FILMS I JUST COULDN'T FINISH ROUND SIX

FILMS I JUST COULDN'T FINISH ROUND SIX. 

As noted previously, these are not reviews, per se, but notes on films that I watched or suffered through until I just gave up on them for one reason or another. Sometimes I skipped to different sections just to get a sense of what was going on or to see if the film became more entertaining. Not all of these pictures are necessarily bad, they just didn't hold my attention. If you see one on the list that you think deserves another look, let me know.

We're Rich Again (1934) deals with a once-wealthy family who are nearly bankrupt because of an upcoming wedding, with a process server camping outside the front door. I had high hopes for this allegedly screwball comedy but even the presence of Edna May Oliver and Billie Burke couldn't wring out any real laughs from this. Buster Crabbe spends most of his time in the swimming pool

The Hardy Boys in the Mystery of Ghost Farm (1957) was actually a serial that appeared on The Mickey Mouse Club. When I saw this on youtube I thought it was a real find, but I wasn't into it very long when I realized that this had little to do with the books I had loved, that the Hardy Boys (Tim Considine and Tommy Kirk) in the serial were borderline obnoxious, and the story was pretty silly and tedious. Although Frank and Joe Hardy already had girlfriends in the classic books, in this Frank has just discovered girls to Joe's dismay -- he just wants to solve mysteries.  If only!  

Edge of Fury (1958) concerns a psychopathic young man who gets involved in the lives of a woman and her two daughters at their beach domicile. This movie had its points of interests but it's one of those low-budget independent pictures that either grabs you or just turns out to be a waste of time. I gave it about forty minutes and gave up. 

Fire Monsters Against the Son of Hercules (1962) was actually an Italian peplum flick originally titled Maciste sontrol i mostri. Several of these dubbed flicks were turned into "Son of Hercules" features with a terrible pop tune playing over the credits. Our hero battles a silly-looking sea monster that has rolling eyes. Even I couldn't stand that much of this! 

The Caretaker (1963), also known as The Guest, is adapted from Harold Pinter's play by Pinter himself. I was impressed by the fine acting of Donald Pleasance and Robert Shaw during the first half hour, but then Alan Bates walked in and started stinking everything up with his obnoxious performance of an odious character (as he did in Butley). Pinter and Bates? I could abide no more! 

Five Golden Dragons (1967), produced by Harry Alan Towers, concerns an American (Bob Cummings) in Hong Kong who gets involved with the titular criminal cult. In his last film, Cummings -- still playing the aging epicene bumbling playboy like he did in Love That Bob! -- is completely out of place in a kind of dull euro-thriller that fails to hold the attention. The "dragons" are played by Chris Lee, George Raft, Dan Duryea, and Brian Dunlevy in unnecessary cameos that at least netted  them a trip to Hong Kong. Terrible! 

Leaving Las Vegas (1995). I had wanted to see this for years, but after about half an hour I was already bored with the lives of these pathetic losers. I don't like spending time with people like this in real life, so why should I spend over two hours with them in a movie? Yes, I know the film is acclaimed and Nicolas Cage won an Oscar, and I'm certainly not saying that it's bad, but with so many other choices to watch this just didn't grip my attention.  

Perry Mason: The Case of the Jealous Jokester (1995 telefilm). After Raymond Burr's death, the producers of the TV movies decided to continue the franchise with Hal Holbrook playing not Perry Mason, but a lawyer known as Wild Bill McKenzie who was a friend of Mason's. This is the second and last of two films featuring Holbrook. Burr's absence makes the entire enterprise seem pointless but while I did try to get into this, I found it tedious. 

Antlers (2021) starts out promisingly and has a classy look, but this story of odd doings in a mine and a strange creature that haunts a young boy is so slow-paced and has such little energy that after awhile I skipped to the finale and found it to be just more of the same in monster flick terms. Very disappointing, although there is some decent acting and slick cinematography. 

Death on the Nile (2022). Although I enjoyed Kenneth Branagh's remake of Murder on the Orient Express, I was less impressed with this rather plodding remake of Death on the Nile. Part of the problem, for me at least, is my familiarity with the storyline and the various twists created by Agatha Christie. But while the cinematography is first-rate I found this production to be somewhat listless. Once the main murder occurred, I knew what was coming and I wasn't sufficiently energized to see how Branagh would handle the very same events. Maybe there were differences in this version, I don't know and I just didn't care. For some reason the whole thing reminded me of a 1930's musical. The prologue relating how and why Poirot grew his famous mustache is unnecessary, to say the least.  

