FLASH ... AND FLESH!

Charles Middleton and Buster Crabbe

FLASH .. AND FLESH.

This is another, somewhat unusual, "theme" week for Great Old Movies, focusing on movies revolving around the words "flash" and "flesh." Naturally we've got the third and last Flash Gordon serial, Flash Gordon Conquers the Universe, and the 1980 motion picture Flash Gordon, not to mention a whole book on the Flash Gordon serials. Then we've got the TV series based on the comic book exploits of the super-hero The Flash. As for "flesh," we've got Barbara Stanwyck and Charles Boyer, among others, in Flesh and Fantasy, not to mention Veronica Lake in her final film, Flesh Feast. Combining both Flash and Flesh, we've got the 1974 parody film Flesh Gordon.

Now who could ask for more?

FLASH GORDON CONQUERS THE UNIVERSE

The wonderful Charles Middleton as Ming the Merciless

FLASH GORDON CONQUERS THE UNIVERSE (12 chapter Universal serial/1940). Directors: Ford Beebe; Ray Taylor.

The third and final Flash Gordon serial has a plague striking earth, leaving purple spots on victims' foreheads. This is caused by Ming (Charles Middleton) the Merciless' "death dust," which Flash (Buster Crabbe)  and his allies, Dale (Carol Hughes) and Zarkov (Frank Shannon), must stop or else. A cure for the death dust is Polarite, which can be found in the frozen kingdom of Frigia on Mongo. Flash has a few allies in the form of Queen Fria (Luli Deste of The Case of the Black Parrot) of Frigia; Prince Barin (Roland Drew of The Invisible Killer) of the medieval kingdom of Arboria; and Ming's daughter, Princess Aura (Shirley Deane). Aura has a handmaiden named Sonja (Anne Gwynne), who is secretly in league with the bad guys -- she and Dale have a "cat fight" in chapter ten. There are some decent cliffhangers, such as Flash falling into a bottomless pit in chapter one; an avalanche in chapter two; and the electrical ray in chapter four. We see more of Mongo's delightful giant lizards, one of whom snacks on a soldier (off-screen) in Ming's army. Crabbe and Shannon could have acted their parts in their sleep by now; Hughes [Meet the Boyfriend] is perhaps not as glamorous as Jean Rogers  but she's spunky enough. Byron Foulger, Roy Barcroft, Tom Steele, and Donald Curtis are also in the cast.

Verdict: Flash Gordon's last gasp, and not a moment too soon. **.

FLESH GORDON

Flesh Gordon offers to repay Prince Precious

FLESH GORDON (1974). Directors: Michael Benveniste; Howard Ziehm.

In this erotic parody of the Flash Gordon serials, Flesh Gordon (Jason Williams) and Dale Ardor (Suzanne Fields) travel with Dr. Jerkoff (Joseph Hudgins) in his Phallic spaceship to the planet Porno, where the evil Emperor Wang (William Dennis Hunt) is aiming a destructive "sex ray" at the earth. Most of this is a sophomoric semi-romp featuring painfully obvious double entendres (some of which are amusing) with some stop- motion animation by David Allen [The Day Time Ended] and Jim Danforth to enliven the proceedings. The "penisauruses," with big eyeballs at the end of their stalks, aren't badly done; there's a metal insectoid creature that reminds one of the moonmen in First Men in the Moon; and a giant, talking, hooven satyr who carries off Dale at one point -- there are some smooth shots of this creature as well as crude ones. The movie is both progressive and regressive for its day, with the members of the Amazon Underground trying to have their way with Dale and called "Dykes!" by Jerkoff. Meanwhile Prince Precious (Prince Barin in the original), played by Mycle [sic] Brandy, leads a band of gay merry men. Unlike the amazon queen the prince is not played as a stereotype except for one scene when he screams like a woman. After the prince helps save Flesh and the others, Flesh asks him if he can repay him -- Precious gives Flesh a blow job! While there are plenty of naked breasts "fleshing" about, this is pretty soft-core, with sexual activity being more suggested than anything else. Joseph Hudgins, who is actually quite good, does a dead-on imitation of Frank Shannon in the original serials. (As Dr. Jerkoff puts it as regards his rocket ship: "I was able to get most of the parts from the Sears catalog.") Fields and Brandy are fine in their respective roles, getting into the spirit of the silliness, while it's tempting to say that Williams makes Sam J. Jones (as well as Buster Crabbe) in Flash Gordon look like Laurence Olivier, but he's adequate. Hunt chews the scenery as Wang, which is appropriate, but doesn't erase the memories of the much more restrained Charles Middleton. Ultimately, this would have worked better as a short sketch instead of a 90 minute movie! Craig T. Nelson [Poltergeist] did the voice of the giant Satyr. Followed by Flash Gordon Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders which replaced Jason Williams with Vince Murdocco, and which, if I recall correctly, had some gross if imaginative touches to it.

