THE CONJURING

Lily Taylor finds something worth investigating

THE CONJURING (2013). Director: James Wan.

When Carolyn and Roger Perron (Lili Taylor; Ron Livingston) and their several children are subjected to frightening supernatural events in a new house they've moved into, they call on [real-life] psychic researchers and demonologists Lorraine (Vera Farmiga) and Ed Warren (Patrick Wilson). That's the plot of this rather dull horror flick that purports to be "based on the true story." Yeah, right. The Warrens also "investigated" the now thoroughly debunked Amityville Horror hoax, and this movie is little more than a retread of that film -- you get the little girl with the imaginary friend, doors that open by themselves, hidden rooms and a spooky basement; no cliche is left unturned -- and The Exorcist. How this completely unoriginal and rather tedious movie -- even when it gets "exciting" near the end it's still a bore -- got good reviews from some critics [or got some people to proclaim it was the "scariest" film they ever saw] is beyond me. The actors are all okay, but they'd be advised to be choosier about their projects in the future. The Conjuring, like the equally sub-literate Amityville Horror, made enough money for a sequel [and I suppose a remake in about twenty years], but it's not the kind of movie that exactly enhances anybody's career. It's not even that well directed. The only funny moment is at the very end when the Warrens take off to meet a priest who wants to talk to them "about a house on Long Island."

Verdict: Schlock feeding off schlock. *.

THE AMITYVILLE HORROR (2005)

Ryan Reynolds about to go bonkers

THE AMITYVILLE HORROR (2005).  Director: Andrew Douglas.

Probably because of the huge grosses of the 1979 The Amityville Horror, someone decided it would be a good idea to do a remake. Not necessarily. They're still saying that this is "based on a true story" even though only the terminally stupid would ever imagine any of the events had actually happened. The Lutzes (Ryan Reynolds, Melissa George) move into the house where [real-life] Ronald DeFeo murdered his family and are beset with ghosts, weird hallucinations, odd lights in the cellar, and George Lutz going slowly bonkers and finally taking an ax to the poor family dog, then going after his family as they desperately climb over a roof to get away from him. Admittedly, this version is better than the original, with more adroit direction and better acting, but it's also sometimes too slick for its own good. The house is bigger and there are some welcome touches of humor; the climax is fairly exciting even if it reminds one of The Shining more than anything that happened -- or probably didn't happen -- in Amityville. But when all is said and done, the book and the two film versions thereof are only exploiting a terrible tragedy in which even children died horribly. Taking dead children's ghosts and making them characters in a movie is beyond tacky. Enough is enough. The Rod Steiger character of the first film has been replaced by another priest who has very little to do. Reynolds played super-hero Green Lantern in a much better movie.

Verdict: Better than the original but that's not saying much. **.

THE AMITYVILLE HORROR (1979)

James Brolin and Margot Kidder

THE AMITYVILLE HORROR (1979). Director: Stuart Rosenberg.

After a real-life multiple murder case in a house in Amityville, Long Island, the new owners, George and Kathleen Lutz, claimed that the place was haunted, that they had horrendous experiences, and had to flee to a motel in the middle of the night, never to return. Writer Jay Anson cobbled together a book telling of their "true" experiences, and enough gullible people bought it to make it of interest to Hollywood. Even American-International was surprised when Amityville turned into a monster hit; it's spawned two theatrical sequels, a remake, and a host of direct-to-video movies. In the meantime, only the intellectually challenged believe this is anything other than fiction. Even the stars of the movie thought the Lutzes' story was, well, not quite believable. The lawyer for the real-life murderer later sued the Lutzes for a cut and claimed they all dreamed the whole thing up while drinking wine.

In the film, the Lutzes move into the house although they know of its bloody history. A priest (Rod Steiger) who comes to bless the house is assailed by flies and nearly gets in a car accident, then becomes blinded by an accident in his church [apparently the "evil" in the house has a long reach]. Other odd things happen, such as the doors of the house being blasted off in the night, and they discover a walled-up chamber in the basement which is supposed to lead to Hell. [No one can say the Lutzes weren't ambitious in their fantasizing!] The implication is that the house's evil force is taking over the mind of George Lutz (James Brolin)  as it supposedly did the man who murdered all those people in the house [apparently his defense lawyer didn't bring that up at trial.] Kathy Lutz (Margot Kidder) looks up a photo of the murderer and he resembles her husband, even though George is approaching middle-age and the killer (Ronald Defeo) was only 23 at the time of the murders. It all meanders along not very suspensefully until a conclusion that has a couple of minor harrowing moments. The Amityville Horror is basically an inept bit of horror fiction with passable performances and a score by Lalo Schifrin that rips off Psycho at key "shock" moments. It's also quite tedious. The best scene of the movie has a bunch of priests being bitchy with each other when Steiger talks about the evil in the house and his superior (Murray Hamilton) basically tells him he's nuts.

Verdict: A stinker for the sub-literate. *.