THE BLOOD OF FU MANCHU

Christopher Lee as Fu Manchu

THE BLOOD OF FU MANCHU (aka Kiss and Kill/1968). Director: Jess Franco. Produced by Harry Alan Towers.

From the South American jungles and a hidden city, Fu Manchu (Christopher Lee) sends forth ten kidnapped and mind-controlled women on a mission to murder ten of his most hated enemies. Fu Manchu uses special Incan black cobras to spread poison through the women, who can then deliver a "kiss of death" to their chosen victims. Sir Denis Nayland Smith (Richard Greene of Island of the Lost) is one of these victims, but he doesn't die immediately but goes blind instead. Smith insists that his friend Dr. Petrie (Howard Marion-Crawford of The Hasty Heart) take him to South America where he can meet up with his agent, Carl Jansen (Gotz George), and get an antidote from Fu Manchu. Tsai Chin is again cast as Fu's nasty daughter, Lin Tang, and Maria Rohm plays Ursula, the daughter of a murdered professor who had been traveling with Carl. The movie is nearly over before Shirley Eaton, who played Sax Rohmer's villainess Sumuru in two movies, shows up as one of the kissing assassins in scenes that could almost be outtakes from her second Sumuru flick, The Girl from Rio (which was also produced by Harry Alan Towers). Ricardo Palacios plays the irritating bandit chief Sancho Lopez, but he plays it well and his death is satisfying. Despite an amusing and workable premise and some interesting settings, The Blood of Fu Manchu has low production values and doesn't have much suspense or excitement. Lee plays Fu strictly for the paycheck. Greene is actually quite good as Smith and George makes an attractive secondary hero. This is the fourth of five Fu Manchu/Chris Lee movies.

Verdict: Sadly, there were worse Fu Manchu movies to come. **.

THE GIRL FROM RIO (1969)

Shirley Eaton as Sumuru  or Sumitra or Sumanda

THE GIRL FROM RIO (aka Rio 70/aka Die sieben Manner der Sumuru/1969). Director: Jess Franco.

In this pseudo-Eurospy movie and sort-of sequel to The Million Eyes of Sumuru, the arch-villainess who wants women to take over the world has created her own country of Femina. Sumuru (Shirley Eaton) kidnaps people and does other nefarious deeds to raise money for her all-female nation. A private eye named Jeff Sutton (Richard Wyler) has been hired to find his client's daughter, Ulla (Marta Reves), and cooks up a scheme to carry a suitcase allegedly filled with ten million dollars, figuring Sumuru is sure to nibble at the bait and take him to where Ulla is imprisoned. A weird character named Masius (George Sanders) has also heard about the money and orders his hit man, Carl (Herbert Fleischmann). to get it, meaning Jeff not only has to get Ulla out of Sumuru's jail but dodge attacks from Carl and his cronies. "Sumuru" first appeared in several novels by Sax Rohmer, the creator of Fu Manchu, but for some reason she is called "Sumanda" in this even as the closing credits list her name as "Sumitra." By any name, The Girl from Rio is an atrocious film, whose only purpose is to combine a trip to Rio for Carnivale with a tax loss. Eaton does her best, Sanders is as professional (and as wasted) as ever, and Wyler [The Strange Door] is also a capable enough actor, but the movie can best be described as a glorified home movie with terrible cinematography and typically poor Jess Franco direction. Sumuru keeps her prisoners in glass cells, half-naked, and entranced by a hypnotic mist. One scene has Jeff "tortured" by having several women crawling all over him and kissing him. The shame of this is that Rohmer's character was an interesting one, with fascinating aspects, but she's been reduced to a cartoon. The novels definitely had a homoerotic edge to them, although Sumuru was clearly interested in men, but in this movie the only sex she has is with another woman. The title tune is pleasant, although it reminds one of "The Girl from Ipanema." Most of the money for this film seems to have been spent on costumes for Eaton and the ladies. The script is by schlockmeister Harry Alan Towers, who also produced the film. Jess Franco's The Awful Dr. Orloff was not as awful as this. Rohmer's character later appeared in the 2003 film Sumuru.

Verdict: Interminable! *.