THE OUTLAWS IS COMING

Adam West and the Stooges: DeRitas, Howard and Fine

THE OUTLAWS IS COMING (1965). Director: Norman Maurer.

In 1871 a group of outlaws want to slaughter the buffalo to send the Indians on the warpath for their own nefarious purposes. Kenneth Cabot (Adam West of Batman) is sent out to Wyoming with three associates (Larry Fine, Moe Howard, and Joe DeRita) to save the Buffalo from extinction. There they run into Annie Oakley (Nancy Kovack of Diary of a Madman), who actually does the shootin' attributed to Kenneth, as well as bad guys Rance Rodan (Don Lamond) and Trigger Mortis (Mort Mills of The Name of the Game is Kill), who make Kenneth the sheriff and the Stooges his deputies -- with the average life expectancy of about a day. The Outlaws is Coming is pretty silly stuff, geared primarily to children despite its violence and gun play, but it does have some inspired moments. There's the bit when the Stooges are forced to drink a Tarantula Fizz (Tiny Brauer is amusing as their bartender), and a clever business when the boys pour glue into the guns and holsters of all of the outlaws as they sleep, hoping to head off their own slaughter. DeRita and Fine make comical drag queens when they accidentally enter the room of some show gals instead of the outlaws. Annie Oakley has a cat fight with Calamity Jane, and Henry Gibson plays an Indian, but he isn't especially funny, no surprise there. Emil Sitka is also not funny as an Indian chief. At 88 minutes the picture is too long.

Verdict: Elvis the skunk is in this too! **.

LAUGHING ON THE OUTSIDE, CRYING ON THE INSIDE Judy Carne

LAUGHING ON THE OUTSIDE, CRYING ON THE INSIDE: The Bittersweet Saga of the Sock-It-To-Me Girl. Judy Carne with Bob Merrill. Rawson Associates; 1985.

Judy Carne had appeared in sitcoms before hitting it "big" -- if that's the word -- in Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In as the "Sock It To Me" girl who was always being doused with water or some other eventually humiliating stunt. Leaving the show, she did theater, hoped to star on a sitcom that didn't pan out, had two very bad marriages, two lesbian relationships that were comparatively wonderful (in fact, it's tempting to suggest that Carne's tragedy was in being bisexual instead of a committed lesbian, because her relationships with women were much better than the ones she had with men. She discarded one woman because the powers-that-be were telling her it would adversely affect her career, which in essence went nowhere anyway.)

Carne was trained to be a ballerina in childhood, but then the ballet is never mentioned again.  Her first marriage was to Burt Reynolds, who began to slap her around on a regular basis when her career was doing better than his. At one point, according to Carne, Reynolds knocked her unconscious when her head hit the mantel and he just ran out and left her there with a concussion. Yet she calls Reynolds the great love of her life -- sick! Carne's second husband was a young gigolo who stole from her, got her arrested because of his drug and other bad habits, and cracked up a car she was in due to his drunk driving, breaking her neck and putting her head in a metal contraption for months. There were problems with Carne's Las Vegas appearances, her tour (which lost money), and despite some good reviews for her show in New York, she got more publicity when a brawl broke out at the tony Persian Room. Burt Reynolds actually had her on as a guest the first time he hosted the Tonight Show  -- she even mentioned the fireplace mantel incident -- and when she desperately needed some money he gave her a grand total of five hundred dollars. Carne became addicted to heroin but was arrested more than once on drug charges after she became clean and sober; these charges were eventually dropped when "heroin" proved to be something else. One disaster and complication after another, with little real work.

Sadly, Carne's story of Show Biz Gone Sour makes for a compelling read. (The book is very well-written by Bob Merrill, whom she doesn't mention in the acknowledgments). Bad marriages, drug addiction, financial woes, battered wife syndrome -- at times the whole thing borders on grotesque black comedy, but it keeps the pages turning. Laughing on the Outside would probably make a terrific movie if it were done with care.

A note on Laugh-In. Even when I was a kid I thought the show was stupid and unfunny and couldn't understand how it became so successful for a time. The painted, bony Carne looked ridiculous, Jo Anne Worley was gross and overbearing, I couldn't stand Alan Sues, and I didn't think much of Henry Gibson's poetry, although I must say the poem he wrote as his introduction to this book is excellent.

Verdict: Often horrifying and harrowing account of one woman's descent into drug and show business purgatory. ***1/2.

UPDATE: Ms. Carne passed away at age seventy-six the very day this review was posted.