound up in such films as Fire Maidens of Outer Space.

Verdict: A bit colorful but not enough. **.

For the real story of Valentino's life, click here to read an article by Lawrence J. Quirk and to see many photos of Valentino and his films.

FIRE MAIDENS OF OUTER SPACE

FIRE MAIDENS OF OUTER SPACE (1955). Directed and written by Cy Roth.

This low-budget British production has a group of astronauts flying to the 13th moon of Jupiter, and encountering the last remnants of Earth’s Atlantis, who somehow flew to the moon centuries before (!). Now all that’s left in "New Atlantis" are one old man who is a figurative father to the other inhabitants – a bevy of man-hungry babes. For some reason there are no other men around aside from the astronauts. This is by no means a good movie but it does have some points of interest, one of which is the tall, dark, growling monster that roams the countryside around New Atlantis and tries to snatch away the babes who dare set foot outside the enclosure (although why they do so is never delineated – neither is the origin of the monster). The climax, during which the monster invades the women’s sanctuary during a ceremony, is surprisingly creepy and effective. Strains of Borodin’s Prince Igor and other classical themes provide some atmospheric background, and the crisp, professional cinematography is notable. If Cy Roth had had more talent this might have emerged as something other than a barely passable time-passer. One of the astroanuts, Anthony Dexter, gave a fine performance as Valentino in 1951.

Verdict: Definitely from the same mind-set as Missile to the Moon but not nearly as much fun. **1/2.