Verdict: A somewhat clever, more often dopey, college kid's movie, with occasionally decent visual effects. **.

THE FLASH GORDON SERIALS, 1936 - 1940: A Heavily Illustrated Guide

THE FLASH GORDON SERIALS, 1936 - 1940: A Heavily Illustrated Guide. Roy Kinnard, Tony Crnkovich, and R. J. Vitone. McFarland; 2008.

Packed with rare photographs, The Flash Gordon Serials takes a loving look back at the three cliffhanger serials devoted to Flash Gordon in the late 1930s: Flash Gordon, Flash Gordon's Trip to Mars, and Flash Gordon Conquers the Universe. The authors provide a synopsis of each and every chapter, as well as production and other notes for most of the installments, and include an appendix listing all of the actors in these serials with background info. There are also sections on Buck Rogers and the 1980 Flash Gordon, along with other interpretations of the character. I confess I have never been that big a fan of the Flash Gordon serials -- although they have their loopy charm -- and the authors dismiss the Republic serials out of hand, but this book will certainly interest the fans who love these chapter plays as much as the authors obviously do. Lavishly illustrated.

Verdict: For Flash Gordon fanatics, sci fi addicts, and serial enthusiasts. ***.

FLASH GORDON TV

FLASH GORDON. Fifties TV show. DVD.

In the year 3053, Flash Gordon (Steve Holland, pictured) romps about in his ship, Skyflash, along with Dale Arden (Irene Champlin) and Dr. Zarkov (Joe Nash). This DVD features three episodes of the forgotten fifties TV show. In "Deadline at Noon," the intrepid trio discover that the Earth is going to be blown up in a few hours. Although Dale says at one point that a bomb made of dirinium "would take 12 million years to explode" apparently she's off by quite a few years, as a terrorist planted the dirimium bomb in Berlin in the 1960's, only a few thousand years back in time. The idea of a bomb that takes thousand of years to explode being planted in the past is certainly an intriguing (if confusing) one. Flash and the others go back in time to the 1960's and disarm the bomb without a moment to spare. This is a suspenseful and exciting episode. "The Race Against Time" concerns a ray device that is being used to fix an election by a faction that doesn't want the Galaxy Council to retain control. In the third episode, "The Forbidden Experiment," a Lion Man created by experimentation captures Dr. Zarkov and takes him to a planetoid, where Flash and Dale come to rescue him. Although low-tech, the episodes have effective FX, and are well-directed to make the most of a low budget. Steve Holland makes an effectively beefy Flash, and Joe Nash is a surprisingly good-looking Dr. Zarkov. Irene Champlin not only makes an attractive Dale Arden, but she actually looks intelligent enough to understand atomic formula and the like. Not as campy as the serials, Flash Gordon – if one judges by these episodes – was a creditable television program.

Verdict: Hot half-bad if you don't expect too much. **1/2.